Finally...hitting earth.....

I received my first feedback on an article that was set for us during the feature writing lecture at the end of last week. The lecturer passed around 2 examples of very good writing, mine was not one of them. All kinds of things went through my mind when I saw that mine wasn't one of them. These things were thoughts and they were not empowering or powerful. For the first time on this course I had a doubt about my ability to be the brilliant journalist I am creating myself to be. All of a sudden this course lost some of its attractiveness. Yet I know that this is just my identity that once again saw a point of weakness in my own self-doubt and was in there double quick ready to provide more limiting and disempowering thoughts. How clearly I see how it operates now after the weekend.

We were set another task to write a review of a programme that is on TV. This sent me into another tail spin because I haven't got the time to watch the telly so haven't really a clue as to what is on the box these days. This gave my identity even more fertilizer as when I turned to the computer I truly had nothing but fear and dread in my mind. Luckily someone asked if they could do a DVD or film instead and the lecturer said 'fine'. I was saved.....I've been so inspired by the DVD The Secret that I wrote a review on that. During the lecture we were all called up to be given feedback. When it came to mine he told me that my writing was 'too restrained'. Funny, how this fits with me and my life. The Reiki healer when I was on work experience said the same thing to me that I kept myself apart instead of throwing myself into something. I do the same with my writing in that I don't allow the free flow of my thoughts. Instead I write a couple of sentences and then go back and edit them. This results in a restrained way of writing.

I see that my identity is using this fear of me not allowing myself to go in writing to keep my writing ordinary and not extraordinary. What there is for me to do is to set my clock for let's say 30 mins and just write, write, write. The temptation for me to is to go back and edit immediately and I know that the edits make for sharper sentences but somehow something is lost. The pace on this course is really speeding up now. In shorthand we are up to joining up groups of words. There is a real thrill in being able to read what I am putting down in real spidery outlines in myshorthand notebook. I find myself not wanting to write some words at all now in longhand because the shorthand version is just so easy and quick. Yet I know I have a long way to go.

I received a lovely email from my work experience placement saying that they hope to work with me on more articles. This was a great boost to get when I came home yesterday. I fully accept that I am not a creative writer in the way that some of the people are on the course. If I have something to say, I say it without any embellishment. I miss this creativity when it comes to painting a picture of the mystical experiences I have like yesterday when I was driving out to the garage to collect my car. I rounded the corner and beauty of the sea totally absorbed my senses. I was so lost in the grandeur and majesty of the sea. I had a real job to keep my consciousness focussed on the road. The sea holds tremendous power and gives me such a sense of peace and bliss. When I see the sea, nothing else matters. The greatness of the sea humbles me and makes me so pleased and privileged to be a part of something greater.

I know I can get this qualification. What it is going to take from me is to be out there and finding the stories for the features I need for my portfolio. I have to start to build up a contacts book and use these people. I have my own style of writing and it is powerful in its way. My dream is to write for Psychologies magazine because I like to write how things work i.e. how does meditation work as a relaxation for the mind. When I know how things work then I trust and will apply them more. I have never been for blind faith but am for reason and working out things.....