Friday, 7 August 2009

I had the loveliest......of surprises today...

Someone who I used to work with is reading this blog and this morning I got a comment which was a link to a vacancy where I used to work to cover maternity cover. This really moved and touched me and I want to say a huge thank you to whoever you are. I will send my CV and see how I get on. The fact that if I should get it that it is temporary is also good. I feel now that I have writing my book out of my system and the nagging feeling that I should have been doing more to promote it all done with, I feel that I could do the work with integrity. I wouldn't feel like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. So once again, thank you to the kind person who sent me the link...I will find out who you are!

On Friday night the Brazilian lady who I used to live with sent me a text inviting me to a poi party on the beach for the full moon. I was delighted because I hadn't spoken to her for a while and had really missed her warmth and friendship. I bounded into my flatmate who was sitting on the sofa and said to her 'how about a beach party'. She was up for it so I sent a text back to say that we would go. We set off walking along the seafront and it was such a magical and calm night with the full moon reflecting on the sea. My consciousness expanded and became one with that full moon. I had to really focus to concentrate on what my flatmate was saying so strong was the connection to that which is not of this world. Poi is the art of fire juggling and before we reached the place for the party the fire brands were visible in the distance. We got closer and saw that men and women were juggling with lighted chains and their skill was just amazing to watch. I have a particular intimacy with fire given the link with kundalini and seeing the way these people controlled it and made it dance in all kinds of shapes was really moving. Sitting there with the full moon and the warmth of the fire it reminded me of the time I spent in India when I visited a city where there is a big statue of Lord Shiva and people lit candles and saw chants. That experience was very mystical and so was this.

I got some good news from my publisher. Unknown to me she had contacted the Indian High Commission and left a copy of my book with someone who is high up in the cultural division. She had forgotten about it and then he called her after reading the book and wants to meet her to translate the book into Hindi. If this comes off then it will be an amazing achievement that someone from India sees value in a book written by a westerner. Most of these books have been written by Swami something or other. That meeting is happening tomorrow. This is the brilliant thing about having a book out there in the world, you never know where it's going to do or where the next email is going to come from and I really love that unpredictability and excitement.

Once again I'm having a problem with trying to confirm this evening talk and the meditation course. I have sent two emails to ask for confirmation that all is OK before I go to Ireland where I'm not sure I'm going to have the internet. I walked into the shop and the first thing that was said to me was 'you are going to have to change your date for the evening talk'. I was so dismayed because I have had all the posters done and gone up around town. I got mad and said 'when were you going to tell me this' the lady looked a bit shamefaced and said that she was going to contact me today....yeah right. I then asked if she had received the pdf poster and she said 'no'. I repeated the email address she had given and she denied that she gave me that email address. Then in a flash I knew what was happening, my initial gut instinct was right, she now doesn't want this evening or meditation course in her shop. Acting on this flash of insight I said to her 'look, if you don't want this event here, then please be straight about it and don't give me the run around like this'. She looked shocked and then got so defensive. She said that it was early morning and that she didn't have time 'for this' and marched out of the shop, banging the door and leaving me on my own.

I was so shocked that I stood there motionless. I left the shop and I had to fight back tears. Why is it so difficult to get this off the ground? I walked around the block to sort out what I wa feeling and then as I was walking I suddenly had the insight 'of course, the shop is predominantly psychic and clashes with my emphasis on being spiritual. She senses this and doesn't want this conflict of energy in her shop. After I got this insight I suddenly felt a great sense of peace and calm. The attack on me wasn't personal. The identity which is every alert perceived what I was going to do in the shop as a real threat and it fought back. But while I know this intellectually, the fact is that I have been promised that room space and have had posters done to promote it. So I do need to really know where I start.

I told my flatmate what happened and she was really sympathetic. She has offered to come into the shop with me and so we might do that today....but I can really feel the resistance to doing it. It wasn't a very nice experience and like any not so positive experiences we are loathe to put ourselves back into that same situation but if I don't then it's going to have power over me and that is not my stand for myself or others.

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