The course is nearly over.....now what...

I am coming up to the very last week of my course and what an amazing four months it has been. It's been a challenge especially as I have been doing most of it alongside my Landmark training which has made these few months very intense. And now it is all about to end and I am asking myself the question 'what is next'. There are very few jobs out there for journalists and having come to the end of this course am not at all sure that I want to have a staff job on a magazine or newspaper. There is lots about journalism that I admire but there are also aspects of it that don't feel comfortable. I take people very much at face value and don't look too deeply beyond what is said to me. This was a fault with my interview in that I didn't look for 'what is it that this person doesn't want me to know', what am I not being told the truth about'. I don't like this way of working and yet I know that on the spiritual level the identity is always so clever about hiding what doesn't want to be seen and I have no problems at all with seeing this and recognising it when I am speaking to people about matters spiritual. I pick up immediately on the identity resistance and am compassionate to its meaning. Unfortunately this does not translate to normal interviewing.

This creates a dilemma for me in that I don't feel having completed this course that I am cut out to be a journalist. This is a shock and not what I expected but I think it proves that being a writer and being a journalist are different things. Being competent at one does not give automatically, the qualities needed to be the other. But I will try my hand at pitching some ideas as a freelance journalist. I have the comfort of having had two of my articles published in a health and well-being magazine and I will continue with ideas for that but the main idea I had about looking for a staff job on a magazine is not something I am going to pursue.

I have understood so clearly this weekend that the only life there is, is what we create. There is nothing imposed on us, just what we create. Regular readers of this blog will know how I have struggled with things of the computer. On Friday I had my design and sub-editing exam and I was dreading it. The design package was one I always had trouble with and I thought that this with the stress of the exam would make the experience a nightmare. I called a friend just before the exam and she asked me to list out what my concerns were around the exam, I rattled off that I was scared that I wouldn't be able to do what I had to on the computer, that I would delete stuff and not be able to get it back, that I would panic and throw the whole lot to hell. She listened patiently to my rant and then said, OK they are your concerns, what possibility are you going to create. Suddenly and from nowhere I had a strong intuitive thought and I said 'I am creating the possibility that me and the computer are friends and we are there to help each other and I'm going to have fun with this exam'.

A few minutes later I was in the exam room and we were told to turn on the computers and log-on. Horror of horrors when I typed in my password and saw those dreaded red letters 'incorrect log-in'..Whaaat... incorrect login, that's been my log in since the beginning of the course. My mind raced with options for what to do and I was amazed at how calm I was about it. I looked again at my screen and saw that there was a number there for technical support. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was 1pm - this is lunch-time for most office people but I created that someone was going to be there and I was going to get this sorted. With gritted determination I called the number and couldn't believe it when there was a human voice at the other end. Very intentional I explained that an exam was going to uploaded to my account and I couldn't log in and I needed it to be sorted immediately. She looked up the account and said the embarrassing words 'your account has expired because you didn't change your password'......duh....I dimly remember seeing something about having five more logins but thought 'that's going to be plenty'.....obviously not..... Anyway, five mins later and all is sorted with so much freedom and ease.

I pick up the exam from where it has been uploaded and set up the screens that I want and then something absolutely amazing happens, the computer starts doing everything that I ask it to. I find ways of looking at things and moving between things that in the past caused me no end of worry and stress when I couldn't get them back again. This time, there was none of that. From this I really understand that I created it like this, the same as all the times in the past when I created that the design class would be stressful. I created it and so it was. The difference is that this time I was conscious of what I was creating, all the other times I wasn't. I have often heard the words 'we are masters of our own destiny' and even the Landmark training which is solely about how we create our lives and then learning the tools by which to create powerfully and consciously but I never really understood it. I still thought that I was at the mercy of some benevolent force. The experience with this design exam has shown me that there is nothing but me and what I create, the same as there is nothing but you and what you create. A better more sustainable world can only come about by people taking responsibility for and owning the life they are creating. If this was an idea that was taken up seriously it would sound the death knell for religion which is all about attributing the life you have to mysterious forces and would bring in the new world of spirituality which is about being powerful creators in our own right.

I'm not saying that there isn't some all encompassing force of which we are a part; however, what I am saying is that as a part of that force we also have the gift of creation, but as part of a ironical game we are ignorant of this. Then life as a human consists of being sufficiently curious and persistent enough to firstly intuit this and then realize it and finally work on becoming conscious and responsible for what is being created. This insight is one of the reasons why my desire to bring the Landmark technology to children and young people is so strong. To give one child or young person the insight so that they experience that they are creators and to take the responsibility this brings with it is to build an empowering world where those young people when they grow up to be adults are so aware of how they are creating their life and opportunities that it becomes so second nature. In this way it acts like a ripple that goes out to everyone else. This is my dream, to see this happen among our children and young people.

But it is a long road and I have no idea how I am going to create it to happen. It is also another reason why I am not going to pursue a job. I have to be flexible to go where this training is going to place me. As a result I am going to promote my book and give talks in a more serious way than I have done before. In order to do this I am going to set up my own business based on my book and specialising in what I am going to call transformational meditation and spirituality. What I have to do is to put together a plan and reasons why someone should come to a talk and experiential evening with me than with someone else. I have to identify what it is that I have that puts me apart from the rest..... So if you thought that this blog was going to turn into something boring and predictable such as life in an office then it's not gonna be that... It's going to be about what happens when the backdoor of a safe job and prospect is no longer there...will I fly or fall......watch this space....