I've been through something major......but I've come out the other side..

I am doing a course which is going to train me to be a Landmark Forum leader for children and young people. By doing this course I am a representative of Landmark Education. I want to make it clear that the views that I present or what I write about is not necessarily the view of Landmark Education. What is offered in this blog are just views, nothing is the truth just points of views or places to stand to open up something new in thinking. I in no way want anything of what I write to be taken as authorised by Landmark. In my book I wrote a chapter about the Landmark technology which I sent to Landmark headquarters to have approved. I was amazed at the positive response that came back and the thanks I got for writing what I did. What I have written in that chapter is representative of Landmark Education everything else I write is not and I want to make that crystal clear.

Up to now I was basically a free agent with what I wrote and what I scribed did lean heavily on what this technology was giving me in terms of me seeing the human game of identity and possibility. There was no consequences to this because I was not in training to be a Landmark leader. Now I am and as I deeply respect the technology and what it has enabled me to achieve the last thing I want is any of my views to be seen as representative of Landmark and used to damage or harm the organisation. Landmark is my ashram but that is just the way it is occuring for me, it is not the way it is.

To be a leader nothing must be in the way of a person being fully self-expressed. Where integrity is out full self-expression is not possible. Some time ago I fell out with someone very special to me because of the way I dealt with a money issue. For the last two weeks this lack of contact has affected me and my self-expression with people. I ignored it really resisting doing anything about it. Then I became so tired. I fell asleep on the train and had to be woken at Victoria Station by a guard (it was 16.15!) and then fell asleep again when I was being driven back by a friend. Then couldn't get up the next morning. There was no blog because my self-expression was completely blocked. I once heard you can know whether your integrity is in or out by the way you sleep and wake up. If you can sleep quickly and wake up quickly in the morning then integrity is in. I knew by my resistance to getting up that this was something that was in the way of me being the powerful leader for children and young people that I have declared myself to be.

When something isn't working in an area of life what there is to do is to look and see where is integrity out. My integrity was out because I didn't take responsibility for the rift with this person by clearing up that I pretended that this person was the one at fault and not me. So yesterday I took out my pen and paper (because my number has been blocked) and I wrote a letter in which I really laid bare just what a bitch I had been and how much I missed the relationship. The minute I had finished typing I felt this huge sense of relief and some of the blackness that had been around me lifted. It was really quite amazing. I read through it a couple of times and satisfied myself that there was no making this person wrong for any of what had happened in the past, printed it off and posted it. I got home and was struck immediately by how much energy I had. I had been dreading the kundalini yoga because I didn't think I had the energy. Now I was so excited about going to do it.

I can't prove that the law of integrity is as real and operational as gravity - I just know. I know it from being the witness of myself. What my life is like when my integrity is in and I have been true to myself and others and what it's like when it's out. The training required to use this technology to be a forum leader demands 100% integrity because of the power of what it provides.

I went to the kundalini yoga full of energy and aliveness. The first thing that was said to me when I arrived was 'good news, the gym is not withdrawing the kundalini yoga from Sunday morning'. I smiled and said 'that's good' and barking as it may seem I saw that result as confirmation that the courage it took me to write the kind of letter that I did where I have left myself more vulnerable than I have ever done in my life has had an effect in the decision of the gym not to withdraw the kundalini yoga class from Sunday morning. As I write this I can just imagine my childhood friend snorting and saying 'oh for God's sake, stop reading into things'. And I can see how any left brained person reading this would think that, but I am right brained and this is how I intuit that everything is connected. When we take actions to restore integrity it is like a stone being thrown into a pond, the ripples extend out beyond anything we could imagine.......

Play a game today.....take one action to clean up something that has been nagging at you and you have been resisting and see what happens......