This morning I woke up with sadness in my heart as I remembered that it is the day of the memorial service for Manuel Schoch. I showered and dressed quickly. I felt an urgency to leave my flat and be at the hotel early where the service was to be held. It is amazing that it is the same hotel where I launched my book 'Journey to Self' on Thursday night. At the last training session I went to with Manuel he signed a small book that contained some of his insights which had been compiled by one of his students. That little book is now so precious to me.
I arrived early at the hotel and to my surprise saw that the room where the service was to be held is directly next door to where my launch was on Thursday night. Again, I wondered at the synchronicity of it all. I entered and sat down on the 1st seat of the 2nd row. At the centre was a table with a lighted candle and a picture of Manuel and some words of love and acknowledgement. Seeing this brought tears to my eyes as I was forced to face the reality that he was really gone. Gradually the room filled up with people, some I recognised from the training courses, others I didn't.
At 10.30am the man who has studied with Manuel for 25 years welcomed everyone. My heart went out to him because I could see the pain and sadness he was feeling. He explained that the meditation would be similar to the services that were happening in Zurich and in Athens. One of Manuel's favourite songs would be played and then there would be a 45 minute meditation, then another song and another 45 minute meditation and then a 5 minute talk by Manuel on the nature of love. The first song was just like Manuel upbeat and lively, the gist of it was that it was a song about everything passing. Then it was the 45 minute meditation. Manuel believed in the power of stillness for bringing about shifts of consciousness so this was the meditation. I found myself being very still but my consciousness did wander. However each time I became aware of this I gently and lovingly brought it back to focussing on my breath. I didn't experience the boredom and agitation that I have in previous meditations.
The 2nd song was somewhat more reflective and I cried a lot. It was about the spirit taking 'me home'. I cried for the loss of his teaching to me and to the world. The 2nd 45 minute meditation was deeper and more relaxed for me. Finally came the 5 minute talk on love. Hearing his voice broke down what little resistance I had left to not crying and in spite of me the tears flowed freely. Manuel's whole being was love. He said that to love was to give space to things and people. For Manuel, Love was the most powerful force in the universe. I wish I could remember what else was in the 5 minute talk but my consciousness was taking in the essence of the words and not the words themselves.
After the service I felt disorientated and not sure what to do. To ground myself I went for a walk in nearby Hyde Park. I connected with the leaves and the trees and felt such a deep and abiding calm. After the service I bought a DVD of the last talk Manuel gave at Alternatives. I felt this urgency to come home and listen to it. When I saw him speaking on it instead of the tears there was a smile and a deep gratitude that I have been able to meet and learn from what for me has been the most inspirational Avatar I have had the privilege to meet.
My feelings ran the full gamut today - from sadness to love and acceptance for what is so. In the end the only way to live is have an acceptance for what is so in life. To acknowledge life and everything that happens in life as being real and not resisting life or what happens because we want it to be another way. In such acknowledgement and acceptance......is peace.
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