Friday, 10 July 2009

Standing.....on the shoulders of giants...

My consciousness was awake early this morning because it sensed an important meeting. I was going to meet the founding member of the society of metaphysicians a 91 year old man and I was so excited. Not just about my book and what I could do with it but also for me. I felt that in this man I might understand something more about what happened back in 1988. I would have a scientific explanation and not some new agey one. Me and my trusty sat nav set off early for the over one hour drive. The night before I had located my car from where I had parked it miles away from where I now live because there is limited free parking where I am so I knew that I wouldn't start the morning pannicking walking around unfamiliar streets for a non-existent car. Car located I sat in and rigged up my trusty friend. There was nothing to tell me that it was going to take my control and get me to where I needed safely and on time until I turned on the engine to charge it up....then I heard some welcome words about 'turning left' when I switched the engine on. Words can't describe how grateful I am to have this gadget. It has revolutionised how I feel about driving. I have zero sense of direction so driving was always a nightmare. Even going on holiday, because of this lack of a sense of direction, it has always been stressful. India, especially. I must be the only traveller that has a smile on my face when we hit back on a England terminal.

I arrived at the society in plenty of time with only having a dispute with the sat nav once which won and was in the right! The place was desserted and when I looked at my watch I realised that I was 15 minutes early to meet with this doctor of divinity. A little while later a grey car pulled up and a lady got out. I got out of my car and introduced myself and she said 'yes, he is expecting you, let's go in'. She opened the door to this small office that had books and papers absolutely everywhere. Then a man turned up. They asked me what my purpose was in being there and with a flourish I produced my book from the depths of my bag. What is it about having an actual book that changes the whole energy in the room. The moment I produced the book and spoke about the possibility of spiritual expansion and awakening for the ordinary there was an attention and a stillness. I gave a mental thanks to my publishers ki publishing who had published it without any financial input from me. The man picked up the book and started flicking through it. Then they said that they had promoted a book for a woman about how animals are friends of humans. Then the man himself arrived with a remark about being 91 and not getting up so early now.

My first impressions were of a man where the body might be old but his eyes were bright, alert and intelligent. I experienced this deep relief in that if anyone is able to explain what it is that lies at the base of the spine that when it rises and descends causes such a shift in consciousness, I would find it here. He looked at me keenly and said 'why have you come'. I explained about the book and took it out but I then said 'but it's not just about ways of promoting the book' , 'I would value your view on whether or it is appropriate for me to continue to speak about this experience and the shifts it created, or if now that the book is written, to trust that I have played my part and to settle down into life and look for a job. He then said 'can you feel the mentals around'. I was a bit confused and said 'do you mean other entities and as I said it I could also hear my inner voice go oh no, not another that sees angels etc'. But even as it was saying this it had no conviction because there is something deeply trustworthy about this man. I have respect for his lifetime of work for the society. He wouldn't have given his life's work to metaphysics which is that which is beyond the physical if he hadn't touched something. He then went onto explain that he has been a psychic and a mystic since a young boy and that he could feel the presence of other entities around as we spoke.

As I spoke about life after I made a decision when I was 11 to follow a spiritual and not a religious path he was thumbing through the book, rapidly scanning the pages. From it he picked up on my experience with the hallucinogenic drug STP and without feeling any embarassement or in anyway like a fraud I explained that event. He stopped reading, looked at me with these piercing blue eyes and said 'I don't recommend drugs it interferes with the natural expansion of the consciousness'. While I agreed there was a part of me that knows just how much my consciousness has expanded and I assert that the shift of consciousness so that it doesn't revert back to where it was requires something stronger than prolonged meditation. The test is if the drug use is continued solely to achieve that altered state of consciousness. For me, it was a one-off taken not for a mystical/spiritual experience but to try to understand another problem I was having in relation to a guy. But I didn't feel the need to defend this view to this man. I bowed to his many years of experience and was quiet and listened intently.

He spoke about the consciousness being one. When he came to the label of kundalini which I had put on the experience he said that splitting off the consciousness by putting a label on any of its movement limits what possible for the consciousness. This resonated because ever since the experience I have been so reluctant to label it as kundalini. I hadn't been able to explain this reluctance until today. Now I see that by labelling it I am reducing its power. He then spoke about the unlimitedness of the consciousness and told me stories about how his consciousness regularly leaves his body. This hit at the nub of my fear around this part of spiritual expansion. I am obsessed with having control of my consciousness and my identity is using this control to keep my consciousness limited by the constrains of the body. This man spoke about letting go of that control so my consciousness can be free. Manuel Schoch before he died often said the same thing to me, you have to let go of the control. I think subconsciously a deep knowing that nothing else is going to shift until I do let go of control is what found me at the emotional freeing technique treatment. Within the limits of my control of my consciousness nothing new or different is possible. He then looked around him, stood up and brought down this dusty old tome which dated from many years back. He said that it was written by chanelling, which is where the man went into a deep trance and typed it out on an old typewriter. He then looked at me again keenly and repeated 'nothing else is possible while the consciousness is constrained'. I felt this shiver as if I had come to yet another point at where I had to make a choice. I can be content to be where I am at or I can take a risk for what more is possible for others through me. It was like he read my thoughts because he said 'but be careful, if you just want this for yourself, you won't get it, you have to want it for others because the consciousness is not yours it is universal consciousness. I knew this from my study of the concept of the Bodhissatva in Mahayana Buddhist.

The lady who had let me in then came into the room and asked me if I would like to have a coffee. There was a few moments of silence and then a cat came into the room. What is it about me and cats these days. My flatmate has a cat, the woman I had the treatment with has a cat and now there is a cat in this room. He jumped up onto the table and arched its back to be stroked which I did. The man said 'the cat feels something from you' and when he said this I felt tears sting at the back of my eyes. And I said 'so you believe me and this experience' and he said 'yes, but remember the absolute operates by universal laws so do not label it kundalini, what happened to you is that you touched love, this is why the cat is so happy to sit there beside you and why you have such an openess and aliveness to life, call what happened to you the experience of love'. After he said that there was the most exquisite silence.

He then broke it by talking about the help the society could give me with promoting my book and we spoke about some practical matters. He then said that he was going to look for examples of the kinds of leaflets I could produce for the book which the society would then sell on my behalf. When he came back he had a bound A4 notebook and he gave it to me explaining that it was a condensed version of the new metaphysics which basically says that there is one universal consciousness that operates in accordance with universal laws. I was moved and delighted and asked him to sign it which he did. When I looked to see what he had written he had put 'to Margaret, a fellow seeker'. I knew then that he could see that I was genuine and not a time-waster that I had something to say, a story to tell and that I was also at a cross-roads. He told me to now give my next step to the universe, that I would be shown that the way. At this stage I had been speaking with him for over an hour and I realised that it was a long time for a 91 year old man so I said my goodbyes and left him with the book.

I was in the outside office chatting to the woman when he appeared waving the book and saying 'you haven't signed this'...aagh...I'm so not used to signing books what do I say to this man who has spent his life's work trying to make real and tangible what is in essence a presence. I felt so humbled that he would want a signed book from me. I wrote something about the privilege and pleasure it was to have met him and when I looked at him once again we had a deep connection. As he said once when we were talking 'we understand each other'. This validation coming from such an established doctor of divinity was more than I had dreamed of.

Driving back I was thinking about how my next move is to let go of the control of my consciousness. Gosh I really miss Manuel Schoch who would understand just how I could do this as he was a mystic and a neuroscientist who could show people how to do this but I'm aware that nobody not even Manuel can do this if there is not a willingness on my part to go there. I am clear that I am going to remain at the place where I am unless I am willing to let go of this control and it starts with taking on seriously a meditation practice, whether this is group or alone. I saw the effects of the meditation I went to on Thursday morning after Wednesday night something had once again got stirred up. I should know that developing the consciousness and awakening is not something that is tacked on at the beginning or end of the day it is all encompassing. All of the great guru's spent hours in meditation to expand their consciousness so that when they spoke their words had power and could shift the consciousness of those who were around them. This is not a part-time activity. This man said that my next way would be shown to me. He then said enigmatically: "It is no co-incidence that you have come here today". I wanted to ask him what he meant but didn't because this would be my ego wanting some kind of certainty. This path is all about dealing with the uncertainty. I heard once that a car can travel 200 miles in the dark, it only needs the light for 20 metres at a time. Today was my 20 metres and tomorrow another 20 metres will show. I don't need to see the light needed for the whole of the 200 miles, just the light for a little way ahead.

But I also have to be realistic and have to make a living while being committed but not attached to this process which has begun and which I have faith will continue. My next step is to find a designer who will design some leaflets for me. A leaflet for the society about my book, a leaflet about the six week meditation course I will do in September and another leaflet about the book. This is a dilemma because even though I studied design on this course I couldn't get to grips with it and I don't have the package on my computer. So Monday I am going to think about who could put together these leaflets for me.

When I returned I had this strong urge to bring the car back to where I had parked it even though the odds were so strong that the parking spot would be taken because it is the only area of free parking in the city and is always taken. Deciding to go with the strong impulse I drove to the area and really wasn't surprised but was incredibly grateful when I found a spot even closer to where I live than where I had parked. I met up with a friend who is the same woman I had the treatment from and told her about how strange I had been after it and the raging headache that I had and she empathised. She didn't mention having another treatment and neither did I. After we said goodbye, I got a phone call and it was my interview to be accepted to train to be a leader for children and young people. I was amazed at how easy and powerfully my reasons for wanting to be this came from my tongue. I was asked about how I dealt with things when they didn't go my way, what strategies I would use to get out of my commitments, not to be in integrity and I had a clarity about all of this that I didn't have before. I realised that I am beginning to understand myself so well. Manuel Schoch said that enlightenment is nothing more than fully and totally understanding yourself, understanding others is intelligence but understanding yourself is enlightenment. This training programme is the quickest route I know and I accept there are other trainings out there to understanding and having power over the mechanism that drives human being.

The meeting with this man was so well worth it. He wouldn't have dedicated his whole life to the study of that which is beyond the physical if he didn't have direct experience of it. Direct experience is what drives him and me on. My last thought tonight is of 'fellow seeker' and what exactly he saw in me that gave me that accolade......I don't know and anyway.... it's only my ego asking.....