The title of this blog is the only way I can describe how I have been today. Tomorrow I have booked to received Darshan from Mother Meera and for some reason I am feeling nervous and apprehensive. Darshan is the method whereby Mother Meera gives to those who wish it a powerful spiritual transmission. She does this by looking deep into the eyes and holding the head of the person who kneels down before her. I understand this spiritual transmission to be a trigger for the spiritual energy which normally rests dormant at the base of the spine to rise to allow spiritual experiences. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow and I am trying very hard to keep an open mind but I have looked at some photos of Mother Meera and what has struck me is the power in her eyes just from a photograph. The eyes are the window to the soul and it is through the eyes that we connect with each other.
I have never seen this woman in the flesh and the fact that I should be feeling so nervous about meeting her is a bit ironical. Last year I gave shelter in my flat to a man who was doing a 3 month course and had nowhere to live or no money to pay for accommodation. He proclaimed himself to be a yogi. One day I came home and there were some dried flower petals in a desert bowl sitting on top of the fridge. I asked him where they had come from and he said 'Mother Meera gave them to me'. I can remember feeling angry and thinking that he would have been far better off going out to look for a job than wasting time sitting at the feet of this woman. I feel quite ashamed when I think about it now. I've never been one to sit at the feet of so called gurus. I've always been suspicious of those who proclaim themselves to be a guru but over the years I have accepted that this is a genuine path with real milestones which if they are to be reached requires a level of trust and surrender to someone who is further along the path than me and this woman is meant to be enlightened.
When the course was finished the self proclaimed yogi left and I thought no more about it. Then about 6 months ago I had an intuition that I should see Mother Meera. I couldn't believe this after I had practically ridiculed said yogi for going to see her. However, I will always listen to my intuition because it is my only guide as I don't have a teacher or belong to any group. I found her website and saw that she was going to be in the UK at the end of March and I found myself completing the booking form and sending it off to receive Darshan at 2pm tomorrow.
A couple of days ago I realised that I hadn't received any confirmation that I had a place booked so today I tried to call on the number given but it was only an answer phone, I left my details. So I think some of my apprehension is to do with whether or not the organisers even received my booking form. But this really doesn't account for the level of turmoil and restlessness I am feeling this evening. I feel the need to wash my hair and not have any alcohol so that I can be prepared.....but prepared for what..... why do I feel that there is going to be something important happening tomorrow.
Oh well...the blog entry will be interesting tomorrow evening......
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