Beginning Again

This morning I woke up early and resisted my urge to turn over to sleep. I got up and read some more of the diary of Irwina Tweedie and then got everything ready to go to the gym for my spinning class which began at 6am. I was amazed at how different and fresh I felt when I was up and dressed and how I was able to read and absorb what I was reading without being in the least tired. I was struck with the contrast with how I am when I allow myself to go back to sleep. I wake more tired and somehow the day doesn't go right. This has given me renewed resolve to get up the minute I wake up - if this is before my alarm clock or after.

I love spinning or what is now called group cycling. For me it is a meditation because the music is good and loud and the lights are down. I treat it like a meditation and at some point during the cycling the separation between me, the bike and the act of cycling disappears and everything becomes one and in that experience of one-ness is the deepest joy. I feel such bliss that it feels like my heart is going to explode. This is for me the closest I can get to the Buddhist idea of Samadhi which is where there is a loss of all physical boundaries when in deep meditation.

Exercise is vital for the spiritual journey. The spiritual journey is all about expanding one's consciousness and exercise accelerates this because it stimulates areas in the brain which are normally dormant. The body is designed to have some exercise because of its closeness to the mind. It is my belief based on my experience that where the mind is calm the body is healthy. A fit body also assists the mind. Many of the writings of realized people speak about the importance of exercise and of keeping the body fit. On the spiritual journey the body is being prepared to withstand a huge surge of energy and it will only emerge stronger if it is fit.

Yesterday I had such a strong urge that it was now time for me to go out and teach what I know. I remembered a centre in West London that hired out rooms and I called them to see about renting a room to hold a meditation and spiritual counselling course. The manager was cool on the phone. He started speaking to me about having insurance! I studied and practiced Tibetan Mahayana Buddhism in 1988 for 9 years, there was no mention of the need for insurance - I was quite shocked and sad that such a powerful inner spiritual practice which is vital for the spiritual journey should now be tainted with the threat of litigation. He also mentioned the need for course certificates - I don't have any of these. I have Reiki certificates from when I was trained as a Reiki healer for 1st and 2nd level but no certificate for all my years meditating. He also asked for some testimonials to prove that I would be an effective teacher. Luckily I had these from when I worked as a volunteer for Alternatives, which is a mind body spirit centre in the heart of London. The manager told me how he had to be careful with who they allowed to teach because a not so effective teacher reflects badly on the centre. This I completely understand.

It is so important when following this path to be grounded. I have worked very hard at this throughout my 30 years of being involved with spirituality. I want to be effective with people in the world, I want to touch, move and inspire the masses, not only a select few and to do this I must be grounded. I explained this to the manager and I could tell by the change of tone in his voice that this had resonated.

He agreed to see me and so this evening armed with my Reiki certificates and my testimonials I went to see him at the centre. He had a firm handshake and met my gaze head on without flinching. He showed me 2 rooms and I fell in love with the 2nd, it was lovely and bright and I could use the stereo system, stools and blankets. I tried to show him the certificates but he didn't seem to want to see them. He didn't even ask me about insurance. He was positive. However I have to wait for him to call me tomorrow to see if I can have the room for a 4 week meditation and spiritual counselling course. He has to speak to the owner of the centre. Then he will call me.

Whatever the outcome it is what is meant to be. The important thing is that I have made a start in being true to myself and doing what it is I have known deep down I should be doing but have been too afraid. I have done meditation courses in the past and while the feedback to me was that they were useful I didn't feel that I had enough experience and knowledge and so felt a bit like a fraud.

This time I feel so differently. Finishing the book 'journey to self' and documenting all my experiences has made me realise that I do have something of use and value to share. I know that I will be much more confident this time around if I am given the opportunity. If for whatever reason the decision is made not to allow me the space then I will accept that it is not right for me at this time. I have learned that acceptance is the route to joy, not happiness because happiness is dependent on events in the emotional world going my way and because of this is not stable or reliable. Joy is different, it is stable and doesn't rely on events in the physical world. I strive for joy and not happiness.

So today has been a good day and it began when I listened to my inner voice of intuition and committed to the journey to self.

Tomorrow morning listen to your own intuition and get up the little bit early to read or just ponder in silence