Tuesday, 25 September 2007

My nemesis returns.....

Yesterday when I finished writing my blog I turned off the computer and turned on the television. The news was just beginning and there was a report from the first speech which Gordon Brown made at the Labour party conference as Prime Minister. There were some vignettes of him speaking. Once again I was reminded of the possible link between the eye and the brain. My inner voice prompted me to once again open this topic by starting up the computer and writing a second blog entry. I resisted and the inner voice didn't persist.

This morning I woke up without an alarm at 4.15am and there was no inner prompting to meditate, it just felt like the right thing to do. I am not making whether or not I get up early to meditate mean anything or be significant anymore so there's no resistance and as a result no trapped energy. This sounds illogical in that it seems that if something isn't made significant that it is not important but this is not the way it works. Paradoxically the less we can make events in our lives be significant and the more we play the better life flows.

I set the alarm to meditate for one hour. I won't go into detail about what happens as this is likely to get boring but suffice to say that when the time I was up I felt renewed and refreshed and not at all tired. I went back to bed but lay awake looking out of the window. I was aware that something was nagging at me and I searched to find what it was. I realised that I was still thinking about Gordon Brown and the glass eye in his left eye and its links if any to my uncorrected lazy right eye.

I got up, bathed and dressed and turned on my computer to see my email messages. To my surprise and delight I had a comment on the blog. I was amazed when I saw that the comment related to the blog entry I wrote on Thursday 23 August entitled 'something unfinished'. When I re-read the post I saw that it was here that I first wrote about the difference in the political style of Gordon Brown compared to Tony Blair. The comment that was left on this blog entry was brief 'very well written, write back'. I will respond to all comments through this blog as I am committed to writing it each day. I cannot bring the same level of integrity to answering comments personally. If I have not written on the topic that the person who left the comment had in mind, then leave me another comment being more precise and I will answer it.

Among other things in this entry I queried whether or not the lack of stimulation to Gordon Brown's right side of the brain (glass eye does not transmit light to the brain) has meant that much of the charisma, spin, style which was so prominent in Tony Blair's leadership style is missing in Gordon Brown's presentations. The left brain is all about strategy, about identifying the component parts of a picture to see the emerging whole. It is about substance. It may be why Gordon Brown is so identified with the work ethic. The left brain is limited in its creative and imaginative abilities. This is the strength of the right side of the brain.

Then my thinking moved to the uncorrected lazy right eye I have had since childhood. Lack of visual stimulation from my right eye to my left brain has meant that I have struggled with left brain tasks and thinking for as long as I can remember. Once again my nemisis returned and I asked myself 'does this uncorrected lazy right eye have anything to do with how easy spiritual experiences/writings come to me?' Yes, I know that I recently went to the neuroscience conference and spoke about this and got answers from experts that told me that this has nothing to do with it, so then why does the idea still persist. In my experience when something persists with me it is because there is a kernel of truth in it.

As I have said, I am ordinary. It is like spiritual experiences and books are the ground of my being which is what it would be like if my consciousness was coming directly from the right brain. Is this why I am so reluctant to claim the kind of direct relationship with God that Etty Hillesum does. That in some way I feel a fraud. Now that I think about it perhaps the reason why I find formal meditation so difficult is that I am forcing what is already for me a natural state, a state that I am in permanently. My friends don't see me as anything but ordinary. In fact there is a frustration among my friends at my inabiity to think and behave in a left brain way.

I have known from an early age that something is not quite right. The maths tutor that my parents employed to teach me maths couldn't get me to understand the basics. I know deep down that there is a link. Sometimes I push it to the back of my mind and exalt in the expanded state and easy understanding of complicated occult spiritual literature but then occasionally I will get a gentle reminder....is it all that it seems to be. I think it is this that keeps me humble. I am in awe of and have deep respect for Etty Hillesum because she didn't wear glasses so obviously had no eye problems (that we know of) so her connection was without question.

To me it just seems too co-incidental that someone who could be an example of the ultimate in left brain thinking and someone who could be an expample of the ultimate in right brain thinking should be alive together at this time. I can't shake off that this is in someway significant. All I can hope, is that by putting these ideas out into the public domain that someday, through some route there may be an answer. I sometimes worry when I write this that it seems as though I am not grateful for everything and this is far from the case but I am ordinary, down to earth and don't want to be seen as something I'm not.

It is so important for me on this journey to have integrity and to be ruthlessly and scrupulously honest with myself and those I come into contact with. I have been warned that if I don't stop going down the path of looking for a rational explanation that I am in danger of losing the state of consciousness that I have. This is honestly the last thing I want but something bigger than me is pursuing this. Each time I write something like this I wait for something not so pleasant to happen and nothing ever does so me exploring this possibility does not appear to be upsetting anyone other than the scientists!

Last night I had a lovely chat with my neices who live in Ireland. I find myself relaxing and being myself so easily when I am in the company of children and young people. Adults often confuse me, but give me the world of the child and I enter into it fully. I feel so at home there. This is also a right brain characteristic as children begin life totally right brained. Gradually as they get older and go to school the left brain assumes dominance and so it is until towards the end of one's life where the right brain once again asserts dominance as it senses that the Soul is preparing to return to its Divine home.

It is when the consciousness of the left brain develops that the veil of forgetting becomes stronger and the cosmic game begins. The characteristics of Human begin to solidify based on decisions that the young person makes in response to events that happen in his/her world. Around these decisions he/she will form a view of him/herself. This then becomes the identity/personality. It grows and strengthens and then becomes something that is defended by the ego more and more as one gets older.

In that life there may be a turning point where the Soul touches the ego and it shifts its allegiance from the personality to the Soul and there is no doubt that this is a wonderful and magical moment when it happens. Unfortunately for many this does not happen or if it does, it is ignored (there is always choice) and then materialism tends to be what is valued. HUMAN is a way of Being in the same way that SPIRITUAL is a way of Being. But it is not possible to get to the spiritual until there is an understanding of human. Human is the coat which covers the spiritual essence - the ultimate of what and who we are. When we understand and dismantle how the design of human has been put together then what emerges is a way of being that is spiritual.

A woman is coming to visit me later who has put the link to this blog on her website which was kind of her. She also runs a publishing company and has the manuscript for my book - 'Journey to Self'. She wants to publish it but is waiting to get a childrens book published first. This is because there is a much bigger market for children's books than the kind of book that I have written. To be honest though, there's a lot in this blog that is in the book, alot that isn't either. While I have this blog I don't feel the urgency to get the book out that I felt in the past. It just seemed neccessary to share my experiences and insights. The medium through which this sharing comes is not important.

My friend has just left and we have agreed to publish the book January - February of next year. I am excited about this. I'm going to sign off for tonight because my friend will be soon home from work and I won't be writing again for the evening.

Tomorrow.....is another day..

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