This morning I woke up and what an inner battle went on between one part which really wanted to go to the chanting for Yogi Bhajan who is the teacher of the Kundalini yoga I am doing and which I am getting such a lot from and the other which was deafening me in its protestations about how going was so not a good idea. Ironically that part which wanted to go had me awake very early, helped by the crashing of bottles into the bottle bank in the early hours. I can feel this inner battle so keenly, it is between the identity or that which wants to keep us small and the possibililty of our soul that wants desperately for our consciousness to shift to have the experience of what is possible. I know this and have first hand experience and so you would imagine that I wouldn't be experiencing any resistance that I would have it all sorted.....well nothing could be further from the truth which is why me being on this spiritual path feels at times like the Divine's idea of a joke. I feel like I am the least committed of everyone and yet something always draws me. I dithered for ages this morning before finally making it out the door.
When I got to the park I saw a couple of people with guitars and knew that I was in the right place. I wondered over and to my delight one of the people was the teacher who covered for the main teacher when she was away. I really like this teacher, she doesn't have a special name and she's so humble with a powerful energy that isn't forced. It is this I picked up on the very first time I went when I was so apprehensive about working intentionally with this energy but she was great. We talked a little and she said that she knew from how I was in that first class that there was something I wasn't saying. This surprised me because I thought I had covered it up well. Some more people arrived including the main teacher and after scripts of chants were distributed out the main teacher explained the purpose of the event. It turns out that it wasn't the anniversary of the death of Yogi Bajan which I thought it was, it was the anniversary of his birthday. He is not that long dead - 2004. The main teacher told the story of how Yogi Bhajan had a vision from Ram Dass about taking Kundalini yoga to the west. And how Ram Dass then became Yogi Bajan's spiritual teacher, not in body but in spirit.
I was surprised by this story because when I was in India a few years ago I visited an Indian bookshop and bought some books which I had shipped over. Among them was a little book called 'Ram Dass' . I had bought it because I thought it was about the Ram Dass that is living today who was called Michael Alperton and I had followed his journey with great interest. He started out as a sceptic and ended up following the actions of a guru in India being given the name Ram Dass and he is now a worldwide teacher. Unfortunately he had a stroke so doesn't lecture as often as he did in the past. When I realised from reading the book that it wasn't the Ram Dass I thought it was I forgot about it. Now I understand who the book is about. These synchronicities happen a lot for me and I never know what to do with them. What is the message I am to take from this synchronicity or is there any message? Am I making it mean something, giving a meaning to something that ultimately has no meaning.....
After I came home I was so restless. I can really feel the effects of working with this energy. I get moments of incredible peace, bliss, joy and then I get so restless....am sure that everything will work itself out...in time....
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