Monday, 2 February 2009

The agony and ecstasy....of snow bound Brighton

Last night I watched The Secret and wondered for the umpteenth time what is it that these people have access to. It lifted my spirits no end and afterwards I did an hour of meditation. I went to bed feeling happier and more positive. This morning I got up when my alarm went at 5.30am and looked out of my window, there was nothing but white. I dimly wondered how I was going to get to the college to start my first day of my journalism course. I took out my meditation stool and my shawl and settled down to do 45 mins of meditation. I found that the time went by so fast and I felt so calm and relaxed when I had finished.

I then did some shorthand because I am determined to get my 100 wpm at the end of this course. Once I start the shorthand I can stay at it for hours, practicing outlines. I can get a bit obsessive about it. I recognise that and it reminded me of a comment my friend in London made when we went out for a farewell drink before I left London. He commented on my obsessive nature and how it shows itself in relation to the training I am doing with Landmark. In keeping with this obsession I am standing as Team 1 Team leader at the elections on Friday night. The very act of me standing for such a position will be an amazing achievement for me in that I have never put myself in a position where I can be rejected. It will be a great growth expanding opportunity for me to be just as OK with no as yes. As it is my final quarter I want to give it everything I've got. I wonder if my choice to leave my work and be in integrity is so that I can be the most effective that I can be for this my last quarter.

Already I have noticed that I have a different way of relating to people. I seem to be able to see possibilities and options that I didn't see before. Also what is happening is that others from the programme are calling me to ask for my views on things that are happening in their lives, this hasn't happened before. It's like on this my final quarter I want to be the very best and most effective that I can be. To be chosen as Team 1 team leader would give me access to amazingly powerful training in leadership and this is what I want more than anything. I will give it everything I've got on Friday and create having the position at the end of the classroom on Friday night. I am aware though that I haven't stepped up and been all that I could have been and that could very well go against me, in that lots of people on the programme do not really know me. But we shall see. This programme is all about declaring that something is going to be and then taking the steps to make it happen.

I watched the snow falling for most of the day today and then in the late afternoon went out for a walk. I walked through the park and the whiteness and freshness was just beautiful. There were lots of children on make-shift sledges having fun sliding down the hill and it was lovely to watch. I went to my little cafe and the guys in there recognised me and had a cheery hello. I ordered a coffee and sat down at the table nearest to the window. The sea was so calm and green and the sky without anything happening in it. I was struck by the stillness everywhere. The stillness of the sea and the sky stilled the turbulence that was in my mind because of not starting college and the impact of this on me. I stayed there until the cafe closed and then went for a walk under the shelter of majestic white cliffs which shielded me from the wind and sleet. At one point walking along I found myself singing 'how great thou art' and feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude to have the privilege to be walking where I am and seeing the sights I am seeing.

I returned home and the husband told me that he was unable to do anything with the wireless connection which was in danger of stressing me anew. For some reason now it is reconnected but then goes off and I can't get it again. This is by far the most stressful part of this move. The family are getting used to me but I know that it's not that easy for them. I don't know if I want to stay here for the entire 4 months of the course. I am going to create finding my dream apartment with spectacular sea views. I will watch The Secret so many times that it will manifest.

I sent an email to the course tutor to ask when the course is going to start and he says that it's likely to be Wednesday so another day tomorrow. I will not stay here for most of the day tomorrow like I did today.....

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