Tuesday, 9 December 2008

What is happening.....is truly miraculous..

I cannot believe how focussed and clear I am at work these days. Since giving up my need to control everything and anything I seem to see options and ways around things that I have never seen. What I understand is that for most people control works in that it is what makes them effective. It is the opposite way for me. Without my need to control, everything flows and has an ease and a grace which is nothing short of miraculous.

I have been 7 years where I am working and today I saw a way of doing something that was far easier than how I have struggled doing it for all of the time I have been there. I don't think it is just because I am leaving. I really feel that there has been a release of trapped energy that has enabled this new level of ease and freedom. Yesterday I was at a meeting giving a presentation around some aspects of the work I do. This was the 2nd presentation I did to these group of people. The last time I was in my sub-conscious 'I have to control' mode and the result was a self-conscious stilted and nervous presentation. How different it all was yesterday. Firstly there was absolutely no fear. I had done more preparation for this presentation than I had for the last one. I stood up and said everything that I wanted and I was clear, concise and easy to listen to and understand. At one point I looked at the face of one of the men who has heard me speak many times and the expression on his face and his attentiveness to what I was saying was a totally new and exhiliarating experience for me. Afterwards I got complimented on how clear the presentation was and how well it flowed. And all of this was without notes!

Why now, when I have made the choice to leave and am in action around what I really want to do is everything cominig together in a way it never has for the 7 years I have been where I am. Am I to take the lesson that had I made the choice to leave earlier that work wouldn't have been the uphill struggle, where for lots of the time I have been tired and unable to even see how to work at my best never mind to actually work at my best. In the time since I handed in my notice I have been more in action, shifting more stuff calm, confident and dare I say it....in control...but this time with freedom and ease.

When I returned to work I had a conversation with a man I work with. The night before he had told me that he was having some problems in his relationship. I talked with him but felt that he didn't listen to anything I said. I felt this because everything I said he was ready with a counter-answer. I could feel some irritation but then remembered that there is nothing to feel irritated about. Nothing is wrong, everything is whole, complete and perfect and I was able to totally let go any wish or desire to be listened to and connect fully with him. I had the thought to do an exercise which I had done in the past. I turned around to my desk and picked up my mug. Holding it up with the handle side to him, I said, describe what you see. He described a cylindrical shape with a handle. I said 'now I will describe what I see' and I described a cylindrical shape without a handle. I said 'now convince me that there is a handle'. I then said, this is what is happening in your relationship at the moment, you have the side without the handle, while your wife has the side with the handle, both are true from where both of you are at. The only way to resolve this is for you to get into her world and see the cup with the handle. I physically moved over so that now I could see what he was seeing and he could see what I was seeing. After this I was exhausted and he immediately had an answer but I let it go and went home.

When I arrived into work after my presentation. I knew from the man's face that something had shifted. I couldn't believe it when he said 'when I went home I did that exercise with my wife, I told her that I hadn't been in her world, or understood what it was like for her and that I would do this going forward'. I was just looking at him totally dumbstruck. I had no idea he would have taken that on in the way that he did. It proved to me once more the power of straight communication and of what can be achieved. I want to credit the technology of Landmark Education for giving me this exercise and insight that I could then share to cause the result that was caused. This is why I get out of bed in the morning and do what I do. It is for the profound privilege of making a difference......

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