The ultimate pretence.......

The ultimate pretence is to identify with our thoughts and feelings and then decide 'this is me' and 'x is mine'. This is the ultimate pretence because there is no 'me' or 'mine'. 'Me' and 'Mine' are constructs of the mind and are not real. This is the ultimate pretence and from these all other pretences in life arise. Over the past week I have been going through something. This has manifested itself in the presence of a large red and angry cyst on my stomach. For the past week I have been so restless and unsettled. Last night that all came to a head as in the early hours of the morning I had the insight that I have entitled above. The pretence of the boys toy being 'mine' is the same pretence as the man's Ferrari being 'mine'. It is the same pretence only deeper and more established in the latter.

I also found myself re-visiting the 3 main Buddhist concepts and getting a completely new understanding in the light of the insight of the ultimate pretence. The three pillars on which Buddhism is placed are Anicca, Anatta and Dukkha. The most accurate translation into English is impermanence, no Self and suffering. For the first time I understand these concepts. This is in spite of studying and practicing Mahayana Buddhism for many years! The ultimate pretence which is the nature of human being is to identify with our thoughts and feelings and then proclaim 'this is me'. This pretence leads to suffering as it is identification with something that is not real. When we identify ourselves with something that is not real we suffer. This suffering is what Buddhists call Dukkha. The suffering that comes when we know deep down that who we think we are is not who we are. Anatta is the doctrine of 'no Self'. This means that when we follow back the 'Me' and 'Mine' to where it originated we see that it comes from the larger 'I' and that there is no individual separate Self. Then Anicca is the doctrine of impermanence. That nothing that is identified as 'me and mine' is permanent it all shifts and changes.

What I have seen is that I have identified myself with my spiritual thoughts and feelings and have been attached to these believing these to be who I am. This identification with spiritual thoughts and feelings has caused me as much suffering as being identified to the material things of 'me and mine'. In the early hours of this morning I saw all of this and this morning am giving it all up to come from nothing. Identification with the spiritual is just another form of identification and results in just as much suffering and confusion.

The path of transformation takes courage. I'm not calling this path a spiritual path anymore but it is a path of transformation. By making this shift I am disidentifying with my spiritual thoughts and feelings. This is a huge shift for me and is an example of what can happen when this path is taken and pursued seriously. I'm hesitant about being definite about it because I recognise that there is still a huge amount hidden from my view about this path and what it involves. What I am slightly regretting now is not having the courage to write this blog as I was going through what I was going through last week, the tiredness, restlessness for no apparent reason, feeling a sense of frustration and an impatience and not knowing why. What I see now is that I was going through the conflict of what I call the game. The game between the identity which wants to run the show and the possibility that is evolving to shift consciousness to enable another level of awareness and insight.

This is in my experience a confusing process until the insight shows itself like it did for me in the early hours of the morning. In the early hours of the morning all became clear when I saw just how attached I was to my spiritual identity. I have often written how 'we have thoughts and feelings but this is not who we are and the words have come easily. In the early hours of this morning I had a direct insight into how the subtle identification of anything causes suffering and a feeling of being blocked. It causes this suffering because it is attachment and identification to things that are not real.

So today marks the first day of my life of service and contribution to others. In this way I can begin to dissociate with my own attachment to what I thought is 'me'. I can deepen the 'I' out of which the first 'me' came and on top of which all the other identifications have come and I can truly and honestly come from nothing.......with everything being possible.