It's all gone really quiet.....on Facebook!

Today has been a strange day. For some reason I have been feeling restless and unsettled since early morning. I haven't received any feedback on the article I sent to the online freelance journalism website but yet they have sent me an email explaining how the site makes its revenue which was very interesting. It appears that it contracts with Google for its adsense facility. This is great because while I had thought of trying adsense on this blog I didn't have the faintest idea of how to go about it. So as long as my articles are up to scratch this will be done for me and any revenue made, I will get a percentage of. This suits me so well given how much I love the unpredictable!

I'm amazed at how quiet it has got on Facebook. I joined two groups - metaphysics and ascension and satsang and spiritual teachers and wrote quite passionate posts for each. So far there have been no comments to anything I have written. I have done a trawl of the websites listed in the satsang and spiritual teachers website and I have been struck by how many of them are long on words and short on experiences and extrapolating from experience which to me is the only proof of authenticity. I came across a website from a Guru who was a bodyguard to Osho in the past. His website lacks nothing in terms of the latest video and audio technology but watching him something just didn't feel right for me. Yet it says in his websight that he experienced a profound inner transformation and clarity which he says 'rearranged all his wires'. It is language like this that frustrates me like nothing else. What exactly does this mean.. How was he different after this experience. Rearranging wires means nothing to me. This is why the only person I consider to be an authentic spiritual teacher is Eckhart Tolle and this is because he is clear about his experience, before, during (to a point) and afterwards. It is this clarity that speaks to me because it is the same clarity I have for my own experience. This is not to say that if Eckhart's experience wasn't like mine that I would doubt Eckhart. I never would because it is the simplicity and the genuiness that resonates with me as being authentic.

I feel a real frustration because I have had the experience but can't seem to write in the way that those I assert have not had powerful experiences can write. They write from the mind, so the words are right, impressive sounding and correct in that I intuitively resonate with them but I can't write in the same way and I am frustrated about this. My writing vis a vis the spiritual is so simple and it is a simplicity that is losing people. I can feel that this is what is happening. In my writing I am trying to bypass mind and get to no-mind but it's naive of me to think that I can do this without the mind getting irritated and I think that this is what has happened with the replies I have posted. Perhaps I have been a bit too straight and a little ego massaging might have been a better way to go. And maybe if the world had more time this is what I would have done. But the stakes are too high and time too short to be anything but straight and direct and take what I get back. But that is the thing at the moment I ain't getting anything back fair or foul.

I posed the question on one of my replies that if all the answers are to be found in the mind when it comes to spirituality how come there has been little or no movement in this area since the days of the great spiritual masters...the silence has been deafening. By posing this question I was trying to see if a bit of logic might create the shift that is necessary for the mind to lessen the control needed for the consciousness to shift. I was sitting at my computer earlier when into my head came the insight 'it is the transformation of ego that results in an awakened consciousness'. This is the reason why when spiritual awakening happens there is 100% consciousness and no ego, the ego has transformed into consciousness so ego is nothing but untransformed consciousness. I don't know that this is true but the insight that came through was so strong that I have to trust that it is.

It is strange how it came through when I am so uncertain of whether or not my approach to dealing with comments on websites is really effective in bringing about the difference I want to make. I had been sitting here wondering whether it is my ego that is the most inflated of them all and feeling really unsure when that insight came through so now all I feel is gratitude that this insight came through at this time. I take it as validation that what I am doing is right for me. This is the nature of the spiritual path when one doesn't have a teacher. Osho's bodyguard went off and found a couple of teachers for himself but this is something I am so reluctant to do. I have the attitude of I've come this far on my own (not quite true, I have my inner guru!)and I am reluctant to seek out any external source who will only give me nice words and phrases for things I already know. There is so much written about the spiritual path on so many websites that it gets really tiring intuitively understanding everything that is written on all of them and not able to write that way myself.

I'm aware writing this that I am very stuck at the moment. I have my third weekend of this training coming up and I am also resisting that. The theme for the weekend is performance and unconcealing what is in the way of being a powerful performer in life and I can tell by the deep feelings of unease and dread that something is awaiting me. I am long enough on this path to recognise the pattern of intense resistance and then freedom. The resistance I liken to an inner battle that is going on which I am not aware of. All I am aware of are its effects as I become tired, irritable and incredibly restless. But I watch all of this with the witness mentality. In that way I don't get absorbed into it and lose my sense of self. This has been important for me to do in all of these kinds of experiences of which I have had many at this stage of the journey. I know that the ultimate aim is the stripping down and getting rid of that which is not, so that that which is can be revealed but it's not an easy process.

Tomorrow is another day and having said that I would go to my kundalini class I realised that my friend Lotus is having a mindfulness evening at Deep Connection which I promised I would support when we first opened the space. I have mixed feelings about mindfulness. It is a much safer path than meditation I feel in that it doesn't cause premature spiritual emergency like meditation can so is better in that regard. But I feel that progress on the path of minfulness is slower but then again...I may be wrong and anyway anything I write in this blog is only me navel gazing I claim none of it to be the objective truth but it is the truth for me based on my experiences....