Sunday, 5 April 2009

Becoming visible.....nobody is going to do this but me....

Today I have taken on seriously getting myself more known out in the wider world. On Friday when we had the freelance journalism come in to speak to us I told him about my book and my blog and asked him for his advice given the huge numbers of websites that are around spiritual matters, how to get myself known. His advice to me was to pick the big five spiritual websites and begin commenting on their blogs and articles. So...yesterday found me registering onto what is supposed to be the most famous blog in the world, The Huffington Post. I found an article that was talking about TM meditation in the life section and a comment which mentioned the holy grail of Enlightenment. So I wrote a comment on that. I wrote far more than was allowed so had to do a hatchet job on my copy which is good given where I want to go in the future. I immediately received an automated reply saying that like this blog, the comment would be moderated and if deemed acceptable would be put onto the now I wait.

This seems to be what I am doing a lot of these days....but waiting for what. Once again there is a deep restlessness within me but I have no idea why. I am always nervous before going on work experience to a magazine I don't know but could this be solely the cause of the restlessness. I think it has more to do with a frustration of having had a deeply profound and transformative experience and not knowing how to package it in such a way that inspires and others. I have no clear idea of where I am going or how I am going to get there. All I have is a vision that I had very strongly in 19888 when I heard the concept of the Bodhissatva as someone who understands the nature of suffering and won't rest until everyone is free of suffering.

What does it mean to be free of suffering. It means to have a consciousness which is free and not tied to anything of the personality. How is it achieved? By being vigilant and honest with ourselves. I know all of this, like it is second nature to me...the challenge for me is what do I do with it. Yesterday I received the catalogue from the shop where the review of my book was meant to be featured. I rifled through the pages, my eyes searching feverishly for the column which would have a pic of my book and the accompanying glowing review......there was nothing. I started again at the beginning and at the end for the second time saw how every single person in it was well known or had had a number of books. I really saw with open eyes just how full this field is.

Yet all of these authors once started off like me, unknown but wanting to make a difference by knowledge or experiences they had. What did they do? I know that Eckhart Tolle - author of the famous book 'The Power of Now' started by giving talks to small groups of people in his room. Is this what I should begin to do, begin to speak about the energy of Enlightenment that rests at the base of the spine and which when rises shifts the consciousness so that insights and realizations given by saints and gurus through the ages are realized and become second nature.

The truth is that I don't know but I also trust that this is the way of the path I have taken on for myself. The path of doing it alone without a teacher or guru who would be able to see my stage of development and advise accordingly. Is it this that is missing? Is my arrogance on insisting on doing it alone the reason why I struggle so much in getting my story out there as another way to inspire. On Saturday I had an idea that I would begin to attend local spiritual events which go on here, write them up with interviews and then submit them to local papers and magazines. I'm going to sit with this for a while because I get all fired up with brilliant ideas which I then never bring into creation so before promising in this blog that this is what I will do, I want to see whether or not it is do-able given all of the commitment I have to give to getting this qualification and to also finishing my year of team management and leadership programm.

Now....I'm going to read the magazine from the place where I am going out on work experience so I am familiar with the kind of articles that are written.....


Harry said...

Hello Margaret

I fought with this same problem for years. After I received shaktipat I lost all interest in normal day to day life & work for a while. I quit a good job & started spending most days sitting on Clapham common reading spiritual books & just thinking & observing life going on around me. After a while I felt as if I had become sort of invisible to other people. I started imagining myself as a sort of Buddha, just sitting still & smiling at my creation as it unfolded around me. I tried to create the feeling that I was creating this world around me on a moment to moment basis & yet without effort or memory it was only spontaneous creation, & free. I supplied the energy for this but the world around me & everyone in it had the freedom to create also. It was ok for a while.

I think I got the idea for this strange mindset a few days after my shaktipat experience. I was sitting in a car on Balham Hill, waiting for a friend who had popped into a shop to get something. The car radio was playing & the traffic around me was heavy & roadworks were going on with road drills hammering away. My immediate feeling was “hurry up Michelle, lets get the hell out of here”. Then suddenly a shift occurred within me, totally spontaneously I started experiencing all of this as emanating from within inside of me. It was real. I hadn't taken any drugs. It felt as though this connection was happening within my body & I was creating all this. The music coming out of the car radio, the people, the noise, the traffic all of it was my creation & I could feel the energy that was supplying this drama somehow flowing from within me & back again. I understood why so many of these archetypal gurus & spiritual masters were often depicted as laughing, because it was a blissful experience. It made me laugh.

Later, feet planted firmly back on the ground, I resolved that I would find a way to share this experience. I wanted it to be experiential though, not just written like this. I started trying to think of ways to create this experience for others & realised I couldn't. I signed up for all sorts of workshops & courses, hoping I would find some tool or technique I could use in my own embryonic course ideas. The problem with this is that I set myself up with an impossible task. The sort of technique I was after would have been available to people like Jesus, Buddha, Shiva or any genuine guru, but not me.

The trainings like Est, The Forum, & The Life Training were all part of this searching for me. I studied 'Patanjali's Yoga Sutra's' looking for techniques & Siddhi's that could help me, but realised that these techniques were for adepts with years, if not lifetimes of training & discipline & probably very dangerous in my hands. The one time I started trying to practice a technique of Sanyama from this book I had a very frightening experience & stopped there & then. I realised you could open up a door to other worlds, but what I saw scared me & the beings through that door did not look as though they would do me any favours. Maybe all of this was some aspect of my shadow self, I just don't know, but I realised I needed to start clearing some of this stuff, that was perhaps lurking in my sub-conscious mind before proceeding. I became a rebirther which held some interesting possibilities & I am still interested in this now. I was also going to write books but felt always as if something was missing. I didn't want to be a charlatan I wanted to be the real thing in the transformation business. Later I thought maybe I could become a therapist of some kind, but I realised I had a lot of anger issues myself.

I think you are doing the right thing at this moment in your life. You are taking action & you have goals. Communication is the thing that can reach people & influence them. Your blog for instance is transformative & inspirational. These days it's much easier to reach out to the world with the internet & share idea's with blogs & websites. Publishing is easier also, Photoshop, Quark etc make it possible to publish professionally. Powerpoint for presentations at talks. Your journalism course is a great discipline for you & later you will hone your writing skills. Take it one step at a time. I am sure you will succeed with your plans. The main thing is to keep real. Don't set yourself an impossible curriculum, and don't beat yourself up over missing a few blog entries. Think about the amazing things you have achieved in your life so far, published a book, maintain a blog, maintain your coursework & your team management and leadership commitments. Be gentle on yourself because you are already doing a lot. I share with you your dream of making a difference, of being a transformer, of achieving enlightenment & freedom. I often think though about something that Babaji used to say 'Truth, Simplicity & Love', all three of these things seem to have alluded me.

All the best for now


Margaret Dempsey said...

Harry, thank you so much for your considered, compassionate and well thought out comment. There are so many similarities in our experiences of this path and both of us are grappling with many of the same things. This is inspiring and encouraging for me.

Thank you for your advice for me to be gentle on myself. That sentence really moved me and brought tears to my eyes. I realise that I put myself under a lot of unnecessary pressure not to let any opportunity go where I can inspire others to find the spiritual power for themselves. Of course there are only so many hours of the day and my day starts at 5am.

The world is shifting at such a rapid rate and the test in all of this is to stay steady and keep our nerve. I believe that things are going to speed up to the point that people are not going to have any choice but to go inside to discover the rich inner life. Things external are going to become so uncertain and unreliable and this is going to create the shift.

It is like the universe has taken a breath in with everything that is happening and we are now waiting for the outward breath. In that breath the consciousness of humanity will shift to its new axis and those qualities you say have alluded you will become who and what you are. You are that, simply by your desire to want to make a difference and be transformative.

I am in awe of the power of the experiences you have had and I really get how unsettled they have been for you. But when the shift will find all of those experiences coming together and you won't recognise what you will do and the difference you will make.

So hang in there, small steps to realising your dream is the way to do it.

I can't say how much your comments mean to me and how privileged I feel that you continue to read this blog.