I woke up this morning still thinking about how my strong personality quality of generosity limited me from being straight. I immediately created the possibility for me to go beyond this by being straight with everyone and everything I did today. I got up and showered and waited for the plumber to come to replace a leaking radiator. Waiting for him meant that I couldn't do my usual Saturday cycle spinning class in the gym which I was a bit upset about because this class in the morning is my way of meditating. I have given up on the formal meditation because of the relentlessness of my thoughts whenever I do it. I also realise that meditation is a form of doing and as the transformation from human to spiritual is about 'being' have chosen powerfully not to make formal sitting meditation a regular practice.
The plumber was meant to come between 9am and 10am. It got to 9.50am and I could feel the familiar build up of tension and irritation. I decided to call him to see where he was. He explained he was on an emergency job. I was straight. I explained that the radiator needed was too heavy to get on my own and requested that he go and get it from the hardware shop on his way over to mine. To my surprise and delight, he agreed without any hesitation.. wow...the power of just being straight. When my personality trait of generosity was running me without my awareness I would have been hesitant and manipulative....not any more I was straight and it was great. I also explained to him that I had a prior commitment which meant I had to leave my flat no later than 1.30pm and requested that he come before that. He also agreed to this as well.
An hour later the doorbell went and it was the plumber, armed with the appropriate radiator. When I opened the door I couldn't believe it when I saw my neighbours son cutting my side of a hedge that separates the two houses. This is the same young boy who helped me out when I was hobbling down to the garage to get a paper when I was recovering from an operation on my foot. I was so grateful to him. It was a cold morning, he didn't have to do that. I told him this and his face just lit up and his cutting took on a new intensity, so much so that I have very little hedge left now! but that is not important. What is important is what showing gratitude and appreciation to another at whatever age can produce. This is the magic.
The plumber explained that he would need help to change the radiator and would come on Monday to do the job. After he left I went out to the young man outside and with a brush began to sweep outside to spend some time speaking with him. I came inside for some money to give him. I had wondered about doing this ever since he had gone to the garage for the paper and I hadn't given him anything. I don't like for young people to equal helping with getting money yet on the other hand here he was cutting my hedge and sweeping outside my house so fair is fair and when I gave him the money which wasn't really very much his eyes once again lit up but not with greed but with the greatness that comes with being appreciated.
I came in and got ready to go to my assisting agreement. I arrived there and once again there were very few notes left for me to do and no obvious list of numbers to call. Recognising that I was in danger of once again creating trouble for myself by being upset I gave it up and thought 'right instead of being upset, what can I create for myself for these 3 hours that I am going to be here'. I created the possibility of once again being straight. What is so different this week to last week is that I didn't understand how to be straight. I didn't understand this because I hadn't identified that generosity was such a strong personality trait that I hadn't realised was running me as strongly as it was. That is why last week I had to ask those who I called to tell me if they felt I was coming across as manipulative because 'generosity' was still running the show. This week it wasn't. This week, I am straight and I know exactly what that is like, it's not aggressive, it's simply straight.
As a result of this new straightness and directness I had one graduate register with me for a forthcoming seminar on sex and intimacy which is starting in April. Speaking with her was like speaking with a mirror of myself in that for many years she also was a Buddhist and also like me struggles with intimacy. This is the beauty of this agreement, what I share and what is shared with me during this agreement. I know that this is the power of the agreement. It is not about getting graduates to register for different seminars but is about the transformation that happens when we share ourselves. Out of that and naturally will come the registrations as people see just what the work makes possible for them. For me, this discovery about my strong personality trait of generosity has been so deeply buried that it is only now that I have seen it. And seeing is not traumatic or life changing, it's just a seeing that allows it to transform from what was a weakness to a strength. In this transformation more energy is released to move onto the next thing.....aagh....it's like being on an emotional roller coaster but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Seeing this trait of generosity also means for me that when I do branch out on my own that I will be an astute business woman because generosity won't be running me. I have seen the impact on this over the years I have done word processing for a builder. I have seen how he charges such a lot for the work he does, yet I have always been so reasonable with what I have charged him. I have been unreasonably reasonable. My generosity has been to the forefront. I haven't charged him the going rates because this trait of generosity just wouldn't allow it. I see in this transformation from generosity to straightness so much potential for me and those around me for the future and as a result it is looking so bright.
I finished my agreement and was so happy when I said a cheery goodbye to everyone. I came home and immediately called up some people to ask them to come to my seminar on Thursday night. I shared about this discovery about my generosity and how I had transformed it so that it now empowers me and doesn't limit me and out of those conversations one woman has confirmed that she will come on Thursday evening. From what I said she sees something that is possible for her and that is what this work is all about for me. It is not about me but me enabling others to see what is possible for themselves and taking that first step to make it possible so that in time the race of human will have transformed to the spiritual as the design of human becomes revealed and dissolves.
I must take a minute to write something topical and also controversial. This is about the furore which has arisen in Sudan of the English primary school teacher who named a teddy bear Mohamed. Where I ask is the human essential quality of reason. Emotion has taken over from reason and the moment this happens any expansion of consciousness to enable spiritual awakening is shut down. Emotion kills this entire process. Spiritual awakening happens when there is an inner shift. It tends to happen when we become present to the impact of being a certain way. That impact is the catalyst to transformation. When the people who are baying for the blood of this English teacher get the impact of this action and how it prevents them for having any direct spiritual realizations or experiences, then and only then will the inner shift happen. Until then it is the mind and not the heart that is running the show. Spiritual awakening is not possible when it is the mind and the emotions and not the heart that is running the show.
Reason is the one quality which cannot be abandoned on the transformation from human to spiritual. Reason looks to the facts of the situation. She is a school teacher teaching young children. The children request a name for the teddy based on the name of a boy in the class (as I understand it from my reading). The teacher agrees and sees no harm in this and suddenly it's the crime of the century...hello....isn't there something totally unbalanced about this. I get sad when I read about things like this because the spiritual baby gets thrown out with the religious bathwater and this saddens me. Religion is about beliefs and so must always be defended. Spiritual is about faith which needs no defending, it's there or it's not. To throw one out with the other is to deny to the consciousness the greatest experiences it can have in the form of human......
