The point of view in action......look at what Lewis Hamilton has achieved...

I was so excited to learn that Lewis Hamilton has become the youngest Formula One world champion and I had the insight that it was the power of a point of view or a declaration made when he was a young boy that has brought the future to himself that he created and realized when he won the race on Sunday. This is a bold assertion I make but I stick by it based on my own experience.

At some point when he was young he was gripped by something that was bigger than him. It might have been something that was said, that he saw, but something caused his consciousness to shift and in that moment he created from nothing the possibility of being a world champion Formula 1 driver. After that he took the steps necessary to achieve that. I don't disagree that other factors played a part in his success. However, I would argue that it was the strength of the point of view or declaration made the very first time that pulled towards it all of those experiences and qualities that he needed to do to achieve what he did on Sunday.

The power of that aspiration made as a child which comes from a pure and empty consciousness is incredibly powerful. One could argue, given how open and impressionable young children are, why doesn't every child become a child prodigy in some field. I have no answer for that. I know that it is the strength of the declaration that is put in place that brings about the future we then live into. Life is all about a future we are living into. It's not about the past.

For me when I was in boarding school and at the impressionable age of 12 I heard a priest say 'God wants spiritual fruits not religious nuts'. I had the same grip. Spiritual, Religious, the words ricocheted around my brain. I knew dimly that there was a difference. I didn't know what but in that moment I declared 'I will be spiritual'. It is as clear to me now as it was on the morning that I declared it. Now when I look at my life I see that all of my reading, studying experiences have all been taking me into the future that I declared. I am not there yet, I have a very long way to go but now I am conscious of the journey I am taking. I know how my first step began and I know roughly the steps I have to take. I trust that those steps will be available to me because of the power of the declaration I made when I was gripped by the aspiration so many years ago. A declaration like this, coming from nothing in terms of I had nothing to compare it to, there was no past memory. I didn't know what the word meant. The declaration came from a place where there was nothing else and in that lies its power.

I would assert that a similar thing has happened to those who have gone on to inspire us in some field. It has been labelled talent but in this blog (because it is a personal account and I don't claim anything of what I write to be the Truth, it is just my point of view) I think talent is more about making a strong powerful declaration 'X will be' from a clear consciousness and then working hard in that area and taking the opportunities that will come. Failure comes if the point of view or declaration is not strong enough or the opportunities are not taken up. Something else displaces the Declaration or Point of View. To keep declarations or points of view alive takes work. If I hadn't continued to study and read in the way that I have I am clear that I wouldn't have had the experiences and realizations that I have now. And yet, the strength of the declaration I made when I was young meant that I have always been drawn to this field. Even during the very dark times I was still drawn to this world.

Last night I was planning my talk for the launch of my book on Thursday. It's going to be tight to have the books available. The printers have promised the delivery of the books direct to the hotel. This works better for me because otherwise I would have had to pick them up from the publishers. It is events like this which may be seen as trivial to others that give me the reassurance that what is happening is exactly what is meant to be happening. I have complete trust in and surrender to the declaration I made when I was 12. It is as real for me now as it was then........

So today allow the consciousness to be gripped by something. This can only happen when there is an openness and a vulnerability. It is feeling that we need to protect ourselves that stops more of us from experiencing the grip that shifts consciousness to a new level to give us a new future.....

Getting closer....to the launch of my book............

I met with my friend Wai this evening to plan how we are going to present the talk on Thursday evening. It is great sharing the evening with him because we have known each other for many years and I have been to many of the talks he has given around London. We understand each other well and he gave me some great tips on how to prepare my part of the presentation. His aspiration is to be a great world leader and in order to do this he has been working for many years on a brain theory that will explain the mystical concept that 'everyone is God'. It seems impossible to see how this thinking could ever become mainstream but I've learned on this path not to rule anything out.

I have been thinking more and more about what I wrote about the 'point of view' in my last post. How critical the point of view we hold about things is in pulling to ourselves experiences that support that point of view. Now I am wondering because of my 'point of view being 'I am spiritual' whether I pulled those experiences to me, or if I created those experiences to support the point of view that I was going to be spiritual. When I declared this, I had no idea what spiritual meant. But looking back now, all of my experiences I have interpreted as being spiritual to a greater or lesser extent.

I don't know who or how many are going to come on Thursday evening. I want people to leave the evening inspired to deepen their understanding of the spiritual path and committed to do what it takes to release the consciousness from the web of maya. I am clear that at no time during the evening am I going to do any exercises to raise the spiritual kundalini energy. To do this would be irresponsible of me because of the physical and mental preparation that is needed to ensure that the energy rises safely and naturally and is not forced. What I have become more and more convinced of however is the truth that if something is desired deeply enough that it can come about.

However this desire has to be felt once and then forgotten. Paradoxically it is the desire for the state of Enlightenment that ensures that the state is not experienced. The wanting of it ensures that it is not experienced. And yet, without the desire it is not experienced. So it is wished for once with everything one has and then is forgotten. After this what there is to do is to be self-disciplined, live a life where the emphasis is on service and contribution to others not to oneself and have a constant mindfulness, alertness and vigilance over our, thoughts and actions...

Buddha said....'Hold fast to nothing'.....what could he have meant?

For the past 3 weeks the quote from the Buddha which I have started this post with has been constantly in my mind. 'Hold fast to nothing, or no thing' what could he have meant. For Buddhists the theory of attachment is central to Buddhist philosophy. This is clinging onto things or events that are pleasant and avoiding things or events that are unpleasant. However a thing or an event is not pleasant or unpleasant of itself. It is the interpretation we put on it that determines whether we view it as pleasant or unpleasant. It is the view we have of it that dictates whether or not we pursue and cling to it or avoid it (could be anything). But this view is not real it is only an interpretation. The point of view we have about things, is not real but we treat it like it is real. My point of view is not just my point of view it's the Truth. It's the way life REALLY is.

This clinging onto a view as reality and not simply as a view is what I believe Buddha was speaking about when he said 'hold fast to nothing'. Why 'nothing' because 'no thing is real', everything is based on interpretation. When we cling to something that is not real, we suffer. We suffer because we are making real what is unreal. By not 'holding to anything' we are recognising that what we think of as real is not so and in this realization is freedom.

I would assert that it is this clinging to points of views as Truth and not interpretation that is at the root of the intolerances in the world. What would the world look like if there was a mass giving up that points of view are the Truth- the way things REALLY ARE. For one, there would be more tolerance as people saw the lunacy of clinging to something that is not real. There would be an ease and freedom as the suffering that comes with making something that is unreal, real disappears. Buddhism speak of a concept called Avidya or ignorance, but this is not ignorance in the way that it is normally understood. This is an ignorance that distorts the nature of reality. I assert that the point of view is the source of this ignorance. The source of the ignorance is being convinced that the point of view is real.

The power of the point of view and the importance of 'not holding fast' cannot be underestimated. Our point of view gives us the life that we have. My point of view has given me the life that I have. My point of view is that I am a spiritual teacher and what I have pulled towards me have been spiritual teachings and realizations. But I am clear that this is only what my point of view has pulled for because it supports the point of view that I put in place when I was a young girl. The point of view comes first and then comes the experiences to support it.

Yet I am human and I operate in the world. How is it possible to function in life without having a point of view? The point of view is expressed in opinions, judgements. To be realistic, as humans we will always have a point of view. The important thing is to manage it. What this means for me is to take the responsibility for my point of view as just a point of view. My point of view is no more or less important than anyone elses' it is only a point of view.

This insight is coming at just the right time for me. I am sure at the launch of my book next week that there will be many points of view coming at me. I can remain unattached and free only if I remain vigilant to the notion that everything that is said to me and that I say is.....only a point of view.

Finally....my book Journey to Self...has gone to the printers

Finally after a 2 year period my book 'Journey to Self' has gone to the printers. Events moved very quickly after I saw that my obsession with wanting to control everything meant that I hadn't progressed the book because I wouldn't have been able to control what happened after it was published. I have given all of that up and in its place have created the possibility of freedom and ease. The result...is that I am launching the book at the Columbia Hotel in London at 7pm on Thursday 6 November (nearest tube Lancaster Gate). This is just so amazing. It has all come together. If I look back to when I had the insight about my obsession with control it was around the time of Manuel Schoch's death. I have written in an earlier blog how I considered him to be my teacher because of his combination of mysticism, psychiatry and expertise in neuroscience. Since he has died I have felt his presence so strongly.

What has been a strange co-incidence is that I am having the launch for my book in the Columbia Hotel on Thursday and then on Sunday in the same hotel at 10am there is going to be a memorial meditation service in memory of him for all of his students in London. This is a strangely comforting co-incidence for me. The suddenness of his death has still left me shaken. I had planned out a future where I would learn from him and perhaps in time be able to read Auras like he could and make a difference to people's' lives. I realise now that there is no-one else but me to do this. There is no-one else coming. I don't mean that in an arrogant egotistical way but only that each of us is responsible for the life we create. This can appear harsh to any reader who is finding life a challenge at the moment but the minute that we can take the responsibility for what is happening, then shift is possible.

I am so excited about launching my book. I will be sharing the platform with my friend Wai who has given talks around London. Wai is an amazing guy who has done detailed research into the brain and mysticism. He has quite an astounding hypothesis which is 'Everyone is God' and has written a book on the subject. It will be an honour and privilege to be sharing the evening with him. He is also bringing his video equipment so that some of the talk will be available on 'You Tube' so it is all so exciting at the moment. Yet I know that none of this would be possible if I hadn't given up wanting to be in control. I see my identity used my fear of the consequences of losing control as a way of keeping me less than self-expressed. Since I had this insight my verbal self-expression has been so powerful. I can tell it in how I can command the English language in a way that I couldn't before. I am sure that the state of Enlightenment is pretty close to giving up control. When we have no need to control life or the way it goes then this must surely be Enlightenment.

I am not charging people who come to the launch on Thursday evening. The book will be available and if people feel moved to buy a copy then that will be great. I won't charge because I don't know what the key is to raise the powerful energy that rests at the base of the spine. My message is that it is this energy which when raised results in the shift of consciousness from human to spiritual. My message is that it is a process that must be done slowly and gradually if the experience of the rising energy and the corresponding expansion of consciousness is to be integrated so that the consciousness can continue to operate in the world, albeit at a more elevated level.

The death of an Avatar.....and a good friend....Manuel Schoch R.I.P

I received an email on Saturday evening to say that Manuel Schoch had died. He was not ill. On 9 October he felt unwell, went into a coma and died peacefully on 10 October. It has had a devastating effect on me. Manuel was a swiss psychiatrist, neuroscientist and a mystic who could read auras ((is an electronic field around each of us that has a record of every event that has ever happened and our response to it). I first met him when I was working as a volunteer for Alternatives in central London when he came to give a talk. I knew when I heard him speak that if there was anyone who could explain what had happened on that meditation retreat in Devon in 1998 that it would be him.

I had myself convinced that the lack of sight in my right eye meant that my brain was in some way compensating which was the reason for the experience. When everyone had finished speaking with him I went up and explained briefly about what had happened and asked him whether the lack of sight in my right eye was the reason for the experience. All the time I was speaking he was looking at me intently. When I finished he said very slowly 'what happened to you has nothing to do with your eyes, I see it, it has nothing to do with your eyes'. I was so lost for words that all I said was 'no' and he said 'no and then he continued 'if you keep looking for explanations you will lose what you have'. Still bewildered I thanked him and left but was resolute that this man was going to be my teacher. Since that talk I have been unconsciously his student. My deepest regret is that I didn't sign up for his year long consciousness raising training course. I reasoned it by saying that I was in the middle of another course and I would do it when it came around again - now it's never going to come around and I have lost that golden opportunity.

I have often written about my distrust of so called Gurus but after that first talk I knew that he was my teacher or Guru. His combination of scientific rigour and only speaking about what he had direct experience of inspired me to live that way also. Not making claims for anything other than my own observation and experiences. Manuel was a gentle, humble and authentic man. His ability to ease people's pain and suffering by reading their auras and taking them back to pivotal points in their lives where something had happened that contributed to their current suffering was to be in the presence of a Master at work. The ease and gentleness with which he would restore them to their own power was so humbling and inspiring to see.

I remember on one training day a lady stood up and explained that she had been suffering with ME for almost 10 years. Manuel looked at her aura and asked her when she had been travelling around India. She said that it was almost 10 years ago. He said 'how was your health when you were in India' She said that she had been sick. He was able to see that some of the virus she had had when she was in India was still in her system and this is why she had been suffering from ME. He gave her the name of a friend of his who was a virologist. I was inspired by that. In the days and weeks that followed I often thought of that lady and wondered whether or not she had been freed from the ME. A year later I was at another of the training days run by Manuel and I began to speak to a woman. I shared with her this experience and said that I wondered how that woman was today. She started to laugh and said 'that was me'. I couldn't believe it. This animated woman was nothing like the woman who had stood up the last time. This woman was full of the joys of life, was lively and happy.

Manuel was based in Zurich in Switzerland but had a centre in central London. Following that first talk at Alternatives I always went to his talks when he came to London. After each one I came away inspired feeling that my consciousness had expanded and with an excitement for what is possible for human being. I did a couple of his weekends of consciousness raising and it was so powerful. I had complete trust in this man and his motives that I surrendered myself fully to what he was teaching. However, what I wasn't aware of when I was doing this training was that that I was still fearing losing control so I wouldn't let myself go so deep in the meditations, so unsurprisingly, achieving the profound depths of consciousness expansion was limited for me at this time but I trust that this is the way it was meant to be. I could listen to Manuel speak for ever and never get tired or bored. His background as a neuroscientist and psychiatrist as well as being a mystic meant that for me he was the ideal grounded teacher.


A year ago I wrote to him. I explained that I didn't want a Guru but a teacher or guide to study under, that he inspired me like nobody I had ever met before and asked if he would accept me as a student. I never received a response to the email but the next time he came to London and I went to his talk I felt he knew that it was me who had written him the email. At his talks he never asked for people's names, he said everything can be read in the aura.I remember at one talk he said 'the only thing that stops us seeing other realms (people who have died) is the anger and aggression we have towards ourselves'. This statement irritated me because I didn't think that I had any anger or aggression towards myself! I said 'I don't have any anger and yet I don't see other worlds'. He looked at me, smiled and said 'you don't have any anger against yourself' and I said 'no'. He then said 'you have so much anger towards yourself that it is making me do this' and he staggered backwards and sat on his chair'. He then started to ask me about certain events that had happened in my life where I had decided that 'I wasn't good, I was bad' and out of that decision made from something that happened when I was 5 came all of the anger and aggression I had towards myself'. He said 'if you could let that go, you have no idea what you could achieve'. That conversation shifted and expanded my consciousness and that is only 1 of many conversations I have had with him.


His death is a huge loss not only for me but for the world. He was a young man who was married with two children. His role of expanding consciousness to enable the shift that is coming will be unparalleled. Since his death I feel his presence keenly. All day Sunday I could see his smiling face. I want to finish this blog entry with a sentence that embodied who and what Manuel stood for. He was firmly convinced that '“The question is not how much love you get;
it is how much love you give.”

MANUEL SCHOCH.....REST IN PEACE...MY DEAR FRIEND AND TEACHER

It all makes so much sense.....now

Suddenly the impact of the way I had been being is showing up everywhere. My fear of the consequences of not being in control has been the reason that I have not been playing a bigger game with everything I have experienced. I have often written in this blog about the inner conflict I have always felt between the desire to stay small and not stand out and the push from something deeper to be more than I know I can be. I had put this down to the identity not wanting me to play a big game and in a sense it is. What I realise now though is that the identity (the self that has been constructed from the decisions we made to events that happen to us) used the element of fear in relation to control. Up to now this was hidden from my view.

It was this covert operation by the identity that kept me in my small and limiting world playing only those games where I knew that I would have complete control. It accounts for all of the inaction in my life to date. I see so clearly now that for those requests that were made of me or ideas I had about sharing my experiences on the spiritual path, hidden from my view was the fear 'if you do this you're not going to guarantee to have complete control' and then totally beneath the level of my awareness I wouldn't continue what it was I had started. This explains to me why all through my life I have started so many things that I didn't finish. It had got to the stage that I didn't want to start anything because I knew that 'something' would happen and it wouldn't get finished.

How different now is life. My game to have an event to share my experiences of the spiritual energy that lies dormant at the base of the spine is well on track now. I have a room booked for 6 November in London and people are showing up to be on the team. I have a commitment from the publishers that the book will be ready for this event. For the first time in my life...there is no fear of losing control and when that fear of loss of control goes what is left is freedom and velocity. Since I had this insight life has speeded up so much and instead of being fearful of it I am so excited about the unpredictability of it all. Nearer to the time I will give the details of exactly where the talk is going to be if any reader of this blog would like to come I would be delighted to see you and know that you had come as a result of this blog.

Many years ago when I was researching the phenomenon of the rising energy from the base of the spine (I don't particularly like the label 'Kundalini') but to make description easier I will refer to it as this from here on) I had contact with a woman who had been doing a lot of research into the phenomenon in terms of the trigger factors for the experience, the age range and other fascinating work. I am creating that this woman is going to be at the event putting a research context around the experience. I describe myself as a spiritual scientist. I know that what happened to me affected my brain, the shift of consciousness that characterises this event happens in the brain. I have read accounts of people who have this experience having flashes of past lives and seeing deities and other such forms. I would assert and this is only an assertion I do not know it is the truth but, I would assert that it is the touching of the energy when it rises to awaken usually dormant centres in the brain that results in flashes and visions. The challenge is not to be taken in by them but to watch them like a witness and let them go. When the energy returns to rest in the heart and the heart awakens the brain activity quietens down and then the activity is strongest in the heart.

When I think back to certain posts on this blog and how I have written that I thought I was autistic and was going to pay to have a diagnostic interview when the truth was that my identity had imposed a way of being on my consciousness that was so restrictive and limiting that it caused me to believe that I was autistic. This is just so amazing to me and probably to any reader who has been following this blog since I began to write it. I could feel stupid about those posts now but the truth is that I don't. This blog is an honest account of spiritual transformation as it is happening for me.

Still reeling......from the impact...

I am still reeling from the impact of discovering that I what I had considered to be 'the way I was' is only the result of a decision I made when I was 11. In response to something that happened I decided that I had to control life in order to survive. How this played itself out was in my obsession of always having only one way to do things and getting angry and upset when I didn't get my way. The anger and upset masked the fear that I wouldn't be in control and then the consequences would be disastrous. It was fear about the consequences I had made up that weren't real that dominated and dictated how I have been being in life.

Since I have given this up. Or more specifically now that this way of being has been exposed for what it is...a way of being that was given to me by a decision I made in the past and has transformed itself I feel an ease and freedom that I have never truly felt before. In the past I have felt a kind of freedom but nothing like what I am now feeling. I have created the possibility of being freedom and ease in the space of this transformation and that is truly what is now showing up for me. The other amazing thing is how easy meditation is now. Before this I have often written about how my mind is usually quite empty of thoughts but the minute I sit down to meditate I have thought assault about absolutely everything under the sun to the point that I had stopped meditating and had taken on being mindful. This is having keeping a constant alertness and awareness to everything that is going on.

Since having this insight about control my meditation is so different. What I now see is that before I was afraid to let myself go, to lose control in meditation like in every other area of my life. I no longer am afraid to lose control and my meditations are so much deeper. For one I can sit now for an hour and not feel the time in the way I used to do in the past. I am emerging from my meditations with deeper insights. The fear of losing control is gone and in its place is a deep abiding peace and calm when meditating. Meditation has gone from something I felt I had to do to be a good spiritual person to something I now look forward to and want to do. Meditation no longer holds the fear of losing control that it had. And yet, it wasn't the fear of losing control which had the power over me but my fear of imagined consequences which I now know would never have happened. It was this fear that was keeping me locked in my small, limiting and controlling world.

The construction of the identity which gave me this controlled way of being is not personal, I am clear about that. It is part of the game which I have written about in this blog. If there is only ONE and that ONE splits itself to play a game all there is is the ONE which has split itself up many times to play a game. The purpose of the identity is to keep the real nature of the ONE hidden. I am aware that the last couple of sentences can read as cryptic but I am trying to convey how the construction of a human being into 'identity' and 'possibility' or 'ego and soul' is the construction of a game which is played out within the human frame.....

My insights into things are coming much quicker and faster now because control is not a factor. My interactions with people are relaxed and fun because I am not trying to control anything. If I'm not trying to control anyone or anything and I can be with whatever is, as it is, and not resist the what is for what I think it should be, then I am free. This freedom is hard won but when it is won life is different. For me these days, the leaves are much brighter, the kaleidoscope of coloured leaves takes my breath away and my consciousness gets absorbed and the thinking analytical mind stops. To look at our way of being not as who we truly are but as a construction of the identity and to transform it is to live a free life.... So today ask yourself....'who am I being' not 'what am I doing' at different points during the day.....and have fun with it....