Thursday, 11 October 2007

A fast moving time.....

When I returned home last night after writing my blog I was delighted to find another of my nieces had come to visit. Once again I felt the familiar comfort I always feel around children and young people. It's like I understand their world far better than the world of the adult. This is much to the frustration of the adults who I have to deal with or who have to deal with me!

After a while my younger brother arrived with his daughter. We chatted about Dad's progress and then my brother told me about a family matter that I knew nothing about. I was so grateful to him for including me in this and it was a lovely feeling to be included. I had my usual Heinekin and went to bed somewhat concerned about the situation but also with that feeling that comes with being included and not isolated.

I woke up early this morning and lay for a while in that delicious state of relaxation and comfort. Mum wasn't up so I sat in the sitting room and began reading a book called 'when things of the spirit come first'. I saw this book on our sitting room window and was drawn to it. It is by Simone de Beauvoir and I wondered again what is it about this path that keeps finding me. But it is a path or is it my consciousness such that there is no learning or no doing 'spiritual'. It is what I am. It feels like it is where I live and not something I dip into now and again. I dip into books and ideas but when it comes to life and living a life that flows and is in harmony. There is no learning involved in that. It is simply what arises.

I brought my mum over to the doctor to get tests done for cholesterol and other things. She is in good health which was a great relief. We came home and got things ready to bring into the hospital for Dad. When we arrived I saw a familiar nurse walking down the corridor towards us. She said 'Oh I was just going to ring you'. She must have seen my face fall because she quickly said 'it's nothing like that. Your Dad has been seen by the doctor and he thinks that he is well enough to return home, how do you feel about that'. I looked over at mum who had gone as white as a sheet with the shock. Mum said 'but he still can't walk'. The nurse agreed that said that she would call the rehab doctor who would come up and speak to her. What was lovely was to see her unspoken support for my mum and her knowing that he was not strong enough to come home. The rehab doctor came up to the ward and his assessment was that he was not medically sick which meant that he could not remain in the ward. He referred him for intensive physiotherapy in a nursing home. The irony of this is that he had only left this nursing home after 6 weeks there recovering from a broken hip.

Sitting on the bed with dad I thought how tough a blow is this. He had been doing so well. It seemed to be particularly unfair. But then I was reminded of a much younger man who was in the same ward and he is dying of cancer. He has a young family and they were suffering so much. It kind of puts everything in perspective. One thing that I have learned is that we cannot see the bigger picture in anything. All we see are pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. We do not know how those pieces fit together to reveal the picture. But I trust that that picture is there and that it is benevolent. If you take the ultimate in spiritual teaching which is that there is only the one energy which divides and divides and divides in order to experience life, then it is all only the one soul. So why be sad. But this I recognise takes a huge leap of faith.

I have just returned with my mum from seeing dad in the nursing home and he is happier. He is determined not to have to stay there any longer than is necessary. My mum is sitting in this Internet cafe so I'm going to sign off for tonight......

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