This weekend I was in a strange space. The guy from the gym was doing the Landmark Forum and I was amazed at how much of my energy was taken up wondering how he was getting on with it. Him doing it brought me back to when I did the weekend in 2005. It totally transformed my view of life and freed up so much energy that was being used to run stories around events that happened in my life. It was interesting that on Saturday I went to a health centre with a copy of my book to see if they would take one on a sale or return basis. The first book I saw when I went into the shop was the new book by Byron Katie called 'who would you be without your story' and I thought what a fantastic title. Life would be unrecognisable if we didn't attach stories to everything. That's what I got from the forum that things in life happen and to let them be without making them mean anything. But the process whereby we make things mean something is very subtle and operates below the level of our consciousness.
The only indicator we have that we have made something mean something is when we react in a manner that is disproportionate to the event. I can illustrate what I mean by a practical example. I speak quite openly and often about what the technology that Landmark offers can produce. I often speak about it with the guy from the gym. He was registered to do the weekend Forum in August and I was very pleased. Then a couple of weeks before the weekend he told me that something had come up and he couldn't do it. I completely lost it when he told me. I felt this incredible anger which I was dimly aware was out of proportion to the simple event of him cancelling. All that happened was that he had cancelled the weekend, it shouldn't have provoked that reaction from me - something else was going on. When I took a good hard honest look I saw that while I pretended I wanted him to do the Forum for him so that he would have the tools for creating the life he wants the truth was that I really wanted it for me so that we would have more in common. This is why my upset and the way I was with him was so out of proportion to him cancelling. Until I took a long hard look I was unaware that this is what I made him doing the Forum mean. When I saw it I could take responsibility for it, and let go that there is anything in it for me from him doing the weekend.
The result of all this is that he is tonight completing the Forum. I have been committed to him doing it and have made a stand for him but all the time I kept checking in with myself that my motives were for him and for his life. This was a great learning for me. It's also quite shocking that given how highly trained I am that so much can still be operating unconsciously..... I spoke to him earlier and to hear him sound so happy and aware now of decisions he made that have limited what's been possible for him up to now is worth more to me than money. It satisfies the most basic yearning of human being.....that of making a difference......
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