What a truly magical day.......

Today I went to some small independent bookshops to see if any of them would take my book 'Journey to Self' on a buy or return basis. I had a strong intuition to go to a small alternative bookshop that is near me. I knew that the bookshop was largely run by volunteers from some spiritual organisation. I packed up 5 books and went on my way. When I reached the shop I saw that it was empty and there was a woman sitting inside by the cash register. Without any fear or apprehension and with the conviction that this book is going to inspire everyone who reads it I explained what the book was about and briefly what it covered.

To my amazement the woman was the manager of the shop. She looked at me keenly while I was speaking and I then gave her a copy. She skimmed a couple of pages and then said 'I will take a copy and I will also arrange for a review to be done of it'. This was more than I could have hoped for. The woman explained that she was going to be away for 6 weeks but would contact me when she returned. I thanked her and I walked out. Money could not buy how I felt walking out of the shop. I took a minute to connect with some leaves on the tree - to drink in their beauty and the beauty of a universe that has always been so kind to me.

The next shop I passed was a natural health food shop. I saw that there were a couple of books in the window and I thought 'what the heck' and walked in. I immediately picked up on the different atmosphere, more tense. The man was dismissive of my request stating that he had taken books before on a sale or return basis and it had caused a lot of problems. I was interested in this from the point of view of me learning what not to do as this is all so new to me. When I pressed him on what I could do not to cause problems like he has experienced he was so cagey and evasive that I simply thanked him for his time I walked out.

Then my ego started 'what are you doing walking around in the rain like this, you are a spiritual person who has written a book, there should be others doing this for you'. But I just laughed it off. I am constantly aware of the spiritual ego which is part and parcel of the spiritual journey. By acknowledging it and being OK about the way I was feeling it had no control or power over me.

I took the train to Covent Garden where I knew there was a branch of the Brahma Kumaris and a bookshop. I had an inkling that it would only stock books by those people who were registered with their organisation but I had been in the shop before and thought I would give it a try. It was as I thought, but I had such a lovely conversation with the lady in the bookshop. I found myself talking to her about the 3 stages of spiritual development that I have distinguished. By far the longest and hardest stage is the 1st - Know Yourself - this is long and difficult solely because of the flexibility and cameleon like behaviour of the ego. I can think that I am doing something for 1 reason when the real truth is that it is for something else which the ego keeps hidden from my view. It is vital for this stage to have some means of training whereby it's possible to distinguish where inauthenticity is covered up by something else. For me that means of training has been the technology offered by Landmark Education, but this is not the only one. The important thing is to do something that is different to a purely spiritual training. I found this out when after I had spent 9 years studying and practicing Mahayana Buddhism I took the weekend Landmark Forum and I learned more about myself and how I have been constructed as a human than I had in my 9 years studying and practicing Buddhism. But after that weekend it was my spiritual insights and intuitions which increased.

I walked from Covent Garden to Leicester Square where I knew there was famous mind, body and spirit bookshop. It is a shop I have been to many times but I have never spoken to the staff there. I walked downstairs and I recognised a man who I have seen there many times over the years. I explained about my book and the benefits I thought there would be and I offered him the same terms of trade on a sale or return basis. He asked me some questions and I was so free and easy with the answers I gave him. Then he surprised me by saying 'do you have another copy, I think I am going to buy one. I said 'yes' and opened my bag and gave it to him. Then he said 'I'm not promising anything but each month I recommend a book of the month and if I really like it I will recommend it as the book of the month next month!' I was completely speechless and didn't know what to say for a minute (no more!) I said how great that would be if he did write a review and he said he would call me on Monday.

I left there feeling that I was going to burst with happiness and I was struck at just how easy it had all been. I was so relaxed and willing to have fun with it all. I understand now that everything in life is a game and this is my game. My game to have this book available so that it can make a difference in peoples' lives......

This morning I woke up.....and I am a published author...

Last night I launched my book 'Journey to Self' at a hotel in London. It had been quite a tense day as I waited sometimes patiently but more impatiently if I am to be honest for confirmation from the hotel that the books had arrived. At 5.30pm I received the news that 25 copies had been delivered to the hotel. For the first time that day.....I breathed! Yesterday I took the day off from work and went for an interview to apply for a fast-track course in magazine journalism. The interview and aptitude tests were in Brighton. Both went well and I will know whether I have been accepted onto the course which starts in February 2009 at the end of next week. I know that I can write, what I want are the much valued National Council for training of journalists qualification. I want to understand how a magazine is put together and learn the skills necessary so that in time I can produce my own spiritual magazine that will move and inspire others to take on the spiritual path with faith and commitment.

My book looks great. The cover picture of St Pancras Station in London which shows people walking similar to being on a journey captures the imagination which is what I wanted it to do. What has amazed me though is the ease by which the book was published in the end. Once I saw that it was my inability to let go of the need to control where this book went when it was published and created a new world of freedom for myself and the book things moved very rapidly. This is how shifts of consciousness come about. Something is seen, and in that seeing is transformed and the energy that was being taken up in keeping whatever it is in place (in my case it was control) is freed, and then things happen with velocity.

This feeling of not needing to control anything came through in my talk last night. The way I structured the evening was that I started with a short relaxation exercise. Then I launched straight into one of the experiences that is the motivation for the book. I then spoke about what this energy is at the base of the spine and how the experiences I have had are available to everyone if there is unwavering, faith, commitment and determination to achieve what is possible from this path with non-attachment (I recognise how difficult the latter is to achieve). Then I handed over to my good friend Wai who put this experience into the bigger context of esoteric and mystical traditions. Wai had a powerpoint diagram of all the main traditions and the mystical paths within them. He explained his theory of how everyone is God using quotes from different religious traditions and outlined how the prophesies are now. Afterwards we took questions from some people in the audience.

I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. I have given talks before but I have never felt the ease and freedom with words that I felt last night. I understand why this is. Last night I spoke from my heart. I spoke about my own experience and how life was before it and how it is now. It was only at the end that I spoke about what it was and meant. My speech was slower than it had been on other talks and for the first time I felt a real belonging and ownership to what I was saying. I could stand by every word I said authentically and powerfully and that made all the difference.

The entire evening was magical for me but if I had to pick out one highlight it is the woman who introduced herself and said that she had come to hear me speak as a result of reading this blog. That moved me more than anything. Through this post (you will know who you are), I want to thank you for coming last night and for the difference you have made to me.

In my last posts I wrote about the 'Point of View' that we put in place when we are young. I am clear that without that point of view, there is nothing. Without the point from view from which comes thoughts, feelings, experiences there would be nothing only a space from which to create. Last night I created the space to be an evening which would have clarity and be inspirational. From the feedback of those who attended and spoke to me, this is what was created. On the spiritual path.....everything is possible.

The triumph of Barack Obama .....heralds a major shift in world consciousness...

Today, with the presidency of Barack Obama there is a new consciousness in the world. In my last blog I spoke about the power of the future that is created when the consciousness is gripped by something. Today the consciousness of the world was gripped by the events in America and in that grip and unity of thought, I assert there has been a shift in world consciousness. How this shift in consciousness is going to play itself out has yet to be seen. I think that we are moving from the 4th kingdom which is the human into the 5th kingdom which is the spiritual kingdom and this shift of consciousness on a massive scale is the way it is being brought about. The election of the first black African American to the highest office in the land is aimed at uniting and connecting like nothing else. I see the current crisis in the financial world as also being part of this shift because materialism has defined the human kingdom.


Barack Obama stands for unity and already today I sensed a new connection around London . When I was buying a paper this morning, the lady who was black asked me how was my day, I said it was good. She looked at me, I looked at her full in the eyes and she said 'yes it is a great day and we shared a huge smile'. It was a very special moment. I feel that as a result of what happened yesterday that the characteristics of separation and individuality which characterise the 4th kingdom are weakening. Yet the dragon is always at its strongest when it is dying so I am anticipating more upheaval. With each shock, (shift) to the consciousness a state of uncertainty is created. It is in this state of uncertainty that the greatest amount of growth is possible so it is to be welcomed and not feared. As humans we dislike uncertainty and I assert that this is why up to now there hasn't been the massive shift in consciousness that is necessary to shift kingdoms.

Today is a huge day for me as it marks my offering to the wealth of material left by those who have taken on the spiritual path and left a record. My record is my book 'Journey to Self' which will be hot off the press for my talk this evening. On Sunday I became incredibly nervous about this evening. This is ridiculous because every word I have written and will speak is the Truth. It is the Truth as far as the experiences are concerned. The interpretation and what I have made them mean is just my interpretation, this is not the Truth. The Truth of my experiences I will always stand by and will welcome debate about all other aspects......

I was not able to have the researcher who has done a lot of work into identifying what causes the spiritual energy at the base of the spine to rise when the consciousness shifts with me this evening. Instead my good friend Wai who has written a book entitled 'Everyone is God' is sharing the evening. . I am going to speak about one of the experiences which motivated the book and then Wai is going to put it into the context of the mystical and esoteric traditions. What I am keen to get across to those who come is that I am an ordinary person who has had extraordinary experiences. These experiences are open to everyone and are not just for the few. The energy that lies dormant at the base of the spine is not just at the base of my spine, it is at the base of everyone's spine. So spiritual transformation and transcendence is possible for everyone in one lifetime. I firmly believe this.

One sentence which is on my mind these days is the sentence which I think comes from the bible 'many are called, but few are chosen'. I dislike this sentence because I think it puts many off from taking on the spiritual path seriously. I don't believe in 'chosen' I believe in having a burning yearning and aspiration and then doing the work. Putting in place a strong 'Point of View' and then pulling from the world those experiences that will realise it. What is so exciting about Barack Obama being elected as president is the aspiration and yearning it has created in the minds of young black people. For how many young people did time stop with the force of the declaration 'I can do that'. What has more strength is 'I will BE that'. Once declared it has to be nurtured, developed and worked at. The reality and sadness is that for many of those young people through a combination of circumstances and lack of support this declaration will not be strong enough to create the future which the declaration calls for. The shift from the human to the spiritual kingdom is marked by inspiration, connection, having a connected and not separated world .....in President Barack Obama the world has that.....

The point of view in action......look at what Lewis Hamilton has achieved...

I was so excited to learn that Lewis Hamilton has become the youngest Formula One world champion and I had the insight that it was the power of a point of view or a declaration made when he was a young boy that has brought the future to himself that he created and realized when he won the race on Sunday. This is a bold assertion I make but I stick by it based on my own experience.

At some point when he was young he was gripped by something that was bigger than him. It might have been something that was said, that he saw, but something caused his consciousness to shift and in that moment he created from nothing the possibility of being a world champion Formula 1 driver. After that he took the steps necessary to achieve that. I don't disagree that other factors played a part in his success. However, I would argue that it was the strength of the point of view or declaration made the very first time that pulled towards it all of those experiences and qualities that he needed to do to achieve what he did on Sunday.

The power of that aspiration made as a child which comes from a pure and empty consciousness is incredibly powerful. One could argue, given how open and impressionable young children are, why doesn't every child become a child prodigy in some field. I have no answer for that. I know that it is the strength of the declaration that is put in place that brings about the future we then live into. Life is all about a future we are living into. It's not about the past.

For me when I was in boarding school and at the impressionable age of 12 I heard a priest say 'God wants spiritual fruits not religious nuts'. I had the same grip. Spiritual, Religious, the words ricocheted around my brain. I knew dimly that there was a difference. I didn't know what but in that moment I declared 'I will be spiritual'. It is as clear to me now as it was on the morning that I declared it. Now when I look at my life I see that all of my reading, studying experiences have all been taking me into the future that I declared. I am not there yet, I have a very long way to go but now I am conscious of the journey I am taking. I know how my first step began and I know roughly the steps I have to take. I trust that those steps will be available to me because of the power of the declaration I made when I was gripped by the aspiration so many years ago. A declaration like this, coming from nothing in terms of I had nothing to compare it to, there was no past memory. I didn't know what the word meant. The declaration came from a place where there was nothing else and in that lies its power.

I would assert that a similar thing has happened to those who have gone on to inspire us in some field. It has been labelled talent but in this blog (because it is a personal account and I don't claim anything of what I write to be the Truth, it is just my point of view) I think talent is more about making a strong powerful declaration 'X will be' from a clear consciousness and then working hard in that area and taking the opportunities that will come. Failure comes if the point of view or declaration is not strong enough or the opportunities are not taken up. Something else displaces the Declaration or Point of View. To keep declarations or points of view alive takes work. If I hadn't continued to study and read in the way that I have I am clear that I wouldn't have had the experiences and realizations that I have now. And yet, the strength of the declaration I made when I was young meant that I have always been drawn to this field. Even during the very dark times I was still drawn to this world.

Last night I was planning my talk for the launch of my book on Thursday. It's going to be tight to have the books available. The printers have promised the delivery of the books direct to the hotel. This works better for me because otherwise I would have had to pick them up from the publishers. It is events like this which may be seen as trivial to others that give me the reassurance that what is happening is exactly what is meant to be happening. I have complete trust in and surrender to the declaration I made when I was 12. It is as real for me now as it was then........

So today allow the consciousness to be gripped by something. This can only happen when there is an openness and a vulnerability. It is feeling that we need to protect ourselves that stops more of us from experiencing the grip that shifts consciousness to a new level to give us a new future.....

Getting closer....to the launch of my book............

I met with my friend Wai this evening to plan how we are going to present the talk on Thursday evening. It is great sharing the evening with him because we have known each other for many years and I have been to many of the talks he has given around London. We understand each other well and he gave me some great tips on how to prepare my part of the presentation. His aspiration is to be a great world leader and in order to do this he has been working for many years on a brain theory that will explain the mystical concept that 'everyone is God'. It seems impossible to see how this thinking could ever become mainstream but I've learned on this path not to rule anything out.

I have been thinking more and more about what I wrote about the 'point of view' in my last post. How critical the point of view we hold about things is in pulling to ourselves experiences that support that point of view. Now I am wondering because of my 'point of view being 'I am spiritual' whether I pulled those experiences to me, or if I created those experiences to support the point of view that I was going to be spiritual. When I declared this, I had no idea what spiritual meant. But looking back now, all of my experiences I have interpreted as being spiritual to a greater or lesser extent.

I don't know who or how many are going to come on Thursday evening. I want people to leave the evening inspired to deepen their understanding of the spiritual path and committed to do what it takes to release the consciousness from the web of maya. I am clear that at no time during the evening am I going to do any exercises to raise the spiritual kundalini energy. To do this would be irresponsible of me because of the physical and mental preparation that is needed to ensure that the energy rises safely and naturally and is not forced. What I have become more and more convinced of however is the truth that if something is desired deeply enough that it can come about.

However this desire has to be felt once and then forgotten. Paradoxically it is the desire for the state of Enlightenment that ensures that the state is not experienced. The wanting of it ensures that it is not experienced. And yet, without the desire it is not experienced. So it is wished for once with everything one has and then is forgotten. After this what there is to do is to be self-disciplined, live a life where the emphasis is on service and contribution to others not to oneself and have a constant mindfulness, alertness and vigilance over our, thoughts and actions...

Buddha said....'Hold fast to nothing'.....what could he have meant?

For the past 3 weeks the quote from the Buddha which I have started this post with has been constantly in my mind. 'Hold fast to nothing, or no thing' what could he have meant. For Buddhists the theory of attachment is central to Buddhist philosophy. This is clinging onto things or events that are pleasant and avoiding things or events that are unpleasant. However a thing or an event is not pleasant or unpleasant of itself. It is the interpretation we put on it that determines whether we view it as pleasant or unpleasant. It is the view we have of it that dictates whether or not we pursue and cling to it or avoid it (could be anything). But this view is not real it is only an interpretation. The point of view we have about things, is not real but we treat it like it is real. My point of view is not just my point of view it's the Truth. It's the way life REALLY is.

This clinging onto a view as reality and not simply as a view is what I believe Buddha was speaking about when he said 'hold fast to nothing'. Why 'nothing' because 'no thing is real', everything is based on interpretation. When we cling to something that is not real, we suffer. We suffer because we are making real what is unreal. By not 'holding to anything' we are recognising that what we think of as real is not so and in this realization is freedom.

I would assert that it is this clinging to points of views as Truth and not interpretation that is at the root of the intolerances in the world. What would the world look like if there was a mass giving up that points of view are the Truth- the way things REALLY ARE. For one, there would be more tolerance as people saw the lunacy of clinging to something that is not real. There would be an ease and freedom as the suffering that comes with making something that is unreal, real disappears. Buddhism speak of a concept called Avidya or ignorance, but this is not ignorance in the way that it is normally understood. This is an ignorance that distorts the nature of reality. I assert that the point of view is the source of this ignorance. The source of the ignorance is being convinced that the point of view is real.

The power of the point of view and the importance of 'not holding fast' cannot be underestimated. Our point of view gives us the life that we have. My point of view has given me the life that I have. My point of view is that I am a spiritual teacher and what I have pulled towards me have been spiritual teachings and realizations. But I am clear that this is only what my point of view has pulled for because it supports the point of view that I put in place when I was a young girl. The point of view comes first and then comes the experiences to support it.

Yet I am human and I operate in the world. How is it possible to function in life without having a point of view? The point of view is expressed in opinions, judgements. To be realistic, as humans we will always have a point of view. The important thing is to manage it. What this means for me is to take the responsibility for my point of view as just a point of view. My point of view is no more or less important than anyone elses' it is only a point of view.

This insight is coming at just the right time for me. I am sure at the launch of my book next week that there will be many points of view coming at me. I can remain unattached and free only if I remain vigilant to the notion that everything that is said to me and that I say is.....only a point of view.

Finally....my book Journey to Self...has gone to the printers

Finally after a 2 year period my book 'Journey to Self' has gone to the printers. Events moved very quickly after I saw that my obsession with wanting to control everything meant that I hadn't progressed the book because I wouldn't have been able to control what happened after it was published. I have given all of that up and in its place have created the possibility of freedom and ease. The result...is that I am launching the book at the Columbia Hotel in London at 7pm on Thursday 6 November (nearest tube Lancaster Gate). This is just so amazing. It has all come together. If I look back to when I had the insight about my obsession with control it was around the time of Manuel Schoch's death. I have written in an earlier blog how I considered him to be my teacher because of his combination of mysticism, psychiatry and expertise in neuroscience. Since he has died I have felt his presence so strongly.

What has been a strange co-incidence is that I am having the launch for my book in the Columbia Hotel on Thursday and then on Sunday in the same hotel at 10am there is going to be a memorial meditation service in memory of him for all of his students in London. This is a strangely comforting co-incidence for me. The suddenness of his death has still left me shaken. I had planned out a future where I would learn from him and perhaps in time be able to read Auras like he could and make a difference to people's' lives. I realise now that there is no-one else but me to do this. There is no-one else coming. I don't mean that in an arrogant egotistical way but only that each of us is responsible for the life we create. This can appear harsh to any reader who is finding life a challenge at the moment but the minute that we can take the responsibility for what is happening, then shift is possible.

I am so excited about launching my book. I will be sharing the platform with my friend Wai who has given talks around London. Wai is an amazing guy who has done detailed research into the brain and mysticism. He has quite an astounding hypothesis which is 'Everyone is God' and has written a book on the subject. It will be an honour and privilege to be sharing the evening with him. He is also bringing his video equipment so that some of the talk will be available on 'You Tube' so it is all so exciting at the moment. Yet I know that none of this would be possible if I hadn't given up wanting to be in control. I see my identity used my fear of the consequences of losing control as a way of keeping me less than self-expressed. Since I had this insight my verbal self-expression has been so powerful. I can tell it in how I can command the English language in a way that I couldn't before. I am sure that the state of Enlightenment is pretty close to giving up control. When we have no need to control life or the way it goes then this must surely be Enlightenment.

I am not charging people who come to the launch on Thursday evening. The book will be available and if people feel moved to buy a copy then that will be great. I won't charge because I don't know what the key is to raise the powerful energy that rests at the base of the spine. My message is that it is this energy which when raised results in the shift of consciousness from human to spiritual. My message is that it is a process that must be done slowly and gradually if the experience of the rising energy and the corresponding expansion of consciousness is to be integrated so that the consciousness can continue to operate in the world, albeit at a more elevated level.