Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Obsessed.....with integrity...and getting more so

Last night I went to my 2nd kundalini yoga class. It was the same teacher as I had on Sunday and she had a beaming smile for me. I told her how I had felt so relaxed after Sunday and she just smiled....maybe she knows more than I have given her credit for. I did bodypump for an hour before because again I wanted to strengthen up my body, but during it I was restless and didn't want to push myself too hard. It was like I was saving myself for the yoga. This is very unusual for me because I absolutely love bodypump but my mind and attention just wasn't there. It didn't help that the person taking it wasn't too sure of what to do as evidenced by him having a manual. So different to the instructor in London who was so confident and made the class such fun. I do miss him. Bodypump over...the kundalini class began and to my delight the exercises were different to Sunday. They were mostly lower body exercises again to awaken the dormant energy at the base of the spine but they felt easier for me to get into a meditative rhythym with. My body seemed to know what to do without any input from me. Occasionally I had my usual thought 'am I doing this right', but immediately let that go and surrendered to the exercise and to where my body wanted to go with it.

In the middle of one of these exercises I suddenly had this flash of insight from where, I don't know that what we call karma is the result of the law of integrity. I am absolutely convinced that there is a law of integrity, where I had been struggling was to know where it showed itself. I knew that there is always an impact when I break my word or don't do what I said I would in terms of how the law of integrity works but didn't know how. Last night it came through very clearly that karma is the result of actions taken under the law of integrity. But again karma cannot be proven anymore than can the law of integrity but the force with which the insight resonated throughout my whole body has left me with the faith that this is the missing piece of the jigsaw for me with regard to integrity. If I want to reduce the karmic affects of my actions all I have to do is be my word and when I can't, clean it up. The end of karma is the end of re-births or what the Buddhists believe being born again into Samsara or a life of suffering which is what the life of human being is before liberation or enlightenment.

Earlier today I met a lady I am doing a seminar with. It is a 10 week seminar and at the beginning we gave our word to be at all of the sessions. When I met her today she announced that she wasn't going to be at one session and I was aware of a thud in my stomach. This thud was the dismay for this person at the impact of breaking the law of integrity. At that moment I had a choice, I could be liked, or I could be a stand for her to be her word and re-arrange whatever she had allowed to displace her word to be at the seminar. I took a deep breath and dived in with my faith in the law of integrity and the consequences when it is broken and as you can guess the exchange wasn't pleasant. I knew when I did this that what was fighting and arguing back with me wasn't her but her identity that knows that whenever we operate in accordance with the law of integrity it gets weaker. This is why all kinds of temptations come whenever we give our word to something. The strongest and powerful temptation is 'feeling', 'I don't feel like it', 'it doesn't feel right to keep my word'. Everytime we honour our feelings over our word, the identity deepens its grip. What is frustrating about the law of integrity is that the results of breaking it are not obvious or visible or even immediate.

For me, I can recognise the effect because whatever I have broken my word for doesn't turn out the way I expected and so as a rule I keep my word or if I can't, I will get in touch with whoever I have given my word to as soon as I know that I can't now keep it and re-commit. But it needs to be something major for me to go back on my word. I live life like this because it keeps life simple and uncomplicated and it also works.

Yesterday I got the design of my poster back and it's absolutely lovely. I dropped it into the shop and asked once again to see the lady who is renting the room to me; once again I got the run-around. I left the poster and said quite assertively that this is what I intend to do and I will wait for confirmation from her. 10 minutes later my phone rang and it was the lady saying that yes all of my dates except one are OK and she would be back in touch to let me know how much the room is going to cost. So now I have confirmed a one hour talk on my book and a six week meditation course based on the three stages of spiritual enlightenment which has come through so strongly on a number of occasions. What there is for me to do now is to meditate on putting together powerful meditations for each stage of this course. Me talking is not going to give a glimpse of what is possible when a space of stillness and Presence is created, it is what those present experience that is going to make the difference.

Life these like being on a rollercoaster...... but I feel so alive.....

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