Am really annoyed and trying not to be which is incredibly inauthentic. I had been assured that I would have internet access when I returned home so I armed myself with my laptop which is an older model and so not the lightest, all my cables because of a badly performing battery and got home. Brought everything out to the amusement of my elderly parents, connected everything and then couldn't believe it when up came as bold as brass 'no signal'....aagh.....if I had the person who had reassured me that I would have access it wouldnt' be polite to write what I would do. This is a very interesting reaction on my part for one who is supposed to be spiritual. I just get to see just how nasty I can get when things don't go my way.
So now I am in a hotel paying a criminal cost to scribe this blog. Seeing this nasty side of me reminds me of when I saw that I have a way of being that says 'push me and I'll kill you'. I remember the dismay I felt when I saw this especially with studying and practicing Mahayana Buddhism for almost 10 years...it wasn't a nice discovery. But this is what 'know thyself' is all about. It's not 'judge thyself', it's just a case of 'oh, so that's there, time running out gotta go......
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
Monday, 10 August 2009
I'm so excited.....I can't sit still
I've just taken a call from my publisher and I am so excited that the person she went to see at the India High Commission wants to publish my book in both Hindi and Gujerati. I am finding it so hard to get my head around this. I had thought Hindi maybe, but never any other language. This is just beyond anything I ever thought was possible. It is also important to me for another reason and that is that it is proof that I am an authentic writer and this means more to me than anything else. Someone else has read my story and sees in it the potential for it to touch, move and inspire others on the spiritual path and for this I am so so happy. My publisher when I spoke to her seemed stunned, I don't think she can believe it herself. To be recognised as someone who knows what she is speaking about when she writes is all I have ever wanted and especially as a westerner writing about what has been the preserve of the east in a way which the east recognises as honest and authentic. What I have to do now is to watch my ego. I am only a vehicle for the truth of spiritual transformation. This blog is about a process not about me as a person and I must never lose sight of that.
Harry.....where's your story.....once it's out there in print, you have no idea where it will lead, so my request to you is.....JUST WRITE IT!
I emailed the shop today to apologise for my behaviour when I was last in the shop and to re-assert that I would like to be able to give the talk and meditation course and that I will asssume that everything is OK unless I hear to the contrary. Then I went and put up two more posters in a cafe and health food shop. I'm off to Ireland to my family on Wednesday and I'm not sure how good the internet access will be so I was hoping to have all of this wrapped up before I went.
Off now to London for my money seminar which I had included when I reviewed the forum. It's been an amazing seminar in terms of distinguishing who I am that money is. Interestingly, humans are the only species that have money, my flatmates cat doesn't have a cheque book, so it is possible that money is a game made up by humans......absolutely fascinating stuff.....more annon... I must stop grinning, it's going to look very strange on the train...
Harry.....where's your story.....once it's out there in print, you have no idea where it will lead, so my request to you is.....JUST WRITE IT!
I emailed the shop today to apologise for my behaviour when I was last in the shop and to re-assert that I would like to be able to give the talk and meditation course and that I will asssume that everything is OK unless I hear to the contrary. Then I went and put up two more posters in a cafe and health food shop. I'm off to Ireland to my family on Wednesday and I'm not sure how good the internet access will be so I was hoping to have all of this wrapped up before I went.
Off now to London for my money seminar which I had included when I reviewed the forum. It's been an amazing seminar in terms of distinguishing who I am that money is. Interestingly, humans are the only species that have money, my flatmates cat doesn't have a cheque book, so it is possible that money is a game made up by humans......absolutely fascinating stuff.....more annon... I must stop grinning, it's going to look very strange on the train...
Sunday, 9 August 2009
The permanent kundalini yoga teacher is back....what a difference...
Today I had my first serious kundalini yoga class. Serious in the fact that it was about techniques to really awaken this energy by use of what are called locks and specific meditations and breathing. I am pleased that the woman who was covering had not gone into it so intensely because I would have been very apprehensive. I wasn't wearing my contact lens for the class (I only have sight in one eye, so I only wear one lens) because I find I can connect better to what is going on within when I'm not distracted by things I can see clearly. I find it easier to go within. When the teacher came in all I saw was this figure in white with a turban who looked roughly the same height as the teacher I knew. It was only when she began to speak that I realised that this wasn't the usual yoga teacher. It is strange how the mind gets used to something and I immediately thought 'this teacher's voice is not as gentle and calm as the other one' and in this I immediately saw the judgemental and critical mind. It was so interesting to observe. The mind hates any kind of yoga or meditation because it sees it as a threat to its existence so to sabotage it will create thoughts that create separation and distance, like it was trying to do with me.
The class started and I knew immediately that this was of a different calibre to what I was used to. Some of the exercises were familiar but this teacher spoke a lot about integrating the energy which is my big concern about practices which raise this energy before it is ready. The impact of rising it prematurely is that it often doesn't integrate with the consciousness. I put all of these concerns aside and for the first time surrendered to the exercises with complete trust and faith in the energy to keep me safe. At one point I felt someone come to sit beside me and as the eyes are closed in kundalini yoga I didn't realise it was the teacher until I heard her gently say 'let me show you how to do this exercise'. I opened my eyes and looked into a pair of the bluest kindest eyes I have ever seen. She smiled and I saw her gentleness. She was a westerner also and her dedication to me not over-exerting myself was so moving. As always, I hated being singled out and when she left my inner voice went on a right rant 'see you're hopeless, you can't even do a simple move without the teacher having to come and show you', but I pushed this thought aside and continued with the exercises.
It's so strange that I have tried other forms of yoga and haven't been able to get on with them at all. They all seem to be about looking good in contorted positions. With kundalini yoga I feel like I am connecting with an old friend and I absolutely love the classes. I feel the benefits in the waves of peace, joy, bliss and calm that will sudden and unexpectedly rise up through me when I am walking. After the class I was going to the changing rooms and the teacher was standing just outside. She smiled at me and before I knew it I was telling her all about the experience I had in Devon and how much of a spiritual ego I had built up around it and of how I had been so apprehensive of kundalini yoga for so long. She seemed to know exactly what I was saying and was very supportive. She spoke about the need to have a teacher and not to keep doing it alone. She also told me about other classes she does and also the teacher training that she does. I explained that I was committed to being a leader for children and young people because I feel that puberty and kundalini are in some way related. I didn't know that I knew this until I said it and then spent a couple of moments amazed that it had come out!
She smiled and said that the kundalini she practiced was also working with children but also with the parents of those children for them to be free so they can parent in a new way. I found all of this so interesting and fascinating. I explained that I was going to Ireland on Wednesday and would be missing two classes. She gave me some leaflets about her training and workshops. We said goodbye and I felt like I had finally found someone who understood the journey I had been on and was still practicing on that journey herself. I feel sure that in the future I am going to do much more with kundalini yoga....this is so bizarre given how reticent I have been about it in the past. But this is the spiritual path, it is about being open and not closed. It is about being willing to trust and have courage. Without courage, this path is not possible. It is also about recognising that the spiritual path is about transformation and never to close off any door permanently. I am aware that I have done a 360 degree turn on my feelings about kundalini yoga but that's OK and is part of the path.
Speaking of courage, I was a chicken when it came to going into the shop to confirm exactly where I stand with my talk and course. It was such a beautiful day and I just didn't have the stomach for it. I will phone her today. My intention is to go ahead and I am creating that this is what is going to happen but perhaps the universe has other ideas for me.
This evening was so beautiful and my flatmate who is just great had put lots of music on my ipod so I set off along the beachfront and went for a long walk. On the way back I caught the sunset and its beauty just took my breath away. I don't know what this Presence or energy is but I know that I am very close to it these days.....
The class started and I knew immediately that this was of a different calibre to what I was used to. Some of the exercises were familiar but this teacher spoke a lot about integrating the energy which is my big concern about practices which raise this energy before it is ready. The impact of rising it prematurely is that it often doesn't integrate with the consciousness. I put all of these concerns aside and for the first time surrendered to the exercises with complete trust and faith in the energy to keep me safe. At one point I felt someone come to sit beside me and as the eyes are closed in kundalini yoga I didn't realise it was the teacher until I heard her gently say 'let me show you how to do this exercise'. I opened my eyes and looked into a pair of the bluest kindest eyes I have ever seen. She smiled and I saw her gentleness. She was a westerner also and her dedication to me not over-exerting myself was so moving. As always, I hated being singled out and when she left my inner voice went on a right rant 'see you're hopeless, you can't even do a simple move without the teacher having to come and show you', but I pushed this thought aside and continued with the exercises.
It's so strange that I have tried other forms of yoga and haven't been able to get on with them at all. They all seem to be about looking good in contorted positions. With kundalini yoga I feel like I am connecting with an old friend and I absolutely love the classes. I feel the benefits in the waves of peace, joy, bliss and calm that will sudden and unexpectedly rise up through me when I am walking. After the class I was going to the changing rooms and the teacher was standing just outside. She smiled at me and before I knew it I was telling her all about the experience I had in Devon and how much of a spiritual ego I had built up around it and of how I had been so apprehensive of kundalini yoga for so long. She seemed to know exactly what I was saying and was very supportive. She spoke about the need to have a teacher and not to keep doing it alone. She also told me about other classes she does and also the teacher training that she does. I explained that I was committed to being a leader for children and young people because I feel that puberty and kundalini are in some way related. I didn't know that I knew this until I said it and then spent a couple of moments amazed that it had come out!
She smiled and said that the kundalini she practiced was also working with children but also with the parents of those children for them to be free so they can parent in a new way. I found all of this so interesting and fascinating. I explained that I was going to Ireland on Wednesday and would be missing two classes. She gave me some leaflets about her training and workshops. We said goodbye and I felt like I had finally found someone who understood the journey I had been on and was still practicing on that journey herself. I feel sure that in the future I am going to do much more with kundalini yoga....this is so bizarre given how reticent I have been about it in the past. But this is the spiritual path, it is about being open and not closed. It is about being willing to trust and have courage. Without courage, this path is not possible. It is also about recognising that the spiritual path is about transformation and never to close off any door permanently. I am aware that I have done a 360 degree turn on my feelings about kundalini yoga but that's OK and is part of the path.
Speaking of courage, I was a chicken when it came to going into the shop to confirm exactly where I stand with my talk and course. It was such a beautiful day and I just didn't have the stomach for it. I will phone her today. My intention is to go ahead and I am creating that this is what is going to happen but perhaps the universe has other ideas for me.
This evening was so beautiful and my flatmate who is just great had put lots of music on my ipod so I set off along the beachfront and went for a long walk. On the way back I caught the sunset and its beauty just took my breath away. I don't know what this Presence or energy is but I know that I am very close to it these days.....
Friday, 7 August 2009
I had the loveliest......of surprises today...
Someone who I used to work with is reading this blog and this morning I got a comment which was a link to a vacancy where I used to work to cover maternity cover. This really moved and touched me and I want to say a huge thank you to whoever you are. I will send my CV and see how I get on. The fact that if I should get it that it is temporary is also good. I feel now that I have writing my book out of my system and the nagging feeling that I should have been doing more to promote it all done with, I feel that I could do the work with integrity. I wouldn't feel like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. So once again, thank you to the kind person who sent me the link...I will find out who you are!
On Friday night the Brazilian lady who I used to live with sent me a text inviting me to a poi party on the beach for the full moon. I was delighted because I hadn't spoken to her for a while and had really missed her warmth and friendship. I bounded into my flatmate who was sitting on the sofa and said to her 'how about a beach party'. She was up for it so I sent a text back to say that we would go. We set off walking along the seafront and it was such a magical and calm night with the full moon reflecting on the sea. My consciousness expanded and became one with that full moon. I had to really focus to concentrate on what my flatmate was saying so strong was the connection to that which is not of this world. Poi is the art of fire juggling and before we reached the place for the party the fire brands were visible in the distance. We got closer and saw that men and women were juggling with lighted chains and their skill was just amazing to watch. I have a particular intimacy with fire given the link with kundalini and seeing the way these people controlled it and made it dance in all kinds of shapes was really moving. Sitting there with the full moon and the warmth of the fire it reminded me of the time I spent in India when I visited a city where there is a big statue of Lord Shiva and people lit candles and saw chants. That experience was very mystical and so was this.
I got some good news from my publisher. Unknown to me she had contacted the Indian High Commission and left a copy of my book with someone who is high up in the cultural division. She had forgotten about it and then he called her after reading the book and wants to meet her to translate the book into Hindi. If this comes off then it will be an amazing achievement that someone from India sees value in a book written by a westerner. Most of these books have been written by Swami something or other. That meeting is happening tomorrow. This is the brilliant thing about having a book out there in the world, you never know where it's going to do or where the next email is going to come from and I really love that unpredictability and excitement.
Once again I'm having a problem with trying to confirm this evening talk and the meditation course. I have sent two emails to ask for confirmation that all is OK before I go to Ireland where I'm not sure I'm going to have the internet. I walked into the shop and the first thing that was said to me was 'you are going to have to change your date for the evening talk'. I was so dismayed because I have had all the posters done and gone up around town. I got mad and said 'when were you going to tell me this' the lady looked a bit shamefaced and said that she was going to contact me today....yeah right. I then asked if she had received the pdf poster and she said 'no'. I repeated the email address she had given and she denied that she gave me that email address. Then in a flash I knew what was happening, my initial gut instinct was right, she now doesn't want this evening or meditation course in her shop. Acting on this flash of insight I said to her 'look, if you don't want this event here, then please be straight about it and don't give me the run around like this'. She looked shocked and then got so defensive. She said that it was early morning and that she didn't have time 'for this' and marched out of the shop, banging the door and leaving me on my own.
I was so shocked that I stood there motionless. I left the shop and I had to fight back tears. Why is it so difficult to get this off the ground? I walked around the block to sort out what I wa feeling and then as I was walking I suddenly had the insight 'of course, the shop is predominantly psychic and clashes with my emphasis on being spiritual. She senses this and doesn't want this conflict of energy in her shop. After I got this insight I suddenly felt a great sense of peace and calm. The attack on me wasn't personal. The identity which is every alert perceived what I was going to do in the shop as a real threat and it fought back. But while I know this intellectually, the fact is that I have been promised that room space and have had posters done to promote it. So I do need to really know where I start.
I told my flatmate what happened and she was really sympathetic. She has offered to come into the shop with me and so we might do that today....but I can really feel the resistance to doing it. It wasn't a very nice experience and like any not so positive experiences we are loathe to put ourselves back into that same situation but if I don't then it's going to have power over me and that is not my stand for myself or others.
On Friday night the Brazilian lady who I used to live with sent me a text inviting me to a poi party on the beach for the full moon. I was delighted because I hadn't spoken to her for a while and had really missed her warmth and friendship. I bounded into my flatmate who was sitting on the sofa and said to her 'how about a beach party'. She was up for it so I sent a text back to say that we would go. We set off walking along the seafront and it was such a magical and calm night with the full moon reflecting on the sea. My consciousness expanded and became one with that full moon. I had to really focus to concentrate on what my flatmate was saying so strong was the connection to that which is not of this world. Poi is the art of fire juggling and before we reached the place for the party the fire brands were visible in the distance. We got closer and saw that men and women were juggling with lighted chains and their skill was just amazing to watch. I have a particular intimacy with fire given the link with kundalini and seeing the way these people controlled it and made it dance in all kinds of shapes was really moving. Sitting there with the full moon and the warmth of the fire it reminded me of the time I spent in India when I visited a city where there is a big statue of Lord Shiva and people lit candles and saw chants. That experience was very mystical and so was this.
I got some good news from my publisher. Unknown to me she had contacted the Indian High Commission and left a copy of my book with someone who is high up in the cultural division. She had forgotten about it and then he called her after reading the book and wants to meet her to translate the book into Hindi. If this comes off then it will be an amazing achievement that someone from India sees value in a book written by a westerner. Most of these books have been written by Swami something or other. That meeting is happening tomorrow. This is the brilliant thing about having a book out there in the world, you never know where it's going to do or where the next email is going to come from and I really love that unpredictability and excitement.
Once again I'm having a problem with trying to confirm this evening talk and the meditation course. I have sent two emails to ask for confirmation that all is OK before I go to Ireland where I'm not sure I'm going to have the internet. I walked into the shop and the first thing that was said to me was 'you are going to have to change your date for the evening talk'. I was so dismayed because I have had all the posters done and gone up around town. I got mad and said 'when were you going to tell me this' the lady looked a bit shamefaced and said that she was going to contact me today....yeah right. I then asked if she had received the pdf poster and she said 'no'. I repeated the email address she had given and she denied that she gave me that email address. Then in a flash I knew what was happening, my initial gut instinct was right, she now doesn't want this evening or meditation course in her shop. Acting on this flash of insight I said to her 'look, if you don't want this event here, then please be straight about it and don't give me the run around like this'. She looked shocked and then got so defensive. She said that it was early morning and that she didn't have time 'for this' and marched out of the shop, banging the door and leaving me on my own.
I was so shocked that I stood there motionless. I left the shop and I had to fight back tears. Why is it so difficult to get this off the ground? I walked around the block to sort out what I wa feeling and then as I was walking I suddenly had the insight 'of course, the shop is predominantly psychic and clashes with my emphasis on being spiritual. She senses this and doesn't want this conflict of energy in her shop. After I got this insight I suddenly felt a great sense of peace and calm. The attack on me wasn't personal. The identity which is every alert perceived what I was going to do in the shop as a real threat and it fought back. But while I know this intellectually, the fact is that I have been promised that room space and have had posters done to promote it. So I do need to really know where I start.
I told my flatmate what happened and she was really sympathetic. She has offered to come into the shop with me and so we might do that today....but I can really feel the resistance to doing it. It wasn't a very nice experience and like any not so positive experiences we are loathe to put ourselves back into that same situation but if I don't then it's going to have power over me and that is not my stand for myself or others.
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Something amazing......has happened with my flatmate's cat
My flatmate has a cat and when I moved in she used to scratch herself so badly that she splattered blood on the skirting board in the kitchen. My flatmate brought her to the vet who said that it was an allergy. When I moved in she had a huge bald patch on her head and used to scratch it viciously. Over the time I have been here I have often stroked and patted her. I didn't think anything about it and then just a few days ago I noticed that most of the bald patch had gone and the hair was once again growing normally. I did train as a Reiki healer but never really rated it. This discovery with the cat is a real test for my ego. Did my energy have anything to do with this recovery or would it have happened in the normal course of time. Is the fact that I am now noticing it a sign for me to stand in my own power as a healer whether consciously or unconsciously and own it.
Today was a very strange kind of day. I had an interview with the job centre to claim jobseekers allowance and to be honest I was dreading going. Part of me didn't feel like I was entitled to it even though I have paid my national insurance contributions for almost 30 years. I had already done the first step which was to call up a number and get a claim form processed. This was the interview where I would be given my paying in book and also advice as to how to look for jobs. When I got there I was taken to fill in another form by a really friendly man. I filled that in and then was told that somebody else would call me for interview in a bit. After an hour I was called and interviewed by a very warm and friendly woman. I was impressed by the help and advice that was there. It was also reassuring that each week I have to record the three actions I did to get try to get a job and bring these with me when I come to sign in. Everything was fine until I said that I was going to be away in Ireland for 10 days. Suddenly this was a huge problem as I would not be around should work become available. The woman was really great in the way that she handled it. She explained that the claim that had just been made would now have to be ended and I would have to start a new claim when I return from Ireland aagh. The thought of this filled with complete dread and I shook my head in disbelief. I really hate having to do this and I'm not at all sure that I will start again when I return even though everyone says it is only what I am entitled to.
I came home kind of deflated about the whole thing but also greatly reassured that the horror stories I had heard about the process of signing on was nothing like my experience of it. I couldn't have met more friendly or helpful people. There were a lot of people there who were in the same position as me. But somehow being given some websites and also the help meant that I didn't feel so alone in this game called 'getting a job'. I have downloaded an application form for a similar position to the one I used to do. So tomorrow I am creating that I am going to do the best possible application form. It is part-time which would give me more time to pursue my training to be a leader for children and young people which is going to demand flexibility.
It was a day of highs and lows. After the low of the morning I came home and logged on to get my emails. Among them was an email from the Society of Metaphysicians approving the leaflet they will send out to members on its mailing list to promote my book. It is going to take 500 leaflets which is great. I have been reading the booklet on neometaphysics and was fascinated by the concept of the Absolute which is something I so understand. Something in me wants to learn more from this 91 year old man who is has been a mystic since a young boy. I sense that he has much that I can learn. When I get the leaflets I am going to go down again and leave them but also ask if this man would spare some time to teach me about neometaphysics. I am drawn to it for some reason.
I went for a long walk along the seafront this evening and it was just beautiful, the union of my consciousness with the sea....my words don't do justice to the utter absorption that happens when my consciousness connects with the vast expanse of the sea... I was thinking as I was walking about the turban kundalini yoga teachers wear. It's not just here in this city. I went on the website and looked up a number of sites and the turban is part of the attire for kundalini yoga. Something about this had continued to nag at me. I thought that the purpose of the turban was as a mark of respect to the powerful energy which is being contacted but I just couldn't let it go...there was something more......then this evening walking along the seafront I suddenly got the realisation that it is about heat. It is about not letting the heat escape from the body. I remembered how most of the heat of the body is lost through the head (which is why people wear hats in winter) and the purpose of the turban is to keep the body heated. This realization brought back a memory of a yogi I had been brought to see when I was in Varanasi. He lived deep under the ground and when I went in he was sitting by a huge blazing fire. It was like a furnace in there and I can remember thinking why is he sitting in such heat. But it all came together for me this evening walking by the the seafront. There is something about heat and this energy. What this is exactly....I don't know but I am committed to finding out.....
Today was a very strange kind of day. I had an interview with the job centre to claim jobseekers allowance and to be honest I was dreading going. Part of me didn't feel like I was entitled to it even though I have paid my national insurance contributions for almost 30 years. I had already done the first step which was to call up a number and get a claim form processed. This was the interview where I would be given my paying in book and also advice as to how to look for jobs. When I got there I was taken to fill in another form by a really friendly man. I filled that in and then was told that somebody else would call me for interview in a bit. After an hour I was called and interviewed by a very warm and friendly woman. I was impressed by the help and advice that was there. It was also reassuring that each week I have to record the three actions I did to get try to get a job and bring these with me when I come to sign in. Everything was fine until I said that I was going to be away in Ireland for 10 days. Suddenly this was a huge problem as I would not be around should work become available. The woman was really great in the way that she handled it. She explained that the claim that had just been made would now have to be ended and I would have to start a new claim when I return from Ireland aagh. The thought of this filled with complete dread and I shook my head in disbelief. I really hate having to do this and I'm not at all sure that I will start again when I return even though everyone says it is only what I am entitled to.
I came home kind of deflated about the whole thing but also greatly reassured that the horror stories I had heard about the process of signing on was nothing like my experience of it. I couldn't have met more friendly or helpful people. There were a lot of people there who were in the same position as me. But somehow being given some websites and also the help meant that I didn't feel so alone in this game called 'getting a job'. I have downloaded an application form for a similar position to the one I used to do. So tomorrow I am creating that I am going to do the best possible application form. It is part-time which would give me more time to pursue my training to be a leader for children and young people which is going to demand flexibility.
It was a day of highs and lows. After the low of the morning I came home and logged on to get my emails. Among them was an email from the Society of Metaphysicians approving the leaflet they will send out to members on its mailing list to promote my book. It is going to take 500 leaflets which is great. I have been reading the booklet on neometaphysics and was fascinated by the concept of the Absolute which is something I so understand. Something in me wants to learn more from this 91 year old man who is has been a mystic since a young boy. I sense that he has much that I can learn. When I get the leaflets I am going to go down again and leave them but also ask if this man would spare some time to teach me about neometaphysics. I am drawn to it for some reason.
I went for a long walk along the seafront this evening and it was just beautiful, the union of my consciousness with the sea....my words don't do justice to the utter absorption that happens when my consciousness connects with the vast expanse of the sea... I was thinking as I was walking about the turban kundalini yoga teachers wear. It's not just here in this city. I went on the website and looked up a number of sites and the turban is part of the attire for kundalini yoga. Something about this had continued to nag at me. I thought that the purpose of the turban was as a mark of respect to the powerful energy which is being contacted but I just couldn't let it go...there was something more......then this evening walking along the seafront I suddenly got the realisation that it is about heat. It is about not letting the heat escape from the body. I remembered how most of the heat of the body is lost through the head (which is why people wear hats in winter) and the purpose of the turban is to keep the body heated. This realization brought back a memory of a yogi I had been brought to see when I was in Varanasi. He lived deep under the ground and when I went in he was sitting by a huge blazing fire. It was like a furnace in there and I can remember thinking why is he sitting in such heat. But it all came together for me this evening walking by the the seafront. There is something about heat and this energy. What this is exactly....I don't know but I am committed to finding out.....
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
I am totally fed up of getting emails saying that someone is following me on Twitter. The initial warm fuzzy glow gets well and truly stamped out when I click on the profile and read the biogs - most are for network marketing. How in the world does what I put on Twitter compute with network marketing. In my limited Internet world, it doesn't. I think I have annoyed someone with one of my Tweets. This person wrote how easy it is to 'hurt feelings even when what is said is the truth'. When I read this I couldn't resist and I responded with 'people often confuse opinions and points of view with truth, there is no real truth only what people take to be true based on their opinion and point of view'..ouch....think it really hit because not long after I read a Tweet where someone had given the web address for a specific site where spiritual Tweets could be published!
This is a challenge for me, do I continue putting up my 140 pearls of wisdom on the main site or do I bow to the pressure from the conventional and scurry away to the sacred Tweeters website. I have absolutely no notion of doing the latter. I don't like being uncomfortable which is what I am putting philosophical/spiritual Tweets on a main Twitter site but if one of those Tweets makes a difference to one person who wouldn't go on a 'sacred-Tweeter' website then I am willing to take the chance of pissing off many people to make a difference to one. I have another reason for being so pigheaded about not wanting to move...
I have spoken about the identity and of its vested interest in keeping people asleep. The only way to shift this is to catch the identity unaware. This can be done by a person reading something that he or she was not expecting to read. This unexpected event can shift the consciousnesss so that the grip of the identity becomes less for just a split second but that might be just enough to begin the process of awakening leading to spiritual transformation. The identity is clever and knows that if the person is going to a spiritual website the kind of thing that is going to be there and so it arms itself with opinions about what is going to be there, views on it - all in the name of being spiritual. The spiritual ego is in so many ways much more pervasive and subtle than the materialistic ego. This is why there is a need to be so vigilant following the first mystical/spiritual experience. It is so easy to make such an event mean that the person is special or chosen in some way. It doesn't mean this. All it means is that something has happened which has so engaged the consciousness that the person has become fully absorbed in what is happening. That complete absoption forms a portal for the awakening of normally dormant areas of the brain and marks the start of the emergence of that which is not-mind/identity.
Access to this portal is for me the ultimate goal of human being and marks the shift through to the next kingdom of evolution - the spiritual kingdom. I am clear that this shift is coming. I am intrigued with what is happening with swine flu. I don't know what way it is going to play out come the flu season but I do feel that it is going to play a major part in the next evolutionary shift. The most important thing is not to panic because panic attracts fear which attracts the virus. I was so tempted to say this to a woman I saw at Victoria station who was wearing a mouth mask. I felt like going up to her and saying 'do you understand that your fear about getting this might be the very thing that brings it to you'. But I didn't. Why....I was scared to do so...Steadiness and keeping calm is what is going to win this one. I couldn't believe it when I heard that almost 9 million people went on the Internet to log into the flu website. This is ridiculous and just spreads fear and panic.
This evening I have my kundalini yoga and I am really looking forward to it. I never thought that I would say that because I have been the one that has said that the kundalini energy should not be messed with but I have shifted and now feel an ease and comfort with this energy which I have experienced and now don't fear at all. Unlike other forms of yoga kundalini is done with the eyes closed and the lights down so it is truly a personal experience of the merger of the consciousness and the energy as they become one.....
This is a challenge for me, do I continue putting up my 140 pearls of wisdom on the main site or do I bow to the pressure from the conventional and scurry away to the sacred Tweeters website. I have absolutely no notion of doing the latter. I don't like being uncomfortable which is what I am putting philosophical/spiritual Tweets on a main Twitter site but if one of those Tweets makes a difference to one person who wouldn't go on a 'sacred-Tweeter' website then I am willing to take the chance of pissing off many people to make a difference to one. I have another reason for being so pigheaded about not wanting to move...
I have spoken about the identity and of its vested interest in keeping people asleep. The only way to shift this is to catch the identity unaware. This can be done by a person reading something that he or she was not expecting to read. This unexpected event can shift the consciousnesss so that the grip of the identity becomes less for just a split second but that might be just enough to begin the process of awakening leading to spiritual transformation. The identity is clever and knows that if the person is going to a spiritual website the kind of thing that is going to be there and so it arms itself with opinions about what is going to be there, views on it - all in the name of being spiritual. The spiritual ego is in so many ways much more pervasive and subtle than the materialistic ego. This is why there is a need to be so vigilant following the first mystical/spiritual experience. It is so easy to make such an event mean that the person is special or chosen in some way. It doesn't mean this. All it means is that something has happened which has so engaged the consciousness that the person has become fully absorbed in what is happening. That complete absoption forms a portal for the awakening of normally dormant areas of the brain and marks the start of the emergence of that which is not-mind/identity.
Access to this portal is for me the ultimate goal of human being and marks the shift through to the next kingdom of evolution - the spiritual kingdom. I am clear that this shift is coming. I am intrigued with what is happening with swine flu. I don't know what way it is going to play out come the flu season but I do feel that it is going to play a major part in the next evolutionary shift. The most important thing is not to panic because panic attracts fear which attracts the virus. I was so tempted to say this to a woman I saw at Victoria station who was wearing a mouth mask. I felt like going up to her and saying 'do you understand that your fear about getting this might be the very thing that brings it to you'. But I didn't. Why....I was scared to do so...Steadiness and keeping calm is what is going to win this one. I couldn't believe it when I heard that almost 9 million people went on the Internet to log into the flu website. This is ridiculous and just spreads fear and panic.
This evening I have my kundalini yoga and I am really looking forward to it. I never thought that I would say that because I have been the one that has said that the kundalini energy should not be messed with but I have shifted and now feel an ease and comfort with this energy which I have experienced and now don't fear at all. Unlike other forms of yoga kundalini is done with the eyes closed and the lights down so it is truly a personal experience of the merger of the consciousness and the energy as they become one.....
Monday, 3 August 2009
Have been so busy.....with friends who have come to visit..
I have so much to write that I don't know where to start. Everything is all set up with my evening talk on my book and the six week meditation course on the three stages to spiritual enlightenment in September. The posters have all been done and I have given one to the shop and put another one up in the library. Since the structure of the three stages came through intuitively I have the ease and confidence that comes with being in integrity with who I am and what I want to do. My biggest challenge is having to do it on my own.
A couple of years ago I stumbled across a book by Robert Kiyosaki called 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' and when I read it was inspired by its philosophy. I didn't do anything about it. Then a couple of days ago I got an email that spoke about the 'Rich dad, poor dad' coaching programme which was now being offered. I must have emailed back for more information because out of the blue when I was walking outside I got a phone call from this man in America who is part of this programme. We had a conversation about what it is I could gain by being part of this coaching programme and I had a thought that it would be a good way of marketing my book if I could get a foot into America like this. He told me that not everyone is accepted onto this programme and that there would be two interviews. He asked me if I would be prepared to do another interview. When I said 'yes', he said that he would send me an email that had four questions and that I was to think about them and have answers ready when another guy would call me in one hours time (I agreed this time).
Luckily I was quite close to where I live so got home quickly. I turned on on the internet and sure enough the email was there and contained the four questions which were about goals and challenges. Dead on the hour the phone rang and the man on the other end of the line introduced himself. He asked me what I wanted and I said that it was to share my three stages to enlightenment in a way which is meaningful and moves others. Then to my amazement he said 'the person who most moves me in this field is Eckhart Tolle!.....this was so eerie for me because Eckhart for me is the most authentic teacher in this incredibly crowded field and for him to not only to know him but also to rate him was very powerful.
This American man then went on to say something which really spoke to me. He said 'are you trying to tone down what you have to say so that people will understand'. This set me thinking and I replied 'yes, what is the point of sharing if people don't understand' and then he said 'I don't understand anything that Eckhart says but I know it is the Truth because of how I feel when he speaks'. This really hit me. He advised me not to make any amendments to my stages to make them more easily understood but to be authentic about these stages and not worry if people understand them or not. This has given me a huge amount of freedom around my talk in September and the course. After this he went on to explain what the year-long coaching programme would produce and what commitments were demanded from me in order to have the success at the end. The biggest one as you can imagine was the financial one. When the amount was given I had a sharp intake of breath, it was a lot. I would have been forever paying it off. What's more it was an upfront amount, no programme of installments. And yet, there was also another voice saying 'it's really tough doing it on your own, you have always talked about getting a coach to be an ally in all of this', and then another voice going 'but once you have handed over that money, that's it' and what are you really going to get'. There was this game of thought tennis going on in my head.
I also remembered seeing an article about Robert Kiyosaki and he has a sister who is a Buddhist nun so I don't doubt the authenticity of the coaching programme (I know call me naive!) but there was still some resistance in me. I explained my financial position to the man and said that it would not be in integrity for me to sign up to this programme at this point in time but that I had all the details and would consider it. He to his credit was very gracious and said that I had 'chosen powerfully' and that is all that Robert has asked. He gave me a private number and said to call him at anytime in the future. After the phone call I sat motionless wondering how this all had happened and knew immediately that the real purpose of the call was not for me to join any coaching programme but to have that conversation about not altering one thing of the three stages of enlightenment programme that has come to me, even if there are some aspects to it that I don't understand, it was these I was trying to adapt. Now I know that I give it out just as I have received it without anything added or anything taken away.
So often these days I get filled up with this amazing bliss and contentment. I find it is since I started doing kundalini yoga. I can just be walking and I'll get hit with the most indescribable joy and feel so happy and grateful. On Sunday I was doing the yoga and my inner voice was most vicious with thoughts like 'you're not doing it right, you're useless'. No matter, how I tried to say to myself 'they are just thoughts, products of the mind, they have no power only what I give to them' I felt quite powerless and at one stage stopped the exercise I was doing completely'. At the end of the class I spoke to the woman who is still covering and explained about this. To her credit she listened and then explained that the whole purpose of the yoga was to get to the neutral mind where thoughts are neither positive or negative. She then told me about an exercise to balance the right and left sides of the brain which turned out to be a pranayama or breathing exercise. A few blog entries earlier I had said how surprised I was that there was no pranayama exercises in the kundalini yoga and now here I am being given my own personal exercise! She said to start with 3 mins and build up to 11 mins morning and evening and so this morning found me practicing it. I have no idea what the purpose is but like everything when one commits to this path, it comes down to trust and surrender....there is no map.....
Tonight I am going to my seminar series which I was given when I reviewed the landmark forum. It is on money and I have found the distinctions around money powerful in these times when it is not as abundant as it has been in the past. I realised that while having money makes life easy, it does not bring happiness. If it did, why are so many people with money....so miserable.....
A couple of years ago I stumbled across a book by Robert Kiyosaki called 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' and when I read it was inspired by its philosophy. I didn't do anything about it. Then a couple of days ago I got an email that spoke about the 'Rich dad, poor dad' coaching programme which was now being offered. I must have emailed back for more information because out of the blue when I was walking outside I got a phone call from this man in America who is part of this programme. We had a conversation about what it is I could gain by being part of this coaching programme and I had a thought that it would be a good way of marketing my book if I could get a foot into America like this. He told me that not everyone is accepted onto this programme and that there would be two interviews. He asked me if I would be prepared to do another interview. When I said 'yes', he said that he would send me an email that had four questions and that I was to think about them and have answers ready when another guy would call me in one hours time (I agreed this time).
Luckily I was quite close to where I live so got home quickly. I turned on on the internet and sure enough the email was there and contained the four questions which were about goals and challenges. Dead on the hour the phone rang and the man on the other end of the line introduced himself. He asked me what I wanted and I said that it was to share my three stages to enlightenment in a way which is meaningful and moves others. Then to my amazement he said 'the person who most moves me in this field is Eckhart Tolle!.....this was so eerie for me because Eckhart for me is the most authentic teacher in this incredibly crowded field and for him to not only to know him but also to rate him was very powerful.
This American man then went on to say something which really spoke to me. He said 'are you trying to tone down what you have to say so that people will understand'. This set me thinking and I replied 'yes, what is the point of sharing if people don't understand' and then he said 'I don't understand anything that Eckhart says but I know it is the Truth because of how I feel when he speaks'. This really hit me. He advised me not to make any amendments to my stages to make them more easily understood but to be authentic about these stages and not worry if people understand them or not. This has given me a huge amount of freedom around my talk in September and the course. After this he went on to explain what the year-long coaching programme would produce and what commitments were demanded from me in order to have the success at the end. The biggest one as you can imagine was the financial one. When the amount was given I had a sharp intake of breath, it was a lot. I would have been forever paying it off. What's more it was an upfront amount, no programme of installments. And yet, there was also another voice saying 'it's really tough doing it on your own, you have always talked about getting a coach to be an ally in all of this', and then another voice going 'but once you have handed over that money, that's it' and what are you really going to get'. There was this game of thought tennis going on in my head.
I also remembered seeing an article about Robert Kiyosaki and he has a sister who is a Buddhist nun so I don't doubt the authenticity of the coaching programme (I know call me naive!) but there was still some resistance in me. I explained my financial position to the man and said that it would not be in integrity for me to sign up to this programme at this point in time but that I had all the details and would consider it. He to his credit was very gracious and said that I had 'chosen powerfully' and that is all that Robert has asked. He gave me a private number and said to call him at anytime in the future. After the phone call I sat motionless wondering how this all had happened and knew immediately that the real purpose of the call was not for me to join any coaching programme but to have that conversation about not altering one thing of the three stages of enlightenment programme that has come to me, even if there are some aspects to it that I don't understand, it was these I was trying to adapt. Now I know that I give it out just as I have received it without anything added or anything taken away.
So often these days I get filled up with this amazing bliss and contentment. I find it is since I started doing kundalini yoga. I can just be walking and I'll get hit with the most indescribable joy and feel so happy and grateful. On Sunday I was doing the yoga and my inner voice was most vicious with thoughts like 'you're not doing it right, you're useless'. No matter, how I tried to say to myself 'they are just thoughts, products of the mind, they have no power only what I give to them' I felt quite powerless and at one stage stopped the exercise I was doing completely'. At the end of the class I spoke to the woman who is still covering and explained about this. To her credit she listened and then explained that the whole purpose of the yoga was to get to the neutral mind where thoughts are neither positive or negative. She then told me about an exercise to balance the right and left sides of the brain which turned out to be a pranayama or breathing exercise. A few blog entries earlier I had said how surprised I was that there was no pranayama exercises in the kundalini yoga and now here I am being given my own personal exercise! She said to start with 3 mins and build up to 11 mins morning and evening and so this morning found me practicing it. I have no idea what the purpose is but like everything when one commits to this path, it comes down to trust and surrender....there is no map.....
Tonight I am going to my seminar series which I was given when I reviewed the landmark forum. It is on money and I have found the distinctions around money powerful in these times when it is not as abundant as it has been in the past. I realised that while having money makes life easy, it does not bring happiness. If it did, why are so many people with money....so miserable.....
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