Saturday, 28 February 2009

After the dark.....there is always the light.....

I had dreaded going into college on Friday because of how isolated and lonely I had felt on Thursday. I desperately wanted to clear up about what I had written but didn't see how. What I realised is that I don't get second chances. In the past when I have upset someone by something I have said or done the other person killed me off by rejecting my attempts to re-open the conversation to sort it out so that a new level of relationship could be established.

My restraint around people is the result of feeling that I won't be given a second chance if I upset them and so I am cautious and restrained around what I say. My true self-expression is reserved for this blog. Friday came and mid-way through the morning the person who I have upset came to me and said 'I want to speak to you about your blog'. This was the outcome I had hoped for but never believed I would get. I said 'absolutely, talk to me'. She acknowledged that as it is my blog I can write what I like and that I was pefectly entitled to my opinions but that I had misquoted her and it was this that had most offended her. I understand as a trainee journalist that to misquote someone is a complete no, no in the writing world and I was surprised at this because I consider myself to be a good listener.

Then I suddenly had an insight into how my point of view may have made me mishear what she had said. I misheard her when I thought she said about 'kundalini not being that powerful'. I misheard her because my point of view was creating me to be separate from her and this comment increased the separation thus strengthening my point of view. I was really amazed to see this and I take complete responsibility for it and through this blog want to be clear that I have misquoted her in that blog entry.

She also spoke about feeling invaded and of not feeling easy with me anymore. I can understand this. I don't think I would feel comfortable spending time with someone I knew wrote a diary blog and that I could appear in it favourably or unfavourabl in any entry. I totally understand this and I have given a commitment that in future blog entries, no mention will be made of her and I will stay true to this. I see now that I have come out of a dark place. From really believing that I don't get second chances I see now that I do. One person has been willing to re-open the lines of communication and not want to kill me off and this is just so brilliant.

On Thursday night I was looking for something in my rucksack and I came across a business card from a woman who does vortex healing. I was so low and desperately looking for some way to shift something and this card had been shown to me by the mother of the family I live with. The moment I looked at it I was drawn to it. I asked her if I could keep it. I believe that when things like this happen that there is something there for me. I spent a couple of minutes looking at the card before I picked up the phone. I dialled the number and this woman with a not English accent answered the phone. I explained that I was drawn to her card and wanted to know about vortex healing. I understand that my experience in Devon was like being drawn up into a vortex of energy and I wanted to know more. It turns out that she is planning to do a four week course on vortex healing which isn't going to be very expensive. I told her about my experience of being drawn into a vortex and she seemed to understand immediately what I was speaking about which was such a relief to me. I asked to be contacted when she has decided on the dates for this course and after I put the phone down felt a peace and calm that had been absent up to that point.

I have since had an email with her confirming that she is going to have this course. It makes sense to me that as it was an experience of a vortex that I had that I should learn more about it and how to be a clearing for it. On the spiritual journey it is so important to be vigilant and alert to all the ways that the universe shows us the next step. I knew the moment I saw the card that this is my next step....but my next step to what.......

No comments: