The title for this blog entry came to me in the early hours of this morning. With the demise of Lehman Brothers it really brought home just how impermanent and changing our external environment is. Looking to the external environment for transformation and to fulfill an internal spiritual urge is never going to work. The inner world and understanding the workings of the inner world is the access to transformation and to having a life that is magical. This is the access because of our potential as creators of our environment. I would assert that it is now time for everyone to accept this responsbility and to take ownership of the potential of the consciousness to create the reality in which we are are living.
As I have often written I am currently doing a one year programme that is aimed at causing leaders. At the end of this gruelling programme the aim is that I am going to emerge a leader. This is nothing short of ironic because I have never seen myself as a leader but I had a powerful experience on a meditation retreat in Devon in 1998 that I have made to mean that I am a leader. This is why I am putting myself through a programme that on a moment by moment basis I have to make the choice between operating from my identity that wants to play small and not speak out openly about this experience and what it might mean and my possibility that wants me to give up all concerns about playing it safe, and looking good and just SHARE. I am clear about one thing though and that is that I would not be on this programme if that event had not happened. Since then my life has been about searching for the meaning of that experience and in that way I am a victim of the experience. Instead of being able to leave it and move on it has left me like a rabbit in the headlights, kind of frozen as I dropped everything in the pursuit of a meaning for the experience.
What is it about one single event that could completely turn me from someone who was only concerned with things external into only being concerned with the enormous power that lies within me and if it lies within me it also lies within everyone who is reading this blog. This is the power which unleashed can enable the transformation the world is so desperately seeking. But I do not know how to unlock this power and in that lies my frustration. To know and yet not to be able to make a difference in the way that I know that I can given the power I have experienced gives a new meaning to frustration. Even with this power my identity and wanting to look good to people is still stronger than my possibility and herein lies my conflict.
But every event like the demise of a 158 year old institution that was Lehman's strengthens my resolve to continue with my own inner transformation and to continue with this path of training to be a leader even though I experience strong resistance to most of what it involves. I will continue in the trust that the experience I had of what I now understand to be a safe spiritual emergency (well safe in the fact that I don't have some of the well documented side effects that are often associated with this kind of experience) was my turning point to be on the path that I am on.
When everything external shifts and changes.....the internal remains constant.....
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