What I have to learn more than anything.....is patience

The spiritual path more than any other has events that happen to test just how committed one is. I declared on this blog yesterday that I was going to go to the kundalini yoga session in the gym this morning. Last night I was walking along the seafront listening to a motivational tape on my gorgeous new ipod when I got a phone call. It was from someone who is already doing the leadership course that I am starting in August. The call was to invite me to an orientation day for this course for today. Immediately I was thrown into the dilemma of my burning desire to be the leader for children and young people and the promise I had made to attend this class. I had a momentary panic but then knew immediately what my choice was going to be, I was going to do what I said and go to the kundalini yoga class. I thanked the woman who had generously invited me and hung up the phone. I smiled to myself thinking just how typical this kind of thing is when one is committed to following a spiritual path.

I walked for a long time along the seafront listening to a tape talking about the importance of self-control which is no more than the control of thoughts for achieving success and wondered for the umpteenth time about how I am going to create the inspiring life that I desire so badly. I realise now that desire is not a dirty word, it is the creative force which makes things happen. I returned home and my flatmates cat decided to attach herself like a limpet to me for the rest of the evening.

This morning I woke up before my alarm clock and my first thought was 'kundalini yoga' and I felt a deep sense of apprehension. I meditated for half an hour and then got ready to go to the gym. I was going to exercise before the yoga to build my body up...but for what...I didn't know. There wasn't that many people when I got to the gym and so I started my routine by running. Gradually people started to arrive and go into the studio for the yoga. 10 mins before the class was due to begin I went into the room. I had been told that it was popular so I wanted to get a prime spot on the floor! When I went in I saw the teacher who was very young and dressed in white, with even a white turban which she was rolling around her head as I walked up to her. This reassured me that there was a respect for the amazing fire which would be attempted to be awakened and I felt more at ease. The teacher smiled at me and I went up to her. After the pleasantries of 'hello' I blurted out quite forcefully 'have you experienced the kundalini energy'. She looked shocked and something in me said not to say anymore. I laughed it off by saying that I had tried hatha and kundalini was something that I was curious about. This was true, but more to the truth was that I was incredibly apprehensive of it. She told me she had been teaching for three years and then came the information which made sense. She told me that she was covering for the main teacher who was away for the next two weeks. When she said the teacher's name I was amazed because a few days ago I had taken down the name and number of a lady who was doing three hour kundalini workshops and I had intended to call her just to have a chat. Turns out that it is the same lady who does the kundalini yoga sessions at the gym. There is no need for me to call her now I will meet her in a couple of weeks.

While I was running I had the clear idea that what I want to do is to share my own path of spiritual development, not be just another meditation teacher. Once again the three stages to spiritual enlightenment which came through to me very clearly some time ago were there again. This is my purpose to teach this path through its three stages. I wasn't achieving anything promoting myself as a meditation teacher because that had no definite purpose. Developing meditations to suit each stage of this path and holding courses on this, has a definite purpose and inspires me far more. These stages are definite and real for me and it is that conviction that is going to inspire people to take them on for themselves.

The yoga session started with a chant and then began the exercises. Most of them were to awaken the dormant energy which is said to lie at the base of the spine. Some of them were intense especially the ones that were like sit-ups I was in complete agony and realised that my core stability needs some serious work! I was surprised that there was very little pranayama breathing, it was mostly exercises to shake awake this energy. A few times during the exercises I found myself asking myself 'am I doing this right' which is something I always do in yoga classes because I don't enjoy yoga but when I let that go, I really enjoyed it. I finished the class really relaxed and with a clear and definite purpose and resolved that I would go regularly to the Sunday one and also to the Tuesday evening one.

I suddenly realised that the dates I had tried to confirm with the shop were for Tuesday evenings. Is this the reason why the shop had not got back to me, that I am not meant to do this course on Tuesday evening. I know that this might be stretching the bounds of imagination and I can just imagine my good friend if he is reading this sighing and saying 'oh for God's sake, stop reading into things' but on this path and without a teacher it is what you have to do if you're not to miss the next opportunity. So if it's appearing like this to the reader, have patience and stick with me! I also need to learn patience. I was so impatient, angry and annoyed that the lady of the shop hadn't returned my call that the thought that the time was not right never entered my head. Now, I saw the possibility for why Tuesday evening is not going to be a good evening to do this course.

After breakfast I went for a walk and passed the shop. On impulse I went in and saw another woman. I explained about all the messages I had left and she was great. What I saw is that they are waiting for me to decide the dates and put them on a poster and they will rent me the room for those nights. Me making this big drama about having to have the dates confirmed before I could do anything else was all in my head. Or was it also a case of timing. Having the insight into the new spiritual course I have developed that I can now run a course on this instead of doing what has been done before and running a standard meditation course. This has shifted something for me. I had to re-visit this three stage road to spiritual enlightenment and own it and become enthused about it before doors could once again open.

So now I have put together some wording for the poster. I have changed the evening of the course to Thursday evening and I have sent it off to someone who has agreed to design the poster for me. I think what has made the difference is that when I woke up this morning I created the possibility of abundance being easy and quick and that is definitely what has showed up so far today.....and the day is far from over. I was also struck by a Tweet yesterday which I am going to reproduce here. It came from Steve Nobelious who I have known for many years ' Do not follow where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail'. With the route to enlightenment I have devised, there is definitely no already existing path and in this lies its excitement for me.

I am also really happy and excited for another reason. I have received an email from Harry who I have often acknowledged on this blog and he has told me that he is going to write up his experience 'Opening the heart - life training experience' and post it on this blog. This has just made my day and I can't wait to read it. I feel privileged that he is going to post it here and I feel sure that it is going to touch, move and inspire all of us who read it.