On Monday I handed in my notice at work after 7 years working in the same organisation. I have realised for a long time the inauthenticity between who I am and what I do. Since I published my book this gap has become wider to the extent that to continue working where I am is not to have any integrity.
Some years ago I worked for a magazine as an editorial assistant where the editor gave me my own column. Then he was promoted and I got another editor who from the first day took a dislike to me. I am not journalism trained and when one of the staff writers on the magazine decided to leave on a 3 month trekking holiday I applied for the position. To have the position of staff writer on my CV would have made a big difference when I didn't have the official NCTJ qualification. I didn't get the job and I knew then that there was nowhere for me to go within that magazine. I am going back many years now and back then my identity had unfettered control . The result was an arrogant and not very nice person. I ended up resigning from this position under the most horrible of circumstances. The experience scarred me so much that I never thought that I would work in an office again. After 3 months I approached a temporary recruitment agency who got me a job in the organisation where I now am. It was a vastly different environment to the publishing environment I had left. It was calm, safe, quiet - a great place for me to lick my wounds and recover and it has been very good to me.
I came in at the lowest level and have progressed to the position that I have today. However, the environment couldn't be less like who I am. The people I work with are absolutely great but the nature of the work is so different and that difference is now no longer tenable given who and what I want to do. One day at work about 2 months ago I was sitting at my computer and I could barely keep my eyes open with tiredness in spite of the fact that it was only 9.30am in the morning. I recognised that this tiredness was me resisting....but what was I resisting? I suddenly remembered how I was when I was working as an editorial assistant putting together my column and the thrill of calling people and I realised that I have missed that environment and the creativity that is possible in that environment. I then remembered my dream of having my own spiritual magazine, one that would touch and move people. It seemed like finally having my book published woke all of my pent up and repressed yearnings to have a magazine that is powerful in providing practical spiritual guidance and practices.
The moment I allowed myself to feel this excitement, all of the tiredness that I had felt completely vanished. I love the sea so I turned to my computer and did a Google search for journalism and up came a fast-track 18 week magazine journalism course that is beginning in February 2009 in Brighton. I downloaded the application form and sent it off. I had an interview on 5 November which was the day before the launch of my book. I did the tests and had the interview and last Friday I was accepted onto the course. On Monday I handed in my resignation notice at work. I am so clear that it is the next step for me. I have had a spiritual book published and yet my being is not out there promoting it by giving talks, workshops etc. I am not out there inspiring people to realise that spiritual development is as real and natural as physical, intellectual, emotional and social development and giving people a direct experience (in as far as their own spiritual development will allow) of the 3 stages of spiritual development.
The night I gave in my notice my whole body shook when I lay down in bed. The energy convulses my body and then appears to jump about. I have experienced this many times but it was unusally violent on Monday night. I have no fear of this process. I surrender to it completely. I notice that when the energy subsides that my body is incredibly calm and relaxed as is my mind and I drift off to sleep like a baby. I see this as some kind of cleansing of the nerves. I don't have any evidence for this it is just what it feels like because of how calm and relaxed I am the next day. I don't have any kind of cosmic explosions or experiences of cosmic-oneness I just feel an incredible closeness and warmth. This is not the same as what I experienced on the meditation retreat in Devon in that it is not the ascending and descending energy that I experienced in Devon but the after-effects in terms of the peace and calm are the same.
If any reader is interested in buying my book it is available from this link:
http://www.jacynthacrawley.com/phdi/p1.nsf/supppages/bio?opendocument&part=6
It's proving much more difficult to get it uploaded to Amazon so I have given the link for Ki_publishing who published the book.....
Thursday, 4 December 2008
Monday, 1 December 2008
The challenge presented....by spontaneous spiritual emergency
I have not written because I have wanted readers to read the last comment posted by Harry especially his account of what I understand to be a spontaneous spiritual emergency where powerful energy rose from the base of his spine to his head and shattered the consciousness. This fragmentation of the consciousness gives rise to the experience of cosmic unity and one-ness.
I was particularly interested to read that this experience followed closely a shaktipat initiation. I too received a shaktipat initiation when I travelled around India for 4 months in 1997. However the results of it only manifested on a 7 day silent meditation retreat in Devon in 1998. I have written about this experience in detail in my book. I didn't immediately associate the experience of rising energy on this meditation retreat with what this man in India had given to me until I had exhausted every other possibility of a rational explanation. I consider myself to be a spiritual scientist. I am not afraid of finding a rational explanation to account for the kind of experience a spontaneous spiritual emergency is. When I couldn't find one to explain my experience I like Harry believe that it was as a result of a shaktipat initiation. I very much identified with the sense of bewilderment that he felt like 'why me'.
However, for this energy to rise safety and naturally the body and mind must be prepared. This is the tragedy for many of those that experience this kind of experience. The lack of preparedness of the body and mind for this kind of experience fragments the consciousness so afterwards it is hard to integrate it and the experience back into normal everyday life. This is why I do not promote the raising of the kundalini without many years of physical and mental preparation. When I was studying and practicing Mahayana Buddhism there was never a mention of energy that was lying dormant at the base of the spine. The whole philosophy is based on understanding and practicing the 4 noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Pathway. What I see now is that by concentrating on these and being authentic in my desire to understand these that my body and mind were being prepared, so that when this experience came to me in Devon my brain and consciousness could withstand the force that was applied to it. Then by always having the Witness present I have been able to integrate my consciousness back into normal everyday life and find my peace, joy, and calm in the middle of this uncertain turbulent world and not in the lonely life of the mystic.
I see the experience that Harry recounts as being stage 3 in the 3 stages of spiritual development I have written about in blog posts some time ago. The 1st stage is that of 'knowing yourself' which is why I constantly harp on about the identity and separating ourselves from our thoughts and feelings as these being who we are. The 2nd stage is that of 'knowing The SELF' - this is experiencing that which is not our thoughts and feelings, experiencing the unity and connection that underlies the appearance of separation and the final stage is to 'know THE ONE' - I will admit to never having touched this stage in the way that is reported by those who experience similar experiences to Harry. I know that this is where my consciousness is travelling to and I trust that when I am ready both physically and mentally that I will have this kind of experience but for now I am happy to travel gradually through these stages.
In spontaneous spiritual emergency where the body and mind is unprepared for the fire that is unleashed the consciousness goes from stage 1 - stage 3 and then reverts again to stage 1 (I'm sure that this is not the case in every circumstance). This is tragic because having tasted this stage once the consciousness then has to start again from the beginning and this can be very disheartening and demoralising but to Harry and all the other Harry's who have had a similar experience I say don't get demoralized or disheartened, what you have experienced is very special is ultimately the end point that we all as human beings are going to experience at one point or another. Keep the vision of this in mind, be grateful for having had the experience and have faith that it will happen when the consciousness is expanded enough for it to rise and be long-lasting.
The experience I had with this rising energy was not as profound as Harry's but it has resulted in a level of peace, calm, ease and freedom with life that was not there before.... I see this energy as the transformative evolutionary energy that shifts the consciousness from human to spiritual....
I was particularly interested to read that this experience followed closely a shaktipat initiation. I too received a shaktipat initiation when I travelled around India for 4 months in 1997. However the results of it only manifested on a 7 day silent meditation retreat in Devon in 1998. I have written about this experience in detail in my book. I didn't immediately associate the experience of rising energy on this meditation retreat with what this man in India had given to me until I had exhausted every other possibility of a rational explanation. I consider myself to be a spiritual scientist. I am not afraid of finding a rational explanation to account for the kind of experience a spontaneous spiritual emergency is. When I couldn't find one to explain my experience I like Harry believe that it was as a result of a shaktipat initiation. I very much identified with the sense of bewilderment that he felt like 'why me'.
However, for this energy to rise safety and naturally the body and mind must be prepared. This is the tragedy for many of those that experience this kind of experience. The lack of preparedness of the body and mind for this kind of experience fragments the consciousness so afterwards it is hard to integrate it and the experience back into normal everyday life. This is why I do not promote the raising of the kundalini without many years of physical and mental preparation. When I was studying and practicing Mahayana Buddhism there was never a mention of energy that was lying dormant at the base of the spine. The whole philosophy is based on understanding and practicing the 4 noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Pathway. What I see now is that by concentrating on these and being authentic in my desire to understand these that my body and mind were being prepared, so that when this experience came to me in Devon my brain and consciousness could withstand the force that was applied to it. Then by always having the Witness present I have been able to integrate my consciousness back into normal everyday life and find my peace, joy, and calm in the middle of this uncertain turbulent world and not in the lonely life of the mystic.
I see the experience that Harry recounts as being stage 3 in the 3 stages of spiritual development I have written about in blog posts some time ago. The 1st stage is that of 'knowing yourself' which is why I constantly harp on about the identity and separating ourselves from our thoughts and feelings as these being who we are. The 2nd stage is that of 'knowing The SELF' - this is experiencing that which is not our thoughts and feelings, experiencing the unity and connection that underlies the appearance of separation and the final stage is to 'know THE ONE' - I will admit to never having touched this stage in the way that is reported by those who experience similar experiences to Harry. I know that this is where my consciousness is travelling to and I trust that when I am ready both physically and mentally that I will have this kind of experience but for now I am happy to travel gradually through these stages.
In spontaneous spiritual emergency where the body and mind is unprepared for the fire that is unleashed the consciousness goes from stage 1 - stage 3 and then reverts again to stage 1 (I'm sure that this is not the case in every circumstance). This is tragic because having tasted this stage once the consciousness then has to start again from the beginning and this can be very disheartening and demoralising but to Harry and all the other Harry's who have had a similar experience I say don't get demoralized or disheartened, what you have experienced is very special is ultimately the end point that we all as human beings are going to experience at one point or another. Keep the vision of this in mind, be grateful for having had the experience and have faith that it will happen when the consciousness is expanded enough for it to rise and be long-lasting.
The experience I had with this rising energy was not as profound as Harry's but it has resulted in a level of peace, calm, ease and freedom with life that was not there before.... I see this energy as the transformative evolutionary energy that shifts the consciousness from human to spiritual....
Thursday, 27 November 2008
The highs and lows....of the spiritual path
This is going to be one of those blog entries that I don't particularly want to write. However I have given my word to be authentic and write when I'm feeling in a dark tunnel as well as when I am in glorious sunshine.
Last night and today is like this. Last night was the completion of the weekend communication course. For some reason I was feeling restless. On these evenings the Coaches are required to be at the centre for 5.45pm. This put me in a conflict with work as my contracted hours are 9am - 5pm and I hadn't cleared it that I would be leaving early. I left it as late as I could and then experienced rare stress as I waited for the tube. I usually leave myself plenty of time so that I don't experience this rushed feeling. At Euston I had a moment of truth, if I stopped to buy something to eat I would not arrive at the centre for 5.45pm which is what I had given my word to. Torn with the conflict of getting something to eat and being out of integrity - the horror of being out of integrity won and I set off running to the centre.
Admirable you might think, but once inside and sitting down my inner voice went on a vicious rant with thoughts like 'what did you run like that for, there's hardly anyone here', you're not comfortable among these people anyway so what was the big deal about integrity, yada, yada, yada..on and on it went. Then I received a voice mail from a friend who had said she was going to come up and hear what the communication curriculum was about and now wasn't coming. In this training I am learning to be committed without being attached. However I'm afraid in that moment that I learned she wasn't coming what I felt was the sharp thud in the stomach that signals attachment and then the corresponding plunge into thoughts like 'what am I doing here', I don't feel I belong, I'm not related to these people'. It was horrible.
This feeling of being in a dark tunnel persisted throughout the evening. Things came to a head with an incident which was quite minor but which my dark frame of mind made much bigger. The result was a comment about me doing 'my martyr thing'. This made no sense to me but I could feel the anger energy rising very quickly. I left the situation and went back into the room. The participants were just about to start an exercise which was on acknowledgement. I had the greatest desire to leave but then said to myself'no acknowledgement is powerful, stay and do this' It was a gorgeous exercise but my identity was in full and total control so that the full magic of acknowledgment did not move me. The word 'martyr' was ringing in my ears. Here again through the presence and actions of another is a lesson for me. For me this is the journey, taking on what someone else says and sitting with it until an insight breaks through and frees up the energy that is running this way of being that I sometimes have.
Herein lies my dilemma in using this programme as my spiritual training. The dilemma is that the programme is not run as a spiritual programme yet this is what I am using it as. I know that training is essential on this path but I do not want to go to an Ashram, this programme is my Ashram. I am clear that what was running the show last night was my identity, the soul was nowhere in sight. Even though I got angry I don't think I showed it. I just noticed that it was there for myself. There was no defending or hitting back at her for what she said. I didn't defend or hit back because I know that if I can stay with it even though it is painful and confusing that I will have a breakthrough and the energy that is freed up can be used to create. So to some readers it can look martyrish to just take what could be seen as an insult like that on the chin so to speak but this is exactly what is required on the spiritual journey. The spiritual journey is the transformation of identity. This can only happen in complete and total surrender.
Today I was tired as I do the work of getting into a street fight with myself to uncover that which is hidden from my view in relation to this way of being. I don't know how long it is going to take for the relevant insight to emerge from the depths of my unconscious that will free the energy. All I know is that I am committed to doing whatever it takes to have that insight no matter what the cost to my identity. It is this single-mindedness of purpose that is essential for the spiritual path.
This evening on my way home from work I was thinking that I would have a bagel for my tea. I went into my local garage and I couldn't believe it when on the shelf where all the bread is kept there was only 1 bag of bagels. I looked around me to see if I could see another shelf where all the bread was and someone had just taken the bag of bagels and dropped them on the empty shelf - but no there was no more bread to be seen. Bemused I brought the bagels to the counter to pay for them. Walking home I mused to myself.....did I create the bagels being there or did the universe conspire to have them there for me. The more I see the correlation between me freeing up energy that is trapped around different points of views I had, ways of being, and giving it all up the more magic and miracles there seems to be in my life. It feels like I am creating this from the energy that has been freed up. I have no evidence for this, it just feels this way.....
Last night and today is like this. Last night was the completion of the weekend communication course. For some reason I was feeling restless. On these evenings the Coaches are required to be at the centre for 5.45pm. This put me in a conflict with work as my contracted hours are 9am - 5pm and I hadn't cleared it that I would be leaving early. I left it as late as I could and then experienced rare stress as I waited for the tube. I usually leave myself plenty of time so that I don't experience this rushed feeling. At Euston I had a moment of truth, if I stopped to buy something to eat I would not arrive at the centre for 5.45pm which is what I had given my word to. Torn with the conflict of getting something to eat and being out of integrity - the horror of being out of integrity won and I set off running to the centre.
Admirable you might think, but once inside and sitting down my inner voice went on a vicious rant with thoughts like 'what did you run like that for, there's hardly anyone here', you're not comfortable among these people anyway so what was the big deal about integrity, yada, yada, yada..on and on it went. Then I received a voice mail from a friend who had said she was going to come up and hear what the communication curriculum was about and now wasn't coming. In this training I am learning to be committed without being attached. However I'm afraid in that moment that I learned she wasn't coming what I felt was the sharp thud in the stomach that signals attachment and then the corresponding plunge into thoughts like 'what am I doing here', I don't feel I belong, I'm not related to these people'. It was horrible.
This feeling of being in a dark tunnel persisted throughout the evening. Things came to a head with an incident which was quite minor but which my dark frame of mind made much bigger. The result was a comment about me doing 'my martyr thing'. This made no sense to me but I could feel the anger energy rising very quickly. I left the situation and went back into the room. The participants were just about to start an exercise which was on acknowledgement. I had the greatest desire to leave but then said to myself'no acknowledgement is powerful, stay and do this' It was a gorgeous exercise but my identity was in full and total control so that the full magic of acknowledgment did not move me. The word 'martyr' was ringing in my ears. Here again through the presence and actions of another is a lesson for me. For me this is the journey, taking on what someone else says and sitting with it until an insight breaks through and frees up the energy that is running this way of being that I sometimes have.
Herein lies my dilemma in using this programme as my spiritual training. The dilemma is that the programme is not run as a spiritual programme yet this is what I am using it as. I know that training is essential on this path but I do not want to go to an Ashram, this programme is my Ashram. I am clear that what was running the show last night was my identity, the soul was nowhere in sight. Even though I got angry I don't think I showed it. I just noticed that it was there for myself. There was no defending or hitting back at her for what she said. I didn't defend or hit back because I know that if I can stay with it even though it is painful and confusing that I will have a breakthrough and the energy that is freed up can be used to create. So to some readers it can look martyrish to just take what could be seen as an insult like that on the chin so to speak but this is exactly what is required on the spiritual journey. The spiritual journey is the transformation of identity. This can only happen in complete and total surrender.
Today I was tired as I do the work of getting into a street fight with myself to uncover that which is hidden from my view in relation to this way of being. I don't know how long it is going to take for the relevant insight to emerge from the depths of my unconscious that will free the energy. All I know is that I am committed to doing whatever it takes to have that insight no matter what the cost to my identity. It is this single-mindedness of purpose that is essential for the spiritual path.
This evening on my way home from work I was thinking that I would have a bagel for my tea. I went into my local garage and I couldn't believe it when on the shelf where all the bread is kept there was only 1 bag of bagels. I looked around me to see if I could see another shelf where all the bread was and someone had just taken the bag of bagels and dropped them on the empty shelf - but no there was no more bread to be seen. Bemused I brought the bagels to the counter to pay for them. Walking home I mused to myself.....did I create the bagels being there or did the universe conspire to have them there for me. The more I see the correlation between me freeing up energy that is trapped around different points of views I had, ways of being, and giving it all up the more magic and miracles there seems to be in my life. It feels like I am creating this from the energy that has been freed up. I have no evidence for this, it just feels this way.....
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
To control or create.....an opportunity to choose.....
A short post.....because I am leaving early from work to go to the final evening of the communication course I was a coach for over the weekend. Since I have let go of the need to control, everything life has an ease and freedom that is nothing short of miraculous.
This was so obvious to me this this weekend. The last time I was a coach for this programme I was in my 'I have to control all of this' way of being. The result was me feeling stressed with papers flying everywhere and the people I was coaching not having the full benefit and feeling rushed. This weekend it was all so different. I had more people to coach than last time but the ease and freedom that was present was simply magical. I could see options and ways of being with my coachees that I couldn't last time and the whole experience was one of my most rewarding to date.
This morning was my last phone call with my coachees and each of them acknowledged me for how my coaching had made a difference. It is this yearning to 'make a difference' that is at the heart of the human spirit. No amount of money gives me the same high as hearing someone say to me 'what you said made a difference to me'. This is the reason I get out of bed in the morning....for the profound privilege of making a difference. While I was still being run by my need to control, the ability I had to make a difference was limited and dictated by my own 'control' agenda. Since being freed of that I can see just how free I am in being committed without being attached. Control comes with attachment, freedom with creation.
When we see something like a way of being that limits our potential (in my case control) and give it up, the energy that it was taking to maintain this obsession to control is freed up. What is it freed up to do? Wait for it.....it's freed up to Create!...how amazing is that. ...Energy is no longer needed to 'control' so on the other side of control is 'create' and this is what I did with my coachees this week. We created ways of being that resulted in them having huge breakthroughs in communication with people whom they had not been in communication with, in some cases, for many years. Given my assertion that once an insight is seen that the act of 'seeing' frees trapped energy, one has to ask oneself why hang on to perceived wrong-doings either against others or ourselves? To do this is only to trap energy that could be used to create the kind of wonderful magical life that we all dream about but are sceptical is possible. The result of this scepticism and trapped energy are ordinary and not extraordinary lives.
To opt for ordinary when the nature of our being, (if energy was allowed to flow freely and wasn't caught up in nurturing old hurts) is to be extraordinary is to deny what is our natural birthright as human being......
This was so obvious to me this this weekend. The last time I was a coach for this programme I was in my 'I have to control all of this' way of being. The result was me feeling stressed with papers flying everywhere and the people I was coaching not having the full benefit and feeling rushed. This weekend it was all so different. I had more people to coach than last time but the ease and freedom that was present was simply magical. I could see options and ways of being with my coachees that I couldn't last time and the whole experience was one of my most rewarding to date.
This morning was my last phone call with my coachees and each of them acknowledged me for how my coaching had made a difference. It is this yearning to 'make a difference' that is at the heart of the human spirit. No amount of money gives me the same high as hearing someone say to me 'what you said made a difference to me'. This is the reason I get out of bed in the morning....for the profound privilege of making a difference. While I was still being run by my need to control, the ability I had to make a difference was limited and dictated by my own 'control' agenda. Since being freed of that I can see just how free I am in being committed without being attached. Control comes with attachment, freedom with creation.
When we see something like a way of being that limits our potential (in my case control) and give it up, the energy that it was taking to maintain this obsession to control is freed up. What is it freed up to do? Wait for it.....it's freed up to Create!...how amazing is that. ...Energy is no longer needed to 'control' so on the other side of control is 'create' and this is what I did with my coachees this week. We created ways of being that resulted in them having huge breakthroughs in communication with people whom they had not been in communication with, in some cases, for many years. Given my assertion that once an insight is seen that the act of 'seeing' frees trapped energy, one has to ask oneself why hang on to perceived wrong-doings either against others or ourselves? To do this is only to trap energy that could be used to create the kind of wonderful magical life that we all dream about but are sceptical is possible. The result of this scepticism and trapped energy are ordinary and not extraordinary lives.
To opt for ordinary when the nature of our being, (if energy was allowed to flow freely and wasn't caught up in nurturing old hurts) is to be extraordinary is to deny what is our natural birthright as human being......
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
The spiritual journey is about being powerful in the world.....not isolated from the world
Last Saturday I went up to one of the bookshops where I had left some copies of my book. The manager there had told me a couple of weeks ago that he was going to make it the book of the month in the next edition of the journal the shop publishes. When I went up to leave some more copies, he said that he had read some of the book and that it was 'very honest' and when he said this he looked at me strangely. I didn't know what to make of this and the first thought that came into my head was 'why be a writer if you're not going to be honest'. I didn't say this though. There was one of those silences that can be seen as awkward but I wasn't awkward I just waited patiently to see what he would say next. He then asked me if I would come up the next Saturday and have a coffee to speak in more detail about the book. I agreed and last Saturday was THE day.
When I arrived he greeted me with a warm smile and told me that it would be a few minutes before he could leave. I was in no hurry and so I turned to look at some books on a table. 1 of the books I felt compelled to pick up was called 'blueprints for awakening' and it is a book that asks a number of different Masters the exact same questions that Sri Ramana Maharishi had asked. I quickly went through a couple of pages and was struck by how it is all the one Truth that is said and expressed in so many different ways. I was also struck by the eloquence by which the Masters spoke and had a fleeting thought that my spirituality is so much more practical. I was musing on this when I heard a cheery 'I'm ready now'.
We set off down some back streets to where he knew there was a nice coffee bar. On the way there we chatted amiably about the book shop and how busy it was. Once inside the coffee bar he started to speak to me about one day where he had not been feeling well. He had picked up a book from the shop floor which was about a persons experience of having a stroke. It was written by the same person who is also a neuroscientisit so similar to me, he wrote about having an experience while being totally rational and conscious. He said that after reading this he didn't feel that well. He then went out to the shop and on his way back thought that he would lie down. He entered into the shop and immediately a lady asked him about my book. I didn't really understand the point he was making and so I said 'is it something about the power of reading accounts of direct experiences and the power of suggestion that could have resulted in psychosomatic symptoms? He looked thoughtful but didn't answer and I didn't pursue it.
We collected our coffees and then shock..horror.....no seats....potential here for lots of awkwardness and tension. But there was none. We stood patiently at the side and waited for a table to come available which it did after a couple of minutes. We sat down and he then said 'I want to congratulate you for how grounded you are given everything you have been through'. I told him my truth that it was taking on the Witness of watching the strange things that were happening like they were happening to someone else that meant the gradual integration of the experience and the altered state of consciousness into the grounded person I am today. He then went on to tell me about his brother who is currently involved with some Buddhist group and as a result has lost all grip on reality. When he first told me this I experienced some irritation as the thought 'what kind of interview is this' came into my mind. I quickly gave that up and became really present to him and to what he was telling me. The more he spoke about the fragile grip his brother has on reality and the impact in terms of him not pulling his weight within the family the sadder I got that the spiritual path would be used in this way.
The spiritual path is not about isolating or cutting oneself from society to engage in solitary meditation trances. It is about being active and powerful in the world, not an outsider to the world. And sadly this man's brother is not alone. The potential of that first psychic experience is the point of greatest danger on the spiritual path. It is at this point that many take the illusion of the glamour and hallucinatory experiences to be the real deal and they are not. It takes great presence and I assert the awareness of the Witness to remain grounded during and after the first of these experiences. Such experiences are a natural result of an expanded consciousness and are an indication that certain areas of the brain that were dormant have now been awakened. To take these experiences as more than this and to then use desire to have these experiences more and more is to shut the door to the spiritual in favour of the psychic. Once this is done the inner peace, joy, ease and freedom that comes with spiritual enlightenment is denied to the psychic. I don't deny the reality of the psychic. The point I want to make is that it shouldn't be taken as either the end point or the real deal.....
When I arrived he greeted me with a warm smile and told me that it would be a few minutes before he could leave. I was in no hurry and so I turned to look at some books on a table. 1 of the books I felt compelled to pick up was called 'blueprints for awakening' and it is a book that asks a number of different Masters the exact same questions that Sri Ramana Maharishi had asked. I quickly went through a couple of pages and was struck by how it is all the one Truth that is said and expressed in so many different ways. I was also struck by the eloquence by which the Masters spoke and had a fleeting thought that my spirituality is so much more practical. I was musing on this when I heard a cheery 'I'm ready now'.
We set off down some back streets to where he knew there was a nice coffee bar. On the way there we chatted amiably about the book shop and how busy it was. Once inside the coffee bar he started to speak to me about one day where he had not been feeling well. He had picked up a book from the shop floor which was about a persons experience of having a stroke. It was written by the same person who is also a neuroscientisit so similar to me, he wrote about having an experience while being totally rational and conscious. He said that after reading this he didn't feel that well. He then went out to the shop and on his way back thought that he would lie down. He entered into the shop and immediately a lady asked him about my book. I didn't really understand the point he was making and so I said 'is it something about the power of reading accounts of direct experiences and the power of suggestion that could have resulted in psychosomatic symptoms? He looked thoughtful but didn't answer and I didn't pursue it.
We collected our coffees and then shock..horror.....no seats....potential here for lots of awkwardness and tension. But there was none. We stood patiently at the side and waited for a table to come available which it did after a couple of minutes. We sat down and he then said 'I want to congratulate you for how grounded you are given everything you have been through'. I told him my truth that it was taking on the Witness of watching the strange things that were happening like they were happening to someone else that meant the gradual integration of the experience and the altered state of consciousness into the grounded person I am today. He then went on to tell me about his brother who is currently involved with some Buddhist group and as a result has lost all grip on reality. When he first told me this I experienced some irritation as the thought 'what kind of interview is this' came into my mind. I quickly gave that up and became really present to him and to what he was telling me. The more he spoke about the fragile grip his brother has on reality and the impact in terms of him not pulling his weight within the family the sadder I got that the spiritual path would be used in this way.
The spiritual path is not about isolating or cutting oneself from society to engage in solitary meditation trances. It is about being active and powerful in the world, not an outsider to the world. And sadly this man's brother is not alone. The potential of that first psychic experience is the point of greatest danger on the spiritual path. It is at this point that many take the illusion of the glamour and hallucinatory experiences to be the real deal and they are not. It takes great presence and I assert the awareness of the Witness to remain grounded during and after the first of these experiences. Such experiences are a natural result of an expanded consciousness and are an indication that certain areas of the brain that were dormant have now been awakened. To take these experiences as more than this and to then use desire to have these experiences more and more is to shut the door to the spiritual in favour of the psychic. Once this is done the inner peace, joy, ease and freedom that comes with spiritual enlightenment is denied to the psychic. I don't deny the reality of the psychic. The point I want to make is that it shouldn't be taken as either the end point or the real deal.....
Monday, 17 November 2008
To have abundance....have faith in the Truth of unity not the appearance of separation...
I had such an amazing weekend at my 3rd Team Management and Leadership weekend in Amsterdam. This was a global communication weekend so there were teams there from Tel Aviv and Amsterdam. It was the global communication programme for Europe and the Middle East. It is so inspiring what is being caused in communication across Europe and the Middle East. I feel that I am a part of something so huge and transformative. At times the weekend was challenging.
I have written in this blog how in the last quarter I had responsibility for a team of people. The aim was to inspire all of my team members to enroll someone purely through the way they were being into the first of the programmes offered by Landmark Education for transformation - The Forum. Early on into the quarter it was clear that my way of working was not effective. Eventually I was asked to stand down and from that point on in spite of 2 different people stepping up to take it on there was no movement in the game. At the weekend I admitted my part in the non-results for the game. What I saw clearly was that my obsession to have it go a certain way and to control it in the way that I wanted to killed the game. I didn't see this so much as was coached to see it. As you can imagine this experience was not pleasant but I took it on and out of it have become much more powerful. I had known for such a long time that I had only 1 way of doing things, I have written about it many times in this blog. What I didn't take responsibility for was how my obsession with 1 way and controlling was also my way of killing the game. To take responsibility and ownership for that when every cell in my body was crying 'no' and wanting to fight against. To surrender and consider that this might be what I was doing that was hidden from my view was immensely liberating.
This is the value in this kind of programme. But it takes something to get the transformative effects. It takes the courage to look, the humility to consider what is said when it hurts, or is not nice. It takes the faith to accept that what I take as appearance to be the truth is not so. It takes faith to accept that the natural way of the universe is for connection and unity not for separation and division. But I am convinced that if all of this is taken on then the result without fail is abundance in every way.
On a practical level I had the opportunity to change my mortgage from variable to fixed. I didn't do this. The result is that yesterday as a result of lowering interest rates I got a letter explaining that my monthly repayments had gone down and so I am so many more pounds richer each month as a result. This is the delivery of abundance that I assert comes as a direct result of taking on the qualities of courage, humility and faith. Of all of these, the most important is faith in unity and connection in the face of the overwhelming appearance of separation......Maintain this faith at all costs and in all circumstances and what follows is.......abundance.
Another practical example is that a couple of months ago at a conference I was at I was speaking with a lady. From the conversation I had an idea for my work. I passed the idea to my immediate line manager and then promptly forgot about it. On Friday a contract for a substantial amount of money was signed between the company this woman works for and my organisation. What struck me among all the acknowledgements I got for being the lead to bringing this in was one email that said 'it is the ease with which it has all happened that is amazing'. This is the power of what I write about and practice. If what I say in this blog this morning resonates.....then take it on and become alert for ABUNDANCE
I have written in this blog how in the last quarter I had responsibility for a team of people. The aim was to inspire all of my team members to enroll someone purely through the way they were being into the first of the programmes offered by Landmark Education for transformation - The Forum. Early on into the quarter it was clear that my way of working was not effective. Eventually I was asked to stand down and from that point on in spite of 2 different people stepping up to take it on there was no movement in the game. At the weekend I admitted my part in the non-results for the game. What I saw clearly was that my obsession to have it go a certain way and to control it in the way that I wanted to killed the game. I didn't see this so much as was coached to see it. As you can imagine this experience was not pleasant but I took it on and out of it have become much more powerful. I had known for such a long time that I had only 1 way of doing things, I have written about it many times in this blog. What I didn't take responsibility for was how my obsession with 1 way and controlling was also my way of killing the game. To take responsibility and ownership for that when every cell in my body was crying 'no' and wanting to fight against. To surrender and consider that this might be what I was doing that was hidden from my view was immensely liberating.
This is the value in this kind of programme. But it takes something to get the transformative effects. It takes the courage to look, the humility to consider what is said when it hurts, or is not nice. It takes the faith to accept that what I take as appearance to be the truth is not so. It takes faith to accept that the natural way of the universe is for connection and unity not for separation and division. But I am convinced that if all of this is taken on then the result without fail is abundance in every way.
On a practical level I had the opportunity to change my mortgage from variable to fixed. I didn't do this. The result is that yesterday as a result of lowering interest rates I got a letter explaining that my monthly repayments had gone down and so I am so many more pounds richer each month as a result. This is the delivery of abundance that I assert comes as a direct result of taking on the qualities of courage, humility and faith. Of all of these, the most important is faith in unity and connection in the face of the overwhelming appearance of separation......Maintain this faith at all costs and in all circumstances and what follows is.......abundance.
Another practical example is that a couple of months ago at a conference I was at I was speaking with a lady. From the conversation I had an idea for my work. I passed the idea to my immediate line manager and then promptly forgot about it. On Friday a contract for a substantial amount of money was signed between the company this woman works for and my organisation. What struck me among all the acknowledgements I got for being the lead to bringing this in was one email that said 'it is the ease with which it has all happened that is amazing'. This is the power of what I write about and practice. If what I say in this blog this morning resonates.....then take it on and become alert for ABUNDANCE
Thursday, 13 November 2008
The importance......of staying steady....
Yesterday and today I had a 2 day training course and presentation skills. This couldn't be better timing given the speaking opportunities I will create in 2009 to promote my book. Yet I'm feeling a bit flat and deflated and I don't know what that's about. I am going to Amsterdam to start my 3rd weekend of the Team Management and Leadership programme with Landmark Education tomorrow. The programme is about expanding communication in Europe and the Middle East. I look back on this quarter as the quarter in which I lost my accountability for the customer delight game. Or to be more correct, first it was taken and then I let it go. I have chosen this quarter not to take on an accountability role of any of the games but to be the accountability for love & acknowledgement.
What this involves is having a team of people with me and ensure that all members of Team are acknowledged each week. I find receiving acknowledgement difficult. I love to give acknowledgement because it is a powerful practice for touching and awakening the heart. Also because at the most fundamental level there is no separation between me and another when I acknowledge someone else I am also acknowledging me. What I do for another I get back twice-fold for me but this is not the reason to acknowledge someone.
Acknowledgement that touches and moves the heart has to come from nothing. It is not acknowledging in order to get something or for some reason it is acknowledgement for the beauty of it and if it comes from that place of purity and nothingness it is powerful. Being accountable for love and acknowledgment next quarter will demand that I build up a relationship with the 46 other members of Team. This is something I have not done in this quarter or in my 1st quarter. Yet I know that transformation does not happen without connection and communication.
Such communication and connection does not always have to be through speaking. The power of listening to build up relatedness is often underestimated. I have found that I am most self-expressed and able to communicate effectively when I feel listened to. When I speak and I have the complete attention of the person I am speaking to then the words flow with an ease and grace that is not there when I don't feel I have the listening of another. This shows that how well we are able to communicate does not depend on ourselves but on the quality of the listening that is given to us. I will communicate most effectively with Team members if I listen and am completely and totally present to what is being said that if I speak.
But again listening brings about stillness which as I said in an earlier post the mind will fight against at all costs. It does this by bringing into consciousness judgements and evaluations about what is being said or else by speaking out opinions and judgements. One of the greatest achievements on the spiritual path is the ability to be with silence.......
What this involves is having a team of people with me and ensure that all members of Team are acknowledged each week. I find receiving acknowledgement difficult. I love to give acknowledgement because it is a powerful practice for touching and awakening the heart. Also because at the most fundamental level there is no separation between me and another when I acknowledge someone else I am also acknowledging me. What I do for another I get back twice-fold for me but this is not the reason to acknowledge someone.
Acknowledgement that touches and moves the heart has to come from nothing. It is not acknowledging in order to get something or for some reason it is acknowledgement for the beauty of it and if it comes from that place of purity and nothingness it is powerful. Being accountable for love and acknowledgment next quarter will demand that I build up a relationship with the 46 other members of Team. This is something I have not done in this quarter or in my 1st quarter. Yet I know that transformation does not happen without connection and communication.
Such communication and connection does not always have to be through speaking. The power of listening to build up relatedness is often underestimated. I have found that I am most self-expressed and able to communicate effectively when I feel listened to. When I speak and I have the complete attention of the person I am speaking to then the words flow with an ease and grace that is not there when I don't feel I have the listening of another. This shows that how well we are able to communicate does not depend on ourselves but on the quality of the listening that is given to us. I will communicate most effectively with Team members if I listen and am completely and totally present to what is being said that if I speak.
But again listening brings about stillness which as I said in an earlier post the mind will fight against at all costs. It does this by bringing into consciousness judgements and evaluations about what is being said or else by speaking out opinions and judgements. One of the greatest achievements on the spiritual path is the ability to be with silence.......
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