Wednesday, 8 July 2009

The excitement of the unpredictable.......

These days I feel like I did when I was travelling around India and I never knew from one moment to the next what would happen. It is exactly the same now except for unlike India I know where I am going. I have such a pathetic sense of direction that it was only when some shopkeeper said 'hello again Madam' to me that I realised I had been in the direction before! This added stress to unpredictability. These days I have the unpredictability but without the stress because I know my way around here.

I must be honest and say that since the course ended I have been cruising. I've been travelling a bit to sort things out with my flat and I am so surprised at the freedom and ease with which it is all happening. I have given up all attempts to control life and as a result life is carrying me easily and effortlessly. I've always known intuitively that being in integrity is the key to living a life that works but I never thought it would result in the ease, peace, calm and inner contentment that I feel. I moved into a flat in the centre of town and it's been just great.

I left my job to be authentic in my desire to share my story of spiritual awakening and have had interesting results. The trouble with the experiences I have had is that they don't fit neatly into a mold and the other thing that is kind of going against me is that I don't have a teacher or adhere slavishly to one tradition. So when I knock on the door of Buddhist organisations requesting a room to promote my book I am given the third degree as to my Buddhist practice and school of teaching. When I explain patiently about spiritual expansion and awakening not requiring any dogma, Buddhist or otherwise there is a noticeable shift in tone and demeanour which is not in my favour. Another door shuts and I slink away. And yet what is this drive that keeps me going on. I tried a couple of book shops today and one was interested in what I had to share and has asked me to put together a flyer for a 6 week meditation course later in the year. So it is more of this that I must do and to be honest I feel more alive and happy doing this. I finally feel true to my purpose in life but it remains to be seen whether what I feel is my purpose and what the universes purpose is are the same......only time is going to tell on this one.

I have to trust that the power of the experience I had which was explained to me as a kundalini experience is to be shared, not taught and certainly not risen before its time and and to trust that when I am speaking with people about what I want to do. I had a taste of this tonight when I found myself at an open meditation evening. Even though I wasn't the facilitator for the evening two of the people there came over to me and asked me questions. When I explained that I was giving a talk based on the experiences in the book one immediately asked me for the details. So I have to also trust that the way that I think things are going to happen is not like that at all and relax a bit around all of this.

I also haven't forgotten about my declaration to be a leader for children and young people and that training starts in a couple of weeks time when I review the forum. This will be an interesting experience as it was 2005 when I did it and didn't understand much of what went on. Now I am so much more aware of the basic concepts so it will be interesting to see how expanded or not my consciousness has become.

I'm aware that I haven't written much. I'm on twitter and I find the limited characters, only allowed - 140 quite freeing. Having said that I have enjoyed writing this post, I just hope that I haven't lost anyone due to not having been consistent. Part of this is my obsession with wanting to look good on this blog and to have it all sorted and arriving where I want to be but the truth is.....that I'm not there yet....

No comments: