Monday, 24 August 2009

I had an interview today......for a job I had been doing..

Once again, my sincere thanks to that kind person who sent me the advert for the job vacancy at the company where I used to work. More out of curiosity than desire I sent off my CV and was delighted at the response I got back. My application was accepted and my interview was today. Between my application being accepted and today I have had a lot of time to think about my way of being just before I left and how I am now. Having my book published happened so quickly and I couldn't shake off the feeling that I had to show some courage in gratitude for what the universe had provided me with i.e. the material for the book and for this blog. The gap between what I had been doing and where I thought my book was taking me became too great and so I made the choice I did to leave. I did request a leave of absence to get the journalism qualification. This was denied because it was no longer company policy.

I feel sure that if I was to be successful in getting this temporary vacancy that it would be different. Until shortly before I had my book published I had been happy there. I have always liked the people and that made the job. They were always so kind and helpful and without a lot of back stabbing which is unusual. What I was able to see from taking a break to do the journalism training was what a nun had said to me when she gave me back the results of an IQ test and how they had been the filter for how everything new occured for me. She said that I would never be able to understand anything that was said to me and for that reason the only job I would be able to do would be taking cans of beans on and off conveyor belts! (ridiculous when you think of it now but when I was 16 it had a devastating effect on me). I had completely forgotten it until I struggled with the shorthand as part of my journalism training which forced me to look in more detail because I knew I wasn't stupid yet I couldn't see the fundamental principle of shorthand and then I saw what was happening so clearly. Up to then most things I approached I had a defeatest attitude about. What was going on beneath my consciousness and sabotaging my ability to be confident and in control was an undistinguished inner dialogue that was about 'not even bothering because I won't understand anyway'.

Now that I have distinguished this, it no longer has any power over me and it is this that will make all the difference if I am offered the position. If I'm not successful then it wasn't meant to be and I can accept that outcome also. This is the only way to be happy in life- to accept what is because that is the way it is, wanting it be different is the prime cause of unhappiness. By acceptance I don't mean resignation. There is a world of difference between acceptance of the way things are and resignation about the way things are.

I felt that the interview went well. Early on in the interview something kicked in when I was asked a question and I just flowed with examples of similar events and really enjoyed the whole process. The inner dialogue about not 'understanding' wasn't there anymore and my words flowed with freedom and ease. Even if I don't get it I know that I can do a good interview. That inner dialogue about not understanding was gone and in its place is a sharpness and a focus. I left that job when I felt that it was the right thing to do. If I am successful it is because it is now the right time for me to grow in that position in the organisation. If I am not successful then I will grow somewhere else....either way I will grow...

This insight into how as human beings the pattern is for us to take what people say and make it mean something which results in a decision, which from then on runs our life and to disrupt this is why my drive to be a powerful leader for children and young people is so strong. I don't want any young person to be run by an unconscious undistinguished dialogue. Awareness is power, the more aware the young person is of this process which is fundamental to human being the more power they will have because they will have a choice about how they interpret the things that will happen to them. A teacher dying or a relative dying will not be interpreted as life is tough, life is hard if that young person understands that people die. It doesn't mean that life is tough or life is hard, it just means people die. If the process of attributing meaning to what happens in life is interrupted then the consciousness flows freely and doesn't get stuck. The moment an interpretation is put on an experience and a decision made about the experience the consciousness becomes stuck at that point. And life becomes the expression of that decision. In this case the young person who decides that a teacher dying means that life is tough will draw to him/her events which make for a tough life. We create the lives we have by what we have decided events in our early years have meant. I am aware that this is a bold assertion of mine but that is all it is - an assertion, not the truth. If it resonates.....ponder on it ....if it doesn't...move on...

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