Monday, 17 September 2007

It's all over......and I'm alright...

I knew that this morning above all mornings it would be important to keep my word and get up early to meditate. The meditation this morning was in acceptance of everything and anything that was going to happen at the hospital and during and after the operation.

I meditated for 45 mins at 4.30am. Then I got a mad fit to clean my windows so that when I am lying on my sofa the view of the trees and sky would be crystal clear. Polishing windows when it's dark outside is not brightest of things to do because it's not possible to see all the smears but it was a gesture on my part.

My good friend called for me at 7am to go the hospital. He's been a friend since we were children. It is said that if you make one good friend in this lifetime that it is a rare and special jewel. I have that jewel in this friend. He is the first person I think of to share both good and bad news. He dropped me off at the hospital and that walk down the deserted corridor to the theatre reception was long and lonely. Once in the theatre waiting room I got chatting to another woman who was having the same operation. In spite of knowing that this is the right thing for me I felt quite shaky. It is the same kind of shaking that seems to be happening since the car accident.

A procession of people came into see me, blood pressure, questions about my health etc.
When I had put on my ever so fashionable hospital gown and the nurse pulled back the curtains I was delighted to see that my bed was opposit windows that had a view of trees and the sky. Once again I got lost in the beauty of the changing colours of the leaves. A friend many years ago gave me a tip for when I am feeling in any way anxious or stressful. This is to wrap the thumb and first finger around each finger of the opposite hand and hold that finger until the breath and the pulse which you can feel through the finger become synchronised. If it happens that it's not possible to feel the pulse through the finger, just hold the finger for a couple of minutes and move into the next finger. When the fingers of one hand have been done, then change to the other.

I was wheeled into the theatre for my operation at 11.30am and was back in the ward at 12.30pm. I came around from the general anaesthetic very quickly and since coming home I have been not at all tired or groggy. I am sure that the preparation in terms of connecting with the trees and being calm and relaxed played a huge factor. I went to bed for a little while after coming home and to my amazement the shaking and trembling of my body began again. What is this force that is definitely within the body and what does it mean when it shakes in this way. I don't know but I do trust that it is benevolent and in that trust and faith there is no fear.

There is a lot more to write but it's late and I know that I have to sleep in order to give the respect to my body that it deserves for seeing me through this operation safely today.
I will write a longer blog tomorrow........

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