Sunday, 29 July 2007

How different a day is.....

This morning I woke up feeling tired. My own fault entirely because instead of getting up when I woke I went back to sleep. The result of this is to feel even more tired when I woke up the 2nd time. Went to my usual class at the gym but I noticed that my mind was irritable, finding fault with the exercises and the teacher. At times the irritation became so intense that I wanted to just leave. I was amazed at the contrast between today and yesterday and wondered what had made it change so drastically. Nothing happened to me to shift my mood like this. It is quite fascinating but this is the quality of the spiritual path. One day an amazing connection and I realization that everything is one and the next it's like being thrown back into the world of separation and confusion. I know that all that is expected of me is to watch all of this happening within myself without fear or judgement. It seems hard to believe that just by watching the irritation it is diminishing its intensity. I found this hard because my mood didn't seem to improve for the day.

This evening I went with a friend to see a play which is going to the Edinburgh fringe festival. I have never attended the fringe festival so had no idea what this play was going to be like. The play began and it was full of short vignettes about the people in a small community town. I expected there to be a plot and when I realized that there wasn't and I accepted the play for what it was and just relaxed into it and didn't try to figure it out I really enjoyed it.

What I learned today is the power of acceptance and non-attachment. I fully expected today to be a day like yesterday and it wasn't. I saw how attached I was to wanting another day like yesterday and when it didn't happen caused myself misery. Memory is a double edged sword because it has a recognition of something pleasurable and seeks for this to be repeated. However this is not how the spiritual journey progresses. Yes there are time of amazing light and insight but to balance that there are also times of complete darkness. The contrast is necessary in order for us to recognise difference. If everything is light, then nothing is light, the dark is needed to show up the light. This is the way it is on the spiritual path.

No comments: