Love is...the absence of fear.....

I travelled to London yesterday to do an agreement and on the way back there was train disruption due to what is called 'adverse weather conditions'. What this means in truth is that frost and snow is not allowing train services to run as normal. I have a number of options for getting back to Hove so wasn't unduly worried. I heard a woman ask the estimated time of arrival for a train to Hove and thought to myself, that is the person that I am going to sit beside and get a taxi with when we arrive in Brighton if we can't get directly to Hove.

I made my way to the lady and asked her directly about travelling to Hove. This is amazing for me as it is something that I would never have done. I'm getting astute at reading people and speaking anyway. The difference is that in the past I was astute in reading people in that I could intuit who I would find it easy to make conversation with and who I wouldn't and would limit myself to those people who either spoke to me first or who were overtly friendly. This woman neither spoke to me first or was overtly friendly but for the first time in my life I wasn't stopped by the thought that 'she's not very friendly, she's probably not going to want to speak to me'. I was amazed to find that all of my negative self-talk around fear in situations regarding people has totally disappeared. In it's place is deep love and connection.

I guessed from her aloofness that she does something in the field of self-development. In the course of our conversation it turns out that she does but she didn't tell me straight out and I didn't ask straight out. I know that she started her own business just one year ago and it appears to be very successful. On the train I shared with her the phenomenal results that I am getting from the breakthrough education, training and coaching I am doing at present and she was interested. It was then natural for me to invite her to an evening to hear about it and how it could take her business to the next level. In the past I would never ever have extended an invitation to someone I had firstly met on a train and secondly wasn't the friendliest woman in the world. But without fear it just seemed such a natural thing to do. I invited her, she wasn't sure but gave me an email address for me to contact her. I was elated that I had invited her and it really doesn't matter if she can make it or not on Monday night. I pushed myself beyond what I thought I was capable of and I finally see that this is what this training is all about - going beyond where we are usually stopped and as a result having a profound realization that the only thing that stops us from going after everything we want is ourselves. Nothing else, there are no forces 'out there'. Everytime I have been stopped from doing something it has been because of a decision I have made in the past that is hidden from my view and is impacting my future. It is impacting my future because that decision that should be in the past, is not in the past, it is sitting out there in my future and comes at me every time I am in a similar situation to a past situation. Bit by bit I am taking all of these decisions and putting them back into the past and this is leaving my future with nothing but a blank canvass on which I can create whatever it is I want.

When we got to Brighton we queued up at the taxi rank and it was bitterly cold. Our taxi pulled up and we got in. The lady explained where we wanted to go and then asked for an estimate of the cost. The taxi man was unneccessarily abrupt to her and I didn't understand why. We were driving along and she then said her address was 'the other way'. This incensed him no end to the point that when she gave me her share of the fare she said 'don't give him a tip'. I was a little bemused about all of this. The lady went saying how nice it was to have met me and shared the journey home and I said the same - not because I had felt particularly comfortable because I hadn't but because I had the experience that I can go up and speak to anybody now and how they are will have no effect on me and that is freedom so from that perspective it was a great journey and meeting her was a vital part.

I continued on with the taxi and he started on a rant about the lady who had just got out and at one point I wanted to establish who he was ranting at so I said straight out' are you having a go at me' and he calmed down slightly and said 'no, not you'. In my training I have learned that no matter how anybody is to me that I leave them satisfied, complete, appreciated and respected, so I didn't rush out of the taxi when we got to my home, I listened, then validated his frustration, then thanked him for bringing me home and gave him a tip. He went off smiling and I felt happy.

I let myself into my house and as it was very late went straight to bed. My final few moments were thoughts and feelings of immense gratitude and in that energy I dropped off to sleep. I woke up this morning to the thickest and deepest snow and the most unimaginable disruption to train services. I am so close to becoming a leader and this week was to be the week where I had planned to do many more assignments to ensure that I earn the right to be a leader. It is looking now like at least the one this evening....I will not be able to make happen.....but it's only early morning....