Everything...seems to be speeding up....or is this just the way it is occuring for me...

I walked around my new neighbourhood yesterday and was struck by how friendly everyone is here. Or maybe this is me with my new found love and compassion for human being I feel so connected to everyone. I know now without a doubt where my life is going and what it is going to be about until the day when I too go into a box and dirt is thrown on my face before I am lowered into the ground. It is going to be about raising awareness of the two parts that make up human being our identity and our soul. The shift in consciousness that I am absolutely positive is coming will happen when the identity has been unconcealed and the game of human being revealed. All of my meditative and intuitive insights tell me that this is what is meant by 'revelation' the unconcealing of that which was hidden.

My work to directly challenge the human identity as a collective through the individual people that I meet and communicate with started yesterday with a conversation I had with my landlady. As I have often written about in this blog it is not what happens in life but the story or interpretation we make up about what happened that is hallmark of human being. And it is this story that determines the kind of life that is lived and experienced. My landlady has had many tragic events happen which have happened and are real. However what she has made them mean or her story is so limiting what is possible for her. I had a really straight conversation with her about all of this and the result is that she has now registered to do the first stage of the training that I am more advanced in. The first stage is all it takes to begin the process of disidentifying the consciousness from the identity so it can be free. I was amazed at how well I was able to take all of the resistance she showed towards me in the conversation. I could take it and be with it without being reactivated because I knew that it wasn't her speaking, it was her identity that feels threatened and is now fearing for its survival.

And yet such fears for survival are unfounded because when the identity transforms so that the consciousness shifts to the next level there is present and experienced such peace, joy, bliss and a life that works and is magical in more ways than I can write. When the caterpillar becomes the butterfly does it want to return to the caterpillar. I don't know because I don't have the consciousness of the butterfly or caterpillar but my gut instinct is that 'no it doesn't'. The only difference between the process in the caterpillar and the process in human being is that we have the capacity to be self-aware and it is this self-awareness which the identity uses to manifest fear and resistance when it perceives any threat to its existence and survival.

Now when I look at the behaviour of people I see it all as the identity and I look beyond that to the inherent essence of people - their greatness which is hidden beneath the identity and yet which paradoxically the identity arises out of because ultimately it is the game of the ONE WITH THE MANY as I have written about many times. The waves appear separate to the ocean for a limited amount of time but they have arisen from the ocean and will return to the ocean so it is also with the human consciousness which comprises the identity. The game for human being is to disidentify or dissociate the consciousness from the identity to be free....

My work in making this happen for people is the closest I think I can get to in fulfilling on my Bodhissatva vow which I took silently in 1988 to understand the nature of suffering and not to rest until every sentient being is relieved of their suffering. As I write this I realise what a massive undertaking this is going to be and especially on my own and without any agreement from the human identity to do this! I am an active player in this game and am well aware of the power and viciousness of the identity solely for its own end.....that of survival.

I am busy now preparing invitations for a home introduction for my training for my friends and family in Ireland. I am committed that all of the members of my family are aware of the two sides to themselves and can begin this process. I am creating for it to be a lovely evening just before Christmas. I have unwavering faith in the power of the energy of this work and want it in my environment over the Christmas period. I am though treating it as the game that it is. I am so committed to having at least ten people with me on the evening and am now going full out to make this happen but if on the night there is just my mum, dad and me that is still going to make it such a special evening. I have never been this bold before..but then again.....there has never been as much at stake.......for human being before.......

My experience of life.......has transformed..

L ife for me these days is so vibrant and full. The key to this is my complete and total surrender to the way that life is and to be happy with the way that life is. It is the way that it is and wishing that it could be another way is never going to change the way that it is. Acceptance is the first step in transforming any situation. The Buddha said the same thing in the First Noble Truth when he said that all life is suffering. When I first heard this my immediate reaction was 'no, that is not true' and I resisted this. What I understand now is that the Buddha was saying that acceptance of life as suffering is the key to transforming it. Unless we accept people and situations exactly the way they are and exactly the way they are not, suffering and resistance is what human beings experience.

The moment that we can accept the truth of the reality of suffering both for ourselves and our fellow human beings then the resistance is gone and a space opens up for something else to appear. This is the first dis-identification of the consciousness from the identity of being human. All other insights build on this first one. Without acceptance nothing else is possible. I have completely accepted my life just the way that it is and the way that it is not and this gives me a transformed experience of life. On a mundane and practical level I went to a shop to buy an iron, came home, plugged it on looking expectantly for the red light and heat that would signal me being effective in my ability to choose something that works....and nada......no red light and no heat. In the past I would have ranted about the inconvenience it is going to cause to me but yesterday there was none of that. The truth about buying the iron was that it didn't work. Any upset around it would be around some story I made up about it meaning that I am not effective in choosing a working iron never mind being effective in inspiring people to really take on that to be a human being means to be embroiled in a game that we don't even know we are playing. That is the game of the ONE WITH THE MANY...

My commitment to my fellow human beings is for as many as possible to experience this game for themselves. Many already are. Yesterday I found someone who shared his story of spiritual emergency. Reading it I was reminded anew why I continue sharing the insights that I have, it is to have the consciousness prepared so that when the shift comes it will be possible to integrate the shifted consciousness into the new paradigm effortlessly and easiily. I feel a frustration that my way of being at the moment is not able to do this. Eckart Tolle writes and speaks about the power of now, I am going to begin writing about the power of surrender. It is the power of surrender that brings one.....into the power of NOW - the portal of spiritual awakening through a shift in consciousness.

Happiness is.....taking things as they are....

If ever I needed to have the title of this blog post as an empowering context it was today. I moved again from living in the centre of Brighton to now living on the outskirts. This is my third move in less than one year. This is hard to believe given that I have spent most of my life living in the same flat and working for many years in one job. What is amazing to me is the freedom and ease with which I can move around. I really have no fear. Up to last night when I arrived back from my training in London I had very little packing done to move today. As well as the training I had to go to my flat to sort out some problems with new tenants who have just moved in. I had finished my training yesterday and one of the women who is on the training course with me saw me in the office and asked me what I was doing later. I explained that I had to return to pack because I had nothing done. She then invited me to an evenings chanting with her. I have heard her before and that time her voice was so deep and resonant that the hairs stood up on the back of my neck. The 'YES' that came from my mouth had nothing to do with me, it came from that part of me that misses an open spiritual connection. She was delighted with the immediacy of my response and said that afterwards she would give me a lift to the station.

I went with her to set up and the evening was just amazing. She plays something that looks like an accordion and also the drum and this together with her deep voice honouring Shiva made the hour and a half so very special. I really got lost in the chanting. I have chanted before but there was always something holding me back from fully participating. I realise that it was my identity constantly reminding me that wherever I was and whoever I was with, were a threat to me. Now that is all gone, I can let go and be free in a way that is nothing short of miraculous. I just love to see the transformation when I am with my friends now. I met a friend on Friday night and I was newly amazed at how much more connected to her I felt and how I could really listen and be there and not have any concerns for myself. Usually when I say goodbye to this friend it is me who usually says 'I'll call you' but when we left on Friday night she said 'I'll call you and she did to say what a great evening it had been'. If I never get anything else from this training I have more than I ever dreamed of.

What seems also strange is that my mad desire to be a leader for children and young people is not as obsessive as it was. Now that it is not to avoid the adult world I don't feel the same compulsion. There are certain results I have to achieve on this training in order to go further and in the past I wouldn't entertain the notion that I wouldn't get these results, now it doesn't seem so important. I will still play full out for these results and I believe passionately in what this training can offer and I will continue to share myself and what I am getting and intend to inspire others to look at it for what is possible for them but if having done all that I don't get the results then that is the way it is meant to be. I am so unbelievably happy.

I returned last night and spoke with my flatmate. Then I went into my room and looked around and had a moments dread as I really saw all there was to do to pack everything up. My inner voice told me to go to bed and get up early this morning and this is what i did. I set 2 reminders for 5.30am and when both went off got up and was so intentional and focussed to get every thing done for the removal man who was coming at 10am. And all without any stress. All of this is amazing and surely it can't all be coming from having the integrity of not being in a job I hate and building a career doing what I love...it can't be....but it sure feels like this is the way to live a life that works.

But life is life and has the rough as well as the smooth. What I am finding though is that I am growing in my ability to have equanimity with both the rough and the smooth. The only time that I do get very stressed is when I can't get an internet connection or I think that I don't have a signal like what happened to me when I first got to this place today. But writing this everything has been sorted out.

Tomorrow I have to think about more promotion for my next evening on spiritual awakening through the chakras which is on 26 November. I am already....so excited.....thinking about it...

My life...as a spiritual teacher....began last night....

Five people came to the first of my workshops on spiritual awakening and it was a great evening. My words flowed like they have never done before and I could tell by the attention and interest I felt that what I was saying was being recognised by the deepest part of those who were there. The chakra system makes such a lot of sense to me even though I cannot vouch for the physical evidence of the chakras. I only going to specialise on the chakras as taught by Alice Bailey who channeled such information from the Ascended Master Djwal Khul. When I was being trained as a Reiki healer many years ago it was this Master's card I pulled when we were all asked to pull a blind card from the pack of Ascended Masters. It is his photograph I carry in my purse and it is him that I feel close to. If I was a bit less scared I am also sure that I could be a channel through which he could channel but somehow I don't want to go down this route.

I feel such a great relief to have a framework within which I can place the powerful experiences I have had. One thing is for sure and that is that if I hadn't had these powerful experiences I wouldn't be teaching. I don't know how teachers set themselves up without having an experience. I was drained enough after last night and that was with the authenticity and credibility that comes with experience. Teaching the spiritual on the basis of concepts and without any direct experience must be so difficult. And yet having experiences is not the answer either because then those who hear about the experiences want to have them themselves and this is something that I can't yet do. It may be that I will go to India and spent some time with a yogi master and become initiated in a lineage that will allow me to give what is known in the East as Shaktipat initiation. This is an initiation to have the kundalini energy rise from the base of the spine safely and naturally. At one point last night when everyone was meditating on a powerful chakra I had the fleeting thought 'what will I do if this energy rises spontaneously in one or more of the people here'. Then I immediately let it go and trusted in the innate intelligence of the energy or to be more precise the fire that burns away the etheric web that separates the physical from the emotional resulting in harmony in mind and body.

Having finished my first one, I am so excited at the thought of doing my next one which is on 26 November. It is so great to have a permanent space that I can advertise. My partner is very reasonable also just renting it for £6 per hour. Money and spirituality is a funny thing. There seems to be a belief that the spiritual can be had for nothing but that is the farthest thing from the truth. Giving is a fundamental law of the universe if we want to receive. That is why I had no qualms about explaining that the suggested donation for the workshop was £5 but if that was too much then whatever they had would be great, the important thing is to......give something....in order to receive more.....

What has really happened......is that my throat chakra has opened..

Yesterday morning I woke up and whether or not it is because I have been working on my unified theory of spiritual awakening through the chakras but I had the clearest intuition that what has happened is that my throat chakra which is the chakra of self-expression has now opened. I had myself caught up in some childhood drama which could have absolutely nothing with what has happened. If this is the case then it means and I don't mean to sound egotistical or arrogant that five out of my seven chakras are now opened. This is so unbelieveably exciting to me and demonstrates to me without any doubt that the I am no longer walking the path of chakra awakening I have become the path. I am like a child who has discovered a self-expression and it is just amazing. I walked around looking at people with so much love and compassion.

Bookings for my workshop on spiritual awakening through the chakras have taken off to the point that I have had to close the poll. I know how powerful the evening will be now that all of the limitations on my self-expression have been removed and this chakra is active. I also understand why I haven't been able to see these chakras energetically - this seeing is going to come when the 6th chakra - The Third Eye opens. I think this is the reason why I now have to teach. I have gone as far as I can on my own and now it is about sharing and giving what I know and have experienced myself to others so that my consciousness can shift to the next stage in preparation for the awakening of the final two chakras. What has struck me is the time it takes for these chakras to open. The powerful experience I had on a meditation retreat in Devon where my heart chakra opened was in 1998/9 (can't honestly remember) so that's a nine or ten year wait between chakras...aagh....at this rate I'm not going to have them all open and activate before I shuffle off this mortal coil but one thing is for sure I am going to end my life working towards this goal to show others that it is possible in one lifetime.

Any hesitation I had about developing myself into a chakra expert as the access to spiritual awakening has totally disappeared. The only concern was that I was speaking about a system which has never been scientfically proven or that I haven't seen and one thing this blog has been careful to do is not to speak about anything that I haven't personally experienced. So while I have experienced symptoms that seem very like chakra awakenings I don't know this for sure and this has been my reluctance in taking up this mantle. All of these concerns are now gone and I know without any doubt how the process of spiritual awakening and enlightenment happens and I just can't wait to get out there and share it with as many people as I can.

These days I am awake and so alive in the early hours of the morning. Yesterday sitting and having coffee I had to be careful not to stare at people because I just can't seem to take my eyes of them......there is nothing to protect anymore therefore......there is no fear....

I know people...are still the same but to me now...they are so different...

I cannot believe how different I feel with people now. Gone is the nagging unease and tension that I always had and the need to leave after a certain length of time. I can be with people in a way that I never dreamed was possible. I understand now that what I have had for people is a distinction called 'already always listening' and that is the assertion that all of us listen to people through a filter of our views and opinions. My already always listening for adults were that they were a threat to me. Given that it was this that had priority and dominance over any efforts I made to make a difference it is a miracle that I have managed to achieve as much as I have and to have as many friends as I have. How much communication and connection is possible when I was consumed with protecting myself from a threat that didn't exist. I am so grateful to them for sticking by me when I must have given new meaning to the word frustration.

Life has speeded up enormously since this realization. I placed an ad in a local paper for my unified model of spiritual awakening through the chakras and over the weekend I had seven people call and book a place for Thursday evening. What struck me was that I found it so easy to write the ad, the words just came so freely. Now there is nothing between me and what I am passionate about and want to do as a living. I am so unbelievably grateful for this training I am doing. I know that without the rigour that this leadership breakthrough education, training and coaching provides that I would probably have got into old age wondering about the underlying unease that was always there for me with adults and not understanding why. I was speaking with a friend about how the nature of human being is to make things mean something. She told me that she had discovered something similar to me but many years ago when she went into therapy. She had been hurt by her dad but she had generalised it to all men and surprise surprise found that she wasn't able to have a relationship. I did exactly the same thing except I widened it to all adults which sounded the death knell for me being powerful in the adult world up to now.

The training I am on promises that things that have never moved are now going to move and I can see this so much in action. Just yesterday I received a phone call from the people who run the next stage of the training for becoming a leader especially for young people and teenagers to ask me if I was still committed. I nearly jumped into the phone with the intensity of my response absolutely, more now than ever but this time it comes from a place of authenticity not as a pretence to escape the adult world for a bit longer. I still believe that I can make a difference to children and young people and that is where I want to go. It's going to take something from me though, I am very aware of that.

Things are also moving on the journalism front. I will be writing for Wellbeing magazine on a regular basis and also having the events that are being run by Deep Connection featured in it on a regular basis. I am so excited about all of this. I see now that my reluctance to pitch to editors my ideas in the mind, body, spirit field was down to firstly the unreal threat that I perceived in all people. The freedom I have now is difficult to do justice to. I think the best proof of it would be to speak to the friend that I stayed with for the weekend. She and me are very different and in the past I kept her around because my machinery or identity needed her criticism and impatience to feed the belief that adults were a threat. It was all so different this weekend, we laughed, joked. I had stayed with her before and it never entered my head to make tea for her in the morning. This weekend it felt like the most natural thing in the world to do. She has an beautiful adopted daughter and slept in the room with her to give me her bed. On Saturday morning both of them came into me and we all laughed and joked until 12pm. It was so special and would never ever have happened in the past.

As a result of this experience I am so committed to everyone identifying the machinery that is limiting their experience of life and of what is possible. I still feel that something major is coming in 2012 and interestingly there is a film soon to be released which will really bring it to the forefront of consciousness. I feel so strongly that the shift is going to happen when the machinery of human being is unconcealed. Interestingly I think it's the last book of the bible 'Revelations' and revelation means the exposing of that which was hidden.

The next couple of days I am going to spend preparing my workshop on spiritual awakening. Now it feels right to delve deeply into the chakras even though there is no scientific evidence for their existence. My experiences and how life transforms matches what the psychics have said happens....when chakras open......

Last night was just so special......

Last night I opened Deep Connection with my friend Lotus. 13 people came and it was a great evening. Three of the people booked up for my spiritual awakening workshop next Thursday. What was most miraculous for me though was that at 11pm I was still sitting with everyone and I was so relaxed and connected to everyone. In the past the unconscious driver that adults were a threat would have been at fever pitch at about 1opm and without my awareness would have driven me to leave everyone. I see everything so clearly and for me it is like being born again. To have such an ease and love and connection to everyone. Another effect of this is that I wasn't in the least bit self-conscious. Now I see that the self-consciousness was there to protect myself. When there is nothing to protect all that there is authenticity and that was what I was last night completely authentic and in integrity doing what I love and am passionate about.



The evening was an evening about mindfulness and I was struck again by how easy it is to hold an evening when it is based on the teachings of somebody else. My three stage theory of how the consciousness arrives at an enlightened state is mine alone and as I am still unknown in this field I realised that I have to find a way to hang this theory off something that is already established. Walking back home last night I was hit by a way to do this. The two awakening experiences I had involved the freeing of blocked energy from the chakras. I can relate my experiences to these chakras and I can base my spiritual awakening workshops on awakening these chakras and then at the end speak about the three stages the consciousness goes through to become awakened and ultimately enlightened. This has inspired me so much. I know so much about the chakras and with the faith that they do exist in the subtle energy body even though there was been no scientific validation for their existence, the system is well enough known for me to be able to make it my own and provide a powerful chakra meditation for those who come next Thursday evening.



It is going to take a while for me to become established but I know that with my new found ease and comfort around people that I now have, it is going to happen. I've just looked at my emails and found one from the publisher of my book from the India High Commission saying that it will cost 3500 Euros to translate and edit my book into Hindi and that they are going to go ahead once she gives the confirmation. This is quite incredible and yet on another level it's not at all. I can't help feeling that once the book is translated into Hindi that things are going to move very fast for me. I realise now why I didn't make the request to go with my publisher to the High Commission when she met with the head of the cultural division, I didn't want to because of my unconscious fear of adults. When I first got the news that the book was going to be translated I felt a minute of elation which was closely followed by this sense of doom and apprehension which I knew wasn't anything to do with anything I have written being found to be fraudulent or dishonest. I couldn't put my finger on just what the apprehension was, now I know exactly what was there operating beneath my consciousness. What was there for me immediately and although hidden from my view was an unconscious thought of 'oh no, yet more adults to be a threat to me'. I can't bear to think what life would have been like if I hadn't unconcealed this unconscious driver.



I am also very lucky though in that I have been on this path for so long that now when something is about to unconceal itself I have a certain inkling consciously that something is not quite right. I had begun to think that my obsession with making a difference to children and young people and ignore adults was a bit skewed in some way. I was uncomfortable with the stand I was taking for children and young people and I didn't know why. To be free of all of that and to be excited at the thought of going out to all people as a spiritual leader is worth everything to me. There is more to be unconcealed I am aware of that because identity formation is long and deep but as long as I am vigilant and not projecting anything onto others or circumstances but taking it on inside and looking to see what is missing then this journey will continue for me.....but it does get exhausting...