Wednesday, 25 March 2009

This beginning to bite....

I haven't written this blog because the course is becoming so intense now. I find that the days and nights go so quickly and there is so much to do just to keep my head above water. On Tuesday I worked in an office on a culture website and I really enjoyed it. I would really love to get a job as a staff writer in a magazine but I'm under no illusions that this is going to be easy. To be a successful freelancer one needs to have amazing discipline and I don't at the moment. I still have the interview that I did with the monk to transcribe and I have been putting off going into town to speak to people about what meditation means to people. This will make the article more real but I have been procrastinating about it. And yet, when I get down to it and begin writing I just love it and I know that I made the right move to change my career.

Since getting the insight into my point of view I have been so much more relaxed at college. I am putting together a team game with some people to plan a celebration for when we finish the exams at the beginning of July. Before I got this insight I wouldn't really approach the team members because underneath my awareness I had this story called 'I'm not included (a part of), I'm alone'. Paradoxically acknowledging and accepting that this is what is there but was hidden from my view is what has freed me to be relaxed happy and approachable with my team members. I was much more assertive yesterday to the point that a couple of team members got annoyed with my intensity but this had absolutely no effect on me and I was able to laugh it off and have fun. This is just unheard of for me.

I understand now that it is also this point of view that made me feel uncomfortable in most social circumstances. Now, I walk into any circumstance and I am totally comfortable. I'm really looking forward to my evening of Vortex healing. I think that it is the energetic shift that brought about the mental shift. I knew that something was happening because of how tired I was after the first session. Tiredness for me is always a sign of an inner turmoil or conflict. Tiredness is the inner battle of the identity wanting to hide and the possibility wanting to expose and it plays itself out within the human frame.

After the healing last week I wasn't in the least bit tired and I was also fine when I woke up on Friday morning so I am looking forward to this evening...but....before that, I have to get through 2 hours of shorthand which is getting very complicated now and there is no way that I can get away without doing my hour each night. I noticed that a couple of evenings that I didn't do it, I have really suffered when it comes to later chapters. Then I have 5 hours of design which I am struggling with because it is a computer package that relies on logic to progress. So by the time 6pm comes this evening I will be well ready for the Vortex healing.....

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