Thursday, 9 July 2009

The tiredness continues....and at the end a raging headache

The tiredness was all encompassing today. I compounded this by having a treatment called EFT or emotional freeing technique. I know the lady who does it and she suggested that it would help me release any emotional blocks that I had. I'm always sceptical of this kind of thing but am also clear that to be as powerful as I can in making a difference in my own life and that of others I cannot be arrogant. And so meek as a lamb I took my tiredness and me to this woman. When I walked into the room I was firstly struck by all the certificates on the wall, there was no doubting this woman's qualifications. We began to speak about my childhood which is where inevitably all emotional blocks are formed. She explained that the technique would unblock my meridians and then picked up a blue pen and asked me if I minded if she drew where the meridian points were on my hands. I agreed, hey why not....

Then we engaged in a bit of finger tapping, me mirroring her and me saying words that are designed to remove emotional blocks. When I arrived I told her that feeling different and unconnected to people while loving them deeply and this was the reason why I was here. This disconnect was causing me to feel lonely. Then she asked me on a scale of 1 - 10 how painful were the feelings. Now this is always something that causes me to think because I'm not sure exactly what pain is, I'm generally happy and certainly very healthy so the principle of a turbulent mind coming out through the body is not true for me. It is more like a nagging 'why do I feel so different to everyone' and the kind of isolation thinking like that produces, more than I'm feeling the excruciating pain of loneliness. So...with all of this dilemma going on in my head I proclaimed that I was feeling an '8'. But then I had to fess up in the interests of being authentic and having integrity that I really didn't know what an '8' felt like. At this point she looked a little confused but continued to soldier. We engaged in a rigorous and rapid tapping of meridian points at different points on my hand and I had to repeat certain words and phrases that were designed at tricking my conscious mind into letting the sub-conscious emerge to see what was really going on...ah...ah.

Try as I might I couldn't stop my mind from wandering. My computer had blown up earlier that morning and I had it in my bag to bring to get fixed so part of my mind was on that. My inner voice, that has always been so sceptical of this kind of thing was really on a rant 'what are you getting from this' yada...yada.....but I persevered. At the end she asked me how I felt now on a scale of 1 - 1o and when I said 'a 4' she looked disappointed and said 'let's carry on, I want to get you to zero'....aagh....why didn't I say zero, I had no idea that this was the purpose of the treatment and at the moment I felt this fear and I wanted 'out'. We continued again with this tapping and with every tap I felt more and more foolish. Eventually I had had enough and I said "I feel much better, definitely at zero! " The truth was that I didn't feel any differently to the way that I did before I went in. I think this practice like all alternative practices works on faith and maybe as always even though I am drawn to these, once there I can't get rid of the feeling that I shouldn't be there, it is not there that I am going to find answers.

The lady was very good and kind and believes passionately in what she does and the results she has produced for people and I can't fault her in anyway for that. I went away with a bottle of Bachs flower remedies designed to treat 'proud and aloof'! On the way home on the bus an overwhelming tiredness which added to the tiredness I had woken up with came over me and then I got a headache. I never get headaches and this made me think. Has this treatment done something. I went into the shop with the computer to find that there's nothing wrong with it and could be the fuse in the plug socket at the time I got home the headache was raging and I was so tired I could barely speak.

My flat mate came home and I told her what had happened and she just laughed to see me stretched out on the sofa barely able to speak let alone move. She has a cat who must have sensed that I was feeling quite strange because she lept onto my lap and stayed there for most of the evening.

I am going to bed early to try to recover some energy. I am so excited about tomorrow though because I am going to see a Doctor of Divinity at the Society of Metaphysicians. He is 91 and founded the society and so I feel that he might understand something of what I have been through and more importantly what if anything I am to do with it. It's been a most strange kind of day.....