I stared down at the red result on my shorthand test and couldn't believe it. Was that really 86% that was staring back at me. How on earth could I have got such a high mark with outlines that are so shaky. My brain had no answer and instead got fixated on a mark that I have never seen in my life before. Feeling really chuffed and delighted I stole a look at the outlines that the lecturer had given us that she had did and noted how neat they all looked. The teacher saw me looking at them and made a sweeping comment about 'some of us needing to be careful about our penmanship'. For those not in the shorthand know this refers to the drawing of the outlines. I could feel the give away red blush start at the nape of my neck and slowly travel up my face as what she said resonated and I saw myself included in her statement of 'some of you'.
It is only a mark on a page and in truth means nothing but the psychological effect it had on me was real. It was confirmation that I am keeping my head above water in spite of what my critical inner voice is telling me. It is confirmation in the face of the power that is that inner voice that we all which is not usually complimentary but critical. When I say this I want to make a distinction between the voices that characterize certain mental disorders such as schizoprenia. The voice I am referring to is not that one but the one in the head that always has a running commentary on everything that is going on. The tragedy about life is that we don't listen to what others say to us, but to what that voice is saying about what others say to us.
Buoyed up my success in shorthand I went into the design class more positive than I thought I would be. I was debating when to tell the lecturer about my disability in being partially sighted. Followed close on this thought was huge resistance and a real reluctance to tell him. Maybe it was my imagination but he seemed to go slower this time and I could follow better. At one point something he was asking us to do just wouldn't work so with a sick feeling of anticipation I stopped him in mid-flow and explained what wasn't working. Far from it being something simple it turned out to be something which can cause frustration if you don't know the tool to use to make it happen. So what I thought would be something simple turned out to benefit everyone in the end.....could life get any better. I stole a look out of the window and connected with the blue sky and sent out a beam of gratitude from my heart. I had also moved desks so that when I was at the computer I could look out of the window and connect with nature and that seemed to make all the difference.
Then....it all went pear shaped. Suddenly everyone elses computer was wrong and mine was right! I had the right text on my screen and all the others had pink text...aagh...I was suddenly the plaything of the Gods and I didn't like it. I don't want to be different and stand out. I want to be the same as everyone else and belong. Yet I have an identity that is strong and creates me to spend much of my time alone and I collude in this because it is safe.
Yet I know that soon I am going to have to speak up. What happened here in Britain today was unprecedented in terms of the Bank of England printing money up to the tune of 75 bn pounds. I heard this move being likened to something similar that happened in 1932 to pull the country out of recession. I have real fears about this move, not from an economic point of view because I am not an expert on economics (what's more honest, is that I know nothing about economics) but from the point of view of prolonging the agony of a world in shift. I am also asking what happened to the 34 million of tax payers money that was used to bail out I think it was Northern Rock bank (I haven't checked this as a fact). I have spoken in this blog about the shift of consciousness I see happening as things are put in place to make ready for this shift. I see everything that is happening as part of that shift. My gut feeling and I have to be very careful because I know that words create world. The words I use determine the world I get. There is no 'real' world out there, there is only the world I create with my words so I have to be careful about how I put them together to create meaning.
I am creating this shift of consciousness which is coming to bring about a more self-aware world to be positive in spite of the appearance of it being a catastrophe. To hold onto the reality in spite of appearances is to have power in the midst of turmoil. The shift is bringing about increased self-awareness. If I am to consider this shift in relation to the brain I see it as the evolution of the pre-frontal cortex of the brain. I assert (again I'm not a neuroscientist) that it is the acceleration of this part of the brain that results in greater self-awareness. I am convinced that most if not all spiritual/mystical experiences have a brain component. The experience I had was a brain one in that I didn't see any angelic beings, ascended masters but I felt the energy rise to the brain and descend. As a result I have insights and can understand so clearly the shifts of consciousness which a human undergoes to make it fit to enter the next world....that of the spiritual. This is why the consciousness with events that are happening in the world is being forced to look at life, themselves and the world differently.
This different way of looking is shifting consciousness to the next level. It happens when we look at the familiar in a different way. Not as immediately as the transformation that happens when the consciousness gets caught in a vortex but at a slower more gradual level. But this is painful and there will be casualities. Change is painful.....but without change there is no growth. The old has to go..to make room for the new. New wine cannot be put into old bottles. What determines whether this shift is going to be pleasant or painful.....the choice...not to resist the events that are bringing about the shift of consciousness on a mass scale like we are seeing today.
Yesterday evening I was treated to the most brilliant sunset where the sun was a ball of red suspended in the bluest of skies. I saw this sight and there was nothing in my consciousness just an absorbing connection and an overwhelming love....
