Obsessed.....with integrity...and getting more so

Last night I went to my 2nd kundalini yoga class. It was the same teacher as I had on Sunday and she had a beaming smile for me. I told her how I had felt so relaxed after Sunday and she just smiled....maybe she knows more than I have given her credit for. I did bodypump for an hour before because again I wanted to strengthen up my body, but during it I was restless and didn't want to push myself too hard. It was like I was saving myself for the yoga. This is very unusual for me because I absolutely love bodypump but my mind and attention just wasn't there. It didn't help that the person taking it wasn't too sure of what to do as evidenced by him having a manual. So different to the instructor in London who was so confident and made the class such fun. I do miss him. Bodypump over...the kundalini class began and to my delight the exercises were different to Sunday. They were mostly lower body exercises again to awaken the dormant energy at the base of the spine but they felt easier for me to get into a meditative rhythym with. My body seemed to know what to do without any input from me. Occasionally I had my usual thought 'am I doing this right', but immediately let that go and surrendered to the exercise and to where my body wanted to go with it.

In the middle of one of these exercises I suddenly had this flash of insight from where, I don't know that what we call karma is the result of the law of integrity. I am absolutely convinced that there is a law of integrity, where I had been struggling was to know where it showed itself. I knew that there is always an impact when I break my word or don't do what I said I would in terms of how the law of integrity works but didn't know how. Last night it came through very clearly that karma is the result of actions taken under the law of integrity. But again karma cannot be proven anymore than can the law of integrity but the force with which the insight resonated throughout my whole body has left me with the faith that this is the missing piece of the jigsaw for me with regard to integrity. If I want to reduce the karmic affects of my actions all I have to do is be my word and when I can't, clean it up. The end of karma is the end of re-births or what the Buddhists believe being born again into Samsara or a life of suffering which is what the life of human being is before liberation or enlightenment.

Earlier today I met a lady I am doing a seminar with. It is a 10 week seminar and at the beginning we gave our word to be at all of the sessions. When I met her today she announced that she wasn't going to be at one session and I was aware of a thud in my stomach. This thud was the dismay for this person at the impact of breaking the law of integrity. At that moment I had a choice, I could be liked, or I could be a stand for her to be her word and re-arrange whatever she had allowed to displace her word to be at the seminar. I took a deep breath and dived in with my faith in the law of integrity and the consequences when it is broken and as you can guess the exchange wasn't pleasant. I knew when I did this that what was fighting and arguing back with me wasn't her but her identity that knows that whenever we operate in accordance with the law of integrity it gets weaker. This is why all kinds of temptations come whenever we give our word to something. The strongest and powerful temptation is 'feeling', 'I don't feel like it', 'it doesn't feel right to keep my word'. Everytime we honour our feelings over our word, the identity deepens its grip. What is frustrating about the law of integrity is that the results of breaking it are not obvious or visible or even immediate.

For me, I can recognise the effect because whatever I have broken my word for doesn't turn out the way I expected and so as a rule I keep my word or if I can't, I will get in touch with whoever I have given my word to as soon as I know that I can't now keep it and re-commit. But it needs to be something major for me to go back on my word. I live life like this because it keeps life simple and uncomplicated and it also works.

Yesterday I got the design of my poster back and it's absolutely lovely. I dropped it into the shop and asked once again to see the lady who is renting the room to me; once again I got the run-around. I left the poster and said quite assertively that this is what I intend to do and I will wait for confirmation from her. 10 minutes later my phone rang and it was the lady saying that yes all of my dates except one are OK and she would be back in touch to let me know how much the room is going to cost. So now I have confirmed a one hour talk on my book and a six week meditation course based on the three stages of spiritual enlightenment which has come through so strongly on a number of occasions. What there is for me to do now is to meditate on putting together powerful meditations for each stage of this course. Me talking is not going to give a glimpse of what is possible when a space of stillness and Presence is created, it is what those present experience that is going to make the difference.

Life these days....is like being on a rollercoaster...... but I feel so alive.....

What I have to learn more than anything.....is patience

The spiritual path more than any other has events that happen to test just how committed one is. I declared on this blog yesterday that I was going to go to the kundalini yoga session in the gym this morning. Last night I was walking along the seafront listening to a motivational tape on my gorgeous new ipod when I got a phone call. It was from someone who is already doing the leadership course that I am starting in August. The call was to invite me to an orientation day for this course for today. Immediately I was thrown into the dilemma of my burning desire to be the leader for children and young people and the promise I had made to attend this class. I had a momentary panic but then knew immediately what my choice was going to be, I was going to do what I said and go to the kundalini yoga class. I thanked the woman who had generously invited me and hung up the phone. I smiled to myself thinking just how typical this kind of thing is when one is committed to following a spiritual path.

I walked for a long time along the seafront listening to a tape talking about the importance of self-control which is no more than the control of thoughts for achieving success and wondered for the umpteenth time about how I am going to create the inspiring life that I desire so badly. I realise now that desire is not a dirty word, it is the creative force which makes things happen. I returned home and my flatmates cat decided to attach herself like a limpet to me for the rest of the evening.

This morning I woke up before my alarm clock and my first thought was 'kundalini yoga' and I felt a deep sense of apprehension. I meditated for half an hour and then got ready to go to the gym. I was going to exercise before the yoga to build my body up...but for what...I didn't know. There wasn't that many people when I got to the gym and so I started my routine by running. Gradually people started to arrive and go into the studio for the yoga. 10 mins before the class was due to begin I went into the room. I had been told that it was popular so I wanted to get a prime spot on the floor! When I went in I saw the teacher who was very young and dressed in white, with even a white turban which she was rolling around her head as I walked up to her. This reassured me that there was a respect for the amazing fire which would be attempted to be awakened and I felt more at ease. The teacher smiled at me and I went up to her. After the pleasantries of 'hello' I blurted out quite forcefully 'have you experienced the kundalini energy'. She looked shocked and something in me said not to say anymore. I laughed it off by saying that I had tried hatha and kundalini was something that I was curious about. This was true, but more to the truth was that I was incredibly apprehensive of it. She told me she had been teaching for three years and then came the information which made sense. She told me that she was covering for the main teacher who was away for the next two weeks. When she said the teacher's name I was amazed because a few days ago I had taken down the name and number of a lady who was doing three hour kundalini workshops and I had intended to call her just to have a chat. Turns out that it is the same lady who does the kundalini yoga sessions at the gym. There is no need for me to call her now I will meet her in a couple of weeks.

While I was running I had the clear idea that what I want to do is to share my own path of spiritual development, not be just another meditation teacher. Once again the three stages to spiritual enlightenment which came through to me very clearly some time ago were there again. This is my purpose to teach this path through its three stages. I wasn't achieving anything promoting myself as a meditation teacher because that had no definite purpose. Developing meditations to suit each stage of this path and holding courses on this, has a definite purpose and inspires me far more. These stages are definite and real for me and it is that conviction that is going to inspire people to take them on for themselves.

The yoga session started with a chant and then began the exercises. Most of them were to awaken the dormant energy which is said to lie at the base of the spine. Some of them were intense especially the ones that were like sit-ups I was in complete agony and realised that my core stability needs some serious work! I was surprised that there was very little pranayama breathing, it was mostly exercises to shake awake this energy. A few times during the exercises I found myself asking myself 'am I doing this right' which is something I always do in yoga classes because I don't enjoy yoga but when I let that go, I really enjoyed it. I finished the class really relaxed and with a clear and definite purpose and resolved that I would go regularly to the Sunday one and also to the Tuesday evening one.

I suddenly realised that the dates I had tried to confirm with the shop were for Tuesday evenings. Is this the reason why the shop had not got back to me, that I am not meant to do this course on Tuesday evening. I know that this might be stretching the bounds of imagination and I can just imagine my good friend if he is reading this sighing and saying 'oh for God's sake, stop reading into things' but on this path and without a teacher it is what you have to do if you're not to miss the next opportunity. So if it's appearing like this to the reader, have patience and stick with me! I also need to learn patience. I was so impatient, angry and annoyed that the lady of the shop hadn't returned my call that the thought that the time was not right never entered my head. Now, I saw the possibility for why Tuesday evening is not going to be a good evening to do this course.

After breakfast I went for a walk and passed the shop. On impulse I went in and saw another woman. I explained about all the messages I had left and she was great. What I saw is that they are waiting for me to decide the dates and put them on a poster and they will rent me the room for those nights. Me making this big drama about having to have the dates confirmed before I could do anything else was all in my head. Or was it also a case of timing. Having the insight into the new spiritual course I have developed that I can now run a course on this instead of doing what has been done before and running a standard meditation course. This has shifted something for me. I had to re-visit this three stage road to spiritual enlightenment and own it and become enthused about it before doors could once again open.

So now I have put together some wording for the poster. I have changed the evening of the course to Thursday evening and I have sent it off to someone who has agreed to design the poster for me. I think what has made the difference is that when I woke up this morning I created the possibility of abundance being easy and quick and that is definitely what has showed up so far today.....and the day is far from over. I was also struck by a Tweet yesterday which I am going to reproduce here. It came from Steve Nobelious who I have known for many years ' Do not follow where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail'. With the route to enlightenment I have devised, there is definitely no already existing path and in this lies its excitement for me.

I am also really happy and excited for another reason. I have received an email from Harry who I have often acknowledged on this blog and he has told me that he is going to write up his experience 'Opening the heart - life training experience' and post it on this blog. This has just made my day and I can't wait to read it. I feel privileged that he is going to post it here and I feel sure that it is going to touch, move and inspire all of us who read it.

Sometimes.....I really feel like I am going mad

I was very down after my talk and I think I have realised that this is not as easy as I thought it would be. I'm slowly waking up to the possibility that the powerful experience I had on that meditation retreat in Devon was a gift of grace for me alone and I am not expected to do anything with it except to be me. I thought for such a powerful experience which shifted everything a grand gesture was expected of me in return which was to give up a job I had no integrity with to do what I thought had integrity. I know from how much I enjoyed the evening that I had integrity but this is not going to pay my rent so I now have to seriously consider a job and within that to have integrity regardless of whether or not I like it. I think I can do that because the nagging thought of having this experience and not doing anything with it except playing safe in a safe job is not there anymore and I feel much more free.

I am going to do one more thing and that is to make a video of this experience and upload it to You Tube. I met with a friend for lunch who has a small film company and explained to him what I wanted to do and to my delight he has agreed to do it for me. So I am going to write the script and he will record and upload it for me. He is away for the next couple of weeks and then I am away in Ireland for two weeks so it will be almost the end of August before it happens. Having agreed this I felt a great sense of peace and calm come over me. There will be a record and people can make of it what they will. I think video records are very powerful. I came across a You Tube clip of Jane Roberts who channelled a non-physical entity called 'Seth'. Years ago I read all of these books and gained a great deal from them. Actually seeing Jane Roberts channel Seth was a fascinating experience. It was obvious to me that she was channelling unlike some of the modern day people who purport to channel non-physical entities.


After I said goodbye to my friend, I went on a trawl of all the recruitment agencies and everywhere I went, it was the same story. It's grim out there. One agency showed me an A4 page of vacancies and that was all they had. Within that though there was a vacancy for a telephone fundraiser for a charity. This appeals to my sense of wanting to have a purpose and make a difference in my next job. It asked for a 'pleasant telephone manner' which I think I have and with all the training I have received am aware of the human tendancy to make people wrong and so this training will stand to me if I get as far as an interview. Feeling more positive I returned home and emailed my CV over to the agency. An out-of-office response reassured me that the silence would have nothing to do with my ability to do this job. What is also important is that I can have flexi hours so that I can commit to the training to be a leader for children and young people. The study support manager position won't happen because I called up and explained that I would be away for when the interviews were scheduled and would they be prepared to make my interview a week later if I was shortlisted. The lady was very nice but the answer was no so that door shut firmly.


Walking home I saw a gym that is only a couple of streets away from where I live. I have often seen it as I passed by but this time the urge was strong to go in and inquire about membership. Since leaving london I haven't gone to the gym even though I have run along the seafront which is beautiful but I don't feel that it's enough. The lady took me through the facilities and I asked to see the studio timetable because my interest is mainly in spin and bodypump. When I glanced at the studio timetable I couldn't believe it when I saw listed among the classes was kundalini yoga - is this why I was drawn so strongly to come to the gym. Is it time for me to put myself in the dragons den because the kundalini is the fire of the dragon. It is what I thought I experienced up to recently. It is unusual for a gym to be doing this kind of yoga and something in me was very strong to sign up. I asked about membership rates and was delighted when the lady told me that there was no joining fee and they were doing a special offer for £50 a month. Living so close I will get the use of it and it will be a welcome release when not so positive thoughts appear in my mind. It will also be very interesting doing the kundalini yoga also. I signed up and requested an induction as soon as possible. The inducation was yesterday and afterwards I spent two hours there, running and doing a bodypump class and I felt so good afterwards. I did another bodypump class this morning and will be doing my first kundalini yoga class tomorrow morning at 10am.



When the fitness instructor took my body weight and percentage of skeletal muscle she was shocked at how fit I am. I can't take credit for this I know that the experience on that meditation retreat renewed me physically. If I hadn't had that experience I am sure that these readings would be the same as the national average. The power of that experience strengthened my body and calmed down my nervous system. As an example the average percentage of skeletal muscle for the average female is 28%, for the average male it is 37%. My percentage is 37.6%. The higher the muscle the more energy that is burned. I take no credit for this it is as a result of the energy that rose from the base of spine on a meditation retreat, went to my brain and came to rest in my heart. It is to this that I give all credit. I haven't been to the gym since I moved from London which is six months so there is something else at play that this has not become fat which is what I think happens when muscles are not exercised


I have some fears about doing the kundalini yoga tomorrow morning but something is also driving me on to do it. It is interesting that the class is first thing in the morning. From my experience of this energy it is more like a fire than an energy and my reservations up to now to not deliberately raise it is that it is incredibly powerful and unless the body and mind are ready and strong enough to receive it, it can lead to all kinds of uncomfortable symptoms. What this rising energy felt for me was like the unblocking of all emotional energy so that life began to flow and had an ease and a grace and my communications with myself and others were magical. I suddenly had an immediate understanding of spiritual truths and there was no longer any learning involved. But nobody has ever told me for definite that this was a kundalini experience which is why tomorrow morning is going to be very interesting.



My apprehension comes from the awe and respect I have for this power. But I must also trust that there is a reason why I am being drawn to it. This is what I mean about the title of this post. Without a teacher or guru and committed to this path I have to be aware and vigilant over messages that come to me from the universe. It is no co-incidence that I live so near this gym and it is offering kundalini yoga as part of the membership. If I had a teacher or guru chances are that it is what would be attempted anyway because it is the quickest way to shift consciousness. What I must be careful of is not to interfere with what the teacher is doing. I may speak with him/her afterwards to see how much direct experience he/she has had. I really can't understand how someone can teach something that h/she has had no experience of. I think if people really understood the power of this energy and what happens when it rises in the mind and body of someone who is not mentally or spiritually strong enough it wouldn't be as common as it is now in the west. The first book I read on this subject was by Gopi Krishna called 'Living with Kundalini' and what I read in that convinced me that this wasn't a fire to be messed with lightly. So.....tomorrow morning will be a test for me.



What is strange also is that after the meditation evening I had half thought that this journey was over. I honestly didn't know what else to do and now here...the next step has presented itself.....or else that is the way that I am now interpreting this strong urge to sign up to be a member of this gym.....

When the past and the present collide...

Before my talk I visited the local library to try to borrow Eckhart Tolle's book 'The Power of Now'. I wanted this because the experience he recounts of his bedroom epiphany is the closest thing I have read to my own experience. Unsurprisingly the book was already out and there was a long reserve list for it. Browsing the shelves my attention was drawn to a book entitled 'Introducing Buddha'. Feeling a strange compulsion I took it to the automated book borrowing desk and after some frustrating minutes managed to ascertain from the slip which emerged from the machine orifice that leaving the library would not set off every alarm in the place. When I got home I started to read it. I was amazed when one paragraph in particular grabbed my consciousness and I thought to myself 'it is the same realization in the day of the Buddha and for me today. I am going to replicate this paragraph.

Buddha says 'People are ignorant of their true nature and that ignorance causes them to suffer over and over again. I too have been caught up in the same mechanical process. The being which I believed in was a fictional construction. I have a name, a personal history, memories, thoughts, emotions, dreams; but when I look they are quite illusory. What I have been looking for has never been lost, either to me or to anyone else. There is nothing to attain and no longer any struggle to attain it. The projections of my mind are in essence empty. It is like a raindrop merging into the vastness of the ocean. Or like a cloud disappearing in the sky, arising from space and dissolving into space' .

This to me is the clearest explanation of the identity which I have asserted human being mistakes for their real self. Freedom comes when the consciousness is freed from identifying with the identity (if that makes sense). What is it going to take to have human being realize this not simply intellectualise it. Writing this I feel such frustration that Buddha realized this and yet the world continued as it was.....feel like really giving up tonight....

There was one person....at the talk last night...

And that person was as important to me as if there were 100. I saw also how much I enjoyed leading a meditation and how relaxed I also became in the process. It was very rewarding seeing how calm and relaxed the lady became. The toughest part of the evening was when the mind awoke sensed the danger to its survival and started plying me with questions about the different traditions and the different kinds of meditation. While I understand how threatening the mind finds this and the way it copes is to try to make something simple complicated, I really had to bite my tongue and give theoretical answers to theoretical questions. In her struggle I saw all too clearly the struggle of human being. I was filled with compassion and gratitude for her. The trust that she gave to me last night, to a stranger, to take her through a guided meditation and be with everything that came up for her took real courage and I acknowledged her for that.

Where does all of this leave me? The only reason why I ever took on this path was to show that I wasn't ashamed of an experience I had and that I would have the courage to share about it. That I wouldn't stay in a job that I felt I had no integrity with and I would stop playing safe and give up everything to take a chance because of the amazing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual transformation this experience provided. I have done that now. Does it mean that my path in life is to share this experience daily on an on-going basis, maybe not. Maybe all it means is for me to be myself and trust that the state of mind will impact on people without me actively going out to make it happen. Does this mean that I am giving up, not at all. The lady last night gave me her email details and I will begin talking to people and see what develops. Maybe the time is not right and what I have to focus on now is getting a job that I will have integrity with and enjoy. That is more important to me than anything, to have integrity in the work that I do because I understand integrity to be the foundation for power.

But I am returning to Ireland for two weeks in August so there is little point in me looking for a job before that. Yesterday I had a look at the Council website and saw that there is a job going for a study support manager to be part of the children's and young people's team and I am going to apply for this. Because I am soon going to be starting my training to be a leader for children and young people it makes sense for me to try to get a job with young people. I feel that I would get good job satisfaction from this kind of position. I will complete the job application today. The interview date is scheduled for 18 August which would be a problem if I was to get selected for interview because I will be in Ireland. But that's a while down the line yet.

I also got the results of my NCTJ exams and I got all of them. A little disappointed with the result for the news exam because it was the module I always performed well in, in class but at least I got it which is a big relief. The choice for me now is whether or not to knuckle down with the shorthand and take the exams again in six months time. At the moment the prospect is not attractive. Finding a job that I have integrity with is the priority now. I can also consider taking up some freelance work, if I put my mind to coming up with some issues for articles.

I haven't heard from the lady about confirming the dates for the meditation course either but now instead of the annoyance I felt yesterday, this morning I feel an ease. Maybe this is not the way I am to use the experience, maybe it is solely for me, a gift of grace which is with me always and which others can feel. If I am to be honest I do feel uncertain and unsure...a kind of dark night for me so it was really reassuring when I read a Tweet from Harry which I hope he doesn't mind but I am going to reproduce here because it lifted my spirits this morning: 'claiming the dark times as grace is the work most of us fail to do. That is the reason there is so much darkness, we need the practice'. And this is so true for me....thank you Harry

Feeling both...scared and excited about tonight

Tonight I give my first talk here in Brighton. I've been so restless and unsettled all day today. Yesterday I tried to get hold of the woman who suggested using a room above a shop for a meditation course to confirm the dates so that I could get a poster designed. I left countless messages and visited the shop three times but the silence has been deafening. What I am getting a sense of is that while Brighton is a good place for things alternative, most have their own clients and I am seen as competition. I supposed I should have expected this. I think what I have to do is to begin to build up a database from giving one-off talks and not saying too much about myself when I book rooms and then when I have enough people interested, then to start a course. It doesn't look like I am going to be given this room above the shop for a course in September.

All this has left me wondering what my purpose is now down here. I'm not going to make any choices yet until I see how this evening goes. There are at least three people confirmed to be there and my commitment is for them to experience a deep inner peace and contentment. I have planned out the format for the evening which is going to be largely experiential because it is experience more than words that shifts consciousness. The only thing words satisfy is the mind and tonight I am committed that each person who is there experiences a glimpse of no-mind. I have no idea how this is going to happen but I am creating that the possibility that those present will experience something they have never experienced before. To be honest I don't even want to do this evening but there is something deep and persistent driving me on. I was going through some stuff earlier and I came across a testimonial page I had for a website I had years ago. Reading again what people said gave me fresh courage. And yet what do I need to have courage about. I had an experience where I touched the presence of love and that is all there is to share. What I have made the experience mean is that the spiritual/mystical path is as real today as it was in the days of Buddha. Why should I need courage to give this encouraging and empowering insight.

I know what is at play here, I still want to play small and not stand out but there is something bigger than me.....that is not allowing that to happen....at least not this evening.....

I don't cry.....last night I cried....

Last night saw me take my foot off the numbing down of emotional expression. Since getting the insight into how I have confused desire with attachment and have spent many years numbing down desire because of my misunderstanding that it causes suffering, all kinds of other feelings have now been showing themselves. For years I have been unable to have a really good cry and to feel deep pain and sorrow, last night I felt it in all its strength and intensity. I cried for all the years where with desire I could have created such a lot and I cried for how my identity used this to ensure that I wouldn't create anything big or make a difference. Then the feeling changed to one of incredible anger which was also unfamiliar. From it I learned that these feelings are there and it is not necessary for me to do anything with them only allow myself to feel them. They are the energies of growth and by suppressing them in the way that I have over many years nothing amazing or extraordinary has been created. It has all been ordinary because this is the way that the identity has wanted it to be.

Having experienced this outpouring of emotions this morning I woke up scared and uncertain. Not feeling emotion gives a certain level of safety and protection but it achieves nothing. Now I have a choice I can choose to experience every emotion as it comes without numbing it down with food or something else. In my case it has mostly been food. I will feel an emotion and then not want to experience it so I will numb it with chocolate. What I realise now is that I will grow and expand more quickly if when I feel the emotion whether it is happiness, sadness, anger, pain I then choose to feel the emotion and engage fully with it, I will feel fully alive. The idea is to get to the root of every emotion which is a sadness born of unexpressed love. What underlies anger is fear, what underlies fear is sadness and what underlies sadness is love. The purpose of every emotion is to experience love. Unfortunately fear and anger are two emotions which are difficult to be with but unless we can be with them we can never touch the presence of love. When we can sit with and experience fear then we have the experience of sadness, when we can sit and be with sadness then we experience love. This was something which Manuel Schoch my dear friend, mystic and psychic and neuroscientist who died in October 2008 used to say regularly. That the burning desire of all human being is to have the experience of love.

For years I numbed all of these emotions down. The experience I had in Devon with the rising energy opened and awakened my heart so that I had the experience of the presence of love but without me choosing to experience the entire range of emotion which characterises a human being I never had a similar experience. I am clear that in that instance when I experienced the presence of love it was by grace. As a result of this weekend and of choosing to desire and desire openly and intensely I now feel that I will experience more often the presence of love and most importantly that others (which is the sole purpose for any kind of expansion of consciousness) will feel it also. I will see how accurate this is tomorrow night when I give my presentation.

Yesterday a good friend of mine gave to me an ipod on which he had uploaded 26 audio-books on achieving success. This moved me more than anything and was the reason for why finally after years of suppression I allowed myself to cry more deeply. It was his belief in me and what I can achieve which moved me. Running along the seafront this morning listening to the book by Napoleon Hill - Law of success, I realised the importance of courage. I would be lying if I didn't say that I was scared about going out among people and sharing my story but I also understand the importance of courage and of doing what feels right. I don't have anything to teach but I do have something to share. What is going to matter tomorrow night and every night where I share my story is not my words but what experiences those who come to hear me have. For that reason I have decided that I am not going to speak much but offer guided meditation and provide a safe place for people to share their own experiences. My promise is the developing and deepening of inner peace and calm and what I have found is that when people feel listened to and acknowledged that the relief of this begins the process of developing inner peace and calm.

I am also going today to finalise the dates for the meditation course in September. Once I have these then I can put together the different flyers that I need and take it from there. The motivator for all of this is the urgency to begin my training to be a leader for children and young people. I don't need the light for the whole of this journey, all I need is the light for the next few metres ahead. That light will be in the form of actions I will take and in never taking my eye off where it is I want to go and what it is I desire more than anything else.......