This is going to be one of those blog entries that I don't particularly want to write. However I have given my word to be authentic and write when I'm feeling in a dark tunnel as well as when I am in glorious sunshine.
Last night and today is like this. Last night was the completion of the weekend communication course. For some reason I was feeling restless. On these evenings the Coaches are required to be at the centre for 5.45pm. This put me in a conflict with work as my contracted hours are 9am - 5pm and I hadn't cleared it that I would be leaving early. I left it as late as I could and then experienced rare stress as I waited for the tube. I usually leave myself plenty of time so that I don't experience this rushed feeling. At Euston I had a moment of truth, if I stopped to buy something to eat I would not arrive at the centre for 5.45pm which is what I had given my word to. Torn with the conflict of getting something to eat and being out of integrity - the horror of being out of integrity won and I set off running to the centre.
Admirable you might think, but once inside and sitting down my inner voice went on a vicious rant with thoughts like 'what did you run like that for, there's hardly anyone here', you're not comfortable among these people anyway so what was the big deal about integrity, yada, yada, yada..on and on it went. Then I received a voice mail from a friend who had said she was going to come up and hear what the communication curriculum was about and now wasn't coming. In this training I am learning to be committed without being attached. However I'm afraid in that moment that I learned she wasn't coming what I felt was the sharp thud in the stomach that signals attachment and then the corresponding plunge into thoughts like 'what am I doing here', I don't feel I belong, I'm not related to these people'. It was horrible.
This feeling of being in a dark tunnel persisted throughout the evening. Things came to a head with an incident which was quite minor but which my dark frame of mind made much bigger. The result was a comment about me doing 'my martyr thing'. This made no sense to me but I could feel the anger energy rising very quickly. I left the situation and went back into the room. The participants were just about to start an exercise which was on acknowledgement. I had the greatest desire to leave but then said to myself'no acknowledgement is powerful, stay and do this' It was a gorgeous exercise but my identity was in full and total control so that the full magic of acknowledgment did not move me. The word 'martyr' was ringing in my ears. Here again through the presence and actions of another is a lesson for me. For me this is the journey, taking on what someone else says and sitting with it until an insight breaks through and frees up the energy that is running this way of being that I sometimes have.
Herein lies my dilemma in using this programme as my spiritual training. The dilemma is that the programme is not run as a spiritual programme yet this is what I am using it as. I know that training is essential on this path but I do not want to go to an Ashram, this programme is my Ashram. I am clear that what was running the show last night was my identity, the soul was nowhere in sight. Even though I got angry I don't think I showed it. I just noticed that it was there for myself. There was no defending or hitting back at her for what she said. I didn't defend or hit back because I know that if I can stay with it even though it is painful and confusing that I will have a breakthrough and the energy that is freed up can be used to create. So to some readers it can look martyrish to just take what could be seen as an insult like that on the chin so to speak but this is exactly what is required on the spiritual journey. The spiritual journey is the transformation of identity. This can only happen in complete and total surrender.
Today I was tired as I do the work of getting into a street fight with myself to uncover that which is hidden from my view in relation to this way of being. I don't know how long it is going to take for the relevant insight to emerge from the depths of my unconscious that will free the energy. All I know is that I am committed to doing whatever it takes to have that insight no matter what the cost to my identity. It is this single-mindedness of purpose that is essential for the spiritual path.
This evening on my way home from work I was thinking that I would have a bagel for my tea. I went into my local garage and I couldn't believe it when on the shelf where all the bread is kept there was only 1 bag of bagels. I looked around me to see if I could see another shelf where all the bread was and someone had just taken the bag of bagels and dropped them on the empty shelf - but no there was no more bread to be seen. Bemused I brought the bagels to the counter to pay for them. Walking home I mused to myself.....did I create the bagels being there or did the universe conspire to have them there for me. The more I see the correlation between me freeing up energy that is trapped around different points of views I had, ways of being, and giving it all up the more magic and miracles there seems to be in my life. It feels like I am creating this from the energy that has been freed up. I have no evidence for this, it just feels this way.....
Thursday, 27 November 2008
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
To control or create.....an opportunity to choose.....
A short post.....because I am leaving early from work to go to the final evening of the communication course I was a coach for over the weekend. Since I have let go of the need to control, everything life has an ease and freedom that is nothing short of miraculous.
This was so obvious to me this this weekend. The last time I was a coach for this programme I was in my 'I have to control all of this' way of being. The result was me feeling stressed with papers flying everywhere and the people I was coaching not having the full benefit and feeling rushed. This weekend it was all so different. I had more people to coach than last time but the ease and freedom that was present was simply magical. I could see options and ways of being with my coachees that I couldn't last time and the whole experience was one of my most rewarding to date.
This morning was my last phone call with my coachees and each of them acknowledged me for how my coaching had made a difference. It is this yearning to 'make a difference' that is at the heart of the human spirit. No amount of money gives me the same high as hearing someone say to me 'what you said made a difference to me'. This is the reason I get out of bed in the morning....for the profound privilege of making a difference. While I was still being run by my need to control, the ability I had to make a difference was limited and dictated by my own 'control' agenda. Since being freed of that I can see just how free I am in being committed without being attached. Control comes with attachment, freedom with creation.
When we see something like a way of being that limits our potential (in my case control) and give it up, the energy that it was taking to maintain this obsession to control is freed up. What is it freed up to do? Wait for it.....it's freed up to Create!...how amazing is that. ...Energy is no longer needed to 'control' so on the other side of control is 'create' and this is what I did with my coachees this week. We created ways of being that resulted in them having huge breakthroughs in communication with people whom they had not been in communication with, in some cases, for many years. Given my assertion that once an insight is seen that the act of 'seeing' frees trapped energy, one has to ask oneself why hang on to perceived wrong-doings either against others or ourselves? To do this is only to trap energy that could be used to create the kind of wonderful magical life that we all dream about but are sceptical is possible. The result of this scepticism and trapped energy are ordinary and not extraordinary lives.
To opt for ordinary when the nature of our being, (if energy was allowed to flow freely and wasn't caught up in nurturing old hurts) is to be extraordinary is to deny what is our natural birthright as human being......
This was so obvious to me this this weekend. The last time I was a coach for this programme I was in my 'I have to control all of this' way of being. The result was me feeling stressed with papers flying everywhere and the people I was coaching not having the full benefit and feeling rushed. This weekend it was all so different. I had more people to coach than last time but the ease and freedom that was present was simply magical. I could see options and ways of being with my coachees that I couldn't last time and the whole experience was one of my most rewarding to date.
This morning was my last phone call with my coachees and each of them acknowledged me for how my coaching had made a difference. It is this yearning to 'make a difference' that is at the heart of the human spirit. No amount of money gives me the same high as hearing someone say to me 'what you said made a difference to me'. This is the reason I get out of bed in the morning....for the profound privilege of making a difference. While I was still being run by my need to control, the ability I had to make a difference was limited and dictated by my own 'control' agenda. Since being freed of that I can see just how free I am in being committed without being attached. Control comes with attachment, freedom with creation.
When we see something like a way of being that limits our potential (in my case control) and give it up, the energy that it was taking to maintain this obsession to control is freed up. What is it freed up to do? Wait for it.....it's freed up to Create!...how amazing is that. ...Energy is no longer needed to 'control' so on the other side of control is 'create' and this is what I did with my coachees this week. We created ways of being that resulted in them having huge breakthroughs in communication with people whom they had not been in communication with, in some cases, for many years. Given my assertion that once an insight is seen that the act of 'seeing' frees trapped energy, one has to ask oneself why hang on to perceived wrong-doings either against others or ourselves? To do this is only to trap energy that could be used to create the kind of wonderful magical life that we all dream about but are sceptical is possible. The result of this scepticism and trapped energy are ordinary and not extraordinary lives.
To opt for ordinary when the nature of our being, (if energy was allowed to flow freely and wasn't caught up in nurturing old hurts) is to be extraordinary is to deny what is our natural birthright as human being......
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
The spiritual journey is about being powerful in the world.....not isolated from the world
Last Saturday I went up to one of the bookshops where I had left some copies of my book. The manager there had told me a couple of weeks ago that he was going to make it the book of the month in the next edition of the journal the shop publishes. When I went up to leave some more copies, he said that he had read some of the book and that it was 'very honest' and when he said this he looked at me strangely. I didn't know what to make of this and the first thought that came into my head was 'why be a writer if you're not going to be honest'. I didn't say this though. There was one of those silences that can be seen as awkward but I wasn't awkward I just waited patiently to see what he would say next. He then asked me if I would come up the next Saturday and have a coffee to speak in more detail about the book. I agreed and last Saturday was THE day.
When I arrived he greeted me with a warm smile and told me that it would be a few minutes before he could leave. I was in no hurry and so I turned to look at some books on a table. 1 of the books I felt compelled to pick up was called 'blueprints for awakening' and it is a book that asks a number of different Masters the exact same questions that Sri Ramana Maharishi had asked. I quickly went through a couple of pages and was struck by how it is all the one Truth that is said and expressed in so many different ways. I was also struck by the eloquence by which the Masters spoke and had a fleeting thought that my spirituality is so much more practical. I was musing on this when I heard a cheery 'I'm ready now'.
We set off down some back streets to where he knew there was a nice coffee bar. On the way there we chatted amiably about the book shop and how busy it was. Once inside the coffee bar he started to speak to me about one day where he had not been feeling well. He had picked up a book from the shop floor which was about a persons experience of having a stroke. It was written by the same person who is also a neuroscientisit so similar to me, he wrote about having an experience while being totally rational and conscious. He said that after reading this he didn't feel that well. He then went out to the shop and on his way back thought that he would lie down. He entered into the shop and immediately a lady asked him about my book. I didn't really understand the point he was making and so I said 'is it something about the power of reading accounts of direct experiences and the power of suggestion that could have resulted in psychosomatic symptoms? He looked thoughtful but didn't answer and I didn't pursue it.
We collected our coffees and then shock..horror.....no seats....potential here for lots of awkwardness and tension. But there was none. We stood patiently at the side and waited for a table to come available which it did after a couple of minutes. We sat down and he then said 'I want to congratulate you for how grounded you are given everything you have been through'. I told him my truth that it was taking on the Witness of watching the strange things that were happening like they were happening to someone else that meant the gradual integration of the experience and the altered state of consciousness into the grounded person I am today. He then went on to tell me about his brother who is currently involved with some Buddhist group and as a result has lost all grip on reality. When he first told me this I experienced some irritation as the thought 'what kind of interview is this' came into my mind. I quickly gave that up and became really present to him and to what he was telling me. The more he spoke about the fragile grip his brother has on reality and the impact in terms of him not pulling his weight within the family the sadder I got that the spiritual path would be used in this way.
The spiritual path is not about isolating or cutting oneself from society to engage in solitary meditation trances. It is about being active and powerful in the world, not an outsider to the world. And sadly this man's brother is not alone. The potential of that first psychic experience is the point of greatest danger on the spiritual path. It is at this point that many take the illusion of the glamour and hallucinatory experiences to be the real deal and they are not. It takes great presence and I assert the awareness of the Witness to remain grounded during and after the first of these experiences. Such experiences are a natural result of an expanded consciousness and are an indication that certain areas of the brain that were dormant have now been awakened. To take these experiences as more than this and to then use desire to have these experiences more and more is to shut the door to the spiritual in favour of the psychic. Once this is done the inner peace, joy, ease and freedom that comes with spiritual enlightenment is denied to the psychic. I don't deny the reality of the psychic. The point I want to make is that it shouldn't be taken as either the end point or the real deal.....
When I arrived he greeted me with a warm smile and told me that it would be a few minutes before he could leave. I was in no hurry and so I turned to look at some books on a table. 1 of the books I felt compelled to pick up was called 'blueprints for awakening' and it is a book that asks a number of different Masters the exact same questions that Sri Ramana Maharishi had asked. I quickly went through a couple of pages and was struck by how it is all the one Truth that is said and expressed in so many different ways. I was also struck by the eloquence by which the Masters spoke and had a fleeting thought that my spirituality is so much more practical. I was musing on this when I heard a cheery 'I'm ready now'.
We set off down some back streets to where he knew there was a nice coffee bar. On the way there we chatted amiably about the book shop and how busy it was. Once inside the coffee bar he started to speak to me about one day where he had not been feeling well. He had picked up a book from the shop floor which was about a persons experience of having a stroke. It was written by the same person who is also a neuroscientisit so similar to me, he wrote about having an experience while being totally rational and conscious. He said that after reading this he didn't feel that well. He then went out to the shop and on his way back thought that he would lie down. He entered into the shop and immediately a lady asked him about my book. I didn't really understand the point he was making and so I said 'is it something about the power of reading accounts of direct experiences and the power of suggestion that could have resulted in psychosomatic symptoms? He looked thoughtful but didn't answer and I didn't pursue it.
We collected our coffees and then shock..horror.....no seats....potential here for lots of awkwardness and tension. But there was none. We stood patiently at the side and waited for a table to come available which it did after a couple of minutes. We sat down and he then said 'I want to congratulate you for how grounded you are given everything you have been through'. I told him my truth that it was taking on the Witness of watching the strange things that were happening like they were happening to someone else that meant the gradual integration of the experience and the altered state of consciousness into the grounded person I am today. He then went on to tell me about his brother who is currently involved with some Buddhist group and as a result has lost all grip on reality. When he first told me this I experienced some irritation as the thought 'what kind of interview is this' came into my mind. I quickly gave that up and became really present to him and to what he was telling me. The more he spoke about the fragile grip his brother has on reality and the impact in terms of him not pulling his weight within the family the sadder I got that the spiritual path would be used in this way.
The spiritual path is not about isolating or cutting oneself from society to engage in solitary meditation trances. It is about being active and powerful in the world, not an outsider to the world. And sadly this man's brother is not alone. The potential of that first psychic experience is the point of greatest danger on the spiritual path. It is at this point that many take the illusion of the glamour and hallucinatory experiences to be the real deal and they are not. It takes great presence and I assert the awareness of the Witness to remain grounded during and after the first of these experiences. Such experiences are a natural result of an expanded consciousness and are an indication that certain areas of the brain that were dormant have now been awakened. To take these experiences as more than this and to then use desire to have these experiences more and more is to shut the door to the spiritual in favour of the psychic. Once this is done the inner peace, joy, ease and freedom that comes with spiritual enlightenment is denied to the psychic. I don't deny the reality of the psychic. The point I want to make is that it shouldn't be taken as either the end point or the real deal.....
Monday, 17 November 2008
To have abundance....have faith in the Truth of unity not the appearance of separation...
I had such an amazing weekend at my 3rd Team Management and Leadership weekend in Amsterdam. This was a global communication weekend so there were teams there from Tel Aviv and Amsterdam. It was the global communication programme for Europe and the Middle East. It is so inspiring what is being caused in communication across Europe and the Middle East. I feel that I am a part of something so huge and transformative. At times the weekend was challenging.
I have written in this blog how in the last quarter I had responsibility for a team of people. The aim was to inspire all of my team members to enroll someone purely through the way they were being into the first of the programmes offered by Landmark Education for transformation - The Forum. Early on into the quarter it was clear that my way of working was not effective. Eventually I was asked to stand down and from that point on in spite of 2 different people stepping up to take it on there was no movement in the game. At the weekend I admitted my part in the non-results for the game. What I saw clearly was that my obsession to have it go a certain way and to control it in the way that I wanted to killed the game. I didn't see this so much as was coached to see it. As you can imagine this experience was not pleasant but I took it on and out of it have become much more powerful. I had known for such a long time that I had only 1 way of doing things, I have written about it many times in this blog. What I didn't take responsibility for was how my obsession with 1 way and controlling was also my way of killing the game. To take responsibility and ownership for that when every cell in my body was crying 'no' and wanting to fight against. To surrender and consider that this might be what I was doing that was hidden from my view was immensely liberating.
This is the value in this kind of programme. But it takes something to get the transformative effects. It takes the courage to look, the humility to consider what is said when it hurts, or is not nice. It takes the faith to accept that what I take as appearance to be the truth is not so. It takes faith to accept that the natural way of the universe is for connection and unity not for separation and division. But I am convinced that if all of this is taken on then the result without fail is abundance in every way.
On a practical level I had the opportunity to change my mortgage from variable to fixed. I didn't do this. The result is that yesterday as a result of lowering interest rates I got a letter explaining that my monthly repayments had gone down and so I am so many more pounds richer each month as a result. This is the delivery of abundance that I assert comes as a direct result of taking on the qualities of courage, humility and faith. Of all of these, the most important is faith in unity and connection in the face of the overwhelming appearance of separation......Maintain this faith at all costs and in all circumstances and what follows is.......abundance.
Another practical example is that a couple of months ago at a conference I was at I was speaking with a lady. From the conversation I had an idea for my work. I passed the idea to my immediate line manager and then promptly forgot about it. On Friday a contract for a substantial amount of money was signed between the company this woman works for and my organisation. What struck me among all the acknowledgements I got for being the lead to bringing this in was one email that said 'it is the ease with which it has all happened that is amazing'. This is the power of what I write about and practice. If what I say in this blog this morning resonates.....then take it on and become alert for ABUNDANCE
I have written in this blog how in the last quarter I had responsibility for a team of people. The aim was to inspire all of my team members to enroll someone purely through the way they were being into the first of the programmes offered by Landmark Education for transformation - The Forum. Early on into the quarter it was clear that my way of working was not effective. Eventually I was asked to stand down and from that point on in spite of 2 different people stepping up to take it on there was no movement in the game. At the weekend I admitted my part in the non-results for the game. What I saw clearly was that my obsession to have it go a certain way and to control it in the way that I wanted to killed the game. I didn't see this so much as was coached to see it. As you can imagine this experience was not pleasant but I took it on and out of it have become much more powerful. I had known for such a long time that I had only 1 way of doing things, I have written about it many times in this blog. What I didn't take responsibility for was how my obsession with 1 way and controlling was also my way of killing the game. To take responsibility and ownership for that when every cell in my body was crying 'no' and wanting to fight against. To surrender and consider that this might be what I was doing that was hidden from my view was immensely liberating.
This is the value in this kind of programme. But it takes something to get the transformative effects. It takes the courage to look, the humility to consider what is said when it hurts, or is not nice. It takes the faith to accept that what I take as appearance to be the truth is not so. It takes faith to accept that the natural way of the universe is for connection and unity not for separation and division. But I am convinced that if all of this is taken on then the result without fail is abundance in every way.
On a practical level I had the opportunity to change my mortgage from variable to fixed. I didn't do this. The result is that yesterday as a result of lowering interest rates I got a letter explaining that my monthly repayments had gone down and so I am so many more pounds richer each month as a result. This is the delivery of abundance that I assert comes as a direct result of taking on the qualities of courage, humility and faith. Of all of these, the most important is faith in unity and connection in the face of the overwhelming appearance of separation......Maintain this faith at all costs and in all circumstances and what follows is.......abundance.
Another practical example is that a couple of months ago at a conference I was at I was speaking with a lady. From the conversation I had an idea for my work. I passed the idea to my immediate line manager and then promptly forgot about it. On Friday a contract for a substantial amount of money was signed between the company this woman works for and my organisation. What struck me among all the acknowledgements I got for being the lead to bringing this in was one email that said 'it is the ease with which it has all happened that is amazing'. This is the power of what I write about and practice. If what I say in this blog this morning resonates.....then take it on and become alert for ABUNDANCE
Thursday, 13 November 2008
The importance......of staying steady....
Yesterday and today I had a 2 day training course and presentation skills. This couldn't be better timing given the speaking opportunities I will create in 2009 to promote my book. Yet I'm feeling a bit flat and deflated and I don't know what that's about. I am going to Amsterdam to start my 3rd weekend of the Team Management and Leadership programme with Landmark Education tomorrow. The programme is about expanding communication in Europe and the Middle East. I look back on this quarter as the quarter in which I lost my accountability for the customer delight game. Or to be more correct, first it was taken and then I let it go. I have chosen this quarter not to take on an accountability role of any of the games but to be the accountability for love & acknowledgement.
What this involves is having a team of people with me and ensure that all members of Team are acknowledged each week. I find receiving acknowledgement difficult. I love to give acknowledgement because it is a powerful practice for touching and awakening the heart. Also because at the most fundamental level there is no separation between me and another when I acknowledge someone else I am also acknowledging me. What I do for another I get back twice-fold for me but this is not the reason to acknowledge someone.
Acknowledgement that touches and moves the heart has to come from nothing. It is not acknowledging in order to get something or for some reason it is acknowledgement for the beauty of it and if it comes from that place of purity and nothingness it is powerful. Being accountable for love and acknowledgment next quarter will demand that I build up a relationship with the 46 other members of Team. This is something I have not done in this quarter or in my 1st quarter. Yet I know that transformation does not happen without connection and communication.
Such communication and connection does not always have to be through speaking. The power of listening to build up relatedness is often underestimated. I have found that I am most self-expressed and able to communicate effectively when I feel listened to. When I speak and I have the complete attention of the person I am speaking to then the words flow with an ease and grace that is not there when I don't feel I have the listening of another. This shows that how well we are able to communicate does not depend on ourselves but on the quality of the listening that is given to us. I will communicate most effectively with Team members if I listen and am completely and totally present to what is being said that if I speak.
But again listening brings about stillness which as I said in an earlier post the mind will fight against at all costs. It does this by bringing into consciousness judgements and evaluations about what is being said or else by speaking out opinions and judgements. One of the greatest achievements on the spiritual path is the ability to be with silence.......
What this involves is having a team of people with me and ensure that all members of Team are acknowledged each week. I find receiving acknowledgement difficult. I love to give acknowledgement because it is a powerful practice for touching and awakening the heart. Also because at the most fundamental level there is no separation between me and another when I acknowledge someone else I am also acknowledging me. What I do for another I get back twice-fold for me but this is not the reason to acknowledge someone.
Acknowledgement that touches and moves the heart has to come from nothing. It is not acknowledging in order to get something or for some reason it is acknowledgement for the beauty of it and if it comes from that place of purity and nothingness it is powerful. Being accountable for love and acknowledgment next quarter will demand that I build up a relationship with the 46 other members of Team. This is something I have not done in this quarter or in my 1st quarter. Yet I know that transformation does not happen without connection and communication.
Such communication and connection does not always have to be through speaking. The power of listening to build up relatedness is often underestimated. I have found that I am most self-expressed and able to communicate effectively when I feel listened to. When I speak and I have the complete attention of the person I am speaking to then the words flow with an ease and grace that is not there when I don't feel I have the listening of another. This shows that how well we are able to communicate does not depend on ourselves but on the quality of the listening that is given to us. I will communicate most effectively with Team members if I listen and am completely and totally present to what is being said that if I speak.
But again listening brings about stillness which as I said in an earlier post the mind will fight against at all costs. It does this by bringing into consciousness judgements and evaluations about what is being said or else by speaking out opinions and judgements. One of the greatest achievements on the spiritual path is the ability to be with silence.......
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
The life I am now creating......is a rolllercoaster...
Yesterday I went to the shop that had called me to bring in 4 more copies of my book. When I got there the manager told me that he was going to make the book his book of the month next month. As you can imagine I was overjoyed by this. He then looked at me and said 'it is a very honest book, I mean like honest'. I looked at him trying to figure out what it was he was trying to say. I held his gaze and I said 'it is an account of my experiences, it is not the Truth and I'm not claiming it to be the Truth'. At this he smiled and asked me if I would like to go out to have a cup of coffee next week. I agreed because it is better than carying on a conversation on the shop floor and so on Saturday week 22 November I will be returning to to the book shop to have that cup of coffee and a chat.
But it got me thinking. Why write if one is not going to be honest? I thought that was the whole idea of being a writer. Writing for me is like the spiritual path it demands complete and total vulnerability. As a result of the spiritual experiences I have had I am vulnerable. I have nothing to defend or control and the result is an open vulnerability. I think this vulnerability scares the mind because it ultimately results in a space of emptiness or nothingness that the mind cannot be with. We claim to want inner peace and stillness and yet for many of us when this state is about to happen we get scared and immediately fill the space with ideas, thoughts and so we are scared about that which we most crave for.
The spiritual path demands stillness. Without stillness there is not the spiritual transformation that results from the expansion of consciousness. When there is nothing to hide, nothing to control, nothing to fear then and only then is the state of inner peace and calm possible. And there is nothing to hide, or fear or control because ultimately these are empty. They have no power only that which we give to them. I have seen this and have come out on the other side. The result of it is that I have a vulnerability and lack of protection around myself that to others may seem scary. I accept that. It is a very long journey to get to this point. By saying this I am not saying that I am in anyway different to others but I have been on the spiritual path for a very long time. For me spiritual development is just as important as all of the other lines of development i.e. physical, intellectual, emotional, social but it has been neglected for so long. Yet the irony is that it is spiritual development that drives all of the others. This is my assertion and I can't say this enough or too many times. What I have written in my book, what I write in this blog are my own views that I have got from observation or from insights. I do not claim anything of what I write to be the Truth, only ideas to be considered. Each one has to find their own Truth.
What I really liked about Buddhism when I first heard about it in 1998 was its emphasis on testing it to see if it feels right and if it doesn't to look for something else. I really believe this. Listen to what is written and spoken but then go within and see if it fits with your own observations and experiences of life. This is being authentic about the spiritual path. It is how I have journeyed on it. I have listened respectfully to teachings and then have looked to see how it fits with my own observations. This is not to be arrogant but to acknowledge and accept that no two of us have exactly the same path. The end is the same for all but the paths are different.
Tomorrow I leave for my 3rd weekend of the Team Management and Leadership Programme which is in Amsterdam. This quarter has been such a rollercoaster. I have had to confront many things about my life that weren't working. The toughest being how my identity used my obsession with control to keep me down and playing small. This was a phenomenal breakthrough for me and resulted in the publication of a book that I had written for almost 2 years but wouldn't publish. I wouldn't publish it because I couldn't control what would happen to it when it was published. But I wasn't aware of any of this. All I was aware of was a resistance towards publishing the book together with a very rigid way of looking at things. A tough conversation that I could never had had with myself resulted in the breakthrough of seeing the power of a decision I had made when I was 11 around my need to control life. This resulted in me giving up the need to control and then creating a whole new world around freedom and from then on to the end of this quarter, it is freedom that has been showing up.
Now I am about to start my 3rd quarter of this programme, new games, new challenges but I know that transformation doesn't end....what ends are cycles on the spiritual journey from non-Self to Self........
But it got me thinking. Why write if one is not going to be honest? I thought that was the whole idea of being a writer. Writing for me is like the spiritual path it demands complete and total vulnerability. As a result of the spiritual experiences I have had I am vulnerable. I have nothing to defend or control and the result is an open vulnerability. I think this vulnerability scares the mind because it ultimately results in a space of emptiness or nothingness that the mind cannot be with. We claim to want inner peace and stillness and yet for many of us when this state is about to happen we get scared and immediately fill the space with ideas, thoughts and so we are scared about that which we most crave for.
The spiritual path demands stillness. Without stillness there is not the spiritual transformation that results from the expansion of consciousness. When there is nothing to hide, nothing to control, nothing to fear then and only then is the state of inner peace and calm possible. And there is nothing to hide, or fear or control because ultimately these are empty. They have no power only that which we give to them. I have seen this and have come out on the other side. The result of it is that I have a vulnerability and lack of protection around myself that to others may seem scary. I accept that. It is a very long journey to get to this point. By saying this I am not saying that I am in anyway different to others but I have been on the spiritual path for a very long time. For me spiritual development is just as important as all of the other lines of development i.e. physical, intellectual, emotional, social but it has been neglected for so long. Yet the irony is that it is spiritual development that drives all of the others. This is my assertion and I can't say this enough or too many times. What I have written in my book, what I write in this blog are my own views that I have got from observation or from insights. I do not claim anything of what I write to be the Truth, only ideas to be considered. Each one has to find their own Truth.
What I really liked about Buddhism when I first heard about it in 1998 was its emphasis on testing it to see if it feels right and if it doesn't to look for something else. I really believe this. Listen to what is written and spoken but then go within and see if it fits with your own observations and experiences of life. This is being authentic about the spiritual path. It is how I have journeyed on it. I have listened respectfully to teachings and then have looked to see how it fits with my own observations. This is not to be arrogant but to acknowledge and accept that no two of us have exactly the same path. The end is the same for all but the paths are different.
Tomorrow I leave for my 3rd weekend of the Team Management and Leadership Programme which is in Amsterdam. This quarter has been such a rollercoaster. I have had to confront many things about my life that weren't working. The toughest being how my identity used my obsession with control to keep me down and playing small. This was a phenomenal breakthrough for me and resulted in the publication of a book that I had written for almost 2 years but wouldn't publish. I wouldn't publish it because I couldn't control what would happen to it when it was published. But I wasn't aware of any of this. All I was aware of was a resistance towards publishing the book together with a very rigid way of looking at things. A tough conversation that I could never had had with myself resulted in the breakthrough of seeing the power of a decision I had made when I was 11 around my need to control life. This resulted in me giving up the need to control and then creating a whole new world around freedom and from then on to the end of this quarter, it is freedom that has been showing up.
Now I am about to start my 3rd quarter of this programme, new games, new challenges but I know that transformation doesn't end....what ends are cycles on the spiritual journey from non-Self to Self........
Monday, 10 November 2008
Enlightenment is......the letting go of control....
How life is flowing since I gave up that I was in control of anything. To see that it was my obsession with being in control that stopped the free flow of energy has been so liberating. This has been a huge insight only because it has been so deeply hidden from my view. It had been operating powerfully below the level of my consciousness. It is only when hidden motives like this become exposed and in the process of being exposed, transform that living from an enlightened state is possible.
Yesterday I received a call from the book shop where I had left 2 of my books asking me to bring in another 4 so there will be 5 copies around on tables in the book shop. I was so happy. The happiness that comes from making a difference. It is this yearning that will be so central when the consciousness shifts from the human to the spiritual. I see it happening already and as we move towards 2012 it is going to speed up. Only last night I heard on the radio that the Prime Minister in England Gordon Brown has called on world leaders to form a new one global world (or words to that effect). All of this is shifting from the human that was characterized by separation and individuality to the unity and connection of the next kingdom.
Last night I went back to Alternatives where I had worked as a volunteer for 3 years. I brought a couple of my books to see if they would take them on a 'sale or return' basis. I walked in at the point where the opening circle was being performed. This is where the volunteers come together and hold the space for the speaker of the evening. Last night the speaker was Mantak Chia who has done a lot of work on Taoist sexuality. It was strange for me to be there because this kind of talk is not something I would usually go to. From early on in his talk he spoke about raising the kundalini and using this transformative energy to heal and nourish the internal organs. Given what I have experienced of this energy I was wary about doing the exercises because I have promised that I will never force the energy to rise unnaturally. I watched others doing these exercises and was concerned at the potential dangers. Then I had an insight that this energy has its own intelligence and won't rise in the unprepared body and mind unless it is powerfully forced. I noticed that the chakra which is most powerful in raising this energy was not stimulated much last night. Mantak spoke about the heart chakra being much more powerful than the brain and this makes sense to me. The expansion of spiritual consciousness comes when the heart awakens. It is the experience of unity and connection which happens at heart level and not brain level.....
Alternatives took 2 of my books so slowly but surely my message about the spiritual state being real and achievable is getting out there. The team invited me back anytime which was lovely, It is great to have the freedom to leave and then have the welcome when I return. It is this ease and freedom that makes Alternatives in St James' Church, Piccadilly a very special place for me. It is where I first got to hear different speakers and in that I have been so privileged. From seeing how different speakers were before a talk and how they were after showed me how to look for authenticity. An authentic speaker is the same on the stage as off........
Yesterday I received a call from the book shop where I had left 2 of my books asking me to bring in another 4 so there will be 5 copies around on tables in the book shop. I was so happy. The happiness that comes from making a difference. It is this yearning that will be so central when the consciousness shifts from the human to the spiritual. I see it happening already and as we move towards 2012 it is going to speed up. Only last night I heard on the radio that the Prime Minister in England Gordon Brown has called on world leaders to form a new one global world (or words to that effect). All of this is shifting from the human that was characterized by separation and individuality to the unity and connection of the next kingdom.
Last night I went back to Alternatives where I had worked as a volunteer for 3 years. I brought a couple of my books to see if they would take them on a 'sale or return' basis. I walked in at the point where the opening circle was being performed. This is where the volunteers come together and hold the space for the speaker of the evening. Last night the speaker was Mantak Chia who has done a lot of work on Taoist sexuality. It was strange for me to be there because this kind of talk is not something I would usually go to. From early on in his talk he spoke about raising the kundalini and using this transformative energy to heal and nourish the internal organs. Given what I have experienced of this energy I was wary about doing the exercises because I have promised that I will never force the energy to rise unnaturally. I watched others doing these exercises and was concerned at the potential dangers. Then I had an insight that this energy has its own intelligence and won't rise in the unprepared body and mind unless it is powerfully forced. I noticed that the chakra which is most powerful in raising this energy was not stimulated much last night. Mantak spoke about the heart chakra being much more powerful than the brain and this makes sense to me. The expansion of spiritual consciousness comes when the heart awakens. It is the experience of unity and connection which happens at heart level and not brain level.....
Alternatives took 2 of my books so slowly but surely my message about the spiritual state being real and achievable is getting out there. The team invited me back anytime which was lovely, It is great to have the freedom to leave and then have the welcome when I return. It is this ease and freedom that makes Alternatives in St James' Church, Piccadilly a very special place for me. It is where I first got to hear different speakers and in that I have been so privileged. From seeing how different speakers were before a talk and how they were after showed me how to look for authenticity. An authentic speaker is the same on the stage as off........
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