Saturday, 31 October 2009

Opening up....our new centre 'DEEP CONNECTION'...

Friends of this blog I invite you to look at the new website I have created with my friend Lotus in advance of the opening of the centre 'Deep Connection' on Wednesday 4 November. I am so excited at this. It is the beginning of a dream I never thought I would realise. What is truly miraculous to me is how I ever thought I could be successful in being who I need to be to be successful with adults when what was running me was that I saw every adult as a threat to me and to my safety. I am so grateful to be given that insight before I threw myself fully into being a spiritual leader and teacher. I still don't know whether to laugh or cry with this discovery it has been such a profound one for me. One thing I am clear about is that without this insight or realization that this dream would not have been possible. How could I inspire adults when what was really driving me was a fear of them.

Here is the URL: Please have a look at it when you have time and any feedback would be useful to have.

I also see why I have been involved with the work that I have up to now. In order for the identity to survive it has to have experiences that reinforce how it thinks. I found myself constantly in environments where adults were threatening in terms of not agreeing with what I was doing, so I felt that I always had to defend myself which was purely this aspect of myself putting me in situations where it could be nourished and fed. I also kept around me friends who weren't supportive so that they could support my belief that I put in place when I was an upset five year old that adults were a threat to me. It all sounds and is completely and totally ridiculous but without any doubt I know that it is how my personality got formed.

A couple of evenings ago I became very angry at this decision I had made when I was a child and the impact it has had on my life. Angry at why I have had to wait so many years and have so much confusion and bewilderment at the mismatch between my ardent desire to make a difference and my lack of results in this area. It is all so clear now. And yet, I cannot be the only adult that is being run by a decision that they made in childhood. There are a lot of successful people out there who haven't got everything sorted and they carry on over whatever their limitations are. For me it just didn't work. My efforts to make a difference and inspire people was not more powerful than my story which lived for me as the truth 'that adults are a threat to me'

Even my very best friend who I have known since childhood, he was a threat to me which as I write this I find so hard to believe. I set up our relationship so that each time we met I provoked him into behaviour which gave me the experience of being threatened. This was always around the training I am doing which he disagrees with. This weekend we spent time together and I felt so different. I think for the first time in all of the conversations we had, I really listened to what he was saying and for the first time I really saw how great he is and his commitment to his friends and his family. Before this, all I saw was that he was a threat and I had to be onguard and defensive. To him and I know that he reads this blog, thank you, thank you so much for always being there, coming back when our conversations have often got heated and personal and for never turning your back on me. You know who you are and I know you are and thank you so much.

It's a busy week for me this week. On Tuesday I have an interview for charity fundraising. What appeals to me about this position is that it has flexible hours which is important because I am more determined than ever to be a powerful leader for children. I am committed that every young person has the tools to be able to separate the events that happen in life from our story or interpretation about what happens so that each and every young person can live a life that is free, powerful, happy and self-expressed....

What this training is giving to me is nothing short of miraculous. If I hadn't been doing this training the chances are that I would still be desperately trying to avoid the adult world by doing everything I could to remain as childlike as I could and frustrating everyone around me.....taken to its ultimate...the scary...

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