Since writing my blog entry a couple of days ago, I have been pondering hard on the left brain/right brain split and the different functions each side of the brain performs. I have noticed that once a young person reaches puberty that I don't seem to relate to them as well as I did when they were young. I had a painful example of this with the child of a friend of mine. I got to know this child from when he was a young boy. When he was young we had great chats about magic and being anything that he wanted to be. He loved those programmes about superhero's with special powers and I love these too. I told him that it is possible for humans to have those powers, he can have those powers. These times were magical.
Then he hit puberty and one time I went to visit and he was different with me. Eventually he said to me 'you lied to me'. I was so shocked I just said 'what did I lie about'. He said 'you told me that I could have special powers but that's all a lie, there is no special powers there is just technology, this is where the power is'. I was so shocked. How could I explain to this young adult now that I firmly believe in magic and the ability of humans to have special powers and that I hadn't lied. Since then that young adult boy has never been there when I have called and has refused invitations to come to visit me. I am sad about this but I see it as the shift of consciousness that characterises puberty. I've seen it happen in my nieces also and I have been powerless to change it.
The consciousness continues to operate mostly from the left side of the brain in most adults until old age is reached where I assert the consciousness shifts back to the right. The lack of sight in my right eye has in some way not been able to shift the consciousness from the right to the left and so I live in the spiritual/mystical consciousness of the right brain. I think spiritual awakening and transformation such as that which happened to Eckhart Tolle is nothing more than the shift of consciousness from the left to the right brain. The consciousness is so totally different from that of the left side of the brain that the person zones out in a state of bliss finally coming back and integrating all of the experiences. Eckhart is now very grounded but he will admit that when his consciousness first shifted that he spent a couple of years living on park benches in a state of bliss. I haven't had this shift so that I don't zone out in states sof bliss. I am the witness of it all. I am aware it is there but I never lose my groundedness and for that I am so grateful.
I've had my second weekend of my training to be a leader and I am amazed at how everything is coming together for this training in a way that hasn't happened before. The power of the vision I had that this is what I was going to do has given me a power and potency that is not of me. I am the possibility of powerful listening and bold leadership and it feels so good to declare that at the beginning of this training. I met the woman I used to live with yesterday and I was amazed at how clearly I was able to see what was going on in her world and to be straight about what she was saying occurred to me without the fear of disapproval or of upsetting her and the conversation was just so great. When I was leaving her, she confirmed my possibility when she said 'you are such a great listener, calms me down'. I thought my heart would burst with happiness and I realised that this is the whole purpose for life as a human being and that is to make a difference. To leave everyone I speak to satisfied, complete, appreciated and respected and in this process I grow in power, freedom and self-expression.....
Friday, 11 September 2009
Thursday, 10 September 2009
The wait is finally over....I didn't get the job
This morning I received a phone call giving me the news that I hadn't got the six months maternity cover job I had applied for. Some time ago the guy from the gym gave me an ipod as a present and on it he had uploaded many motivational audio-books. I had started listening to them for an hour each morning before I got up. This morning I was listening to Stephen Covey's book 'The 7 habits of highly effective people'. I really became alert when the section started on brain dominance and was amazed when he said about the differences between the left brain and the right brain. He said that the left brain is for management and the right brain is for leadership. Something about this statement resonated strongly with me. The eye and the brain are connected and I have long asserted that because I don't have sight in my right eye that my left brain is not as developed as my right, which has developed more to compensate for the lack of activity in the left. This is why I feel so at home with spiritual energy and there is no learning involved for me. On the other hand this blog is littered with instances where I have struggled with spreadsheets and things of a management flavour. I saw in a flash that I have everything it takes for leadership and nothing for management.
So when the phone call came today I was much less disappointed than I would have been if I hadn't had this insight. In fact, there was some relief. This is not the first time I have made this link. I have written letters to optometrists asking them about the link between the eye and the brain and the few answers I have got have been vague. But I am sure that there is a link between the lack of sight in my right eye and my very poor left brain abilities. And to think....that I was once again going to put myself in a high level management position. That would have been crazy. So not being successful in getting this job has been a blessing for me. I would have been happy going back to see everyone I left behind and thank you once again to that kind person who sent me the link to the job description but it wouldn't have been too long before the reality of the lack of left brain abilities would emerge. I am going to own my huge potential to be a leader and have the full self-expression that characterises a leader. I am aware that the path of someone like me who is right brain dominant is not as easy or smooth as someone who is left brain dominant but I'm tired of being like a square peg forcing myself all the time to fit into a round hole.
What is also interesting is that some years ago I sent off a book proposal to many editors for a book that I was going to call 'Right brained woman living in a left brained world', but I didn't have any success with this either. Maybe it's going to be after I shuffle off this mortal coil that the link between the eye, brain and spirituality will be discovered....I feel certain that the profound spiritual/mystical experiences I have is more to do with advanced right brain development than a Divine throw of the dice where I got lucky. I suppose I did get lucky in that my refusal to wear horrible glasses when the condition was diagnosed when I was a child meant that I have co-operated with everything that has happened...
What a strange day....
So when the phone call came today I was much less disappointed than I would have been if I hadn't had this insight. In fact, there was some relief. This is not the first time I have made this link. I have written letters to optometrists asking them about the link between the eye and the brain and the few answers I have got have been vague. But I am sure that there is a link between the lack of sight in my right eye and my very poor left brain abilities. And to think....that I was once again going to put myself in a high level management position. That would have been crazy. So not being successful in getting this job has been a blessing for me. I would have been happy going back to see everyone I left behind and thank you once again to that kind person who sent me the link to the job description but it wouldn't have been too long before the reality of the lack of left brain abilities would emerge. I am going to own my huge potential to be a leader and have the full self-expression that characterises a leader. I am aware that the path of someone like me who is right brain dominant is not as easy or smooth as someone who is left brain dominant but I'm tired of being like a square peg forcing myself all the time to fit into a round hole.
What is also interesting is that some years ago I sent off a book proposal to many editors for a book that I was going to call 'Right brained woman living in a left brained world', but I didn't have any success with this either. Maybe it's going to be after I shuffle off this mortal coil that the link between the eye, brain and spirituality will be discovered....I feel certain that the profound spiritual/mystical experiences I have is more to do with advanced right brain development than a Divine throw of the dice where I got lucky. I suppose I did get lucky in that my refusal to wear horrible glasses when the condition was diagnosed when I was a child meant that I have co-operated with everything that has happened...
What a strange day....
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
wow....I really feel....like I have come home...
This weekend was without doubt the most powerful weekend I have ever done. It was challenging, confronting, rewarding and transformational. When I started on the weekend I was a bag of self-consciousness. I have emerged burning with the desire to listen to what people are dealing with and what matters to them and to reliably deliver that which will make a difference and in the process leave each person transformed with more power, freedom and self-expression and I can't think of a better purpose or game to have for the rest of my life. The training is no longer about me but about how I can deliver that which reliably makes a difference and yet it is all about me. It is about me because if there is any area in which my integrity is out the universe will not enable me to make this difference. Integrity is just as real a law as gravity and like gravity cannot be violated without consequence.
I also recognise that this training is about my life, it is not about training with an organisation, for an organisation but it is the training that is going to make me powerful, free and fully self-expressed in every situation to make a difference. In the past I separated this training from my life and what resulted was overwhelm as there is not enough space for both. This has shifted my entire context and from the weekend I re-committed to being a leader for children and young people. Many at the weekend were young people and their energy and commitment and love of life was just so infectious and I want to do my part in having more happy young people like were on this weekend. I think of how different my life might have been if I had the tools to be happy, free and self-expressed in every situation. There is a definite difference between those whose parents had them do this training at an early age and us adults who found it late in life. There is an ease, joy, confidence and fun because they have understood at an early age that life is essentially empty and meaningless and so they are having fun in life and creating and playing big games and this is so inspiring to me.
I have often written about the inner conflict that we all experience as human beings. There is a part of us that doesn't want to grow and expand and it will do everything in its power to ensure that this doesn't happen. I had a first hand experience of this which I want to write about here. At the weekend we had to put together a schedule of commitments. I took care with mine and handed it in. I got the confirmed one back and put all of the commitments in my diary and I didn't notice anything amiss. Returned home on Sunday night so happy with my choice for the next six months. On Monday morning I woke up and briefly looked at my schedule....noooo...it's not possible.....how could I have double-booked myself. Immediately my identity went 'see, you can't even put together a proper schedule, how are you going to do these six months that are going to demand more of you than anything ever has. you should leave'. I am so grateful to my Buddhist training which gave me the concept of 'the witness' so I could watch this rant with more amusement than panic. I had a direct experience of how that part of me that doesn't want me to grow and expand was out to sabotage it if I let it. I did experience frustration and a sense of 'not being able to do anything right'. But then I realised that it wasn't me, it was the identity that is hell bent on survival and not on expansion.
I acknowledged this inner rant and then made the choice to clean up this lack of integrity. To my surprise when I spoke to the person who had put in all the work to ensure that the schedules worked she was so great, laughed and said 'you have had your first breakdown, what will you put in place in the future to ensure it doesn't happen again'. I realised that if I had put in all of my appointments into my diary that wouldn't have happened so I committed to have everything in my diary and re-scheduled my botched up commitment and that was it. I didn't make myself bad or wrong which is where I usually go when I find that I have messed up. All there was to do was to re-commit and put in place something so it wouldn't happen again. This was such a useful lesson for me, I really saw what lengths the identity will go to to sabotage the whole process. I didn't see the error when I was in a position to do something about it. I saw it when there was nothing I could do immediately and the identity could get in there with all kinds of negative self-talk about me and my capacity to do this training. Hell bent to make me give it up. I would really like to acknowledge my Buddhist training that gave me the concept of the witness because from it I can see exactly the game that is being played out in human being.
I am not unique. I would assert that when we quit anything it is because the identity senses in whatever it is that there is the potential for growth and expansion and as it's main purpose is its own survival, it then puts into the mind all kinds of thoughts about quitting. Another weapon it has is that of finding fault about whatever it is which can become so strong that the person finds themselves leaving and using all kinds of reasons as a justification. I don't know this to be true and I'm not asserting that it is...just something to consider. This is how it occurs for me.
When I look back, I began this training with the aim of doing the training to work with children. The first weekend I helped out to see what went on before I committed myself, I had a vicious argument with a woman there (I don't have vicious arguments) and I ended up walking out. It was only the persistent contact of the organisation with me for no reason other than to keep in contact which slowly brought me back. What I see now is that my identity saw the threat here and I didn't have enough self-awareness at that time to see what was really going on and make the choice to stay. The identity won the battle round that time.....but its time is up now. Although, I can't say that because all that happens is that it gets exposed in one form, goes underground to recover, and then emerges as another form, far more subtle and this is the game....the game the ONE PLAYS WITH THE MANY.......
Tonight I have my kundalini yoga which I am looking forward to. I can really feel the effects of this energy in the sharpness of my intuitions and insights. What is strange given all that I intuit is why it's not my path to share any of this openly and not just through a blog. I didn't receive one phone call from anyone about the talk last Thursday night nor any interest in the meditation course. But as it happens, I'm so busy and am going to put some energy into putting together ideas for articles. I've come back from this weekend with so much energy and eagerness to put together ideas and send them to editors. I have a list of editors for magazines in mind, body, spirit and so will send off some ideas and then create a game for if any of them are successful. I've also made the choice not to speak on You Tube....at least...not for now.......
Today I met a guy who was on the journalism course with me. He was without doubt one of the most talented of us but he told me that he still doesn't have a job as a reporter. I couldn't believe it because he got a great NCTJ qualification result and 100% accuracy at a high speed in shorthand. The irony is that by the time he does get a job his shorthand is likely to be rusty. He is young and when I saw how fed up he was I suggested the training I am doing. Not that it's the only thing but I know that it shifts things which are stuck and not going anywhere. And as I said to him 'what do you have to lose, whatever you're doing at the moment, it ain't working'. I was amazed at how free and easy I was about it. Since I declared my stand for children I am so free and easy speaking about it to adults. I know that it makes a difference in what's important to people. And it's the quickest route I know to bring about major shifts in life....but it's not.....the only one
I also recognise that this training is about my life, it is not about training with an organisation, for an organisation but it is the training that is going to make me powerful, free and fully self-expressed in every situation to make a difference. In the past I separated this training from my life and what resulted was overwhelm as there is not enough space for both. This has shifted my entire context and from the weekend I re-committed to being a leader for children and young people. Many at the weekend were young people and their energy and commitment and love of life was just so infectious and I want to do my part in having more happy young people like were on this weekend. I think of how different my life might have been if I had the tools to be happy, free and self-expressed in every situation. There is a definite difference between those whose parents had them do this training at an early age and us adults who found it late in life. There is an ease, joy, confidence and fun because they have understood at an early age that life is essentially empty and meaningless and so they are having fun in life and creating and playing big games and this is so inspiring to me.
I have often written about the inner conflict that we all experience as human beings. There is a part of us that doesn't want to grow and expand and it will do everything in its power to ensure that this doesn't happen. I had a first hand experience of this which I want to write about here. At the weekend we had to put together a schedule of commitments. I took care with mine and handed it in. I got the confirmed one back and put all of the commitments in my diary and I didn't notice anything amiss. Returned home on Sunday night so happy with my choice for the next six months. On Monday morning I woke up and briefly looked at my schedule....noooo...it's not possible.....how could I have double-booked myself. Immediately my identity went 'see, you can't even put together a proper schedule, how are you going to do these six months that are going to demand more of you than anything ever has. you should leave'. I am so grateful to my Buddhist training which gave me the concept of 'the witness' so I could watch this rant with more amusement than panic. I had a direct experience of how that part of me that doesn't want me to grow and expand was out to sabotage it if I let it. I did experience frustration and a sense of 'not being able to do anything right'. But then I realised that it wasn't me, it was the identity that is hell bent on survival and not on expansion.
I acknowledged this inner rant and then made the choice to clean up this lack of integrity. To my surprise when I spoke to the person who had put in all the work to ensure that the schedules worked she was so great, laughed and said 'you have had your first breakdown, what will you put in place in the future to ensure it doesn't happen again'. I realised that if I had put in all of my appointments into my diary that wouldn't have happened so I committed to have everything in my diary and re-scheduled my botched up commitment and that was it. I didn't make myself bad or wrong which is where I usually go when I find that I have messed up. All there was to do was to re-commit and put in place something so it wouldn't happen again. This was such a useful lesson for me, I really saw what lengths the identity will go to to sabotage the whole process. I didn't see the error when I was in a position to do something about it. I saw it when there was nothing I could do immediately and the identity could get in there with all kinds of negative self-talk about me and my capacity to do this training. Hell bent to make me give it up. I would really like to acknowledge my Buddhist training that gave me the concept of the witness because from it I can see exactly the game that is being played out in human being.
I am not unique. I would assert that when we quit anything it is because the identity senses in whatever it is that there is the potential for growth and expansion and as it's main purpose is its own survival, it then puts into the mind all kinds of thoughts about quitting. Another weapon it has is that of finding fault about whatever it is which can become so strong that the person finds themselves leaving and using all kinds of reasons as a justification. I don't know this to be true and I'm not asserting that it is...just something to consider. This is how it occurs for me.
When I look back, I began this training with the aim of doing the training to work with children. The first weekend I helped out to see what went on before I committed myself, I had a vicious argument with a woman there (I don't have vicious arguments) and I ended up walking out. It was only the persistent contact of the organisation with me for no reason other than to keep in contact which slowly brought me back. What I see now is that my identity saw the threat here and I didn't have enough self-awareness at that time to see what was really going on and make the choice to stay. The identity won the battle round that time.....but its time is up now. Although, I can't say that because all that happens is that it gets exposed in one form, goes underground to recover, and then emerges as another form, far more subtle and this is the game....the game the ONE PLAYS WITH THE MANY.......
Tonight I have my kundalini yoga which I am looking forward to. I can really feel the effects of this energy in the sharpness of my intuitions and insights. What is strange given all that I intuit is why it's not my path to share any of this openly and not just through a blog. I didn't receive one phone call from anyone about the talk last Thursday night nor any interest in the meditation course. But as it happens, I'm so busy and am going to put some energy into putting together ideas for articles. I've come back from this weekend with so much energy and eagerness to put together ideas and send them to editors. I have a list of editors for magazines in mind, body, spirit and so will send off some ideas and then create a game for if any of them are successful. I've also made the choice not to speak on You Tube....at least...not for now.......
Today I met a guy who was on the journalism course with me. He was without doubt one of the most talented of us but he told me that he still doesn't have a job as a reporter. I couldn't believe it because he got a great NCTJ qualification result and 100% accuracy at a high speed in shorthand. The irony is that by the time he does get a job his shorthand is likely to be rusty. He is young and when I saw how fed up he was I suggested the training I am doing. Not that it's the only thing but I know that it shifts things which are stuck and not going anywhere. And as I said to him 'what do you have to lose, whatever you're doing at the moment, it ain't working'. I was amazed at how free and easy I was about it. Since I declared my stand for children I am so free and easy speaking about it to adults. I know that it makes a difference in what's important to people. And it's the quickest route I know to bring about major shifts in life....but it's not.....the only one
Friday, 4 September 2009
My first full weekend.....of the leadership training....
I woke up this morning full of delicious anticipation for the weekend. I can't believe how organised I am for this training. Everything is flowing so well and I read somewhere that when life is easy and flows that whatever one is doing is in line with what the universe wishes. I had a dental appointment and then was meeting the people who are renting my flat. The woman has just been made redundant so I didn't know what to expect. But it was all great and everything is resolved to enable me to continue with the life I have. My dentist who I have been with for many years asked me what I was doing that I looked so well and happy. I said simply 'I am in integrity'. He looked a little bemused and said 'that's good, it's definitely working'.
I had been having pain in a tooth which is why I made the appointment and was dreading the word 'hundreds of pounds' for any dental work that I needed but to my surprise he said that he couldn't see any decay and it might be a small infection and gave me a prescription for anti-biotics so that was also a lovely welcome surprise.
And now I am early for the start of this training and am in an internet cafe. Earlier in the week I took out my manual and reading the principles on which the training is based brought a different level of clarity to something I knew intuitively was very powerful. Having the manual and seeing how the training is put together and learning off paragraphs has given me the access to looking at life in a whole different way. I was reminded about how much I love books and study and this training is not about the intellect and doing mental gymnastics it's about inspiring others to have these tools to have a life which is magical in every way. The life I now live is better than anything I could ever have imagined. But it took me the courage to trust in the benevolence of the universe and once that inner calling came to trust and act on it.
This morning before I left I looked on You Tube for videos on the Kundalini energy and I found one which quite shocked me. The lady who was doing it was so cavalier about waking the energy, it felt like she was teasing it and taunting it a little which really shocked me. I felt the strongest urge to find a way to warn her about what she was playing with having an attitude like that to such a powerful energy which is more a fire than an energy. But I am not here to rescue anyone. I have to trust in the innate intelligence of the energy and why it rises and when it rises. Me feeling like this is simply me being judgemental and superior.
My time is about out now........
I had been having pain in a tooth which is why I made the appointment and was dreading the word 'hundreds of pounds' for any dental work that I needed but to my surprise he said that he couldn't see any decay and it might be a small infection and gave me a prescription for anti-biotics so that was also a lovely welcome surprise.
And now I am early for the start of this training and am in an internet cafe. Earlier in the week I took out my manual and reading the principles on which the training is based brought a different level of clarity to something I knew intuitively was very powerful. Having the manual and seeing how the training is put together and learning off paragraphs has given me the access to looking at life in a whole different way. I was reminded about how much I love books and study and this training is not about the intellect and doing mental gymnastics it's about inspiring others to have these tools to have a life which is magical in every way. The life I now live is better than anything I could ever have imagined. But it took me the courage to trust in the benevolence of the universe and once that inner calling came to trust and act on it.
This morning before I left I looked on You Tube for videos on the Kundalini energy and I found one which quite shocked me. The lady who was doing it was so cavalier about waking the energy, it felt like she was teasing it and taunting it a little which really shocked me. I felt the strongest urge to find a way to warn her about what she was playing with having an attitude like that to such a powerful energy which is more a fire than an energy. But I am not here to rescue anyone. I have to trust in the innate intelligence of the energy and why it rises and when it rises. Me feeling like this is simply me being judgemental and superior.
My time is about out now........
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Feeling uncertain and sad....
This evening was to be the evening where I gave a presentation on my book and also took bookings for the six week meditation course which was to start later in the month. None of that is now happening. My gut instinct about the shop not wanting to host it was correct. I had friends down on Saturday and a psychic shop is always a big draw and so they wanted to go in and look around when we were passing it. I went in as well and immediately saw the people who had taken the booking. It was so awkward. I just said hello to them. No mention was made about the booking. I had sent emails, none of which were returned so I knew that the initial enthusiasm that was shown to me for whatever reason is no longer. A poster I had put up in another place promoting the events had been taken down and when I asked 'why', no-one knew anything about it. So what am I to make all of this mean. It is not my path to spend the rest of my life speaking about the amazing powerful energy that rests at the base of all of our spines. That experience was for me personally and not to share. I have written everything in my book and am aware that I gave a promise to put a video of the entire event on you tube - something that I am now really resisting.
Yesterday, I got the programme from another mind, body spirit centre and was struck by how many people there are talking about stillness, consciousness, enlightenment. All of these people can manage to do it....what is it that is missing for me. Perhaps it is like this to clear the way so that I can commit fully to the intensity of what the next six months are going to bring. Every morning I wake up and my commitment to be a powerful leader for children and young people gets even stronger and burns even brighter. From now on, my life is not about me but about where I can make the best contribution and the biggest impact.....everything I need I will create...
I spent a lot of time today in the gym. This energy is powerful and I find that I also have to do some running and cycling to feel grounded after the yoga. I particularly love spinning and always have done. Today I did a class and really focussed on connecting with the energy at the base of the spine and and the second and third energy centres or what are called the chakras. The first three chakras are the human chakras and the remaining four are the Divine chakras. Life as a human consists of working to free the blocked energy from the first three so that the energy can rise unobstructed through the spine to the crown of the head where it triggers the awakening of normally dormant areas in the brain. The awakening of these areas results in spiritual insights and intuitions as well as psychic phenomena.
After the class I had booked in for a free revolutionary treatment called hypoxi. It works by targetting those areas of the body where the circulation is slow and as a result fat accumulates. I was shown into this room with a white pod like machine in the middle. The guy who was running it explained how it worked. I was strapped to a heart monitor and then this what I can only describe as a corset like thing was put over my head and I had to pull it down until it was at stomach level - then it was tightened - I'm lucky I have any breath left to write this. He opened up the door of this pod and i stepped into it. A complicated process of strapping me in and bringing this corset like thing up so that it wrapped around some kind of table in front of me completed the preparation. He set up a DVD and set the machine off. I had to pedal like I was cycling a bike which wasn't a problem given all the group cycling I have done in the past. Then this corset thing started to have a life of its own and began to squeeze me so tightly. At the point where I thought I would have to send out a red alert the pressure lifted and this was the format for the 20 minutes of this treatment. This incredible pressure and then release.
After 20 minutes I felt lightheaded but also good. It might have been my imagination but I also thought that my jeans felt looser around the waist. The treatment works by speeding up circulation to those areas where circulation is slow so that fat can burn. I began the treatment feeling quite sceptical but now I think given the choice of this and the surgeon's knife that this is definitely better. It costs £25 for 30 minutes which isn't at all bad given how much other treatments are. The snag is that a course of 12 sessions is recommended which makes it pricey, but it was a nice treat for myself on this disappointing and strange day.....
Yesterday, I got the programme from another mind, body spirit centre and was struck by how many people there are talking about stillness, consciousness, enlightenment. All of these people can manage to do it....what is it that is missing for me. Perhaps it is like this to clear the way so that I can commit fully to the intensity of what the next six months are going to bring. Every morning I wake up and my commitment to be a powerful leader for children and young people gets even stronger and burns even brighter. From now on, my life is not about me but about where I can make the best contribution and the biggest impact.....everything I need I will create...
I spent a lot of time today in the gym. This energy is powerful and I find that I also have to do some running and cycling to feel grounded after the yoga. I particularly love spinning and always have done. Today I did a class and really focussed on connecting with the energy at the base of the spine and and the second and third energy centres or what are called the chakras. The first three chakras are the human chakras and the remaining four are the Divine chakras. Life as a human consists of working to free the blocked energy from the first three so that the energy can rise unobstructed through the spine to the crown of the head where it triggers the awakening of normally dormant areas in the brain. The awakening of these areas results in spiritual insights and intuitions as well as psychic phenomena.
After the class I had booked in for a free revolutionary treatment called hypoxi. It works by targetting those areas of the body where the circulation is slow and as a result fat accumulates. I was shown into this room with a white pod like machine in the middle. The guy who was running it explained how it worked. I was strapped to a heart monitor and then this what I can only describe as a corset like thing was put over my head and I had to pull it down until it was at stomach level - then it was tightened - I'm lucky I have any breath left to write this. He opened up the door of this pod and i stepped into it. A complicated process of strapping me in and bringing this corset like thing up so that it wrapped around some kind of table in front of me completed the preparation. He set up a DVD and set the machine off. I had to pedal like I was cycling a bike which wasn't a problem given all the group cycling I have done in the past. Then this corset thing started to have a life of its own and began to squeeze me so tightly. At the point where I thought I would have to send out a red alert the pressure lifted and this was the format for the 20 minutes of this treatment. This incredible pressure and then release.
After 20 minutes I felt lightheaded but also good. It might have been my imagination but I also thought that my jeans felt looser around the waist. The treatment works by speeding up circulation to those areas where circulation is slow so that fat can burn. I began the treatment feeling quite sceptical but now I think given the choice of this and the surgeon's knife that this is definitely better. It costs £25 for 30 minutes which isn't at all bad given how much other treatments are. The snag is that a course of 12 sessions is recommended which makes it pricey, but it was a nice treat for myself on this disappointing and strange day.....
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Aagh....no....it's not possible....the Kundalini yoga class at the gym is under threat.....nooo..
When I got to the gym last night the news was given that due to the low numbers of people coming to this class that it is under review and maybe withdrawn. I can't believe it. It took me so long to go near this kind of yoga and now that I finally conquered my fear of it and absolutely love it, it's in danger of being taken away. But this is so typical of the spiritual path. Nothing can be attached to. The whole of the spiritual journey is the journey of letting go. I have found Kundalini yoga now and if it is to go, then this is what is meant to happen. I will simply look on you tube and do some of the exercises from there. But the human aspect of me will be devastated if it is withdrawn. I have signed a petition to keep it going but the choice is not mine and I accept this.
The class last night was more strenuous and afterwards I felt quite spaced out. In the dressing room I spoke to a woman who had said in the class that it was only her second time to do Kundalini yoga. I asked her how she had found it. She looked at me and said 'it is very interesting'. Then I had a thought that I had lost my keys so as she continued saying 'the first time I did I found myself crying and now this time when we were relaxing at the end I was really shaking', I was feverishly rooting through my bag for my keys and so didn't really pay attention. As a result my reaction to this was very casual and non-significant. I said 'oh yes, this is usual' but my mind was on looking for what I thought was my lost keys. I found them as she was saying 'so I don't understand it, but I'm going to keep coming, bye see you next week'. Walking home I thought how funny it was that I thought I had lost my keys because I never lose my keys. What I saw was that if I hadn't been pre-occupied with my keys I would have got so excited and gone into all kinds of things about what caused the crying and shaking and perhaps scared her a little with my intensity. Being pre-occupied with my keys meant that my reaction to what she said was not significant and so she saw nothing unusual in my reaction to what had happened to her.
I think this is my main concern about Kundalini yoga is that it is intended to rise the energy that lies dormant at the base of all of our spines and people are not aware that it exists. They then come to a class and do intense exercises which are geared towards waking that which lies dormant, have reactions they they don't understand and in some ways are then at the mercy of this energy. From my experience I think that not having fear around this energy is the best way to ensure its safe rising. I am so glad that my reaction to this woman was so relaxed and non-reactive. It is a lesson I will take with me whenever anyone speaks to me about the signs of kundalini awakening....
The class last night was more strenuous and afterwards I felt quite spaced out. In the dressing room I spoke to a woman who had said in the class that it was only her second time to do Kundalini yoga. I asked her how she had found it. She looked at me and said 'it is very interesting'. Then I had a thought that I had lost my keys so as she continued saying 'the first time I did I found myself crying and now this time when we were relaxing at the end I was really shaking', I was feverishly rooting through my bag for my keys and so didn't really pay attention. As a result my reaction to this was very casual and non-significant. I said 'oh yes, this is usual' but my mind was on looking for what I thought was my lost keys. I found them as she was saying 'so I don't understand it, but I'm going to keep coming, bye see you next week'. Walking home I thought how funny it was that I thought I had lost my keys because I never lose my keys. What I saw was that if I hadn't been pre-occupied with my keys I would have got so excited and gone into all kinds of things about what caused the crying and shaking and perhaps scared her a little with my intensity. Being pre-occupied with my keys meant that my reaction to what she said was not significant and so she saw nothing unusual in my reaction to what had happened to her.
I think this is my main concern about Kundalini yoga is that it is intended to rise the energy that lies dormant at the base of all of our spines and people are not aware that it exists. They then come to a class and do intense exercises which are geared towards waking that which lies dormant, have reactions they they don't understand and in some ways are then at the mercy of this energy. From my experience I think that not having fear around this energy is the best way to ensure its safe rising. I am so glad that my reaction to this woman was so relaxed and non-reactive. It is a lesson I will take with me whenever anyone speaks to me about the signs of kundalini awakening....
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
It's been an amazing week in terms of ups and downs. Last Friday I started my training to be a leader for children and young people and from now on I have to be very careful about what I write about this training but I am so pleased that I have stayed steady with my choice to do it. I know that it's going to be the most intense few months of my life to date but I also know that out of it I will be a powerful leader for children and young people. I never like to share at the front of the room but on Friday I stood up and declared that this is what I was training for. I sat down and couldn't remember what I had said. It just seemed important somehow to find the courage to stand up and declare it in front of a room of 70 people. I was shaking when I sat down but was so glad that I had done it. I feel sure that with the help of the awakened energy there is within me that I have what it takes to make a difference to the lives of children and young people. All I have to do is to get myself out of the way.
My flatmate had some friends down for the bankholiday weekend and on Sunday night we watched 'The curious case of Benjamin Button' I was so struck by the way the story developed and the physical transition of beginning off with the physical appearance of an old man and the brain of a child ending with the physical appearance of a child with a brain suffering from dementia. I feel like that, that as I get older that I am getting younger both in appearance and in my thinking and attitude to life. Is this also what the energy does, does it make the consciousness more childlike and playful. There is definitely a shift in my consciousness towards being more childlike and it is showing itself in how well I get on with the children of my friends. It's such a fascinating process this whole thing.
There are occasions in my life where I receive an inner instruction which I simply have to obey. The first was to leave my job when I did and the second one was to train to be a leader for children. These instructions come to me in visual flashes and are different to the process I go through when choosing other actions. It is hard to write about the clarity of these flashes and their compelling nature. I have learned to distinguish these from others and act on these with surrender and complete confidence. For the first time in this training I have an empowering context that will keep me going when my identity wants me to quit. The guy from the gym is also doing this training with me which is ironic because I introduced him to the training a couple of years ago and he is now at the same level as me. This makes this an interesting dynamic for me because I have never done any training with someone who knows me outside of this training context. It introduces an emotional component which there hasn't been for me before. I saw him on Friday night for the first time in many months and there was both an ease and an anxiousness which I don't understand. I know that I was much more aware than I would have been at this training. He also pushed me to stand up and share which had an effect! So this is going to be an interesting six months. I will try to write as much as I can without breaking a policy but some may be cryptic.
I was also grateful anew to how my experience with kundalini has been so graceful when I spoke with a woman who had her kundalini awakened with very different effects. She has also published her story and she gave it to me to read on Friday night and when I had finished reading it I just looked at her in complete awe as to how she can be as grounded as she is given the intensity of the experience and what she went through. I don't know why I have been so lucky as to have had nothing but bliss, peace and calm from my experience of this energy and that is why I want to be the best leader that I can be. To be a great leader for me means me really being able to get into anothers world and for them to get their greatness. To see beyond the identity that wants to keep them small and unhappy to their soul which is waiting so patiently for the gifts it so wants to give. I know without a doubt that the training that I have started on is going to give me the tools for doing this.
Tonight I have my kundalini yoga and I am so excited. It seems hard to believe that I feel so comfortable with it given how I wrote in earlier blogs that I would never intentionally work with this energy and now I am looking at ways to continue it when the training means I have to travel and won't be around for the classes. On Sunday I was walking along the seafront and came across a stall that sold punjabi tops. Obeying a strong impulse I picked a white one from the hanger and held it against me. Up to now I have been doing the yoga gym clothes and it hasn't felt respectful. This was a long white respectable punjabi suit and I felt such a strong urge to buy it. I asked the man how much it was and he said £10. I haggled and said 'will you give it to me for £8. He said 'yes, for cash'. I looked in my purse and only had £5 in cash. We both stood there. I knew that I wanted that top. Then he looked at me and said 'I can see you are honest, if I give it to you for £5 will you come back next Sunday and given me the £3'. I looked at him straight in the eye and said 'yes, I promise I will come back the Sunday after next when I am here'. He took the top and put it into a bag and said 'I trust you'. I said 'you will see me again, took my bag and left. The friends I was with couldn't believe that he would have done that but I know the power of desire now and I was going to have that top no matter what it took so that I could work with the kundalini energy with respect. Aagh....this is completely barmy what is happening to me. Never did I think that I would get like this....
I am also lucky financially in that the tenants in my flat have said they like the energy of my flat and want to stay longer. I am so convinced that when our actions are in integrity that the universe provides everything that is needed. I have never felt so in integrity and as a result I am living a life which is so wonderful in every way....I have gratitude for this in every bone of my body.
I will write more because I have found a great coffee shop with free wi-fi that serves flatwhite coffee. I hadn't been able to find anywhere that served flatwhite coffee since I returned from Australia...so now.....my life is absolutely perfect!
My flatmate had some friends down for the bankholiday weekend and on Sunday night we watched 'The curious case of Benjamin Button' I was so struck by the way the story developed and the physical transition of beginning off with the physical appearance of an old man and the brain of a child ending with the physical appearance of a child with a brain suffering from dementia. I feel like that, that as I get older that I am getting younger both in appearance and in my thinking and attitude to life. Is this also what the energy does, does it make the consciousness more childlike and playful. There is definitely a shift in my consciousness towards being more childlike and it is showing itself in how well I get on with the children of my friends. It's such a fascinating process this whole thing.
There are occasions in my life where I receive an inner instruction which I simply have to obey. The first was to leave my job when I did and the second one was to train to be a leader for children. These instructions come to me in visual flashes and are different to the process I go through when choosing other actions. It is hard to write about the clarity of these flashes and their compelling nature. I have learned to distinguish these from others and act on these with surrender and complete confidence. For the first time in this training I have an empowering context that will keep me going when my identity wants me to quit. The guy from the gym is also doing this training with me which is ironic because I introduced him to the training a couple of years ago and he is now at the same level as me. This makes this an interesting dynamic for me because I have never done any training with someone who knows me outside of this training context. It introduces an emotional component which there hasn't been for me before. I saw him on Friday night for the first time in many months and there was both an ease and an anxiousness which I don't understand. I know that I was much more aware than I would have been at this training. He also pushed me to stand up and share which had an effect! So this is going to be an interesting six months. I will try to write as much as I can without breaking a policy but some may be cryptic.
I was also grateful anew to how my experience with kundalini has been so graceful when I spoke with a woman who had her kundalini awakened with very different effects. She has also published her story and she gave it to me to read on Friday night and when I had finished reading it I just looked at her in complete awe as to how she can be as grounded as she is given the intensity of the experience and what she went through. I don't know why I have been so lucky as to have had nothing but bliss, peace and calm from my experience of this energy and that is why I want to be the best leader that I can be. To be a great leader for me means me really being able to get into anothers world and for them to get their greatness. To see beyond the identity that wants to keep them small and unhappy to their soul which is waiting so patiently for the gifts it so wants to give. I know without a doubt that the training that I have started on is going to give me the tools for doing this.
Tonight I have my kundalini yoga and I am so excited. It seems hard to believe that I feel so comfortable with it given how I wrote in earlier blogs that I would never intentionally work with this energy and now I am looking at ways to continue it when the training means I have to travel and won't be around for the classes. On Sunday I was walking along the seafront and came across a stall that sold punjabi tops. Obeying a strong impulse I picked a white one from the hanger and held it against me. Up to now I have been doing the yoga gym clothes and it hasn't felt respectful. This was a long white respectable punjabi suit and I felt such a strong urge to buy it. I asked the man how much it was and he said £10. I haggled and said 'will you give it to me for £8. He said 'yes, for cash'. I looked in my purse and only had £5 in cash. We both stood there. I knew that I wanted that top. Then he looked at me and said 'I can see you are honest, if I give it to you for £5 will you come back next Sunday and given me the £3'. I looked at him straight in the eye and said 'yes, I promise I will come back the Sunday after next when I am here'. He took the top and put it into a bag and said 'I trust you'. I said 'you will see me again, took my bag and left. The friends I was with couldn't believe that he would have done that but I know the power of desire now and I was going to have that top no matter what it took so that I could work with the kundalini energy with respect. Aagh....this is completely barmy what is happening to me. Never did I think that I would get like this....
I am also lucky financially in that the tenants in my flat have said they like the energy of my flat and want to stay longer. I am so convinced that when our actions are in integrity that the universe provides everything that is needed. I have never felt so in integrity and as a result I am living a life which is so wonderful in every way....I have gratitude for this in every bone of my body.
I will write more because I have found a great coffee shop with free wi-fi that serves flatwhite coffee. I hadn't been able to find anywhere that served flatwhite coffee since I returned from Australia...so now.....my life is absolutely perfect!
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