Monday, 18 January 2010

After a quite incredible weekend.....I took yesterday to let it all sink in...

Wow...where do I start with this blog post. Friday night I stayed with a friend and I met this friend in Calcutta when I was travelling around India. We had actually met in a tea shop in Bodh Gaya but I didn't remember that. We became friends in Calcutta and when I became really ill and didn't want to eat anything she was there by my side. I have never forgotten her for that and for a while she came to live with me. For a little while we lost touch but now we are once again very good friends. With there being no fear for me anymore when I am with people the quality of my communication with people has transformed. What do I mean by transformed? What I mean is that the fear has totally disappeared so that what I am now is pure connection and relatedness. It is not 'me without fear' - my self has transformed. In the moment I realized that there was 'no thing' to protect or defend I touched the presence of love and it is only love that can transform. When we touch love we are transformed. Or said in another way transformation is touching the presence of love. We had a lovely meal and then chatted in front of an open fire. Then we decided to go out and check out the local talent. It was so lovely going into a pub and sitting down with two pints of lager just like we used to do when we lived together.

We came back and started chatting and before I knew it, it was 2am. This completely amazed me because I have never been up just chatting with another adult until 2am. I could have been out at a pub or somewhere but never just me and another adult it would have been way to scary. I can remember thinking when my friends would say that they had been up until the early mornings just chatting feeling quite horrified and wondering how they could do that. The difference for me is now that I could do exactly the same thing and be really happy. This is not change, or improvement - this is transformation - the disappearance of that which is in the way of touching the presence of love.

I had an early start the next morning and was amazed when I woke up feeling so refreshed and awake after having only four hours sleep. This is another thing that I have noticed is that I am never tired. In the past I used to get so tired but once I realized that my tiredness was only an outer symptom of inner resistance and I applied myself to the enquiry of what was I resisting that made me so tired and I realized that what I was resisting was my own power. Then that realization and that seeing transformed being tired and in that transformation tiredness disappeared. When we experience that life is meaningless in terms of the only meaning that events and people have are what we put on them ourselves and return to nothing, in that space of nothing anything and everything is possible. I realized that the only reason I was tired was because I was resisting and what I was resisting was a story that I had made up that being powerful was dangerous. Nobody had put that meaning on power only me. When I saw that the only meaning there was was one I had made up, I was free. Transformation results when we realize that as human beings we are meaning making machines. To see that is to transform.

I had the most amazing weekend and I want to be a leader that embodies the distinctions of integrity, responsibility, transformation and peformance. I want these distinctions to use me to be who I am. I returned back late on Sunday night and on Monday felt so exhausted. This wasn't tiredness, this was exhaustion. On Sunday afternoon I really got what it means to have consciousness transform and in the moment of that realization I knew without any doubt that I am NO THING except my WORD. It was clear to me as the fingers on my hand. For hours afterwards I had nothing in my mind, no views, opinions yet I knew that I am the space within which all of these happen and get created. Even as I struggle to write what this experience was like I can't. But I will never forget the blinding flash of clarity as everything fell away and I experienced being everything and nothing.

Of all of the distinctions that make up a leader it is the distinction Transformation which speaks to me the strongest and loudest. When SELF realizes that in Buddhist terminology that the skandhas which are form, feeling, perception, volition and consciousness when it realizes that all of these are empty and meaningless then in that moment it transforms. But in order to transform it has to arrive at nothing. It has to take all of the 'something' out in order to arrive at 'nothing' and the power of the realization of 'nothing' is what causes the transformation of human consicousness and shifts it to the next level which the universal consciousness is working towards anyway. Behind every face....the eternal goes on...

I recognised my need to stay in bed for most of the day Monday as my incubation time. Something incredibly powerful had happened to me and it needed time to settle down. This morning I have woken up and am so ready to write. I got up for a little while last night to check emails and had the thought once again about the kundalini energy. This was strange because what happened had nothing to do with the kundalini it was a shift in my mental consciousness not the experience of the kundalini energy that rises from the base of the spine. But the urge to go onto Youtube and see what was there was very strong. The moment I did it I saw a trailer for the story of a man who had experienced the movement of this energy when he was 13. I watched this video and what I loved about it was how normal this man is. The video was so inspiring for me and and I sending the link for all my readers to view it. I want to make clear that I am sending this link to inspire others not to be afraid of taking on the spiritual path seriously. I am just so happy to know that there is someone out there who has had this experience and is so grounded with it. Having it so young has meant that he didn't have the fear around it that adults usually do and so was able to integrate it. I am also inspired by the fact that he didn't go off and proclaim himself a guru and get followers and in this video he speaks of this very danger when one experiences a powerful kundalini awakening. He now works as a spiritual counsellor in California

It's called simply 'Paul's Kundalini Awakening and it is just 9 mins long. You can view it at It has also inspired me to make a video about my own watch this space...

So today... aware that I am nothing but the space within which everything happens and creating from that space of nothing I am going to start my day by going to the gym. I may not have felt the energy physically but I trust that the power of what happened is down to this energy and in order for me to continue to remain grounded I must respect its need for release....Later I am on a train to London to be my WORD around a commitment I have made and then returning late this evening. But as I am now only space I have absolute trust that everything that I need to do will be done with freedom, grace and ease.

No comments: