Thursday, 5 February 2009

So tired tonight....I can hardly write....

I had a full day at college today. It was raining this morning and the one thing I forgot to bring with me from London was an umbrella so I got absolutely soaked. I was only grateful that yesterday when I didn't know the way to the college the weather was sunny and dry. Knowing how to get to college made the rain a bit more bearable. I arrived early and went into the Learning Resource Centre to sort out my username and password for the computer. Typical of me...put in the username and password that I have been given and nada! I looked around me at what seemed to be no older than 19 year old students flying on their computers and thought 'oh no, here we go again' but then thought 'no, create that you are going to get this sorted before class starts'. I got up from my chair and went out to reception. There was a really lovely lady who left reception and came back into the room with me to sort out the computer. I really can't get over how kind and helpful everyone here is to me.

The day started with 2 hours of shorthand. In the past I have found this difficult to read back so I had started doing some work ahead of the course to keep myself up to speed. To my frustration when the tutor was walking around looking at us doing our outlines she said 'a little too big Margaret'...aagh...this brought back memories of when I first started to learn shorthand so many years ago and the teacher then had said exactly the same thing. Unbelievable that there's been no change since then. But I was so alright with it. I just looked at the outlines that my colleague beside me had done and made mine smaller. We broke for lunch and went down to the refectory and I was amazed at how easy I found conversation with everyone. I wasn't in the least self-conscious, just totally relaxed.

In the afternoon we had a lecture on magazine design and production. The tutor asked each of us to introduce ourselves and to say what we want to get from the course. I said that I wanted to have my own magazine in the mind, body spirit field. It turns out that he had his own magazine and it was the hardest time of his professional career. He was so against it and said that it was the most riskiest business. I felt deflated after hearing this but then picked myself up because it is not something that is going to happen immediately. The requirements from the production and design part of this course are going to be demanding in that I have to produce a double page spread which is professionally written, laid out, sub-edited and illustrated using a design software package. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when he told us this. Design and layout is really not my thing. I am a writer I felt like saying, why do I need to know about production and design. But I understand that it is important to understand design and if I can't get a job immediately freelance or on a magazine then I could do some sub-editing work if I pass the exams and continuous assessment.

At about 4pm I started to get so tired. I felt envious when one of the girls said how she was going to have a massage when the course finished. I thought to myself 'I could so do with that as well' but then reconsidered and thought 'no, I actually am OK', feeling overwhelmed with everything and then thinking about getting to London for the classroom tomorrow evening and the training on Saturday but also amazed at how well able I am to cope with it all. I'm still going to stand for an accountable position tomorrow evening. It will be good experience for me if nothing else. I have also found that I am thinking more about how to create the most dream life for myself here in Brighton. I am clear that making promises to do things and following through on those promises is the way to have an amazing and magical life. I have found that since I have started being rigorous with myself and scheduling in times when I'm going to do things that life has an ease and a simplicity which it didn't have before. Now I can handle 'overwhelm' by breaking down everything I have to do into specific tasks and scheduling them in my organiser. I find that this works well for me.

So I am so shattered now....that I can barely write so I'm going to sign off for this evening....I'm not bringing my laptop to London so my promise is to find an internet cafe and write on Saturday about what happens on Friday night......

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