Feeling uncertain and sad....

This evening was to be the evening where I gave a presentation on my book and also took bookings for the six week meditation course which was to start later in the month. None of that is now happening. My gut instinct about the shop not wanting to host it was correct. I had friends down on Saturday and a psychic shop is always a big draw and so they wanted to go in and look around when we were passing it. I went in as well and immediately saw the people who had taken the booking. It was so awkward. I just said hello to them. No mention was made about the booking. I had sent emails, none of which were returned so I knew that the initial enthusiasm that was shown to me for whatever reason is no longer. A poster I had put up in another place promoting the events had been taken down and when I asked 'why', no-one knew anything about it. So what am I to make all of this mean. It is not my path to spend the rest of my life speaking about the amazing powerful energy that rests at the base of all of our spines. That experience was for me personally and not to share. I have written everything in my book and am aware that I gave a promise to put a video of the entire event on you tube - something that I am now really resisting.

Yesterday, I got the programme from another mind, body spirit centre and was struck by how many people there are talking about stillness, consciousness, enlightenment. All of these people can manage to do it....what is it that is missing for me. Perhaps it is like this to clear the way so that I can commit fully to the intensity of what the next six months are going to bring. Every morning I wake up and my commitment to be a powerful leader for children and young people gets even stronger and burns even brighter. From now on, my life is not about me but about where I can make the best contribution and the biggest impact.....everything I need I will create...

I spent a lot of time today in the gym. This energy is powerful and I find that I also have to do some running and cycling to feel grounded after the yoga. I particularly love spinning and always have done. Today I did a class and really focussed on connecting with the energy at the base of the spine and and the second and third energy centres or what are called the chakras. The first three chakras are the human chakras and the remaining four are the Divine chakras. Life as a human consists of working to free the blocked energy from the first three so that the energy can rise unobstructed through the spine to the crown of the head where it triggers the awakening of normally dormant areas in the brain. The awakening of these areas results in spiritual insights and intuitions as well as psychic phenomena.

After the class I had booked in for a free revolutionary treatment called hypoxi. It works by targetting those areas of the body where the circulation is slow and as a result fat accumulates. I was shown into this room with a white pod like machine in the middle. The guy who was running it explained how it worked. I was strapped to a heart monitor and then this what I can only describe as a corset like thing was put over my head and I had to pull it down until it was at stomach level - then it was tightened - I'm lucky I have any breath left to write this. He opened up the door of this pod and i stepped into it. A complicated process of strapping me in and bringing this corset like thing up so that it wrapped around some kind of table in front of me completed the preparation. He set up a DVD and set the machine off. I had to pedal like I was cycling a bike which wasn't a problem given all the group cycling I have done in the past. Then this corset thing started to have a life of its own and began to squeeze me so tightly. At the point where I thought I would have to send out a red alert the pressure lifted and this was the format for the 20 minutes of this treatment. This incredible pressure and then release.

After 20 minutes I felt lightheaded but also good. It might have been my imagination but I also thought that my jeans felt looser around the waist. The treatment works by speeding up circulation to those areas where circulation is slow so that fat can burn. I began the treatment feeling quite sceptical but now I think given the choice of this and the surgeon's knife that this is definitely better. It costs £25 for 30 minutes which isn't at all bad given how much other treatments are. The snag is that a course of 12 sessions is recommended which makes it pricey, but it was a nice treat for myself on this disappointing and strange day.....