Wednesday, 28 January 2009

The sadness of saying friends

On Tuesday night I went out with my oldest and dearest friend. His family and mine were friends when we lived in England. My family returned to Ireland and his never did. After I returned to London I reconnected with him and his family and we have been friends since childhood. Even when we returned to Ireland he always visited with his family every summer when they would come to Ireland for their summer holidays. He has been with me through good times and bad and has always been so supportive. With each year that passes I value his friendship more and more. It is said that if you meet one person in a lifetime who turns out to be a genuine friend who is there through thick and thin that this is to have found a jewel. I know that I have this jewel in this man.

We talked last night about the choice I am making and the reasons I am making it. I know that he finds it difficult to understand and is holding the Landmark training that I am doing responsible. I really saw the depth of his concern when he spoke openly and honestly about how he felt about it and about my involvement with it. Listening to him speak with such passion and fervour I was moved by the depth of his concern for me and at one point felt my heart open with such love that I felt overwhelmed. In the past when Landmark has been attacked I have felt the need to control, protect or defend but I recognise these reactions as the old model of communication and am being trained to be a master in the distinctions of the new model. One that is based on acceptance and on letting go of the need to protect or control and instead to dance in the conversation without wanting to or needing to force an outcome. This gives a space and magic to the conversation and the whole evening was so thoroughly enjoyable. He gave me such valuable feedback about the blog in that it he made the comment that I don't receive comments the way I used to and he attributes this to what he considers to be my obsession with Landmark. This is a point that I will seriously consider. My commitment is that this blog is my account of what I am daring to call a spiritual journey. On that path certain structures are used to expand consciousness, for me it happens to the Landmark technology for others it is something else.

I came home to do some more packing and then the guy from the gym came around on his way home. I have come a long way with him and it seems strange when I'm beginning to let go of some emotional control that my path is taking me out of London and away from him. He has been good for me and I have grown a lot over the past year. He seems to understand me which is nice.

Today I was speaking with my publisher and I asked about how the book was selling. I had been feeling down because of the other rejection letters I had found which I had spoken about in an earlier blog entry and had been feeling that this current book also is largely about my individual subjective experiences. I had a thought to call a magazine I had sent a review copy to. I called and immediately the woman who I wanted to speak to answered the phone. I explained who I was and that I had sent a review copy and she said 'Oh yes, I have received it and I am going to review it' I was so thrilled. We had a long conversation and she was so inspiring. She started the magazine 8 years ago and had the idea of beginning by putting together all of the information that was channelled. So she put together a database of mediums and channellers and then looked for interviews. She started small and now has a substantial readership. What I particularly liked was that she said she tries to make it happen without much advertising because she doesn't like to sully the spiritual waters.

This has also been a long concern of mine and the reason why it took me so many years to speak about profound mystical/spiritual experiences I have had. I told her about the reading that Edwin Courtenay had given to me. She has often featured interviews and channellings by him and I suggested that maybe the reading that he gave me could form part of the review. This thought suddenly came to me as I was speaking to her. I didn't have that thought when I was still employed. It's like now that I finally have integrity that opportunities and ideas are coming to me which were denied while I had no integrity by which I mean I was in a job I didn't like and didn't have an empowering context for. I agreed to write an article for the next edition of the magazine in May around the 3 stages of spiritual development.

I was so excited and inspired after the phone call that I immediately called the other book shop that had promised me a review. Again, I got through immediately to the man I wanted to speak to and he confirmed that he was still doing the review, and in fact was writing it next Monday and would email me what he had written for my view.

So it's been a truly exciting and great day. I didn't get as much packing and stuff done as I wanted but I am creating tomorrow to be a full-on day where everything gets done with freedom and ease. I'm off tonight to the final evening of the power to create weekend and in the last couple of days I have real experience of its power.....

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