Sunday, 15 November 2009

Happiness is.....taking things as they are....

If ever I needed to have the title of this blog post as an empowering context it was today. I moved again from living in the centre of Brighton to now living on the outskirts. This is my third move in less than one year. This is hard to believe given that I have spent most of my life living in the same flat and working for many years in one job. What is amazing to me is the freedom and ease with which I can move around. I really have no fear. Up to last night when I arrived back from my training in London I had very little packing done to move today. As well as the training I had to go to my flat to sort out some problems with new tenants who have just moved in. I had finished my training yesterday and one of the women who is on the training course with me saw me in the office and asked me what I was doing later. I explained that I had to return to pack because I had nothing done. She then invited me to an evenings chanting with her. I have heard her before and that time her voice was so deep and resonant that the hairs stood up on the back of my neck. The 'YES' that came from my mouth had nothing to do with me, it came from that part of me that misses an open spiritual connection. She was delighted with the immediacy of my response and said that afterwards she would give me a lift to the station.

I went with her to set up and the evening was just amazing. She plays something that looks like an accordion and also the drum and this together with her deep voice honouring Shiva made the hour and a half so very special. I really got lost in the chanting. I have chanted before but there was always something holding me back from fully participating. I realise that it was my identity constantly reminding me that wherever I was and whoever I was with, were a threat to me. Now that is all gone, I can let go and be free in a way that is nothing short of miraculous. I just love to see the transformation when I am with my friends now. I met a friend on Friday night and I was newly amazed at how much more connected to her I felt and how I could really listen and be there and not have any concerns for myself. Usually when I say goodbye to this friend it is me who usually says 'I'll call you' but when we left on Friday night she said 'I'll call you and she did to say what a great evening it had been'. If I never get anything else from this training I have more than I ever dreamed of.

What seems also strange is that my mad desire to be a leader for children and young people is not as obsessive as it was. Now that it is not to avoid the adult world I don't feel the same compulsion. There are certain results I have to achieve on this training in order to go further and in the past I wouldn't entertain the notion that I wouldn't get these results, now it doesn't seem so important. I will still play full out for these results and I believe passionately in what this training can offer and I will continue to share myself and what I am getting and intend to inspire others to look at it for what is possible for them but if having done all that I don't get the results then that is the way it is meant to be. I am so unbelievably happy.

I returned last night and spoke with my flatmate. Then I went into my room and looked around and had a moments dread as I really saw all there was to do to pack everything up. My inner voice told me to go to bed and get up early this morning and this is what i did. I set 2 reminders for 5.30am and when both went off got up and was so intentional and focussed to get every thing done for the removal man who was coming at 10am. And all without any stress. All of this is amazing and surely it can't all be coming from having the integrity of not being in a job I hate and building a career doing what I can't be....but it sure feels like this is the way to live a life that works.

But life is life and has the rough as well as the smooth. What I am finding though is that I am growing in my ability to have equanimity with both the rough and the smooth. The only time that I do get very stressed is when I can't get an internet connection or I think that I don't have a signal like what happened to me when I first got to this place today. But writing this everything has been sorted out.

Tomorrow I have to think about more promotion for my next evening on spiritual awakening through the chakras which is on 26 November. I am excited.....thinking about it...

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