Wednesday, 4 February 2009

I finally.....started college

Yesterday dawned bright and sunny in Brighton and I got myself ready early to go to college. I was looking forward to having a day totally away from the family because I had my agreement in London to go to. This meant that it would be late this eveningwhen I returned. I showered and went downstairs to have my breakfast. The father and daughter had gone. The former to work and the latter to school. The mum and younger son was downstairs at the table. I made some tea and toast and went into the room to join them. The mum was reading a magazine so I just said 'good morning' and proceeded to eat my toast. After a couple of minutes she asked me if I was excited about starting my first day at college. I replied honestly 'yes'

I put my breakfast things in the dishwasher and went upstairs to get my stuff. On the bus I sat next to a woman who told me that she lived alone now that her husband was dead and her children had moved away. I sensed that she was lonely and so asked her a lot about her life in Brighton. She really opened up. The more I repeated to her what she was saying so that she knew that I was listening the more expressive and vibrant she became, it was a joy to see. She told me the stop to get off for the college and when the stop came thanked me for making her morning and for taking the time to speak to her. She shouldn't have to thank me, to communicate is what we were put on this earth to do as humans. A lot of misery and loneliness comes from our refusal to communicate with each other.

I found the road to the college and walked up the long road. At one point I looked behind me and the sea was there shimmering in its beauty and brilliance. I arrived at the college early and sat on one of the seats. Thenthe girl who I had met when I came to do the interview arrived and it was great to see her. I spoke about my dream of having meditation classes here in Brighton and then eventually my own magazine and she was also up for this as well. She told me that she had a lot of contacts in Brighton in the mind, body, spirit world that she would be willing to share with me.

The tutor came to get us. I looked around and between the people being trained to write news and magazines there must be about 30 of us. I noticed that an older lady who had also been at the interview wasn't there so concluded looking around me 'I am the oldest here'. That thought filled me with a mixture of excitement and anticipation. I'm not going to pretend to be younger than I am. I am going to trade on my years of maturity and expertise and declare to people that my passion is the spiritual and inspiring others to get in touch with their inner spiritual life - firstly through meditation and then through mindfulness, reading, studying, observing.

The tutors didn't hide how intense this course is going to be and what it is going to demand of us to get the NCTJ qualification, To my horror I saw that the first week first experience placement is the week that I am going to Amsterdam to start my final quarter of the Team Management and Leadership Programme with Landmark. Given that I have declared that I am going to stand for an accountability it is vital that I am there. I will have a conversation with the tutor today and see what can be arranged. It may be that I can submit articles remotely over the last week. This would make up for losing the Friday.

Even though we were given lots of papers and I felt overwhelmed with everything and all I have to do in a short space of time I also felt 'yes, this is really where I want to be'. The course is structured and supported in that there is continuous assessment and involvement via tutorials with the tutors so I know that I'm not going to be left alone and unsupported. It was a short day and afterwards I was speaking with someone on the course. We got chatting about the area in which we would like to write in and I said that I wanted to write for mind, body and spirit. She then opened up about how she has tried to meditate but finds it so difficult. I was amazed at the ease by which I could answer this. Before I would have got stuck on finding the right thing to say now I just said 'wherever you are and whatever is happening is exactly right for you, there is no where to get to, just sit'. I felt so uplifted and happy.

I waited for the bus to take me into town to get my student card and also the train ticket to take me to London for my agreement. I was waiting there at the bus stop when this man said to me' I will get you on the bus with this ticket, it is for my wife'. I was immediately moved and tempted and then thought 'no, this has no integrity, it is dishonest'. So I thanked him warmly and explained that it wasn't a powerful thing for me to do, to use the card when it wasn't my picture that was on it'. He got upset and tried to tell me that he was only trying to save me some money. I explained that I understood that and was grateful but it was something that I couldn't do. Yet I was really moved but what I saw as the continued support from the universe came through to me from this gentle Soul.

I got into Brighton and went to buy my ticket to London. I was interested to see whether by me finally being in integrity whether this would make the 3 hour agreements any more enjoyable. I got my student card which entitles me to cheaper bus travel and bought my ticket to London. On the train I read most of the handouts I had been given earlier at the course. I arrived into Victoria early and was immediately hit by the throng of people and the atmosphere of rush and business. I centered myself in the midst of all of it and made my way to the Victoria line that would take me to Euston. I got to the centre to do my agreement with 10 mins to spare and with such freedom and ease.

The agreement was the best one I have had to date in that the way I was sharing my life and what I am going to create and how alive I feel now, resulted in a lady registering to do the communication - Power to Create course. It is not the registration but the fact that what I said inspired her to see what is possible for herself and her own life. Like me she has had a book nearly ready to be published but there is something stopping her from taking that final step. My sharing of how I had a breakthrough into the control that was stopping me from publishing my book, gave her an access to something different that she didn't have before. I was so happy. I had put the theory that without integrity nothing works, and it has been effective. While I was in a job that I had no integrity in nothing else was shifting. Integrity out in one area, means that it is out in every area. This is something that I truly hadn't taken on.

I returned to a wet Brighton happy and excited. However when I went to catch a bus to Saltdean they had all stopped running. I didn't want to because of money, but I had no option but to take a taxi. The taxi driver was so friendly and told me that he was going to London to do a Masters and PhD in social psychology. We had a great conversation about meditation and its benefits. I let myself into a quiet and dark house.

Today I have a full day as lectures start at 10am and don't finish until 6pm, then I have committed myself to at least 2 hours of shorthand each day so that I don't fall behind. The shorthand teacher appears to be a down to earth, no nonsense type of lady who I should get on well with given my possibility of straight communication with freedom and ease. This is definitely what is showing up for me. I can be straight in what I say without people feeling that I am making them wrong which is what used to happen in the past. My ability now to speak without having any concerns and to be a stand for what is possible is resulting in me having fantastic conversations with everyone.

So now it's time to have a shower, breakfast and get myself out to college......I still can't believe that I am back at college having finished in I going backwards....but I have never felt so alive and excited about what the future is going to hold. I understand that there are going to be tough times especially with technology which I am not that brilliant on using. But I also know that if I open my mouth and request some support that it will be forthcoming. I'm no longer playing small, separate and alone.....and that feels so good......

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