Wednesday, 31 December 2008

At the twilight of another year.....

I get pensive and reflective on this day every year. I remember once reading a sentence that talked about 'the skirts of the departing year'. I just love that metaphor. I think it was an essay written by Charles Lamb that I had to study for my leaving certificate in Ireland. I have strong nostalgia for the year that is about to end. It has become familiar and like a dear friend I am always sad to see it going. I imagine the beginning of a new year as being at the top of a snow capped mountain, pristine and white. As the months progress my footprints are going to imprint on the snow. The vision is both exciting and scary which is why I hang so tightly onto the last night of every New Years Eve.

Each New Years Eve I take out my diary and go through every month reliving events and what I felt and learned from them. As I go through my diary I have huge gratitude for everything that I have created by requesting it from the universe, I acknowledge it and then lovingly let it go. This year I have moved so far in my spiritual development. I think that this has also come through in the blog. I promised that this blog would be a record of my spiritual development and transformation and I think that I remain pretty true to its purpose. This is only how it occurs for me however, I do not assert it to be the truth.

What has without any doubt been the highlight of this year has been the publishing of my book and giving up of control and the effects that this has had on not only on my spiritual development but also on my personal communication with people. I am also amazed at how long I am able to meditate now since I gave up this need to control. In the past my need to control what happened when I sat down to meditate meant that my meditations were shallow and short. This need for control showed itself in a bombardment of thoughts, where before I sat down to meditate my mind was generally thought-free. This thought bombardment would be so intense that I would give up meditating after a short period of time and give myself a hard time about how useless I was because I couldn't meditate for any decent length of time.

Since giving up control there is a depth and length to my meditations that is new. In my hour long meditation today I had a vision of Manuel Schoch the Swiss mystic who died suddenly in October this year. This is the first time that anything like this has happened. In the past if someone had said to me that something or someone had appeared to them in meditation I would have been deeply suspicious and so I am with myself. But his face and his words were clear. He reminded me of one consciousness raising training I had been on with him where he had shown how to leave the body in meditation. He reminded me again of how to do this. I did this and immediately felt a strong current of energy that seemed to encircle me. I felt a deepening calm and relaxation. All through this experience I could hear Manuel giving instructions in his gentle soft Swiss accent.

At the end of the meditation I felt so relaxed and connected. Even the thought of all the packing up and organising that I have to do to move to Brighton to do this journalism course didn't cause any stress. I firmly believe that when something feels right that opportunities come easily and without much effort. I was in the gym yesterday morning and was explaining about my plans to a woman and it turns out that her and her boyfriend are looking for a flat to rent. I said that mine would be available from February and gave her my number to call me if she was interested. I got a text later from her confirming that they were interested and would be in touch to arrange to come to view it. When I got this I berrated myself for my loss of faith and letting go the conviction I have of the results that come when I put myself at risk whether this is for a career or when I make myself vulnerable. Life expands or contracts to the same degree as the courage shown. This has been my experience to date. When I play it safe, don't put myself at risk, and limit myself to what I can control, my life is extremely small and limited. When I put myself at risk then experiences and opportunities open up that would not have been possible before.

But having said this I am still apprehensive as I get to the end of this year. It would be inauthentic of me to pretend that I wasn't. Then I think of how well everything has flowed even when I have been in a job that I haven't liked or felt I had any integrity doing. This begs the question of how much greater willl life be when I am in integrity and doing what I love to do which is speaking to people about spiritual awakening and the powerful transformative energy that rests at the base of the spine. By me being true to myself I can inspire others to also be true to themselves and take that leap of faith and courage to do that which their heart is begging them to. I know the price of selling out and no matter what this next year brings at least I won't be selling out'

A very happy New Year to all readers of this blog. Thank you for your support and encouragement and I look forward to a 2009 where I am consistent in writing about my own spiritual journey and through it give inspiration for others to become aware of their own.....

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