When I got to the gym last night the news was given that due to the low numbers of people coming to this class that it is under review and maybe withdrawn. I can't believe it. It took me so long to go near this kind of yoga and now that I finally conquered my fear of it and absolutely love it, it's in danger of being taken away. But this is so typical of the spiritual path. Nothing can be attached to. The whole of the spiritual journey is the journey of letting go. I have found Kundalini yoga now and if it is to go, then this is what is meant to happen. I will simply look on you tube and do some of the exercises from there. But the human aspect of me will be devastated if it is withdrawn. I have signed a petition to keep it going but the choice is not mine and I accept this.
The class last night was more strenuous and afterwards I felt quite spaced out. In the dressing room I spoke to a woman who had said in the class that it was only her second time to do Kundalini yoga. I asked her how she had found it. She looked at me and said 'it is very interesting'. Then I had a thought that I had lost my keys so as she continued saying 'the first time I did I found myself crying and now this time when we were relaxing at the end I was really shaking', I was feverishly rooting through my bag for my keys and so didn't really pay attention. As a result my reaction to this was very casual and non-significant. I said 'oh yes, this is usual' but my mind was on looking for what I thought was my lost keys. I found them as she was saying 'so I don't understand it, but I'm going to keep coming, bye see you next week'. Walking home I thought how funny it was that I thought I had lost my keys because I never lose my keys. What I saw was that if I hadn't been pre-occupied with my keys I would have got so excited and gone into all kinds of things about what caused the crying and shaking and perhaps scared her a little with my intensity. Being pre-occupied with my keys meant that my reaction to what she said was not significant and so she saw nothing unusual in my reaction to what had happened to her.
I think this is my main concern about Kundalini yoga is that it is intended to rise the energy that lies dormant at the base of all of our spines and people are not aware that it exists. They then come to a class and do intense exercises which are geared towards waking that which lies dormant, have reactions they they don't understand and in some ways are then at the mercy of this energy. From my experience I think that not having fear around this energy is the best way to ensure its safe rising. I am so glad that my reaction to this woman was so relaxed and non-reactive. It is a lesson I will take with me whenever anyone speaks to me about the signs of kundalini awakening....
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