My first week....of trying to free my consciousness.....

It's coming to the end of a very strange week. I've been busy without a whole lot being accomplished and yet I feel so happy and at peace. I have been consistent in my meditation practice both morning and evening but I'm not so sure about my consciousness being freed. I feel so much resistance writing this blog and I don't know what this is about. Last night I went once again to the meditation group and once again this morning I am feeling restless and unsettled. I am reviewing the Landmark Forum this weekend and I have felt a strong need to go for a run on the beach every morning which I have done. It is like my body is getting ready for the profound experience that this weekend is going to be.

My memory of when I did this weekend back in 2005 was experiencing that suchness, emptiness that Buddhists speak about. I remember so clearly that profound moment when there was nothing, and in that nothing was everything. It's like my consciousness has a memory and it is ensuring that I am as mentally and physically as strong as I can be for this weekend. This is the reason for the intense meditation and the running and watching what I am eating. Once again following a spiritual path is all about trust and surrender. I am surrendering to every inner impulse I have, trusting that this is my next step. And yet, this weekend is not about me. It is the first step in my training to be a Landmark Forum leader for children and young people. For the first time I completely accept myself for who I am and what I have achieved. From here on, anything I get is within the context of being a powerful leader for children and young people so that they have the tools to be powerful in the face of every circumstance of life and the identity formation doesn't have such a stranglehold of a grip in the way it does with adults when this process doesn't get interrupted. The earlier the process is interrupted the stronger the consciousness is in being more of a match for the identity - if this makes any sense.

I think this is part of my reluctance to write this blog in that what I form in my mind just seems to be so clumsy when it appears on the page. I am also aware that it is also just my view of how human being develops and evolves but the force and intensity of the insights I receive on a daily basis now is resulting in me being far more committed to disrupting this process as early as it is possible to do so. In the past I have assisted on one of these weekends for children and young people because as I don't have children I wanted to see what went on before I spoke to parents about what is possible for their child. What I saw on that weekend inspired me so much. I saw the process being interrupted and as a result young people who had made events that had happened mean something, could see that this wasn't true. I remember especially one young teenage girl who said that both her aunt and teacher had died. The event will never be dismissed. The event is real, however what we make it mean is only a story, an interpretation. The woman asked her what did she say to herself about life, what did it mean about life. She said: 'that life is tough and hard', the woman then said 'does it really mean that'. There was a silence as the girl thought about it and then smiled and said 'no, it doesn't mean that' and in that moment I saw her little face transform as that burden that she no longer knew she was carrying was lifted.

This disruption to the process is important for another reason. If it hadn't been interrupted then that view 'that life is hard' is what would have attracted events that reinforce the view that life is tough and hard. The point of view that we form about life will also be consistent with the events that happen. It has to be that way if the point of view is to survive. In the case of that little girl the process was interrupted and so that point of view that life is tough and hard didn't get any deeper and in fact dissolved. The truth is seen and in that seeing freedom is had. In adults it is harder to dissolve the point of view only because of the many years that it has operated without being discovered. Once discovered it loses some of its power but it never disappears not like if it is got when the young person is forming his/her identity. Having this technology at that stage of life, is powerful and it is where I see most clearly that I can make a difference.

I'm also promoting talks on my book. The first one here is on Wednesday but I am meeting such resistance in terms of the venue not being willing to put up a poster. But it's strange this is only strengthening my resolve and my commitment each day is to take two actions to progress this.....