There is a definite process to the way that consciousness shifts. It is not random. It involves periods of deep dark uncertainty and then a realization which brings about a state of joy and bliss for a time and then a falling back. It feels like an never-ending process of purgation that has periods of intense darkness. I understand though that I am simply the vehicle by which a much bigger cosmic game is being played out. I can feel the intense inner battle that goes on within me and I watch it like an interested observer and without any interference except to stay steady. The unbridled, joy, bliss and connection I felt towards everyone and everything following my Eureka moment with shorthand while minor in the scale of things was a major trigger for shifting my consciousness and with it the way me and the world occurred. My reward for staying with this process and connecting with it was the experience of intense, peace, joy and bliss. But then the process has to continue and it is not personal. To progress up a ladder to the top one has to move from rung to rung. So no matter how intensely addictive the state was that I was in yesterday the fact is that my consciousness has to continue to shift. What will stop this shift is for me to be attached to or look for a repeat of the experience of yesterday.
This letting go without having any desire is the greatest challenge of what I suppose I am daring to call a spiritual path. As human beings we live our lives inside of boxes that are constructed by our identity. A sudden shock to the identity sets the consciousness free from that particular box and this is where I am at the moment. I am out of the box that told me 'I wasn't good enough and I couldn't get it' . This gives me the experience of freedom but come tomorrow or even tonight something will happen, I will make it mean something about me and about life and bingo...my consciousness will go back into another box and the process of the darkness and uncertainty will begin over again. As I write this I hear the words of a religious song coming through and they are 'be glad the day you have sorry, be glad for then you live'. Uncomfortable as the dark times are for me at least I know that this process is continuing and for that I am extremely grateful.
At the end of the agreement today I asked a woman what she would like to be acknowledged for. She told me that she would like to be acknowledged for being able to recognise that little voice in the head which is unrelenting in its commentary on what is going on and for now being able to acknowledge it but not listen to it. In other words she asked me to acknowledge her for becoming more self-aware. I was so moved by this and it is my stand for people to be self-aware as the access to living a life which has freedom, ease and fun......
