And that person was as important to me as if there were 100. I saw also how much I enjoyed leading a meditation and how relaxed I also became in the process. It was very rewarding seeing how calm and relaxed the lady became. The toughest part of the evening was when the mind awoke sensed the danger to its survival and started plying me with questions about the different traditions and the different kinds of meditation. While I understand how threatening the mind finds this and the way it copes is to try to make something simple complicated, I really had to bite my tongue and give theoretical answers to theoretical questions. In her struggle I saw all too clearly the struggle of human being. I was filled with compassion and gratitude for her. The trust that she gave to me last night, to a stranger, to take her through a guided meditation and be with everything that came up for her took real courage and I acknowledged her for that.
Where does all of this leave me? The only reason why I ever took on this path was to show that I wasn't ashamed of an experience I had and that I would have the courage to share about it. That I wouldn't stay in a job that I felt I had no integrity with and I would stop playing safe and give up everything to take a chance because of the amazing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual transformation this experience provided. I have done that now. Does it mean that my path in life is to share this experience daily on an on-going basis, maybe not. Maybe all it means is for me to be myself and trust that the state of mind will impact on people without me actively going out to make it happen. Does this mean that I am giving up, not at all. The lady last night gave me her email details and I will begin talking to people and see what develops. Maybe the time is not right and what I have to focus on now is getting a job that I will have integrity with and enjoy. That is more important to me than anything, to have integrity in the work that I do because I understand integrity to be the foundation for power.
But I am returning to Ireland for two weeks in August so there is little point in me looking for a job before that. Yesterday I had a look at the Council website and saw that there is a job going for a study support manager to be part of the children's and young people's team and I am going to apply for this. Because I am soon going to be starting my training to be a leader for children and young people it makes sense for me to try to get a job with young people. I feel that I would get good job satisfaction from this kind of position. I will complete the job application today. The interview date is scheduled for 18 August which would be a problem if I was to get selected for interview because I will be in Ireland. But that's a while down the line yet.
I also got the results of my NCTJ exams and I got all of them. A little disappointed with the result for the news exam because it was the module I always performed well in, in class but at least I got it which is a big relief. The choice for me now is whether or not to knuckle down with the shorthand and take the exams again in six months time. At the moment the prospect is not attractive. Finding a job that I have integrity with is the priority now. I can also consider taking up some freelance work, if I put my mind to coming up with some issues for articles.
I haven't heard from the lady about confirming the dates for the meditation course either but now instead of the annoyance I felt yesterday, this morning I feel an ease. Maybe this is not the way I am to use the experience, maybe it is solely for me, a gift of grace which is with me always and which others can feel. If I am to be honest I do feel uncertain and unsure...a kind of dark night for me so it was really reassuring when I read a Tweet from Harry which I hope he doesn't mind but I am going to reproduce here because it lifted my spirits this morning: 'claiming the dark times as grace is the work most of us fail to do. That is the reason there is so much darkness, we need the practice'. And this is so true for me....thank you Harry
Thursday, 23 July 2009
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
Feeling both...scared and excited about tonight
Tonight I give my first talk here in Brighton. I've been so restless and unsettled all day today. Yesterday I tried to get hold of the woman who suggested using a room above a shop for a meditation course to confirm the dates so that I could get a poster designed. I left countless messages and visited the shop three times but the silence has been deafening. What I am getting a sense of is that while Brighton is a good place for things alternative, most have their own clients and I am seen as competition. I supposed I should have expected this. I think what I have to do is to begin to build up a database from giving one-off talks and not saying too much about myself when I book rooms and then when I have enough people interested, then to start a course. It doesn't look like I am going to be given this room above the shop for a course in September.
All this has left me wondering what my purpose is now down here. I'm not going to make any choices yet until I see how this evening goes. There are at least three people confirmed to be there and my commitment is for them to experience a deep inner peace and contentment. I have planned out the format for the evening which is going to be largely experiential because it is experience more than words that shifts consciousness. The only thing words satisfy is the mind and tonight I am committed that each person who is there experiences a glimpse of no-mind. I have no idea how this is going to happen but I am creating that the possibility that those present will experience something they have never experienced before. To be honest I don't even want to do this evening but there is something deep and persistent driving me on. I was going through some stuff earlier and I came across a testimonial page I had for a website I had years ago. Reading again what people said gave me fresh courage. And yet what do I need to have courage about. I had an experience where I touched the presence of love and that is all there is to share. What I have made the experience mean is that the spiritual/mystical path is as real today as it was in the days of Buddha. Why should I need courage to give this encouraging and empowering insight.
I know what is at play here, I still want to play small and not stand out but there is something bigger than me.....that is not allowing that to happen....at least not this evening.....
All this has left me wondering what my purpose is now down here. I'm not going to make any choices yet until I see how this evening goes. There are at least three people confirmed to be there and my commitment is for them to experience a deep inner peace and contentment. I have planned out the format for the evening which is going to be largely experiential because it is experience more than words that shifts consciousness. The only thing words satisfy is the mind and tonight I am committed that each person who is there experiences a glimpse of no-mind. I have no idea how this is going to happen but I am creating that the possibility that those present will experience something they have never experienced before. To be honest I don't even want to do this evening but there is something deep and persistent driving me on. I was going through some stuff earlier and I came across a testimonial page I had for a website I had years ago. Reading again what people said gave me fresh courage. And yet what do I need to have courage about. I had an experience where I touched the presence of love and that is all there is to share. What I have made the experience mean is that the spiritual/mystical path is as real today as it was in the days of Buddha. Why should I need courage to give this encouraging and empowering insight.
I know what is at play here, I still want to play small and not stand out but there is something bigger than me.....that is not allowing that to happen....at least not this evening.....
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
I don't cry.....last night I cried....
Last night saw me take my foot off the numbing down of emotional expression. Since getting the insight into how I have confused desire with attachment and have spent many years numbing down desire because of my misunderstanding that it causes suffering, all kinds of other feelings have now been showing themselves. For years I have been unable to have a really good cry and to feel deep pain and sorrow, last night I felt it in all its strength and intensity. I cried for all the years where with desire I could have created such a lot and I cried for how my identity used this to ensure that I wouldn't create anything big or make a difference. Then the feeling changed to one of incredible anger which was also unfamiliar. From it I learned that these feelings are there and it is not necessary for me to do anything with them only allow myself to feel them. They are the energies of growth and by suppressing them in the way that I have over many years nothing amazing or extraordinary has been created. It has all been ordinary because this is the way that the identity has wanted it to be.
Having experienced this outpouring of emotions this morning I woke up scared and uncertain. Not feeling emotion gives a certain level of safety and protection but it achieves nothing. Now I have a choice I can choose to experience every emotion as it comes without numbing it down with food or something else. In my case it has mostly been food. I will feel an emotion and then not want to experience it so I will numb it with chocolate. What I realise now is that I will grow and expand more quickly if when I feel the emotion whether it is happiness, sadness, anger, pain I then choose to feel the emotion and engage fully with it, I will feel fully alive. The idea is to get to the root of every emotion which is a sadness born of unexpressed love. What underlies anger is fear, what underlies fear is sadness and what underlies sadness is love. The purpose of every emotion is to experience love. Unfortunately fear and anger are two emotions which are difficult to be with but unless we can be with them we can never touch the presence of love. When we can sit with and experience fear then we have the experience of sadness, when we can sit and be with sadness then we experience love. This was something which Manuel Schoch my dear friend, mystic and psychic and neuroscientist who died in October 2008 used to say regularly. That the burning desire of all human being is to have the experience of love.
For years I numbed all of these emotions down. The experience I had in Devon with the rising energy opened and awakened my heart so that I had the experience of the presence of love but without me choosing to experience the entire range of emotion which characterises a human being I never had a similar experience. I am clear that in that instance when I experienced the presence of love it was by grace. As a result of this weekend and of choosing to desire and desire openly and intensely I now feel that I will experience more often the presence of love and most importantly that others (which is the sole purpose for any kind of expansion of consciousness) will feel it also. I will see how accurate this is tomorrow night when I give my presentation.
Yesterday a good friend of mine gave to me an ipod on which he had uploaded 26 audio-books on achieving success. This moved me more than anything and was the reason for why finally after years of suppression I allowed myself to cry more deeply. It was his belief in me and what I can achieve which moved me. Running along the seafront this morning listening to the book by Napoleon Hill - Law of success, I realised the importance of courage. I would be lying if I didn't say that I was scared about going out among people and sharing my story but I also understand the importance of courage and of doing what feels right. I don't have anything to teach but I do have something to share. What is going to matter tomorrow night and every night where I share my story is not my words but what experiences those who come to hear me have. For that reason I have decided that I am not going to speak much but offer guided meditation and provide a safe place for people to share their own experiences. My promise is the developing and deepening of inner peace and calm and what I have found is that when people feel listened to and acknowledged that the relief of this begins the process of developing inner peace and calm.
I am also going today to finalise the dates for the meditation course in September. Once I have these then I can put together the different flyers that I need and take it from there. The motivator for all of this is the urgency to begin my training to be a leader for children and young people. I don't need the light for the whole of this journey, all I need is the light for the next few metres ahead. That light will be in the form of actions I will take and in never taking my eye off where it is I want to go and what it is I desire more than anything else.......
Having experienced this outpouring of emotions this morning I woke up scared and uncertain. Not feeling emotion gives a certain level of safety and protection but it achieves nothing. Now I have a choice I can choose to experience every emotion as it comes without numbing it down with food or something else. In my case it has mostly been food. I will feel an emotion and then not want to experience it so I will numb it with chocolate. What I realise now is that I will grow and expand more quickly if when I feel the emotion whether it is happiness, sadness, anger, pain I then choose to feel the emotion and engage fully with it, I will feel fully alive. The idea is to get to the root of every emotion which is a sadness born of unexpressed love. What underlies anger is fear, what underlies fear is sadness and what underlies sadness is love. The purpose of every emotion is to experience love. Unfortunately fear and anger are two emotions which are difficult to be with but unless we can be with them we can never touch the presence of love. When we can sit with and experience fear then we have the experience of sadness, when we can sit and be with sadness then we experience love. This was something which Manuel Schoch my dear friend, mystic and psychic and neuroscientist who died in October 2008 used to say regularly. That the burning desire of all human being is to have the experience of love.
For years I numbed all of these emotions down. The experience I had in Devon with the rising energy opened and awakened my heart so that I had the experience of the presence of love but without me choosing to experience the entire range of emotion which characterises a human being I never had a similar experience. I am clear that in that instance when I experienced the presence of love it was by grace. As a result of this weekend and of choosing to desire and desire openly and intensely I now feel that I will experience more often the presence of love and most importantly that others (which is the sole purpose for any kind of expansion of consciousness) will feel it also. I will see how accurate this is tomorrow night when I give my presentation.
Yesterday a good friend of mine gave to me an ipod on which he had uploaded 26 audio-books on achieving success. This moved me more than anything and was the reason for why finally after years of suppression I allowed myself to cry more deeply. It was his belief in me and what I can achieve which moved me. Running along the seafront this morning listening to the book by Napoleon Hill - Law of success, I realised the importance of courage. I would be lying if I didn't say that I was scared about going out among people and sharing my story but I also understand the importance of courage and of doing what feels right. I don't have anything to teach but I do have something to share. What is going to matter tomorrow night and every night where I share my story is not my words but what experiences those who come to hear me have. For that reason I have decided that I am not going to speak much but offer guided meditation and provide a safe place for people to share their own experiences. My promise is the developing and deepening of inner peace and calm and what I have found is that when people feel listened to and acknowledged that the relief of this begins the process of developing inner peace and calm.
I am also going today to finalise the dates for the meditation course in September. Once I have these then I can put together the different flyers that I need and take it from there. The motivator for all of this is the urgency to begin my training to be a leader for children and young people. I don't need the light for the whole of this journey, all I need is the light for the next few metres ahead. That light will be in the form of actions I will take and in never taking my eye off where it is I want to go and what it is I desire more than anything else.......
Monday, 20 July 2009
What an amazing weekend....to make a difference in the life of another...is rewarding beyond words and money
This weekend confirmed for me my intention to train to be a Landmark Forum Leader for children and young people. I saw one young adult who without the training was more than likely heading for a life of violence and trouble. What turned this young person around was getting that the way other people behave has little or nothing to do with the person who is being hurt whether that is physically or emotionally. Our mechanism called our identity makes someone hurting us personal. It does this so that a disempowering view can then be formed which stops the person being powerful in life. The thinking goes I suffer, because there is something wrong with me. The life is lived through the filter 'there is something wrong with me' and witholding expressing love to people and situations. The rest of life then becomes about developing strategies to survive, not to be powerful which is exactly what the identity wants. This is so tragic because the truth is that there is never and has never been anything wrong in any situation. Shakespeare said 'there is nothing right or wrong, but thinking makes it so'. I saw once again so clearly the battle that is played out in human being. The identity as a reaction machine and then something else, that isn't reactionary that doesn't hold and nurture grudges. That sees life is as it is and accepts life just the way that it is and just the way that it isn't.
This weekend I got afresh the power of this training. I saw how easy it is for my identity to make stories out of the events that happen in life. I became present again to how it is that things happen in life, they have nothing to do with me. I didn't cause them, they just happened. It's so easy to go into 'I caused this, that by something I said, did' and this weekend I became aware once again that there is no cause of effect in life, strange and counter-intuitive as it may seem. It was good to reconnect to that, but the real power for me was in seeing just how powerful this training is when it is available for the young people. This is the way that I am going to make a difference in the world by being the most powerful Landmark Forum Leader for children and young people that I can be. I also believe that the power of the experience I have had together with the ease and rapport I have with young people and how authentic I feel around them that I can make a massive difference. If I was privileged to have the opportunity to do what that Landmark Forum leader did this weekend for one young person it will give me so much satisfaction and fulfillment.
I know though that the road is long and tough. It's going to involve me being more selfless and committed than I have ever thought possible. I am going to have to dig deep into this purpose many times over the next few months and remember it when I feel like quitting and giving up. If I give up, I'm not available for another young person for whom I could make a difference. And yet I am also aware that I am not God and everyone has free choice about how they live life. All I want to be able to do is to be so highly trained to offer this technology so that young people get that they have a choice about how they interpret events that happen in their life. The events are fine they are just events, it is the meaning that is added that determines whether or not life occurs as easy or a struggle.
I'm giving my first talk on Wednesday night and I have had one confirmed booking which I am thrilled about. With a definite purpose for life, things happen....without a definite purpose...one drifts......
This weekend I got afresh the power of this training. I saw how easy it is for my identity to make stories out of the events that happen in life. I became present again to how it is that things happen in life, they have nothing to do with me. I didn't cause them, they just happened. It's so easy to go into 'I caused this, that by something I said, did' and this weekend I became aware once again that there is no cause of effect in life, strange and counter-intuitive as it may seem. It was good to reconnect to that, but the real power for me was in seeing just how powerful this training is when it is available for the young people. This is the way that I am going to make a difference in the world by being the most powerful Landmark Forum Leader for children and young people that I can be. I also believe that the power of the experience I have had together with the ease and rapport I have with young people and how authentic I feel around them that I can make a massive difference. If I was privileged to have the opportunity to do what that Landmark Forum leader did this weekend for one young person it will give me so much satisfaction and fulfillment.
I know though that the road is long and tough. It's going to involve me being more selfless and committed than I have ever thought possible. I am going to have to dig deep into this purpose many times over the next few months and remember it when I feel like quitting and giving up. If I give up, I'm not available for another young person for whom I could make a difference. And yet I am also aware that I am not God and everyone has free choice about how they live life. All I want to be able to do is to be so highly trained to offer this technology so that young people get that they have a choice about how they interpret events that happen in their life. The events are fine they are just events, it is the meaning that is added that determines whether or not life occurs as easy or a struggle.
I'm giving my first talk on Wednesday night and I have had one confirmed booking which I am thrilled about. With a definite purpose for life, things happen....without a definite purpose...one drifts......
Wednesday, 15 July 2009
My first week....of trying to free my consciousness.....
It's coming to the end of a very strange week. I've been busy without a whole lot being accomplished and yet I feel so happy and at peace. I have been consistent in my meditation practice both morning and evening but I'm not so sure about my consciousness being freed. I feel so much resistance writing this blog and I don't know what this is about. Last night I went once again to the meditation group and once again this morning I am feeling restless and unsettled. I am reviewing the Landmark Forum this weekend and I have felt a strong need to go for a run on the beach every morning which I have done. It is like my body is getting ready for the profound experience that this weekend is going to be.
My memory of when I did this weekend back in 2005 was experiencing that suchness, emptiness that Buddhists speak about. I remember so clearly that profound moment when there was nothing, and in that nothing was everything. It's like my consciousness has a memory and it is ensuring that I am as mentally and physically as strong as I can be for this weekend. This is the reason for the intense meditation and the running and watching what I am eating. Once again following a spiritual path is all about trust and surrender. I am surrendering to every inner impulse I have, trusting that this is my next step. And yet, this weekend is not about me. It is the first step in my training to be a Landmark Forum leader for children and young people. For the first time I completely accept myself for who I am and what I have achieved. From here on, anything I get is within the context of being a powerful leader for children and young people so that they have the tools to be powerful in the face of every circumstance of life and the identity formation doesn't have such a stranglehold of a grip in the way it does with adults when this process doesn't get interrupted. The earlier the process is interrupted the stronger the consciousness is in being more of a match for the identity - if this makes any sense.
I think this is part of my reluctance to write this blog in that what I form in my mind just seems to be so clumsy when it appears on the page. I am also aware that it is also just my view of how human being develops and evolves but the force and intensity of the insights I receive on a daily basis now is resulting in me being far more committed to disrupting this process as early as it is possible to do so. In the past I have assisted on one of these weekends for children and young people because as I don't have children I wanted to see what went on before I spoke to parents about what is possible for their child. What I saw on that weekend inspired me so much. I saw the process being interrupted and as a result young people who had made events that had happened mean something, could see that this wasn't true. I remember especially one young teenage girl who said that both her aunt and teacher had died. The event will never be dismissed. The event is real, however what we make it mean is only a story, an interpretation. The woman asked her what did she say to herself about life, what did it mean about life. She said: 'that life is tough and hard', the woman then said 'does it really mean that'. There was a silence as the girl thought about it and then smiled and said 'no, it doesn't mean that' and in that moment I saw her little face transform as that burden that she no longer knew she was carrying was lifted.
This disruption to the process is important for another reason. If it hadn't been interrupted then that view 'that life is hard' is what would have attracted events that reinforce the view that life is tough and hard. The point of view that we form about life will also be consistent with the events that happen. It has to be that way if the point of view is to survive. In the case of that little girl the process was interrupted and so that point of view that life is tough and hard didn't get any deeper and in fact dissolved. The truth is seen and in that seeing freedom is had. In adults it is harder to dissolve the point of view only because of the many years that it has operated without being discovered. Once discovered it loses some of its power but it never disappears not like if it is got when the young person is forming his/her identity. Having this technology at that stage of life, is powerful and it is where I see most clearly that I can make a difference.
I'm also promoting talks on my book. The first one here is on Wednesday but I am meeting such resistance in terms of the venue not being willing to put up a poster. But it's strange this is only strengthening my resolve and my commitment each day is to take two actions to progress this.....
My memory of when I did this weekend back in 2005 was experiencing that suchness, emptiness that Buddhists speak about. I remember so clearly that profound moment when there was nothing, and in that nothing was everything. It's like my consciousness has a memory and it is ensuring that I am as mentally and physically as strong as I can be for this weekend. This is the reason for the intense meditation and the running and watching what I am eating. Once again following a spiritual path is all about trust and surrender. I am surrendering to every inner impulse I have, trusting that this is my next step. And yet, this weekend is not about me. It is the first step in my training to be a Landmark Forum leader for children and young people. For the first time I completely accept myself for who I am and what I have achieved. From here on, anything I get is within the context of being a powerful leader for children and young people so that they have the tools to be powerful in the face of every circumstance of life and the identity formation doesn't have such a stranglehold of a grip in the way it does with adults when this process doesn't get interrupted. The earlier the process is interrupted the stronger the consciousness is in being more of a match for the identity - if this makes any sense.
I think this is part of my reluctance to write this blog in that what I form in my mind just seems to be so clumsy when it appears on the page. I am also aware that it is also just my view of how human being develops and evolves but the force and intensity of the insights I receive on a daily basis now is resulting in me being far more committed to disrupting this process as early as it is possible to do so. In the past I have assisted on one of these weekends for children and young people because as I don't have children I wanted to see what went on before I spoke to parents about what is possible for their child. What I saw on that weekend inspired me so much. I saw the process being interrupted and as a result young people who had made events that had happened mean something, could see that this wasn't true. I remember especially one young teenage girl who said that both her aunt and teacher had died. The event will never be dismissed. The event is real, however what we make it mean is only a story, an interpretation. The woman asked her what did she say to herself about life, what did it mean about life. She said: 'that life is tough and hard', the woman then said 'does it really mean that'. There was a silence as the girl thought about it and then smiled and said 'no, it doesn't mean that' and in that moment I saw her little face transform as that burden that she no longer knew she was carrying was lifted.
This disruption to the process is important for another reason. If it hadn't been interrupted then that view 'that life is hard' is what would have attracted events that reinforce the view that life is tough and hard. The point of view that we form about life will also be consistent with the events that happen. It has to be that way if the point of view is to survive. In the case of that little girl the process was interrupted and so that point of view that life is tough and hard didn't get any deeper and in fact dissolved. The truth is seen and in that seeing freedom is had. In adults it is harder to dissolve the point of view only because of the many years that it has operated without being discovered. Once discovered it loses some of its power but it never disappears not like if it is got when the young person is forming his/her identity. Having this technology at that stage of life, is powerful and it is where I see most clearly that I can make a difference.
I'm also promoting talks on my book. The first one here is on Wednesday but I am meeting such resistance in terms of the venue not being willing to put up a poster. But it's strange this is only strengthening my resolve and my commitment each day is to take two actions to progress this.....
Sunday, 12 July 2009
The power of generosity.....
Secret Millionaire was on TV last night and I was so moved by what happened. Gary began his scrap metal business with a £100 loan given to him by his grandfather who was in the marines. With it he built up a business and became a multi-millionaire. He returned to his native city of Blackpool to look for good causes to give something back. What he said at the end of the programme really resonated with me. His joy when he gave a cheque to a hostel for the homeless and for parents to continue with their dream house to give holidays to kids who are terminally ill and their parents was real. He said that it was 'this generosity which had been missing from his life'. He had made all this money but had not given any of it away in this way and that had been the missing for him. At the end of the programme he had transformed how he was going to be with his family and had resolved to spend more time with them and he realised that what they wanted was him and his time, not material things.
In this programme is the fundamental secret for happiness for a human being and that is generosity. In the act of being generous, the consciousness is no longer concerned with me and what I have but connects with another to produce those feelings of joy and fulfillment. One of the ways in which the machinery of human works so that we don't do this is it produces thoughts of lack and scarcity and these thoughts of lack and scarcity stop us from being as generous as we need to be to be happy. It doesn't have to be money, it can be time, listening, doing something kind for someone that is totally unexpected. What is important is to do it and then observe the uplift of happiness.
When I returned after my visit to the society of metaphysicians and found a parking spot where usually it is impossible, I gave back by giving £5 to a homeless guy who was selling the big issue. I know that it is not a huge amount but the amount is not important. It is the giving that affirms to the universe that there is abundance and as a result abundance will come. If you look at all the millionaires they all have done or do some big charity work. Bill Gates set up a charitable foundation. Giving back in gratitude for what was been given if more is to become available is a fundamental law of the universe, as real as gravity and integrity. When thinking about what we really desire to have in life, we must also give some thought as to what is it we will give back in return when we get what we desire. To just have money without giving anything back is the reason why lots of people with money are not happy. The money becomes all about them and not about how some of it can be used to be of contribution. When thoughts or money become all about us our world is small and ever shrinking. The consciousness is designed to play big in every way, the constricting and restricting of it is what causes unhappiness in a human being, I assert. Generosity expands the consciousness, meaness shrinks it.
I spent this weekend with my friend who has adopted a beautiful baby girl from an orphanage in Gautemala. I was struck by the self-lessness of my friend, and in her, and the way she was with this little girl I saw the principle of generosity in all its strength and force. My friend is also happier because life now is no longer just about her but about how she can shape and train this little soul into being happy and it was so inspiring for me to spend the time with them.
I am determined this week to do some serious meditation and to let my consciousness free. I have no idea how it is going to work. Something has shifted though and I don't feel the fear around doing this that I did in the past. I also have to turn my mind to things practical and call up some people and ask them about doing the flyers that I need to get the meditation course of the ground in September. These days I have such freedom and ease that I know that those who come to this course will feel some benefit. My intention is to be of contribution by designing a course that will at least provide a glimpse of spiritual awakening. It is a huge request I am making to the universe but I believe with the strength of my desire for this that I can create it to happen.
For the first time I recognise the importance of desire in making anything happen. In the past I had thought that desire was at the route of all suffering. This was something I took from Buddhism. As a result I wouldn't allow myself to desire anything which has led me to the kind of life that I have. What I realise now is that it is not desire that is destructive but the attachment to that desire and so I have now shifted my consciousness so that I feel the emotion of desire and am now going to channel that desire into producing something tangible. This has been a major insight for me and has given me clarity around such a lot of things. I see once again how the mechanism of the identity that doesn't want me to play big gave me the thought that desire had to be uprooted if anything is to be achieved. When I uprooted desire, I uprooted my own ability to play big. The energy of desire galvanises the universe to put into place events and people that are needed to manifest that desire into something tangible. Without that desire, I was numb and the universe much more unresponsive than it wanted to be. I am aware though that having spent so many years dumbing down my desire that it is going to take some practicing on my part but I am more than prepared to put in the effort for what is possible.......
In this programme is the fundamental secret for happiness for a human being and that is generosity. In the act of being generous, the consciousness is no longer concerned with me and what I have but connects with another to produce those feelings of joy and fulfillment. One of the ways in which the machinery of human works so that we don't do this is it produces thoughts of lack and scarcity and these thoughts of lack and scarcity stop us from being as generous as we need to be to be happy. It doesn't have to be money, it can be time, listening, doing something kind for someone that is totally unexpected. What is important is to do it and then observe the uplift of happiness.
When I returned after my visit to the society of metaphysicians and found a parking spot where usually it is impossible, I gave back by giving £5 to a homeless guy who was selling the big issue. I know that it is not a huge amount but the amount is not important. It is the giving that affirms to the universe that there is abundance and as a result abundance will come. If you look at all the millionaires they all have done or do some big charity work. Bill Gates set up a charitable foundation. Giving back in gratitude for what was been given if more is to become available is a fundamental law of the universe, as real as gravity and integrity. When thinking about what we really desire to have in life, we must also give some thought as to what is it we will give back in return when we get what we desire. To just have money without giving anything back is the reason why lots of people with money are not happy. The money becomes all about them and not about how some of it can be used to be of contribution. When thoughts or money become all about us our world is small and ever shrinking. The consciousness is designed to play big in every way, the constricting and restricting of it is what causes unhappiness in a human being, I assert. Generosity expands the consciousness, meaness shrinks it.
I spent this weekend with my friend who has adopted a beautiful baby girl from an orphanage in Gautemala. I was struck by the self-lessness of my friend, and in her, and the way she was with this little girl I saw the principle of generosity in all its strength and force. My friend is also happier because life now is no longer just about her but about how she can shape and train this little soul into being happy and it was so inspiring for me to spend the time with them.
I am determined this week to do some serious meditation and to let my consciousness free. I have no idea how it is going to work. Something has shifted though and I don't feel the fear around doing this that I did in the past. I also have to turn my mind to things practical and call up some people and ask them about doing the flyers that I need to get the meditation course of the ground in September. These days I have such freedom and ease that I know that those who come to this course will feel some benefit. My intention is to be of contribution by designing a course that will at least provide a glimpse of spiritual awakening. It is a huge request I am making to the universe but I believe with the strength of my desire for this that I can create it to happen.
For the first time I recognise the importance of desire in making anything happen. In the past I had thought that desire was at the route of all suffering. This was something I took from Buddhism. As a result I wouldn't allow myself to desire anything which has led me to the kind of life that I have. What I realise now is that it is not desire that is destructive but the attachment to that desire and so I have now shifted my consciousness so that I feel the emotion of desire and am now going to channel that desire into producing something tangible. This has been a major insight for me and has given me clarity around such a lot of things. I see once again how the mechanism of the identity that doesn't want me to play big gave me the thought that desire had to be uprooted if anything is to be achieved. When I uprooted desire, I uprooted my own ability to play big. The energy of desire galvanises the universe to put into place events and people that are needed to manifest that desire into something tangible. Without that desire, I was numb and the universe much more unresponsive than it wanted to be. I am aware though that having spent so many years dumbing down my desire that it is going to take some practicing on my part but I am more than prepared to put in the effort for what is possible.......
Saturday, 11 July 2009
First case of swine flu victim to die....without underlying health considerations......must stay steady
I woke up this morning to news that I have known deep down is inevitable and that is the first death of a swine flu victim in the UK without the person having had any underlying health issues. Now more than ever it is going to be so important to the consciousness to remain steady and to hold nerve. I have spoken about the profound shift of consciousness that I assert the universe is gearing up for and I see this as part of the continuous onslaught of uneasy news that is such a feature of life these days. By staying steady the consciousness also remains calm so the shift when it comes will be easy and smooth. If we allow the mind to generate thoughts of fear and panic then this is going to effect the consciousness and the whole process will be more fraught than it needs to be.
It is also important in these turbulent times to have faith. That the world is perfect but is in a state of becoming, it is not a finished product and that everything that is happening is perfect for this time of evolution. Last night I had the privilege to watch Jonathan Ross interview Vivienne Westwood and her passion for the dangers of climate change for the entire human race really resonated with me. Her passion and her willingness to risk her privacy by appearing on Jonthan Ross to appeal to people to do more to reverse this process was so inspiring. Her passion for the cause was more important than the risk of what people might think of her for doing it. It acted as another wake-up call for me. It is this passion and inspiration that sees me at this computer when I should be on my way to catch a train to go to a friend's party. I have proclaimed this blog to be about the expansion of spiritual consciousness and so from where I see it, it's more important that people really get to recognise and acknowledge that there is a machinery driving the human consciousness. Once that machinery is seen, and accepted it no longer has the power and ceases at that point to be destructive. I would assert and I really don't know this so it is really my own opinion and view which is just as valid as every other opinion and view but I assert that it is this mass ignorance of the underlying machinery of human being which is creating all of the disharmony and the breaking down of old established structures that we see happening now.
You can ask why is it happening now.....I think it is because there are more people aware of a deeper inner impulse but they are ignoring it. The consciousness wants to shift on a mass scale to get ready for the next stage of evolution and it is not having an easy time because of peoples reluctance to really take themselves on. To be really honest and authentic about themselves and their lives, to do as Socrates said so many years ago which is 'know thyself'. But this is not wilful on the part of the person, it is the underlying machinery which is creating it this way, see the underlying machinery and that seeing will set the consciousness free. But it starts with doing something that will act as an obstacle to the machinery. A force going in one direction will continue until it meets something that stops it. Meditation or anything where a person can break free of the machinery acts as that 'something'. We are so inextricably bound up with our thoughts and feelings and think that these are who we are but it is not, they are part of the underlying machinery that drives the phenomenon of human being.
Consciousness seems to be the reward for the development of homo sapiens but the cost has been this tension between the light and dark. If we look back, first there was the mineral phase, then plant, then animal and now human and I assert that the next stage will have something to do with consciousness and perception. I think that perception will be expanded so that the consciousness will be able to perceive more than it does who knows perhaps altered states will become natural and no longer need to be drug induced...maybe other realms which are denied to the consciousness now by the limits of our perception......it is all very exciting which is why it is important to stay steady.
Now...I have to catch that train. A good way to practice staying steady is to begin not to react to little things that happen. By staying steady when little things don't work out it is training the consciousness not to panic when bigger things might come. This blog entry is in no way meant to scare. The advice everywhere is not to panic and I say exactly the same thing..... Anyway, what's the use of panic.....never solved anything and it's not likely to do so in the future....
It is also important in these turbulent times to have faith. That the world is perfect but is in a state of becoming, it is not a finished product and that everything that is happening is perfect for this time of evolution. Last night I had the privilege to watch Jonathan Ross interview Vivienne Westwood and her passion for the dangers of climate change for the entire human race really resonated with me. Her passion and her willingness to risk her privacy by appearing on Jonthan Ross to appeal to people to do more to reverse this process was so inspiring. Her passion for the cause was more important than the risk of what people might think of her for doing it. It acted as another wake-up call for me. It is this passion and inspiration that sees me at this computer when I should be on my way to catch a train to go to a friend's party. I have proclaimed this blog to be about the expansion of spiritual consciousness and so from where I see it, it's more important that people really get to recognise and acknowledge that there is a machinery driving the human consciousness. Once that machinery is seen, and accepted it no longer has the power and ceases at that point to be destructive. I would assert and I really don't know this so it is really my own opinion and view which is just as valid as every other opinion and view but I assert that it is this mass ignorance of the underlying machinery of human being which is creating all of the disharmony and the breaking down of old established structures that we see happening now.
You can ask why is it happening now.....I think it is because there are more people aware of a deeper inner impulse but they are ignoring it. The consciousness wants to shift on a mass scale to get ready for the next stage of evolution and it is not having an easy time because of peoples reluctance to really take themselves on. To be really honest and authentic about themselves and their lives, to do as Socrates said so many years ago which is 'know thyself'. But this is not wilful on the part of the person, it is the underlying machinery which is creating it this way, see the underlying machinery and that seeing will set the consciousness free. But it starts with doing something that will act as an obstacle to the machinery. A force going in one direction will continue until it meets something that stops it. Meditation or anything where a person can break free of the machinery acts as that 'something'. We are so inextricably bound up with our thoughts and feelings and think that these are who we are but it is not, they are part of the underlying machinery that drives the phenomenon of human being.
Consciousness seems to be the reward for the development of homo sapiens but the cost has been this tension between the light and dark. If we look back, first there was the mineral phase, then plant, then animal and now human and I assert that the next stage will have something to do with consciousness and perception. I think that perception will be expanded so that the consciousness will be able to perceive more than it does who knows perhaps altered states will become natural and no longer need to be drug induced...maybe other realms which are denied to the consciousness now by the limits of our perception......it is all very exciting which is why it is important to stay steady.
Now...I have to catch that train. A good way to practice staying steady is to begin not to react to little things that happen. By staying steady when little things don't work out it is training the consciousness not to panic when bigger things might come. This blog entry is in no way meant to scare. The advice everywhere is not to panic and I say exactly the same thing..... Anyway, what's the use of panic.....never solved anything and it's not likely to do so in the future....
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